Thanks for all your comments. There were a couple of guest reviews which I couldn't respond to personally – greatly appreciated!
After considerable discussion, Sybil agreed to attend Josh's birthday party. Tom suggested that a communal occasion might make her first introduction to Eddie less stressful for both parties; providing other guests to dilute the conversation and Eddie undoubtedly more concerned with her son's festivities. The three of them could meet again another time, when as Tom optimistically concluded, they 'would know one another and feel more relaxed'. Sybil wasn't as confident about the simplicity of this argument, but agreed that she would feel under less pressure if there were other people around. The occasion also offered an opportunity to travel on to Dublin and meet Tom's parents. After the party, they would spend Friday night in a hotel on the edge of Kilkenny, before collecting Josh the following morning and taking him with them to his grandparents' house.
Sybil bore the ferry crossing with a combination of fortitude and fear; standing out on deck with her hands tightly wrapped around the rail, watching the whites of her knuckles and attempting some breathing exercises which had been recommended by a colleague. Her anxiety superseded the feeling of nausea which came into effect whenever the boat bowed, although was oddly never prevalent while it pitched. Sybil believed that she was a practical woman, not usually prone to irrational phobias or hysteria, able mostly to override any anxieties with a plausible explanation. But the general feeling of unease on water, borne since childhood, had mutated into a fear which both puzzled and infuriated her. James and Patrick's fatal accident had been tragic and unpleasant: one killed instantly, the other drowned, but subsequent investigations had suggested that Patrick's recklessness at the helm had most likely been the cause. A similar experience was almost impossible to replicate on board a large car ferry. Yet in the case of any fear, the word 'almost' is fundamental. One can manage terror, but never eradicate it while its cause remains in any way viable.
Tom wisely remained silent when they first drove on to Irish soil, allowing her time to regain composure and for the nausea to pass. They stopped at a roadside café en-route to Kilkenny, not wanting to arrive at the party too early and experience an awkward introduction with no guests present, nor distract Eddie from her preparations.
"I feel a bit guilty not helping her, to be honest." Tom admitted. "I know her Mam and Dad are there, but it seems a bit out of order to just swan in and out when he's my son as well."
"Perhaps she'll let us stay on and help her clear up?" Sybil suggested and Tom smiled, reaching across the Formica table to squeeze her hand.
"Thank you." He flashed a grin. "Am I allowed to give you a compliment or are you going to brush me off as if I've said something unpleasant?"
She glanced down at the table with mild embarrassment. She had always acted in the same way, rebuffing indulgent praise from her parents as a child and rejecting with disdain any admiration towards her family's status. Commendation for wealth or appearance felt immaterial and undeserved. She only wanted to be rewarded for something she felt had been truly earned.
"Go on then, flatter me!" she laughed, unable to avoid her eyes flitting sideways while she conceded.
"I was only going to say that you're just instinctively kind all the time…"
"…not all the time" she interrupted. She couldn't take credit for an exaggeration of the truth.
Tom rolled his eyes and smiled. "Most of the time, then. I haven't seen you be unkind anyway…" he paused for only a beat. "…okay maybe to that man who cut you up on the M4 the other week, but even then your language was far more restrained than mine would have been."
She laughed at that. Her language had not been in any way restrained and the driver in question had nearly taken her off the road with his recklessness. She had been incandescent with fury.
Tom met her gaze and his eyes twinkled at the recollection. "I just mean that it's typical of you to offer to stay longer today. I know you're nervous and you'll probably just want to leave as soon as we can. But you are instinctively thoughtful and saying things like that just makes me fall more in love with you every time."
Sybil felt her stomach lurch with far more pleasant consequences than on board the ferry and her face broke into an instinctive beam. There were occasions when she caught a glimpse of Tom as a stranger might view him – broad shoulders, a glint of sun-kissed fair hair, laughter lines at the edge of piercing blue eyes which sometimes seemed to bear into her soul. A distorted image of his face had been imprinted within her memory for twenty years and at times she couldn't believe that they had found one another again, nor that the outcome had yielded such happiness.
