Author's Note: Not feeling all that great people so just thanking my reviewers again

Thanks to EWD and DAK for the reviews

Chapter 64

Laying Blame

Of course Coin wants a meeting as soon as people have returned. But sadly the team is much smaller than before. My team is missing Ken and Gale. Katniss is missing because she's still out of it.

I am not sitting down. I'm pacing, Coin can see telling to sit down may result is me spitting venom at her as we wait for Pluatcrh and his capitol team.

When they arrive its takes all my will to only glare daggers at them all. Even the camera crew isn't spared from this.

Haymitch arrives, and we all finally sit when Makenzie shows up and not Mrs. Everdeen.

"So the rescue was a success?" Coin opens her folder

"Define that word will you?" I say sarcastically, "star crossed lovers are now trying to kill each other, my …my boyfriend is still bed ridden for a couple days because the shrapnel had gone so deep it did major tissue damage and Katniss between waking and sobbing can't speak. Oh and let's not forget Mason and Kingsly in their states."

When I had left Peeta in the ward I had checked on the other two victors. Johanna was still out of it but Tracer was looking after her brother.

When he came round he managed to write messily what had happened to him.

They had questioned him and he had refused. He was even sarcastic with them. He didn't know if he was being watched but when finally they found he wouldn't say anything to them they decided he wouldn't say anything at all. His hand shook so violently after that that Tracer and I just held him until he passed out. I had never seen Tracker shaken but this has shaken him. He was one to say just the right thing to me, he defended me in Five when Jack was being flippant, he was so into the idea of pulling one over on the capitol to hell with the consequences.

Tracer had taken me outside when he finally fell asleep and reminded me not to blame myself.

But how could I not? Every mistake has someone to blame. I could very easily blame myself it was my harebrained idea to bring down the games this year! It was my fault Tracker lost his tongue; Johanna is in shock and whatever hell Peeta is in right now.

Until I see Plutarch I was hell bent on blaming myself for all this but then I realize I said 'all' and they didn't follow thru.

It's their fault as much as mine.

"They are alive?" she asks and Plutarch is eager to respond saying they all are, they lost Bogan who had to stay behind and make sure to time the explosion precisely, his communicator went dead just after hearing a couple gunshots.

"So it was a success" she flips a page, "how many districts are locked down?"

"We have all but Three, Eleven and Two" Boggs explains, "though we are leaving Two until last"

Coin looks at me, "excellent" she says to Boggs, "keep me informed" she says

I get up and leave before she can even say we are dismissed and I know Maverick is hot on my heels.

"They don't understand Ariana" he says, "they won't ever because they aren't us" he reaches for my hand and it stops me, "want to check on them?" I nod.

I see Tracker first, Beetee has given him a small whiteboard to communicate and it pleases him that he doesn't have to write small though everyone agrees we will have to find another mode of communication that doesn't mean he has to write. He has really messy script. Even he agrees to this and Tracer is on the case. Its keeping her occupied apart from her classes in unarmed combat, she says there are some people from eight here who had lost their hearing or partially and have gone to a sort of hand signal system, she's going to go and talk to them maybe they will help.

Okay Tracker is on the mend, I feel better knowing he is still willing to eat and he hasn't lost hope. He had looked at me with a look dating back to when he was training me, determined and dynamic; he's not going down even with this.

Peeta isn't far in the psyche ward, they have someone talking to him and he's calm, he explained some things but when they ask about torture he clams up, as we walk in he's having a seizure. I want to run in but some orderlies are already there turning him on his side as he convulses. Someone jabs him in the arm and he's out. It breaks my heart knowing my friend, my little brother is sick and it's not something you can cure with bed rest and soup and keeping warm. This is a sickness that needs more than just someone looking after him. Makenzie has formed a team working with Dr Aurelius; they are scribbling on notepads, then muttering as a group. Aurelius comes over.

"We'll have to bring someone in sooner or later from Twelve to see how he reacts, he's confused half the time, other half he's lucid. He explained just before a seizure takes hold he feel his veins are on fire, it might be an after effect. But we all agree his body is trying to reject the venom and the seizures although exhausting him are a good thing. We are taking blood tests to check the venom levels, they are receding in a week he should be clear of that danger and then it will just be a matter of rebuilding the damage" he looks confident but I can't help but ask him.

