The silhouette leaning against the window on the other side of the door was unmistakable. The tall, slender frame. The strong, graceful curve of shoulder. The impatiently tapping fingers.
Aya froze in step, her heart seemingly slamming into her lungs and knocking the breath from her. She hesitated on the other side of the door, as her thoughts spun in a sudden storm around her.
Some sense of self-preservation told her to forget. Forget what she now knew. To pretend until the act became truth.
And never, ever, let the thought grow in her mind. But even that idea she pushed away, not willing to even admit that such a thought could take root in her mind.
She hesitated too long, and he lifted his head, his eyes turning to catch hers. Even through the filter of glass she started.
Aki...Her lips formed the word, but she wasn't sure why, her hand tightened on the strap of her purse.
Up went the eyebrow, as if to say, 'are you coming or what?'. She forced a quick smile of acquiesce to her lips, then turned to her purse, pretending as if she was zipping it up. That done, she let it fall limply to her side, took a deep breath, and forced her feet to move.
"You don't have to wait for me, you know."
He pursed his lips, pushing away from the window. "We've been over this, Aya" was his implacable response.
And she deflated, realizing he wasn't going to allow her to pick an argument with him today. As time wound on and she stewed in the knowledge that she now possessed, she found herself trying more and more to push his buttons, to push him out of his temper.
She wasn't sure what it meant, or why she was doing it. Why she felt the need to pick at him until she...Well. There was her answer. Until she broke his act.
As was the case with many answers, it only led to more, and bigger questions.
Why did she want to break his act?
She bit down hard on that thought, not even wanting to head down that mental path. There was no answer here that was going to be safe.
As always, when she realized that she was pushing, she quickly backed down. "You're right," She said, completely missing how they fell in step as they turned onto the sidewalk. And his eyes widening with slight surprise.
"Okay," he said, shaking his head, then he turned and looked at her with subtle tease. "Who exactly are you, and what have you done with my sister?"
There was an emphasis on 'my', but she wasn't sure what it meant. She was sure that she had heard it before.
"Mou! Aki, you're so mean," she pouted. She should've known better than to be so complacent. It never seemed to work for her.
He walked on, "What am I right about, exactly?"
She grumbled aloud, her eyes narrowing in feigned-aggravation. It was better to fall mindlessly into these acts, then to keep holding the 'truth' so steadfastly centre in her thoughts. Though sometimes she worried about crossing ignorantly over the line of tease.
"What was that," he asked sweetly, giving her his own look of manufactured innocence.
She sucked in her cheeks, crossing her arms low over her chest in a nonverbal signal of resistance. "You. Are. Right." Then she slowly dropped her arms with a sigh. "About us sticking together...I just think sometimes that...you must be getting tired of babysitting me..."
Is this why you feel the way you do? Seeing me every minute of every day...has that somehow changed the way you see me? Has it made you see me this way?
A sigh at her side, very quiet, and even slightly irritated. "I'm not 'babysitting' you, Aya. That's not how I mean it at all. I'm watching out for you, just like you're watching out for me. I'm sorry if you're feeling stifled. Or like a child, I don't mean it that way." He turned to her. "But you can see it, right? You can see why it's so important for us to stick together."
He seemed really adamant that she understand this. And she did, but she wondered if he even knew where the line was, or if he was only guessing, and kept crossing back and forth over it without even realizing.
She feared that in some ways, she was doing the same.
But she conjured a smile for his benefit, unease settling in her stomach as she turned it on him. "I understand," she answered. I understand that you're not going to move on this subject, and every time I argue it with you, you only grow more set in your stubbornness.
He relaxed, returning her smile marginally. They fell into a more comfortable stroll.
"Aya! Aya!"
Aya froze, the breath rattling from her as a familiar voice called her name. She looked at Aki with identical wide eyes as he looked at her. The same thought seemed to run through both their minds. Were they found? Should they run?
"Aya! Wait up! You left this in the backroom!"
The voice finally registered, but she didn't relax. She didn't really like Rei. He reminded her of somebody. Somebody that had tried to hurt her long ago.
Aki didn't relax either, but he turned slowly back when she did.
Rei was trotting down the very centre of the sidewalk, holding something in his hand. She realized it was her work i.d.
Without explanation, even to herself, she hurried away from Aki and intercepted Rei before he could reach them. She physically placed herself in his path, blocking Aki from view. Or maybe blocking Rei from Aki's view. Why did she feel so anxious all of a sudden?
Rei stood slumped a long moment, his right hand on his knee as he tried to catch his breath. Turning her head just slightly, Aya caught the distant image of Aki out of the corner of her eye. He was turned in profile, his shoulders slumped in a pose of indifference as his hands slid casually into his pants pockets. He turned his head to the path ahead, curiously not paying attention. And it confused her for a long moment. If he loved her like that, why was he not upset with seeing her talk to another boy?