"Well I'm pretty smitten with you too Mr Branson…" she replied with a smile "…but yes, I am very nervous." She shook her head in self-reproach. "It'll be fine, I'm sure. I'd just like to get it over with really. I'm sure the anticipation is worse than the reality."
He nodded. "The thing is, I'm sure that you'd get on really well under different circumstances. Eddie can be good fun, probably someone you'd want to be friends with…" His voice faded and he shrugged, appearing apologetic at the presumption.
Sybil forced a smile. "I expect she's more nervous than me." She made an effort to appear bright and enthusiastic. "Anyway, I'm really looking forward to seeing Dublin and meeting your parents. Normally that would seem quite intimidating but I feel pretty relaxed about it after today."
"Well they're cool anyway, there's nothing you need to be anxious about there. It's a shame that Kieran's away on holiday but maybe you've enough new people for one weekend!"
Finishing their drinks, they stood, gathering the jackets and bags scattered over adjacent chairs.
"I wish I could have had an opportunity to ask Kieran about Edith though. See if I could get any more clues." Sybil said and Tom grinned, taking her hand as they walked towards the exit.
"I told you didn't I, he was utterly vague about it. Said 'Dunno. Maybe the field trip brings back another memory?' I'm not sure I believe him though. He just sounded a bit too casual about it all, as if it was forced. I'll have to get him drunk and interrogate him some time."
Sybil smiled. "Yep, it's the only answer I think. You get him drunk and I'll ply Edith. We'll report back!"
ooOoo
Tom parked in front of a modern semi-detached house within a small estate on the edge of Kilkenny. A child's bike and two scooters were neatly parked by the side of the front door. Two brightly coloured balloons were attached to the door knob and fluttered intermittently, looking like a sick bird attempting to fly.
Sybil could hear excited squeals emitting from the back garden and clutched her gift of assorted superhero paraphernalia tightly to her chest as a form of protection. She followed Tom across the short drive and through the side gate, feeling increasingly nervous and aware of sweat underneath her armpits, despite cloud cover and an occasional cool breeze.
"Daddeeeeee!" came a familiar voice and Josh ran across the lawn, flinging himself at Tom who lifted him in the air.
"Uh!" Tom exclaimed and dropped him theatrically back onto the floor. "I think you've got even heavier, big boy! It must be because you're six now!"
"Yeah!" Josh agreed, his eyes fixed on the carrier bag beside them. He gave his father a knowing grin. "What's in there?"
Tom pretended to look confused. "In there?" he pointed. "Oh nothing important."
"Is it for me?" Josh replied, attempting to appear demure but failing and then jumping repeatedly on the spot with excitement.
A female voice interrupted. "Hello"
Sybil's head jerked up from observing Josh and she instinctively raised a smile. She recognised Eddie from photographs and despite her confident sounding greeting, could sense tension within her expression. She was making an effort to smile, her eyes flitting between the three of them and wiping a hand on the side of her dress. Sybil said the first thing that came into her head.
"I love your dress!" And she did. It was a fifties style halter neck cut, floral with yellow and green flowers which suited Eddie's fair colouring and distinctive oval eyes. The sentiment was genuine but as soon as the words were uttered, she knew that they sounded overly flattering, too keen.
"Oh…" Eddie pulled at a strand of hair and looked uncomfortable. "Thank you."
Tom leapt into providing reciprocal introductions and the two women politely shook hands while Josh, seemingly oblivious to the tension above him, rummaged curiously inside Tom's bag.
"Can I open these now, Daddy?"
Eddie's gaze moved to her son. "Shall we open Daddy's presents at the end, Josh? When your friends have gone home? Something to look forward to. Come on, I'll take them in the living room…"
"And this…" Sybil held out her own offering and while smiling at Josh's enthusiastic delight, saw Eddie's lips tighten at the gesture.
"I need to get on…" Eddie nodded her head towards the house and took two steps backwards.
"What can we do to help?" Tom asked, frowning when Eddie shook her head. "Come on…"
She relented. "Can you just make sure the parents are topped up, Tom? There's only a couple staying. I'm doing some games after tea, but they're all just happy playing for the moment, I think."
Sybil took a deep breath. "Can I help you with the tea at all?" she asked but Eddie shook her head, avoiding her gaze.
