Disclaimer: I own Labyrinth. Go ahead. Sue me.
DanikaLareyna: You are so wonderful and beautiful and fabulous. I really don't appreciate you enough. In fact, to show you how much you mean to me, I'm going to go make you a batch of chocolate chip cookies. Without nuts, because chocolate chip cookies with nuts aren't even worth the effort.
SileaLove: Yes. The nail polish was really a stroke of genius. I don't know how I come up with such brilliant ideas. Sometimes, I amaze even myself.
PyroSlytherin: Your comments are boring. I have nothing to say about them. What? Did you expect me to be all, "Thank you so much for your nice review!" Pfft, like I need your approval.
notwritten: Ok, let me clue you in on a little secret. It's called a thesaurus. Get one.
Nikki: What? Are you trying to horn in on my Goblin King? You stay the heck away from Jareth and his fingernails!
MagicalGirl23: Goblettes isa fantastic name, isn't it? Once again, I astound myself with my own brilliance. I can just picture what would happen if Wren and Sarah met. Sarah would be all, "You tryin' to steal my man, hussy?" And then Wren would be all, "Oh no you didn't!" And then there would be a giant catfight and Jareth would probably watch it all through his crystal ball and eat popcorn.
Salsagirl626: Hey, yeah. It's like... Stories for the lazy. You get the idea, but don't have to go to all the work of actually reading. Amazing.
Anij: By 'it all makes sense now', I assume you mean that you finally realized that I'm a complete loon? You wonder how I have so much time to write these loooooong, involved chapters? It's because that's all I do! Sit around the Happy House, weaving baskets with my toes and typing on my laptop with my fingers.
Aviarianna O Lorien: Ok, first of all; your name? Too long! Geez, look at all those vowels. Change it to "Moe" or something, ok? Second of all; your day must be really boring. I recommend you take up skydiving with porcupines. Guaranteed excitement.
Sammi C.: You wouldn't know anything about 'random', would you? Am I being too subtle? Let me spell it out: You are nuts. Crazier than me, even.
Contraltissimo: Geez, long winded, maybe? Do me a favor and take a lesson from ol' notwritten. Short and sweet. One word. Two, tops. All of this, "Blah, blah, blah" just bores me.
Music Recommendations:
The Farm by Aerosmith - For some reason, this song just really speaks to me.
All the Madmen by David Bowie - For some reason, this song just really speaks to me.
I'm Going Slightly Mad by Queen - For some reason, this song just really speaks to me.
From the very moment I woke up, I knew it was going to be a bad day. I didn't know what made me feel like that, or even how the day would be bad, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I would be better off hiding under my covers and waiting for tomorrow. Unfortunately, I didn't exactly have that option, what with work and everything.
So, reluctantly and blearily, I opened my eyes. I couldn't help but feel as if something was missing. I couldn't really figure out what that might be, so I decided to take inventory. Without moving more than my eyes and my head a little bit, I glanced around the room. Computer desk? Check. Bookshelf? Check. Bed? Mmm... warm and snuggly. My inventory almost stopped there as my body tried very hard to convince my brain to go back to sleep for a bit, but I forced my eyes to stay open. What else? Beanbag chair? Check.
Something about the beanbag chair tickled the back of my mind, though I couldn't figure out why. I sat up and stared at it for a minute. Why would the beanbag chair make me feel empty inside? That didn't make any sense at all. I mean, I hardly ever even sat in it anymore. The only one who used it was...
Suddenly, I realized what was missing. In denial, my eyes darted to my hand... my empty hand. I gasped and twisted my hand around, as if the piece of jewelry were somehow hiding from my sight. But of course it wasn't. It was gone.
My ring was missing.
I felt a shiver run down my spine. No wonder I felt weird. I had only removed that ring once since Jareth gave it to me, that time he had messed with my story. It had been strange enough to have the ring moved to my other hand when I spent my vacation Underground and wore his special protection ring.
Tears stung my eyes and I opened my mouth to call for Jareth, but hesitated. For one thing, it was still really early and I didn't want to wake him up, but mostly... Ok, I admit, I didn't want Jareth to think I would be so careless with his precious gift to me. My hand clenched into a fist on my knee, the familiar hardness of my ring conspicuous in its absence. Biting my lip, I decided. I would only call Jareth as a last resort. I had to find my ring on my own first.
Maybe it had just fallen off. That seemed unlikely, as the ring had always fit perfectly- snug but not tight, but I was grasping at straws. I immediately began to search my bed- maybe with a bit too much fervor.
