An hour later, Aki crawled shakily from the futon, checking first to make sure that Aya was finally asleep.
On just as shaky legs he went to the bathroom and firmly closed the door.
The light burned his eyes and he blinked rapidly for several minutes, trying to gain his bearings. And reign in the swirling thoughts in his head.
He slowly reached out and turned on the tap, rinsing his hands. Then he rung out the rag that hung draped over the faucet, and wiped at his arms, the moves slow and mechanical as he purposefully ignored the thoughts spinning in his head.
That done, he rinsed out the rag and dropped it in the basket, pulling out another one to drape, dry over the faucet. Taking a slow breath, he finally lifted his eyes to the mirror and just waited for whichever thought that would surface first.
I didn't know.
I didn't know Aya did things like that. Felt things like that.
It was stupid of him to think of his sister as a prude, he knew her better than that, after all. And she was far too passionate to remain chaste forever...
But that didn't alter facts...He hadn't know. He had imagined, sure, but that wasn't the same thing as...knowing.
She thought I was asleep...
He hadn't realized what she was doing at first. He had heard the sheets shift, seen dim movement under the covers, but he had thought only that she was dreaming.
At her soft gasp, he tensed, poised to leap up and 'rescue her' if it turned out her dreams were actually nightmares. But there had been a tone to that gasp that had stilled him, a breathlessness that twinged in his spine. So he lay still and he listened, waiting to see how this dream would play out.
As he watched her shift and curl up under the covers, a realization began to form, not in his mind, but in his stomach.
Those slight movements...
Those soft sounds...
She couldn't be...could she...?
He would never forget the sound of her gasp as her legs rose up off the bed, crossing and tightening as if around some phantom-lover's hips. Nor the sight of her arching up, again and again, as if to receive him.
No, he corrected quickly, not me. probably Touya...or Yuuhi...
Intense jealousy clenched his hands on the counter.
I want to be the one she dreams about.
He didn't fight the thought, because that was stupid. Denial didn't make it any less true. And he was so beyond denial now.
Acceptance was really the only way to go to maintain his sanity, but it left him feeling anxious...and strangely unfinished.
His hands always seemed to be shaking now, whenever she was near. Even if that nearness was only in his mind. They shook now, as they loosened on the counter. He smoothed his fingertips tentatively over the cool surface, and watched their slow progress.
The sounds she made...barely sounds at all...sharper breaths, rustling cloth...
His eyes closed as heat flashed hard through him, seeming to loop around his chest in a band of tightening pressure.
Aya...
He wanted to touch her, taste her. He wanted to hold her close and watch her face as she touched herself. He wanted to feel the movements of her body, her arms shaking, her legs rubbing together. He wanted to crawl over her on hands and knees and brand the image into his mind.
Then he wanted to slide down her body and taste her, feel her thighs squeeze tight around his ears.
This knowledge he now possessed, it was strangely unsettling. Even as it was compelling.
She's thinking this way. About these things...how long before she finds someone to show her...
That boy at her work...
Ardor cooled again to jealousy. He was interested, it wasn't hard to see that. Aya didn't seem to return his interest, but how long before that changed?
If she's thinking in these ways...then it won't be long at all.
Maybe he's the one she was imagining.
Poisonous thoughts, poisonous ideas. Emotion went beyond jealousy, falling right into...sadness. Shoulders slumped, chin nearly tucked to his chest, he felt like a puppet on a string, letting his feelings jerk him around.
And that was too dangerous to allow to go unchecked.
So he lifted his eyes, and he pushed it away. He pushed it all away, knowing it was the only way he was going to sleep tonight.
And he desperately, desperately wanted to fall into sleep...
TBC...