"No, my parents are in the kitchen so it's all under control." She moved away before coming to a brief halt and turning her head. "Thank you."
Unused to children en-masse, Sybil felt overwhelmed by the activity in the garden. Two boys circled her at high speed wearing pirate costumes, another waved a foam sword in the air whilst emitting an alarming screech. Two girls were bouncing with vigour on the trampoline, urging one another at high pitch to jump higher and somebody's younger sibling was sitting contentedly in the sandpit, eating its undecipherable contents.
Tom nodded at the two women standing nearby who stepped forward to introduce themselves as 'Eoghan's Mam' and 'Emily's mother'. Sybil could only presume that these names had not been bestowed on the women at birth and marvelled at the instant loss of individual personality such titles provided. Regardless of the setting, she didn't relish the idea of being known solely as somebody's possession.
Tom offered the women a drink and clearly at home within the surroundings, disappeared to obtain them. He returned shortly afterwards with Eddie's parents who greeted Sybil politely, but gave the impression that her company was something to be endured rather than enjoyed. The tea apparently now fully prepared, they moved gradually further down the garden, calling out affectionately to Josh and smiling at his excited antics.
Sybil stood by the fence with a fixed smile, recalling the sensation at teenage discos when you didn't actually want to dance with anyone but dreaded the thought of nobody asking. There was no sign of Tom or Eddie when the side gate opened once again and another child ran forcibly past into the activity, closely followed by an anxious looking man.
"Hi" he said awkwardly in Sybil's direction, running a hand through his hair and dropping a small rucksack at his feet.
Sybil said hello, glancing towards the two mothers who were engrossed in conversation and showed no sign of recognising the new arrival.
"I'm Carl, Cian's Dad." The man explained, stepping forward with an outstretched hand. At least he had his own name as an attachment, Sybil thought.
She smiled. "I'm Sybil. Nobody's Mum." Confusion was etched across Carl's face and she elaborated. "I'm with Tom, Josh's Dad."
"Ah!" His face relaxed. "Yeah, we've got that step-parent dynamic going on too. I live in Dublin actually, just came down for the weekend 'cos my ex-wife's away on a hen weekend. Still, it's good that you're here. My ex won't have my new wife in the house."
Initially Sybil wasn't certain how to answer, but guessing that Carl was unlikely to know Eddie personally, gave an honest reply. "Well we've just met for the first time, so it's early days."
Carl nodded politely and glanced around the garden. "Am I okay to leave him, do you know? His Mam said I should see if the parents were alright with that, but um…" He looked hopefully in Sybil's direction.
"Other people have left their children, so I'm sure it's fine. If he's happy?" She turned her head to see Cian joyously leaping on the trampoline with the girls while Eddie's parents issued futile safety instructions.
"Ah, he'll be fine. He said he didn't need me to stay." Carl reached down and began to unzip his rucksack. "Listen, shall I leave my mobile number just in case? I'll only be in town so I can nip back if there's a problem." He scribbled in a small notebook before tearing off a page and holding it in the air.
"Shall I just give this to his Mam?" He nodded towards the house. "Is she in there?"
Sybil held out her hand. "I'll give it to her" she said and gave an encouraging smile. "Go and head off for a couple of hours."
Carl looked at her gratefully "Ah, you're a star, thanks. I'll be back by four." He raised a hand in Cian's direction but obtaining no reaction, gave a half-hearted shrug and headed back towards the gate.
Sybil deliberated for a moment, but then realised that she now had a purpose with which to engage Eddie in friendly conversation and started to walk to the back of the house. Open french doors led to the deserted living room and from inside, she could hear sounds of crockery being moved in an adjacent room. Her journey to the kitchen came to an abrupt halt when she heard Tom's indignant voice.
"What did you want me to do, ask her to sit in the car for two hours?"
Eddie's voice was distinct and marked with emotion. "It's my house, Tom."
"Yeah and he's our son. And she's my girlfriend."
"Are you in love with her?" The question sounded abrupt and threatening.
"Yes"
"Are you going to marry her?"
Tom sighed and Sybil gripped the living room door, knowing that the conversation was not meant for her ears, yet feeling powerless to move away.