Moments later, my bedclothes were heaped on my bedroom floor in a complete mess. My bed was in shambles. I had been very thorough in my search, which had included the insides of my pillowcases, between the mattresses and under the bed. My ring was nowhere to be found and I was quickly beginning to panic.
I forced myself to sit still on my mattress (which was bare and at an odd angle to the rest of the bed). Closing my eyes, I backtracked.
I knew that I had my ring when I left work because during my ten minute break I had run to the Underground, a thing which had become a frequent habit of late. A little whimper gurgled in the back of my throat at the thought of those sweet stolen moments with my Goblin King. As usual, we hadn't done anything special, just sat by his office window and chatted. He had taken off his gloves to hold my hand. I could almost feel his warm, soft fingers tracing patterns on the back of my hand, circling around the ring...
My eyes popped open. I had to find that thing. What had I done after work?
I dove for my cell phone and had hit the speed-dial almost as soon as I remembered; I had gone to Allie's house for a night of watching silly sci-fi shows and giggling girlishly. The phone rang once before something caught my attention and, half-dazed, I snapped my phone shut. On my bedside table, my alarm clock had drawn my attention. I gaped and leaned closer to it.
That couldn't possibly be right, could it?
The time seemed fine but I had one of those alarm clocks that shows the date too, and it was telling me that it was... May?! So, what? I had slept for almost two months? That couldn't be right. My clock must have broken. Or maybe there was some sort of power outage while I slept. Why that would make the stupid thing jump ahead so far made no sense to me, but it had to be something like that.
Just to be certain though... I plopped down in front of my computer and hit the power switch. As my computer whirled to life, my brain whirled in a completely different direction. Could my missing ring and my broken alarm clock be related somehow? My eyes went out of focus as I pictured someone sneaking into my bedroom in the dead of night. The guy in my vision looked like some sort of ninja, wrapped head to toe in black. He tiptoed up to my bed and slid my ring off my finger without me even noticing. Then he turned around to sneak away but bumped into my alarm clock, knocking it to the floor and messing up the time. Frantic about being caught, he quickly fixed the time but didn't notice that the date was wrong. Oh yeah, that would explain it all. And it was perfectly reasonable to assume that a thief would sneak in and only steal my ring...
I blinked, snapping back to reality as Windows loaded up and David Bowie's voice said, "You are an undiagnosed, high-functioning schizophrenic." That almost brought a smile to my lips. Then I remembered how much my Bowie sound clips annoyed Jareth and I thought I might cry again. Damming my overactive emotions for the time being, I glanced at my computer clock.
No way.
It was... There was... Impossible!
May 24... 2006?!?
I sat back in my chair, completely dumbfounded. Try as I might, I could not conceive of why my phantom thief would pause to change the date on my computer before making his getaway. But still, if thinking I had slept for two months was ridiculous, then thinking I had somehow gone back in time was even crazier!
Growling with frustration, I hopped to my feet and opened my bedroom door. This was just getting ridiculous. "Ma!" I hollered into the hallway.
"Wren!" came an answering shriek from the general direction of the kitchen. "What is it? Is something wrong?"
"No, everything's ok!" I think... "What day is it?"
"Wednesday?"
"No, I mean what day of the month?"
There was a pause and I assumed that my mom was probably looking at the kitchen calendar. Finally, she called, "It's the 24th!"
Before I thought, I'd exclaimed, "Of May?!"
"Well of course it's May! Are you sure everything is ok?"
I could just picture her taking off her potholders to come check and see if I had a temperature. All I needed now was my mother deciding that I was sick and confining me to my bed. "No, Ma! I'm fine!" I shouted and quickly retreated into my room, shutting the door behind me.
Flopping onto my messed up bed, I covered my face with my hands. What the heck was going on? I peeked my eyes open and noticed, for the first time, that there was something wrong with my room.
It was the wrong color.
In a sort of numb shock, I sat up and examined the walls. It was the color it had been before I'd painted it- before Jareth and I had painted it. I poked at it a couple of times, but it was completely dry. There was even that big chip in the wall from when I had kicked it that one time, months ago (or was it days ago?). That had been painted over, I could distinctly remember painting over it and the snarky remarks Jareth had made when I explained where it had come from.
That was it. I'd had it. Balling my fists, I hit the wall, taking out another good chunk of it but hardly noticing. As my hand rebounded off the wall, I spun around and called out, "Jareth!"
