A/N: Firstly, this story has received a few new followers within the past fortnight, so welcome and thank you!
I just wanted to explain my take on Josh's acceptance of Sybil within this coming chapter. Of course everybody responds to their circumstances in an individual manner, but it's my feeling that Josh would be in a more emotionally secure position than a child who had witnessed their parents splitting up. Josh has only ever known his parents living apart and has a strong bond with each of them. I've written him as not feeling threatened by Sybil's arrival in his life. There are and will be difficulties, but he's a confident child and doesn't see her as trying to be a replacement for his mother. His challenge towards her within this chapter is based on general wilfulness, rather than any personal resentment.
"Last one to spot the sea, buys the ice creams later!" Tom declared and with uncoordinated harmony, three necks instinctively craned sideways, eyes gazing beyond the farmland which straddled the gently winding road.
"Wrong way Joshie" Tom continued more gently, smiling into his rear mirror "…it should be coming up on your side soon."
"Is it the same sea that you have in Swansea, Daddy?"
Sybil smiled, glancing towards the side mirror and watching Josh span his fingers across the window behind her, as if making an effort to reach out and draw the concealed shoreline closer.
"Yes, we're just a bit further along, that's all. You know it's the same sea that we have in Ireland too? We're just tucked around a corner here, that's all."
"Wow" Josh breathed, his brows furrowed, the enormity of the world still intangible in his mind.
The car reached the brow of a small incline and to their left, a field containing grazing sheep fell gradually away to reveal white crusts of waves and the sea, khaki green underneath dispiriting grey clouds.
Sybil opened her mouth to proclaim the sight, but then mindful of a child's instinctive desire for victory, fell silent again and glanced momentarily towards Tom. She watched the corners of his mouth curl slowly while he waited, but another glimpse towards the side mirror showed Josh's attention now elsewhere, a Spiderman figure in his hand performing aerial acrobatics with consummate ease.
"Hmm…" Tom hinted and Josh suddenly returned to the subject in hand.
"I can see it, I can see it!" he cried with excitement, bouncing on his seat.
"Me too!" Sybil laughed triumphantly and Tom slapped his hand down on his thigh.
"I've been had!" he said with a sly grin. "Well spotted Josh, I was worried your pocket money might not stretch that far, not when you see how much ice cream Sybil can eat!"
She swatted him with the back of her hand, careful not to display too much physical affection in front of his son. Tom still intended to clarify their developing relationship while they were away, but Josh had accepted Sybil's inclusion to the trip with apparent unconcern and greeted her enthusiastically when they had met again two days previously.
Two months had now passed since Tom and Sybil's reciprocal declarations at Downton, since which easily exchanged endearments seemed second nature. Sybil felt as happy as she could remember within a relationship, delighting in the tangled sensations of joy and excitement which intermittently sneaked up on her and yielded an exultant grin. Yet a feeling of mild agitation was still present at times; the fleeting memories of precedent taking hold to remind her that all affairs of the heart began in this manner and that the next phase would surely provide a setback of some kind. She never expected perfection from relationships, but all had been tainted by culpability over time, sometimes of her own making. It wasn't always so much about learning from one's mistakes, but apportioning the fall out more effectively. They would be tested in the future, she was certain.
The campsite was compact and basic, appearing on first sight as rudimentary as Sybil had feared. There were two fields, washing facilities and a wooden hut in which they registered and paid their friendly host. The small adjacent swimming pool seemed incongruous in comparison.
"There's a shop down the road" the owner explained, as if understanding Sybil's curious gaze while she glanced around. "It sells most basics."
She was determined not to make any disparaging remarks and to throw herself wholeheartedly into the experience. Nobody had coerced her into coming and it wasn't actually raining, so things could be considerably worse. The tent proved more complicated than she had anticipated; her only experience was a plastic toy in the garden at Downton, as well as Guides' camp where everything had been erected and in place before she arrived. Tom was a model of efficiency, laying out all the poles and instructions on the ground, then studying them intently. She felt redundant to begin with, only tasked with keeping an eye on Josh while he explored a nearby ditch at the edge of the field.
