Once again, everyone has been so kind with their comments and support. I do love this community!
"I've found someone to watch James while we are away," Louisa told him two nights later over supper.
"Someone from the village?" Martin asked distractedly as he fed James the last of his food.
"Not exactly," Louisa replied with trepidation. "No one in the village is willing…since it is James and that means …"
"Means what?" he asked, looking up.
"Well, no one wants to …to deal with you," she confessed.
His hand paused in mid motion as he absorbed her meaning. James let out a cry and banged his tray as if demanding Martin's attention, which of course he got. Feeding the last bite to the boy, Martin quickly began to clean him up but from the expression on his face it was easy to see he was bothered by Louisa's comment. "Deal with me?" he finally voiced.
"Not after all the problems we've had with child-minders. Words out Martin, you're fierce about your son's care."
Her eyes were twinkling which softened the blow for him but he was still bothered. "But I've only ever tried to ensure that whoever is looking after him meets minimal health and safety expectations," he defended.
Louisa smiled. "Yes, I know that," she replied softly, her voice a caress to his wounded ego. "And I'm not complaining. But it did force me to find a different approach."
"Which is?" He was relieved that Louisa wasn't blaming him for the parade of unfit child minders that hadn't lasted.
"There is a couple staying at Heather Cottage. They're from America and she had a school there. Her husband is recovering from cancer and they came here for the quiet while he regains his strength from the treatments. Anyway, she said she would be willing to watch James for up to a week."
Martin looked at her as confused as he felt. "Why would she interrupt her vacation to look after James?"
"Well, I think being here is a little more expensive than they anticipated and she says she misses children."
"But she is an American. Would she stay here or…"
"James would stay with them so she can still take care of her husband. He needs special meals, you see."
"Right. But I still don't understand why…"
"She's very nice. James and I met her at the library yesterday."
Martin looked at Louisa and felt very lost. Why would she let an American look after their child? But then he supposed an American couldn't be any worse than some of the other options available so he tried to sound neutral as he responded. "Perhaps we could meet her… discuss it?"
Her smile made any discomfort he felt about the American disappear. She positively glowed and her eyes sparkled at him at his response. "Really?"
"Erm…yes… perhaps tomorrow evening? Not the next day, I have my appointment the next day…but if not tomorrow then perhaps Sunday?" Her smile had been enough of a reward that he was fidgeting trying to sound enthusiastic about the prospect just so there might be more reward. As he watched her he realized he was succeeding. After failing her in so many ways, it felt good to get something right. She was smiling at him, looking hopeful and very pleased. "Yes, alright then," she agreed.
Feeling a smile lift at the corners of his own mouth, he nodded. "Right…erm…good."
The American woman stopped by just after surgery closed. Martin watched Louisa for cues as to how to behave. "Martin, this is Emily Beauchamp."
Martin looked from Louisa to the woman. She was tall for a woman, had red hair and blue-grey eyes with a host of freckles on her face. She looked at him with an open, almost happy expression that he usually didn't trust in others. But he was trying to change, so he pushed his initial misgivings aside. "Yes, …um…hello," he said as nicely as he could manage.
The Emily woman smiled and nodded, "Hello, Dr. Ellingham. It's good to meet you. I see now where James gets his looks. "Martin noticed she didn't say "good looks". It was his experience that most people said "good looks". But perhaps he was being overly sensitive. Besides, James didn't have his ears…thank God.
Louisa invited the Emily woman in and Martin followed as they went into the lounge. The two women sat on the sofa and he fetched a chair from the kitchen. He sat, observing the two women as they made small talk. Martin didn't do small talk, hated it. But it was giving him an opportunity to observe the Emily woman. She seemed friendly and when Louisa asked questions, the woman actually answered reasonably. The conversation moved away from small talk and became more about child care. Martin became more attentive.
"While we're away, if there should be an emergency, Martin's Aunt Ruth would be the one to call. She'll know where we are and she's our only other family anyway. So she would be the one to call," Louisa explained.
"Alright," the woman nodded, "but I should have your contact information just in case there is a real emergency. I'm sure you would want to be notified?"