"We haven't had that conversation yet, Eddie. It's only been five months."
"Yet!" The word was given great emphasis. "So you might?"
"Possibly yes, but it's a long way off. Who knows? Look, it doesn't change anything…"
Eddie interrupted, her voice rising in pitch. "…of course it changes things! Don't be so fuckin' naïve!"
"I don't want to have this conversation today, Eddie. Not on Josh's birthday."
"Fine, well will you come back and have it another day? Not this weekend though, is it?"
Tom's tone was even, although Sybil could hear his irritation. "I thought we had already discussed it last time? I told you that as things stand, I'll still be over every fortnight. On my own. There's no reason for Sybil to come back over unless it's a particular event. She's a nurse, she works lots of weekends. She'll be around sometimes when Josh comes to visit me, but that's all. We're not living together."
"Not yet anyway."
Tom's voice sounded kinder now. "I promise that if anything changes, I'll talk to you about it first. I swear. We'll talk everything through." There was a long pause before he continued. "He's still our son, Eddie. You and I make all the decisions together. That's never going to change."
Her hands shaking, Sybil took a step backwards. She could still hear the quiet murmur of Eddie's voice and felt abruptly conscious that she should not eavesdrop any longer. She was Tom's concern, but Josh was not hers and any further discussion about his well-being was only pertinent to his parents.
She masked her feeling of unease capably. Tom re-emerged shortly afterwards to find Sybil making polite conversation with the two mothers (now renamed Anna and Colleen) and smiling brightly.
"You okay?" he asked while the children ate and were briefly still.
She didn't want to give him any further cause for concern while they remained within Eddie's territory and so forced a grin, diverting his attention elsewhere. "Yeah, fine. Look at Josh, he's managed to get chocolate all across his forehead!"
She felt on the periphery of the afternoon's events; not invited to participate and feeling that any advances would be unwelcome. Tom helped Eddie organise some of the games – taking charge of the music for Pass-the-parcel and Musical statues, blindfolding children in turn for Pin the pirate treasure on the map. Sybil stood to one side, making efforts to hold a genial smile in place whilst simultaneously glancing at her watch to gauge how long their presence would be required. Josh bounded up to her at one point asking for a drink but as soon as she reached the kitchen door, Eddie's father appeared and insisted on carrying out the request. She wasn't used to being side-lined in this manner, but told herself that the situation yielded exclusion, rather than any personal evaluation.
Once all the over-excited guests had departed, they stayed for an additional half an hour. Their offer to help clear up was swiftly rebuffed by both Eddie and her parents but they were given cups of tea and sat politely in the living room while Josh enthused over his presents.
"Right!" Tom finally said with an air of determination that made Sybil want to leap up and punch the sky with relief. "If you won't let us help, then we'll get out of your hair. We'll pick him up at about nine tomorrow morning, is that okay?"
"That's fine" Eddie replied with a tight-lipped smile and they stood facing each other awkwardly, their defined roles uneven. Tom reached forward to shake the hand of Eddie's father, then kissed her mother lightly on the cheek. Sybil transferred her weight from one foot to another as she deliberated how to respond, but the matter was taken out of her hands as the elder couple each stood with their hands clasped before them, nodding at her while presenting grimaced smiles.
Tom held out his arms to his son. "See you tomorrow Josh, are you going to bring any cake up for Nana and Grandpa?"
Josh's face twisted with sulky dissatisfaction. "I don't want you to go. I want you and Sybil to stay here."
Sybil felt her stomach muscles tighten, but Tom deflected the topic with humour and over gesticulation. "There's only one sofa bed. You want me to sleep on the cold, hard floor do you Josh? Your poor Dad..."
Josh grinned and wrapped himself comfortably around Tom's waist. Without warning he transferred himself to Sybil and she found herself unable to meet Eddie's eyes, gazing down at the top of Josh's head and cautiously rubbing his back.
"See you in the morning!" she said gently and he looked up with a contented grin.
They collected their belongings and moved towards the hall. "Thank you for his present." Eddie said stiffly. "We'll write some thank you letters next week."
Wanting only to relieve her from another tiresome task, Sybil waved a hand around in the air. "Oh there's no need. He's already said thank you."