"Right Josh, can you come and hold this pole for me please, like we practiced in the garden yesterday?" Tom asked.
"You've practiced?" Sybil replied, amused at the idea, but Tom seemed oblivious to her ridicule.
"Of course, I've borrowed this from a colleague, so I wanted to know what I was doing before we got here. My tent's too small for three of us."
Regardless of his preparation, the process ran less smoothly than he had imagined. Josh soon grew tired of his role, assimilating easily into a gang of children who roamed the field and joining in with their animated games.
"Do you want a hand mate?" asked their neighbour, comfortably seated and sipping on a beer while he watched Tom struggle to secure a malleable pole, Sybil hanging on helplessly to the other end.
Tom gave an affable shake of his head. "No we're doing fine, thank you very much" he replied, leaving Sybil almost open-mouthed in astonishment.
"Why didn't you take him up on his offer?" she hissed moments later, the basic structure now in place. They were underneath the outer layer, giving an illusion of privacy, although in truth it was unlikely that a single layer of canvas was going to conceal any sound from those nearby.
Tom shook his head with dispassionate concern. "No need, we were fine."
"But it would have been easier with three."
He gave a self-assured smile, which threw up a sudden and unwelcome image in Sybil's mind of her father. "Well it might have been easier with ten, but we did it, didn't we?" he continued and she rolled her eyes. They were more alike than she had previously realised.
"I bet you don't ever ask for directions either, do you?" she asked wryly and he shrugged.
"No need. I've got sat-nav."
He had come prepared – a box full of groceries, a cool-box for perishables, folding chairs, table, beds, blankets, camping stove and rudimentary kitchen equipment. She had been told to simply bring herself and a first day picnic aside, had adhered to his request. She felt self-conscious at her novice camper status and anticipated a swell of jokes at her expense. However, Tom appeared conscious of the effort she was making and kept his mockery at bay, explaining how to use the gas stove and asking for her assistance while he readjusted tent pegs and strings.
Josh reappeared, his eyes shining with excitement. "Can we go in the pool?" he gasped, circling an arm wildly and then pointing towards a group of children who were disappearing across the field, towels slung over their shoulders.
"Sure" Tom replied. "Let's just find your trunks. Have you made some friends already?"
Josh bounced on the spot and beamed firstly at his father, then at Sybil.
"Yeah, loads!"
"What are their names?" Sybil asked and was amused to see Josh shrug his shoulders in the same insouciant manner as his father. These types of details were irrelevant, only the accomplishment was worthy of note.
The absence of direct sunlight made the small unheated pool perishing for the inactive. However Josh was soon joining in with the games of others and firstly Sybil, then Tom sat on the side wrapped in towels, their legs submerged, watching the spirited squeals and leaps. Josh could swim a tentative width without aid, but Tom kept his eyes fixed, ready to leap back in if required.
"This is great for him…" he said "…not having any siblings, he misses that constant companion to play with, you know?"
Sybil nodded, grateful for a childhood with camaraderie from one sister or the other.
"I was a bit nervous letting him go off exploring like that earlier though." Tom admitted. "But I guess that's what kids do in places like this, isn't it? They can't get out of the field, at least I'm pretty sure they can't and I've told him in no uncertain terms that he mustn't even try. But Kieran and I always looked out for one another and I'm just aware that he hasn't got anyone like that."
She could appreciate his concern, remembering summer explorations around the estate with her sisters and cousins. When Edith had fallen over one time, it had been she and Mary who had lagged behind and supported her while she cautiously tested a swollen ankle. When Sybil became separated from the party, distracted by the sight of a vixen playing with her cubs in the wood, it had been her sisters who retraced their steps to find her. It wasn't that her cousins or associated friends didn't care, only that they were too absorbed in their adventures to notice anything beyond their immediate periphery. No doubt she and her sisters behaved in the exact same manner. It was only that regardless of rivalries and disputes they formed their own conjoined periphery, impenetrable to others. It existed still, only now husbands and babies had stretched its boundary.