He's not seeing it, something pointed out 'helpfully'. He's purposefully not looking, not seeing.
What did that mean?
Rei shot a quick glance at Aki, then turned back to Aya, straightening up to tower over her at least five inches. She wasn't sure she liked that. Aki was taller than her, sure, but he never made her feel as if she was standing in his shadow.
Rei was nice. And he was cute. So why couldn't she be interested in him? He was definitely interested in her.
"Thanks," she said brightly, holding out her hand and smiling at him when he placed the small tag in her palm. "I don't even remember taking it off, though," she put a fist gently, pointedly against her head. "I don't know where my mind's been lately."
I really don't, and that's what scares me.
"Hey, no problem, I saw it when I was taking my break earlier. I meant to give it to you before you left, but I completely forgot."
"Ah, I understand. I'm glad you found it, though. I probably would've ended up tearing our apartment apart in the morning looking for it if you hadn't."
Why had she said it like that? She vaguely remembered Rei making the assumption that she was dating Aki the last time they had talked...so why had she worded her response in such a way that he would come to believe that? She didn't like him, was she trying to push him away? And couldn't she find a less volatile way to do it?
Whatever his motives, he instantly backed down, his smile lessening in brightness as he glanced again at Aki.
"Well, I'm glad I caught you before you got too far away. I'm still on shift though, so I better get back."
"Oh, okay," she said cheerfully, while her insides churned with both disdain and confusion. And a touch of relief. She waved as he trotted back to the café, tucking her i.d. in her purse so she wouldn't shove it in her pocket and likely forget about it when they got home. With a deep breath, she headed back up the sidewalk.
Aki was waiting for her right where she had left him, his stance still casual and indifferent, his gold bangs fallen over his eyes. They began walking again, at a steady pace that was no longer a stroll.
Aya frowned, never one to sit well in silence. Aki was being strangely quiet now, seemingly focused on the path ahead of him.
"That was Rei," she cautiously released out into that silence. "I work with him at the café." And he was just returning my i.d. Say it, Aya. Say it.
Why aren't you saying it?
"Oh," he said casually, a slight smile curving his lips, though he still didn't look at her.
He wants to say something.
"Okay," she sighed. "Is there something you want to say, Aki?"
His shoulders twitched. Several steps. More silence, and then, "Do you think it wise to get involved with someone right now?" That same casual tone, but now gently inquiring. His hands remained in his pockets as he walked.
She blinked, parting her lips, having not expected such a question. There was something else to it, an undertone to his carefully constructed indifference.
In...involved? But I'm not, Aki...
"Why," she asked instead, her eyebrows furrowing as she tried to turn her eyes inward to her own murky thoughts. She had an idea that she knew where she was going with this, but she wondered if this was a path that she really wanted to take.
No, she didn't want to take it. But maybe she needed to.
"Why?" a raspy surprise breaking his act, as if he couldn't quite believe she asked. "Do you really want to bring someone else into our life right now? As unstable as everything is?"
"No," she answered honestly, a subtle tension stiffening her shoulders. "But it isn't as serious as all that. We're not dating or anything."
No, he thinks that you and I are. Do you think that way, too, Aki? Do you feel as if...we are together? Do you pretend? Do you even know?
A shudder across her shoulder blades as she couldn't help but wonder how deep his possessiveness of her ran. She slid her arms mindlessly around her stomach, holding herself tight as something heavy and cold seemed to settle there, and burn.
A shift at her side, as Aki finally turned to her, the mask of indifference melting slightly from his eyes. "Are you okay," he asked quietly.
She looked at him, not knowing how to answer that, and not wanting to lie. "No," she whispered honestly.
He froze in place, turning full to her in absolute concern. "Aya, what's wrong?"
His hand was on her arm, just above her bent elbow. She was reminded of the night before, of the edge of his thumb brushing ignorantly against the side of her breast. His hold was solid but gentle. Insistent.
She turned to him without conscious thought. She looked at him through her lashes, painting everything with slivers of gold and shadow. "My stomach hurts a little."
And that was true, mostly. It didn't 'hurt' really, not in the sense of 'pain'. But it churned, turning and dipping with unfamiliar sensation. It burned in her throat.
He frowned, his thumb moving absently on her sleeve and wrinkling the cloth. "You told me you felt better this morning..."
"I did. I do. I think I'm just tired."
He didn't really believe her. She hadn't been that convincing. He sighed, sliding his arm around her without warning and drawing her softly against his side. "Come on, let's get you home."
Every touch, every word felt different now. She was so aware of everything. His scent wafted up to her, and she felt herself instinctively relaxing, letting him support her, lead her. She wanted to be rigid, uncomfortable in his half-embrace. But she also...didn't.
She turned her face slightly against his warm chest, and took slow, deep breaths.
TBC...