"Yes, right. There will be an …um… another doctor here for the time we are away but I, that is, we would want to know…if James was ill … or anything," Martin replied.
"Of course," Emily agreed. "Now about his routine… naptimes, feeding schedule, all of that. I think it would be easier for him if we tried to stick to his normal routine as much as possible. "I've found a portable crib for him to sleep in while he's with us and I know it will feel different to him. But perhaps if he had some favorite toys or if there is a particular routine you follow at bedtime?"
Louisa explained the details of their routine while Martin continued to study the woman. He had to admit, she sounded quite capable. He had a few questions of his own that he asked and her answers were favorable. "About your husband?" he asked finally.
"Yes?"
"He…he's well enough to manage an extended visit from James? Babies are demanding."
Emily chuckled. "As we know very well; we had three of our own. Actually, I think he is looking forward to it. The last year has been so much about his illness and now his recovery that I think we'll benefit from having a baby around to keep things lively."
"You have three children?" Louisa asked, surprised.
"Yes. They're all grown now, of course. Youngest one just turned twenty five."
"How wonderful!" Louisa exclaimed happily. "I always thought I'd like to have lots of children but…" She looked down nervously. Martin frowned. He never knew that, but then he never asked her. They'd never really talked about children even though they had one…together. Did she still want that? Did she still want more children? It was possible, he mused; although time as becoming critical. She was nearing forty. He glanced over at James who was sitting on a blanket on the floor, chewing on a toy, cooing and drooling and wondered if he could cope with another baby. He had learned to care for James reasonably well, he thought. Louisa seemed to think so too. Perhaps he could manage with a second one. He would ask Louisa about it…later.
Turning his attention back to the conversation, the Emily woman was talking about her school in America. Louisa seemed very interested and was asking questions. Finally the conversation ended and Louisa told the woman they would let her know soon. Emily smiled and said good bye to James before bidding them good bye. Once she was gone, Louisa turned to Martin with a questioning look.
"Erm…she appeared competent," he commented.
"She has a lot of experience with children and with her own, of course," Louisa commented.
"Erm…yes…about that… other children, I mean…" He sighed at his inability to speak coherently. "You said you wanted a lot of children…" he said stiffly.
"Oh, right…I did," she replied awkwardly. "I always thought I'd like several but…"
"It isn't too late," he offered quickly although obviously uncomfortably. "You aren't forty yet. After forty it gets more complicated but it's still possible."
Louisa looked at him intensely, confusion clear on her face. "Are you saying you want more children Martin?"
"I…I don't know. I've never thought about it. James was a surprise. But perhaps we should talk about it? If that's what you want? Is it?"
Louisa looked up at him studying his wide open eyes, large with fear but she also thought she saw something like anticipation there as well. "I never thought… I just assumed…"
"That I wouldn't want another child?" He wasn't certain why but that hurt him that she assumed he wouldn't.
"Yes. You've done wonderfully with James but sometimes… a lot of the time, I feel like it is almost too much for you."
"Um…right…well, it has been an adjustment. But… having James… He is…" Martin looked over at their son who was now happily banging a toy on the floor. He couldn't define the emotions that came over him as he looked at his boy… his boy…. Martin felt the tears that gathered in his eyes and while he didn't want them to overflow, he didn't fight them either. He was the father of that beautiful boy; he had every reason to feel as he did. Turning back to Louisa and looking down into her shimmering eyes, he continued. "He...and you…. Both of you are everything to me. I can't say if I am prepared for another one but I believe it is something we should discuss, if you want another."
Something like shock registered on Louisa's face. "You…you would consider it?"
"Ummmm….yes." He paused, losing himself in her eyes. But then he remembered that Emily woman. "Perhaps that woman would be alright for James while we are away."
Louisa beamed with happiness. "Thank you Martin," she said softly.
"Mmmmmm," he said as he moved to pick James up. The boy, his boy, had crawled to the sofa and was pulling up. He'd be walking soon and for some reason he couldn't explain, Martin felt very proud.