...nothing happened.
Ok I thought to myself, pacing back and forth across my room, So he's busy. The goblins are causing trouble or he's taking a bath or... "Jareth?!" I practically shrieked, throwing my head back and staring up at my cottage-cheese ceiling.
I waited. I made myself slowly count to 100.
Nothing.
Trembling a little, I wrapped my arms around myself. "I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now," I said.
Nothing.
Ten minutes later, I was sitting on my floor, staring into space. Over and over again, I whispered, "I wish the goblins would come and take me away, I wish the goblins would come and take me away, I wish the goblins-"
David Bowie started singing the refrain from 'Changes'. I practically leapt on my phone. When I saw the number, I almost laughed with glee. "Allie!" I squealed as I put the cell phone to my ear.
"Wren?" I heard Allie say, sounding a little bleary. "Did you call me earlier? I didn't hear the phone... I was asleep."
Normally, I would have apologized for waking my friend up, but now I had more important things to worry about. "Allie!" I exclaimed, again. "You knew! You knew the truth! You remember, don't you? Tell me you remember, Allie!" I was well aware that I was starting to sound hysterical, but I couldn't seem to help myself.
There was a long pause. I nearly started shouting at her again, but finally she spoke. "Are you ok, Wren? Calm down. What do I remember?"
"Jareth!" I shrieked. "The last year! Everything!"
"Of course I remember the last year," Allie said, her voice taking on that careful tone that people use when talking to small children and potentially dangerous lunatics. "But who is Jareth?"
I was breathing really fast. I couldn't seem to stop it. "Jareth!" I nearly whimpered. "My boyfriend. The... the Goblin King." Even as the words came out of my mouth I realized how ridiculous they would sound to someone who didn't know.
I could almost hear Allie smile over the phone and she said in a relieved tone, "Is that all this is about? Geez, Wren, you had me worried there. That sounds like an awesome dream but next time wait until I'm at work to tell me about it, ok? Oh well, I'm going to go take a shower now. See you in an hour."
The phone fell from my fingers. A dream?
xXx
I thought that I should be crying. I thought that I should be doing something. Throwing a tantrum, getting ready for work, I didn't know what- but something.
But I wasn't. All I could seem to do was lay curled up on my beanbag and stare at my empty finger. I realized that I was breathing deeply, not because I was hyperventilating or anything, but because I was trying to smell. My beanbag always smelled like Jareth anymore, always. But not now. Now I couldn't even really remember what he smelled like. No wonder I could never really define what he smelled like. He didn't smell like anything!
He had never existed at all.
Of course he never existed. Jareth was nothing but the figment of an affection-starved girl's imagination, fueled by watching Labyrinth one too many times and maybe eating Chinese takeout before bed. I'd realized it when I'd spoken to Allie, hadn't I? The very idea that the Goblin King was my boyfriend was completely ridiculous.
I mean, lets start off with the thought that he was even possible. A magical king of some sort of alternate universe who ruled over goblins? A man who teleported around in poofs of glitter, used little crystal balls to make magic and regularly wore ruffles? Sure, it sounded good in a movie- a children's movie- but I was an adult. I should have been beyond such things.
And even if you take away all the super powers, Jareth was just... too perfect. He was incredibly handsome and basically had whatever he wanted at his fingertips and yet he was a man of morals and manners. He always knew exactly what to say to make me melt like butter. He always supported me, even if it was in his roundabout way, and he even got along with my family! Well... all but Orla, but she didn't count.
I sighed, curling in on myself all the more tightly. It was a very realistic dream. A very long and involved dream. But how could I have been stupid enough to believe it was real?
As if anyone like that could ever love someone like me.
All of the self-confidence Jareth had managed to build up in me over the last year disappeared like mist. Like a dream, because that's all it was. I was left empty, depressed and feeling like an idiot for thinking, even in a dream, that I could ever be loved.
All of my inadequacies seemed to float to the front of my mind at once. Not pretty enough, not successful enough, not thin enough, not good enough. Not good enough!
The numbness in my soul was gone, pierced by a dagger of self-loathing. I looked up and met my own reflection in the mirror on the opposite wall. Plain. Boring. He could have anyone he wanted and I thought he would want me? In the mirror, I saw him staring at me, a look of disgust on his face. I saw all those beautiful Fae and Elven women from Tillian's birthday ball behind him. They were laughing at me. Everyone was laughing at me!