She watched Eddie's eyes narrow a fraction. "Well that's what we do" she said firmly and Sybil felt suitably admonished. It had been made clear that she was not part of this family and did not appreciate the weight of their traditions.
She racked her brain to come up with a suitable parting comment. To depart with only a polite 'goodbye' seemed dismissive, while compliments could easily be perceived as sycophantic. Any comments about Josh felt too inflammatory, regardless of their sincerity.
When the moment arrived, she held out her hand. "It was a lovely party" she said simply and stepped out of the front door, leaving Tom to kiss Eddie on the cheek and conclude the proceedings.
"Well!" Tom exhaled as they sat in the car and the front door closed. "That wasn't too bad!"
Prepared to keep up the pretence in company, Sybil was determined not to proceed any further.
"I overheard your conversation in the kitchen, Tom." His eyes widened and she pulled an apologetic face. "I'm sorry, it wasn't intentional but Cian's Dad asked me to give Eddie his phone number in case of any problems…." She paused momentarily and her fingers reached into the front pocket of her trousers. "…oh, I never did give it to her. Anyway, I came into the living room and I heard you talking. Not all of it, but I know she didn't want me there and that she's very upset about us."
"Right" Tom switched on the ignition, his expression grim. "Let's not talk about it here in front of her house. The hotel's five minutes away."
They sat in silence and Sybil gazed out of the window, any impression of the town wiped away instantly while she reflected on their afternoon. Tom pulled up in the hotel car park and turned to face her.
"It's not personal" he said and she nodded.
"I know"
"She's frightened of change, that's all."
"Because it's your life that's changing." Sybil replied. "I bet she wouldn't be so resistant if it was hers."
"Probably not, no. Look, she's very intense at times. I don't know why, maybe it's being an only child. She's used to being the centre of her parents' attention. And she likes to be at the epicentre of everything – it's all or nothing with her."
Sybil tipped her head with silent curiosity. She'd never heard Tom speak negatively about Eddie before; he was usually single-minded in his praise.
He sighed. "She has to be someone's best friend or not at all. She gets horribly jealous if she isn't the centre of someone's universe. It's what split us up, I couldn't stand it." He took Sybil's hand and she felt herself inwardly relax. She had no desire to create a scene, nor make more of the afternoon than the short-lived strain it had caused. But she wanted to know that Tom was on her side; that she didn't have to carry the burden of exclusion on her own.
"She wanted to know what I'd done, where I'd been, all the time. Even when it wasn't at all interesting – in the refectory for lunch, running errands. It drove me mad very quickly."
Sybil smiled. "How long was it in all?" In reality, she already knew the answer.
"Five months but I realised after about two that it wasn't going to work out. I was attracted to her physically, that was the thing, so it carried on longer than it should have really." He shrugged. "Anyway, it's the same with Josh. She's been the most important person in his life for six years and of course, she always will be. But as he gets older, he's going to be more independent and not need her as much. I think she's going to struggle with that. And although I've been around, I've not been living with them and so she generally calls the shots and to be honest, I think that's how she likes it."
"She likes to be in control." Sybil suggested and he gave a short nod.
"Yeah and now there's someone else in the mix and she feels threatened…"
"…I'm never going to even begin to compete with her for Josh. I wouldn't want to!"
He squeezed her hand lightly. "I know that. I think she does really, but she's scared Sybil, that's all. Everything's worked well up to now and she's frightened that a third person is going to upset that. She's just protecting her territory, that's all."
He met her gaze and smiled so that her stomach performed acrobatics once again and she leant forward to kiss him. For her, it provided a perfect conclusion to the conversation. She and Eddie needed to get along, holding any resentment would be futile. But Tom could not end the topic as easily.
"Don't think badly of her" he pleaded and she understood the fragility of his position, caught between two lifestyles and desperate to derail neither.
"I don't." she replied and moved her arm until it lay along the edge of his shoulders, her fingers curling through his hair.
"I love you" she murmured and he turned, his lips eagerly meeting hers.
She heard the low groan at the back of his throat. "Oh God, I love you too."
Their future was undefined, but for the time being, this was enough.