"We'll keep watching him…" she replied "…from a distance so he thinks he's independent."
His gaze unremitting on his son, she felt the brush of his fingers against hers and smiled as she felt immediate stirrings of desire. It was a good thing, she decided, that she was going to be sleeping separately from Tom. She was certain that otherwise a gravitational pull would betray her before he had an opportunity to give Josh any plausible explanation.
She couldn't help but think about her own father while she watched Tom's parental scrutiny. There had been no further discussion about their dispute at Downton, nor elaboration from either side about the subjects raised. Their telephone conversations continued in the same manner as before – polite, transitory exchanges before Robert concluded with his habitual "All well then? Good. I'll get your mother."
He had emailed her a week previously, a concealed attempt at conciliation under the disguise of organising his annual estate cricket match. She hadn't attended for the past three years and any enthusiasm for the event had waned over a lifetime of her father's dogged earnestness. However, he had made an effort to include her, providing the date and even adding as an aside. 'Can Tom play? All capable and willing participants welcome!' She wasn't sure whether to be impressed or insulted by his effort to minimise their quarrel, but her wounds remained tender and she was not yet prepared to be entirely placated. A stubborn pride persisted by wanting him to suffer a little longer, until time healed and the wrench of familial loyalty and love took precedent once again.
ooOoo
She woke with an aching hip and cramp in her left leg, bright morning sunlight permeating her compartment, too early yet for any accompanying warmth. Biting her lip to avoid expelling an instinctively weary sigh, she turned over on the mattress and frowned at its unfamiliar pliancy. Cold air hit the side of her neck and she bunched her shoulders, reaching out a cautious hand to pull a blanket higher and submerge one side of her head. Enthusiastic birdsong became muffled under the weight of thick lambswool.
There was movement nearby too. A child's subdued mutter, his father's familiar sounding grunt, the rustle of polyester sleeping bags as others sought comfort within unaccustomed surroundings.
"Daddy, is it morning yet?" Josh whispered in a tone which suggested he knew the likely answer, but thought it worth proposing regardless. Sybil screwed her eyes more tightly shut, as if doing so might ward away further interruption and create an effortless return to slumber.
Tom's voice was scarcely audible, thick with sleep. "Half five Josh, go back to sleep."
The silence was short-lived.
"But it's light!" Sybil heard a sigh, another crackle of man-made fibre and Tom's voice again, clearer this time, emerging reluctantly from the warmth of oblivion.
"It gets light in the summer, Josh. Very early. You need to try and go back to sleep darlin' or you're going to be tired later. Nobody else will be up, we've got to stay quiet for a while yet."
Sybil smiled, bringing her knees up to her chest, aware that any further sleep was unlikely, hoping nonetheless to doze while morning made its measured encroach.
"Daddy, can I ask you something?"
She heard Tom's deliberate exhale. "Okay, but quietly"
"Is Sybil your girlfriend?"
For a brief moment, the silence was unfiltered. Even the birds appeared to take a break in anticipation and Sybil fleetingly forgot to breathe.
"Yes she is." The ghost of an apology was interwoven with his reply and she heard him clear his throat.
Josh sounded unperturbed. "Yes, Mammy said she probably was."
Tom's subsequent pause seemed unusually long. "Mammy said? Why, does she know something about Sybil?"
"Yes, I told her about going to the museum and pizza at Easter. I said she was cool, playing the big piano on the floor."
"Oh, I see."
"And then she was at your house last week when you phoned me and I asked you who was there and you said Sybil. And when I told Mammy, she said 'Sounds like Daddy's got a new girlfriend.' And then she's come camping with us so I thought Mammy must be right. You've got to like someone a lot to want to go on holiday with them, haven't you?"