"Is it repairable?" I look at this specialist and he shrugs

"We don't know the extent of damage to his psyche, his memories are skewed, we will have to back track and redo them. We have some theories but he's going to be drugged again" when I look concerned he adds, "sedative though low enough he isn't knocked out but strong enough to make his inhibitions lower, kind of like hijacking but in a positive fashion, we will show him video and tell the true version to him. The problem with this is" he doesn't finish because I know the problem

"With Katniss it's clear cut, with me I'm a paradox" I say and Aurelius nods, "this will have to be one on one with me and he might still not understand" I feel myself want to scream but I hold it in.

"We are optimistic, he seems a bright boy, I am sure he will figure things out we are just enabling him to make the connections" he reassures.

Johanna is next and she is sleeping in the same room as Everdeen. Both are still unconscious. They have a cold collar around Katniss' neck to keep the swelling down. Prim comes in and smiles sadly at us before checking on her sister and tucking her in, we leave them alone.

Gale is awake and his arms is in a sling, a nurse is helping him get dressed as his arm is stiff and he is in definite pain when he has to move it, Maverick leaves my side at that point. "We'll talk at supper okay?" he says I nod and see him head off before I go to Gale.

I hug him, I don't say anything. I just hug him and he hugs me back as best as he can.

"How are the others?" he asks and I shake my head, "that bad?"

So I explain everyone's cases. It feels good to have someone to bounce my worries off of other than Mav, and Gale just nods and stays quiet until we are out of the medical ward we end up in the communication lab.

No one in there.

Gale can see I'm worried.

"What's wrong?" he comes over and places a hand on my shoulder, "something is up."

"They almost have all the districts and I still don't trust Coin with the information" I tell him, it's the biggest problem right now, because although Peeta is unbalanced right now, Katniss is struggling to breath they pale in comparison to the president with a big red button she can't press.

"What's in the files?" he asks, "it can't be that bad, can it?"

I nod, "it's bad" I pace.

"Well we haven't gotten to that point yet" he holds me still, "I'm on the mend, Makenzie says tomorrow I can work the stiffness out, then I'll be back by your side okay"

He hasn't brought up what he said before he left. Maybe he's waiting on me, or maybe it was kinda like that letter to Peeta I did when I was sixteen. Or maybe it's like Ken just putting it out in the open so he doesn't have to carry it around with him.

In any case I don't have time to ponder the intricacies of how he's acting, my communicator goes off and its command but Gale's doesn't.

"Guess they want to corner you" he teases but there is an edge on his voice, forced maybe, trying to be happy when something is bothering you.

"We'll talk later?" I ask he shrugs but walks me to command then leaves.

Haymitch is there with Plutarch and Coin.

Great I'm going to get bullied.

As many time as I tell them they don't seem to get it.

"You won't get the codes until you secure all the districts!" I snarl mid meeting.

It had gone much like every other Coin meeting with her and I, now it has the added bonus of Haymitch and Plutarch. Like they even understand the implications.

"If maybe you just release some of the information you gathered" Plutarch says, "so we have proof"

I sigh, "give me an hour or two I'll sift thru it and find the harmless stuff" I reply

Plutarch looks pleased Coin doesn't

"We need everything!" she glares at Plutarch

"Baby steps" Plutarch says, "though I would like to get an apology for her verbal attack"

'Fine I'm sorry you're a gullible gutless puppet' I want to say but I end up just saying, "when hell freezes over."

"You're not making it easy on yourself" Haymitch warns

"And when exactly was my life easy Abernathy? I think it was from age one to ten" I glare at him

"What's the significance-oh" he shuffles his feet under the table.

"It's when my parents died and I was thrust into a system that was aiming to empty the community homes genius" I spit, "look all I see is a bully, I look at each of you and that's all I see now. You want and take and be damned the consequence, well I am not a pawn. More over I know what's on this hard drive and if I give it to command I know I'll be responsible for a lot more people dying so if you will butt out-"

"Get out" Coin says interrupting my rant.

Wow dismissed already?

"Gladly" I leave and manage to slam the door behind me.