The next day Martin told Dr. Engelmann about the previous day's meeting with the American woman and the idea of more children. "I think I knew that Louisa wanted more children but I've never considered it. I never really considered James before he was born either. That is to say, I never thought about children until Louisa appeared at my door pregnant with my child. But every time I tried to involve myself in her pregnancy, every attempt to care for her and the baby was met with…irritation. She didn't want me to be involved…until he was here. When he was born I think something changed for both of us."

"When you found out that Louisa was pregnant, did you want the baby?" Engelmann asked.

"I…I don't know. It was all so confusing. She had left for London and suddenly she was back and…and I was happy to see her. I had missed…" his mind reflected back to those missing months when he had gone about his routine, deciding to do whatever was necessary to get out of Portwenn because it hurt so much to be there without her. Then finally it seemed he was conquering his haemophobia and she was back. And they seemed to alternately push and pull at each other, never quite able to connect. But just seeing her had made Portwenn bearable again. "I had missed just seeing her. Before we were engaged, before I knew that I loved her, it was what I hoped for everyday; just a glimpse of her. But when she came back, she seemed so angry and I didn't know what to do. I would have married her or done whatever she wished. She seemed to want me to keep a distance and so I tried but…" His mind wandered again, back to those awful months when Louisa seemed to be constantly pushing him away.

"But what?"

"I couldn't; I can't." He gulped as a realization feathered into his brain. "I need her, even just seeing her makes life tolerable."

"What if Louisa were gone? What if tomorrow she decided she couldn't manage anymore and she moved away? What would you do?"

Martin stared at the therapist. He tried to swallow the large lump that formed in his throat with the doctor's question. "I…I'd go on I suppose…carry on with my practice. But it wouldn't be the same."

"And?"

"And what?"

Engelmann almost smiled. "That's my question to you. What else would you do besides work?"

"Er…I …nothing. Before Louisa I was always working. I would continue working."

"No hobbies, entertainment, friends?"

"Yes, ummm, I enjoy clocks, fixing them. It is a little like surgery, mending the broken parts and bringing the clock back to life. And no one dies if I fail."

"That's it? That's your entertainment.?" Engelmann was incredulous.

"Yes, well…that and …I like to read."

"Oh," the doctor brightened. "What do you like to read? Mysteries? Fiction or non-fiction?"

"The newspaper and BMJ. I enjoy the medical articles. Some are quite enlightening and it helps me to stay current."

Dr. Engelmann stared at him. After a long moment, he cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "Martin, your assignment for this week is two fold. First, I want you to read something besides the newspaper that is not related to medicine in any way. Second, I want you to find a hobby that does not involve surgery."

Martin frowned. "But it is what I enjoy."

"Yes, and you had to leave a successful surgical career because the stress of years of abuse and neglect combined with years of professional stress. And your hobby does nothing to relieve that stress."

"On the contrary, it calms me."

"Find another outlet, Martin."

"Must I abandon my clocks?"

Engelmann studied his patient who was extremely uncomfortable with the thought of a new hobby. Perhaps there could be compromise. "No, not abandon. But limit the time you spend with them. Find other ways to pass your time, make some new friends, have an adventure. Hopefully you'll discover another endeavor that calms you."

Martin looked away from Engelmann's face to a picture on the wall. His mind was replaying a conversation in his kitchen with Louisa. She had asked him if he ever questioned his life, what he was doing with it. He'd told her he tried not to dwell on such things, that he concentrated on his work and his hobby. She asked him what he would do when he finished his clock and he'd responded that perhaps it would be time for a new interest. He thought at the time that he had pleased her with his response. He had hoped so anyway. The conversation seemed to bring them one step closer. "Louisa calms me," he said as he looked back at Engelmann. "Louisa and James…"

"But they are more stress, more responsibility."

Martin's eyes grew moist. "Yes. But they make me…happy."

"So back to the idea of more children, would that make you happy?"

"It would make Louisa happy and I want to do that…make her happy."

"Yes, but you…would it make you happy?"

Martin studied the picture on the wall again. "Perhaps," he replied. "I am still learning how to be happy but despite the chaos that James creates at times, I often feel happy with him near."

"More children will increase the chaos," Engelmann suggested.

"Yes," Martin sighed. After a heavy pause he met the therapist's eyes. "But perhaps they would increase the opportunity for happiness as well?"

"Certainly something to consider," Engelmann replied. "And I think that's enough for you today. You have a lot to think about. We'll discuss it further next week, once you've had a chance to consider it more."

Martin spent the drive back to Portwenn thinking about Engelmann's comments. While his clocks didn't add stress in his life, he realized that they were merely an escape, another way to hide away from things he preferred to ignore. Losing himself in a clock was a different way to run away from whatever problem had presented itself. Perhaps Engelmann was correct in suggesting he limit his time with his clocks.

More children would add stress. There were times when he was barely able to cope with just James. Martin loved his son and wanted so much to be a good father to him. Could he possibly manage with another? He thought he could…maybe. But just as confidence sparked within him, he remembered the noise, the lack of sleep, the difficulties of finding a decent child minder, and all of the other things that went with babies and his confidence waned.

As he pulled his car into the parking space beside the surgery, he hoped Louisa wouldn't want to have the conversation that evening. As usual, his appointment had left him drained and confused and he needed time to consider all the ramifications of their decision.

All it took was one look at Martin's face for Louisa to understand that he needed a quiet night. When he walked into the kitchen, she hugged him and as always, asked how his appointment went.

"Fine," he answered as usual.

Louisa studied his drawn face and knew he wasn't fine. But she was learning too and so she didn't push. "Help me with supper?" she asked hopefully.

Relieved to have something benign on which to concentrate, he nodded his agreement. James was sitting in his chair, banging a toy against the tray and making nonsensical noises. But his noises were happy ones which lent a cheery atmosphere to the room. Louisa reached for the player to turn on the annoying disc of children's music and Martin sucked in his breath. "Please don't," he said as her hand reached the button to turn on the infernal machine.

Louisa drew her hand back and looked at him quizzically. "I …er…. I think James is content without it," he explained.

"But it is stimulation," Louisa replied.

"Yes. But must he be stimulated all the time? Shouldn't he learn that there are times that it is appropriate to be quiet too?"

Louisa looked past Martin to their son who was now studying his toy. His little finger was tracing the lines on the face of the squeaker. "Right," she conceded as she watched her baby concentrating. Martin glanced over his shoulder, gratified to see that his son was developing some powers of concentration and observation. But he was a smart boy; after all, he had Louisa as his mother and Martin was considered by most to be intelligent. Although when it came to conversing with his wife, he seemed to be a complete idiot.

Supper was quiet, Martin even less in the mood for conversation than usual and Louisa wary of his mood. The one positive result was they didn't broach any potentially combative topics for the entire evening. Once they were in bed and the lights were out, Louisa scooted toward Martin, reaching for him. "Martin, I can tell that today's appointment was difficult and I just…I want to say that I love you and I know how hard this is for you."

Martin grunted, unsure if her intentions were that simple.

"Could we…I mean, I thought…we could just hold each other," she said softly, almost shyly.

Martin rolled to his side to face her. His left hand went to her cheek where he stroked her gently. "It is difficult at times," he admitted. "But losing you and James would be worse." His fingers traced the line of her jaw tenderly. "You are most important to me; without you, nothing else matters." Louisa closed her eyes contentedly, a smile on her lips as she sighed with satisfaction.