"Yes I guess you have, Josh. So um… are you okay with Sybil being my girlfriend? I was going to talk to you about it while we were here anyway, but it sounds as if I need to talk to Mammy too, just to let her know for sure."
Josh gave a sigh, so wistful in tone that without being able to see his accompanying expression, Sybil felt her heart tighten and breathing falter.
"I think Mammy gets lonely sometimes without having a special friend."
She heard Tom's sharp exhale of breath. "Yes, I expect she does, but she's got you and you help look after her, don't you?"
"Yes, don't worry. I always will."
"Good lad. And you know that you'll always be my best boy, don't you? My number one. Nothing's ever going to change there."
"Even if you and Sybil get married and have another baby boy?" The question was practically posed, with no hint of distress. He seemed curious rather than afraid.
The ensuing rustle gave implication of an embrace and Tom's voice, when finally audible, sounded stifled. "Whatever happens Josh, you'll always be the most important, okay? I promise you."
"Okay"
"Anything else you're worried about? Ask me anything you like."
"Um…no."
"Alright, but if you have any questions later, then just ask me. Don't be worried about saying if there's something on your mind."
"I will. Daddy?"
"Yes Josh"
"I think Sybil's very pretty"
"Yes, so do I."
Sybil placed her hands over her eyes, feeling like a convicted eavesdropper condemned to learn her fate.
"Well done, Daddy."
Tom snorted loudly. "Thanks, Josh"
"And Daddy?"
"Yes, son"
"Can we get up now?"
ooOoo
By the time the two of them returned from the toilet, Sybil had reluctantly emerged from her snug cocoon and was heating water on the stove. She made tea in a manner which would certainly not be appreciated by either her grandmother or Eleri – kneeling on the ground sheet, teabags lying in wait within plastic mugs, the milk lukewarm after twenty hours in a cool box – but after a night of discomfort, its earthy, life-restoring taste was appreciated as much as any high tea she had enjoyed over the years at Downton.
"Did we wake you?" Tom murmured, making a futile attempt to quietly zip the tent and indicating with a finger to his lips that it was still too early for Josh to resume high octane antics.
"I woke before Josh, I think" she replied and they exchanged perceptive glances.
"You okay?" he mouthed and she smiled, relieved in many ways that their relationship was fully out in the open and that Josh appeared untroubled by the situation. He was manoeuvring Spiderman along the tent walls, muttering an inaudible commentary and broke his rhythm only briefly to smile and whisper "Thank you" when Sybil handed him a biscuit.
After the previous afternoon's ominous looking cloud cover, the day proved sunny and after Tom had capably provided bacon and eggs for breakfast, the three headed down to nearby Oxwich Bay. Tom and Sybil were laden with belongings: towels, snacks, drinks, suncream, hats, bat and ball, while Josh preceded them cheerfully along the lane, swinging his bucket, Spiderman's head peering curiously over its ledge.
"Will Eddie be annoyed that you hadn't told her about us first?" Sybil couldn't help but whisper, the only element of the subject which remained a nagging concern. Tom shrugged his shoulders although she could sense an element of unease within his expression.
"Probably, a bit. I'll sort it out though, don't worry. I thought I was doing it the right way, but he beat me to it. I'm not beholden to tell her everything about my life, but I'll talk to her and set the record straight."
After their early and productive start to the day, they had first pick of the sand. Only dog walkers and a sole metal detector were traversing the ground when they first arrived.
"Can I have something to eat?" Josh asked, lifting a cardigan from one of their bags and scrutinising what lay beneath.
"We've just had breakfast!" Tom replied indignantly. "You said you were full!"
Josh lifted his shoulders in a nonchalant manner which replicated that of his father. "And now I'm not" he replied, concluding with a cheeky grin which could acquit him of the gravest sins.
"Have a banana" Tom said, reaching into the bag, but then came to a halt at the ensuing disgruntled protest.
"Can I have an ice-cream instead?" Josh asked, bestowing a hopeful smile in Sybil's direction which made her laugh and raise her hands in detachment.
