Note: If you ship Draco/Hermione, you may not want to read this. Takes place when Draco and Hermione go down into the kitchens (separately) for some reason, I guess.

Dobby (spoken):
What is the matter? Why is Miss Granger holding back from Dobby's former master's son?
(sung):
Is it the swagger in his walk?
Or the sneering way he talks?
Or the total lack of color in his face?
And though we know he's pretty smart
He's got a really tiny heart
And he'll never let you in 'cause he wants to wipe out your race

Elves:
So he's a bit of a fixer-upper
So he's a bigoted ass
It's not his fault that his daddy's vault
Is extremely large even for his class

Draco (spoken):
Fault? What in Merlin's name do you mean? The Malfoys are a proud and noble lineage!

Elves:
So he's a bit of a fixer-upper,
But this we're certain of
You can fix this fixer-upper
With a little good-girl love!

Draco (spoken):
MUST you go on with this asinine performance? I'M perfect. Dobby, you're just lucky that Potter twit freed you, or Dad'd have your skin.

Winky (to Hermione):
So tell me, dear -
Is it the fact that he's a coward?
Or that he wants you disempowered?
Or that his mother's maiden family is Black?
('Cause that's just racist, girl.)
Are you holding back your fondness
Due to his unearthly blondness?
We swear he's not albino; pale is coming back!

Elves:
He's just a bit of a fixer-upper
He was just raised this way
His racist ramblings are Daddy's gamblings
That Voldemort is back to stay
So he's a bit of a fixer-upper
He still can be redeemed
The only one who can fix this fixer-upper
Is dear Hermione!

Draco (spoken):
Stop it! (leans in) She's a filthy Mudblood.

Elves (to each other, softly):
So she's a bit of a fixer-upper
That's a minor point
Although blood status is kinda intrinsic
She knows her way around this joint
So she's a bit of a fixer-upper
But our hero still could learn
The hatred he professes
Hides a love that really burns!

Winky:
We're not saying you can change him
'Cause people don't really change
And yes, we know that he's the nephew
Of Bellatrix LeStrange
People make bad choices
When their folks serve the Dark Lord
But you just do what he tells you
And you'll get your reward

Elves:
You will get your reward!
Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper
Every wizard and witch
Pureblood! Half-blood! Mudblood - (sorry!)
We need each other
To help us catch that proverbial snitch
Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper
But when push comes to shove
The only fixer-upper that can fix a fixer-upper is...
For-for-for-for-forbidden love!

Dobby (spoken):
Does Miss Granger take Master Malfoy to be her elfully wedded -

Draco and Hermione (spoken):
NO! (shove Dobby to the ground)

Elves:
LOVE!