"Not my decision" she replied, pulling an apologetic face.
"Half an hour" Tom promised and that appeared enough to suffice for the time being. Josh ran with enlivened delight towards the waves and inspired by his vitality, Sybil joined him. They dipped their toes in the chilly water, emitting squeals of protest and running back and forth until they could bear to keep their feet submerged. There was minimal breeze and the soothing waves lapped their ankles, with only an occasional rogue swell to encroach along their calves. Sybil began to jump, remembering seaside pleasures from the past and Josh soon joined in, the two of them synchronised in leaps and vociferous shrieks.
It was Josh who eventually expressed concern for Tom, sitting guard next to their belongings far up the beach, a hand shielding his eyes while he watched.
"We should go and keep Daddy company for a bit" he suggested and Sybil agreed, falling into line beside him and struggling to remain silent when he unexpectedly took hold of her hand. Her emotions felt inexplicably raw. She had held George's chubby little hand on several occasions without deliberation, but there was something oddly mature about this half-man who was not her flesh and blood, as if he was attempting to guide her into the solace of his family.
They spent the day indulging in traditionally idyllic yet simple pleasures: sandcastles and ice-creams (with the two becoming calamitously entwined at one point), searching for crabs in pools, clambering over rocks and picnicking on a combination of tent-made sandwiches and hot salty chips from the nearby kiosk. As the day's heat reached its peak, they each cautiously tested deeper waters, gasping when the chilly waves broke against their limbs before bravely plunging in and swimming to purge themselves of the cold.
By mid-afternoon, with their stomachs comfortably filled, Josh's thoughts returned to the campsite pool, while Sybil found herself fantasising about a nap.
"I need the loo" Tom said as they stood to leave and indicated his head in the direction of facilities by the edge of the sand.
"I already went in the sea" Josh clarified, which raised unified smiles.
They waited nearby. With a yawn, Sybil sat down on a nearby rock, carefully positioned to prevent cars from parking further onto the beach.
"Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Llangennith?" a man queried, stepping out of an adjacent vehicle and Sybil stood up with a smile. She had visited the area previously and knew the beach in question, able to gesticulate towards the main road where further directions would then be visible. After an affable nod towards the man's seated companion, she turned back to see Josh standing on a narrow brick wall, his arms outstretched for balance, six feet above the concrete path which led to the toilet block.
"Josh, get down from there, it's dangerous!" she said sharply, moving forward quickly with her hands aloft as if she might catch him catapulting through the air. Only a brief flicker of his eyes gave any indication that he had heard and she repeated her plea, aware as she did so that the pitch of her voice had risen in symmetry with her heartbeat.
"Josh, did you hear me? Get down please! If you fall, you'll break something. Crouch down and take my hand."
He scowled at the abrupt curtailment of his pleasure, glancing either side for an alternative before reluctantly accepting defeat and scrambling down, ignoring her open hand of assistance.
"You're not allowed to tell me what to do…" he muttered, staring sulkily at the ground, "…you're not my Mammy".
Still shaken by thoughts of what might have been, Sybil didn't hesitate with her reply.
"No you're right, I'm not. But when your Mammy and Daddy aren't here, then it's my job to stop you from doing something silly and dangerous. They wouldn't want you to fall and hurt yourself and I don't want that either. So if they're both not around, then I will tell you to stop doing something if I think it's right to do so. Not because I want to be mean and spoil your fun, but because I'm scared that you'll hurt yourself when Daddy asked me to look after you. Do you understand?"
He scraped the heel of his sandal across the concrete, reaching out an arm towards the offending wall to steady himself and she watched his lower lip emerge, giving an indication of conflicting thoughts.
"Okay" he conceded, not meeting her gaze.
The sound of a toilet flushing came from inside the building and Josh turned his head, a combination of remorse and appeal evident within his expression.
"Are you going to tell Daddy?" he asked before they turned in unison to see Tom cheerfully emerge.
Sybil shook her head. "There's nothing now to tell" she quietly replied.
ooOoo
Sybil felt that she should take lessons from Josh's lack of resentment when they returned to the campsite. Their dispute appeared to have been wiped away, any acrimony banished. Within minutes he was pulling at her arm in a beseech to join him in the pool, throwing himself into her arms while they splashed and using her knees as a launch pad into shallow water.
They sat outside the tent to barbeque, swapping shorts for jeans and donning fleeces as the temperature fell, warmed by hot chocolate and subsequently, in Tom and Sybil's case, red wine. Josh joined his new friends for further exploration around the field, shooing Tom away with disgust after he spotted him observing from behind a tree and showing no signs of exhaustion after his early rise. It was only when dusk began to creep leisurely across the field that weary parents were able to persuade their offspring that bedtime was imminent. Josh was already in his pyjamas, teeth cleaned before disaster was alerted.
"Where's Spiderman?" he wailed, looking wildly around the sleeping compartment and then with accusation at his father.
Tom lifted a hand to his forehead with visible anguish. "Oh Christ, did you not bring him back from the beach?" Reality hit home and Josh's face crumpled in distress, tears emerging instantly, large gulping sobs making any further attempt at speech inaudible.
"Oh Joshie, come here" Tom murmured softly, wrapping his arms around him and rocking instinctively back and forth. "We'll go back and look tomorrow morning, I promise."
"Now!" Josh wailed before collapsing into a further wave of grief.
"No, it's too dark now, sweetheart, we wouldn't find him. We'll go as soon as we wake up, I swear to you."
Josh sobbed with indistinct words of distress before they finally understood his meaning. "Tide…gone!" they heard and realised that a child not yet six already had a valuable appreciation of nature and her forces.
"I'm not sure it comes up as far as we were sat, we might be alright" Tom soothed and held his son until the tears subsided and Josh sat quietly, red eyed and resigned. Troubled by such a vocal display of distress, Sybil made a gesture of her own.
"If we can't find him, I promise that I'll buy you another one back in Cardiff or Swansea and you'll have it to take home again."
"That's kind isn't it, Josh?" Tom prompted and his son nodded, making a half-hearted effort to smile.
"I want the Spiderman motorbike for my birthday" he said in a morose tone and Sybil took the bait, keen to try and divert his attention towards a happier topic.
"When's your birthday?" she asked, already aware of the answer.
"August the fifteenth" he replied, sitting up on his father's lap and appearing instantly brighter. "I'm going to be six!"
"I know you are…" she urged "…and what are you going to do on your birthday?"
"I'm having a party!" He paused before adding with a tone of pride. "With guests!"
Sybil struggled to contain a giggle. "And who are your guests? Tell me your friends' names."
The diversion was a success as Josh tipped his head to one side in thought and began to recite his guest list. "Conor, James, Cian, Olivia, Eoghan and Jack from school, then Maisie next door because Mammy says we have to invite her, but not Alex across the road because he's sometimes mean to me, Vincenzo and Emily from my swimming class and then Nanny and Grandad and Daddy of course and oh!" He paused to look directly at Sybil. "And you should come too! Would you like to come, Sybil?"
She couldn't help but instinctively smile at his gesture, whilst simultaneously a wave of dread swelled within. A visit to Ireland was surely imminent, the ensuing encounter with Eddie seemed altogether less inviting, regardless of its eventual inevitability.
"Oh I don't think so this time, Josh. Thank you very much though. I'll come and see your house another time."
"Pleeeeease!" he pleaded, leaning forward to touch her knee. "I want you to come!" Feeling uneasy, she raked a hand through her hair, glancing sideways towards Tom.
"Um, well I'm not really sure if…"
Tom intervened, well versed with late night pleas and their irrational weight when bundled up with exhaustion and high emotion.
"Let's talk about it in the morning. Come on now, bed!"
Sybil leant forward to bestow a light kiss on Josh's forehead, taken by surprise at stirrings of territorial emotion and within it, the first tangible vision of her future.