With a pained cry, I flung out my hand as if to ward off the images my mind conjured in the mirror- to fight off the real world. The cell phone, which I had not realized was still clenched in my fist, flew from my fingertips. It smashed into my mirror on the far wall, shattering it. Large shards of glass fell to the white, carpet floor. I stared at them for a moment and, like a dam breaking, I started to cry.
I buried my face in the purple fabric of the beanbag, choking sobs wracking my body. I don't know how long I stayed like that, but it had to be hours. My parents must have thought I'd slipped out without saying goodbye and had left on their own errands. I knew I was late for work, but I couldn't work up the energy to care. Allie would worry, and that made me feel guilty, but the thought of speaking to anyone made me nearly nauseous enough to vomit, so I did not call.
No one would really care, anyway, a small voice in the back of my mind insisted.
My sobs eventually faded to the occasional shuddering gasp and my tears ran dry, but the pain in my soul was relentless. The suffering inside was more than any mere physical wound could possibly inflict. I wanted to just go to sleep and forget it all but... every time I closed my eyes, I saw Jareth's face.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I felt like he had betrayed me. Like he had teased me with love and then disappeared on purpose. A sort of hurt-induced madness seemed to come over me. Stumbling to my feet, I growled, "Jareth, why did you do this to me?" I glared around the room, as if I seriously expected him to appear before me in a puff of glitter, probably to mock my foolishness. "Jareth! Come and face me!" I howled, staggering forward.
A sharp pain in the sole of my foot brought me to my senses. I glanced down in surprise and found that my foot, still bare after getting out of bed, had been sliced on one of the mirror shards. With shaking hands, I reached down and pulled the large, jagged piece of glass from my foot. Staring my reflection, distorted by streaks of my own blood, it hit me once again.
He had not left me. He had never existed.
I had no one to blame but myself for my own pain.
I don't remember doing it. I didn't even feel it. All I remember is suddenly realizing that there was more blood on the piece of glass in my hand than my foot would account for and looking down to find a long, harsh tear in the skin of my forearm. It was only as I looked at the cut I had inflicted upon myself that I felt the pain. Somehow, the physical pain of the slice seemed to ease the pain in my heart.
I never thought of myself as the type to hurt myself, it always seemed sort of strange and illogical to me, but... With a twisted smile, I transferred the sharp mirror shard to my other hand and made another cut. In a sort of perverted way, I was proud of myself for remembering to cut along my arm, rather than perpendicular. That was the mistake most cutters made, my brain reminded me, fuzzily. Won't lose enough blood that way. Someone will find you.
Chortling to myself, I sunk down to the carpet, admiring the bright, thick flow coming from my opened veins. I was a little surprised at how easy it had been to spill my lifeblood. My body was so fragile. So easily harmed. Inadequate- as always.
The piece of mirror had fallen from my hand and gotten lost amongst the other bits of glass, now equally bloodstained. But I didn't mind. The instrument was not important, what was important was the sense of peace which seemed to seep into my being as my blood seeped out. With a content sigh, I sank back onto the carpet, heedless of the shards which pricked my back and legs.
Somewhere, in the very back of my mind, someone was screaming. A voice was shrieking that this was ridiculous, that things would work out, that I had to get help. But I ignored that voice. How silly, I thought to myself, in a bemused sort of way, That I never told him how I felt about him when, obviously, I can't live without him.
For some reason, that struck me as very funny, and I giggled.
My eyes got a little blurry and, instead of my ugly, cottage-cheese ceiling, I started seeing Jareth. I watched him dance with me or swim with me or... All of the pleasant memories swept in front of my eyes. I had always thought that line about your life flashing before your eyes was just that, a line, but there it was. I must say, I enjoyed the show immensely.
I began to feel a little guilty for getting angry with Jareth earlier. It wasn't his fault he didn't exist. Or maybe he did? Maybe there really was a Goblin King out there, somewhere. Sure, my Jareth might have been a dream, but maybe there was a real Jareth and he was watching me now, wondering what the heck was wrong with me and why I started randomly yelling at him.
A wave of sadness washed over me that, if he did exist, he would never know how I felt. Well that wouldn't do. The whole reason for cutting myself - for killing myself - was to make the pain go away. I tilted my head a little and noticed a patch of pristine white carpet near me, untouched by the ever expanding pool of blood that surrounded me. Heaving myself onto my side, I realized what I had to do.
It was messy, writing in my own blood, and I couldn't fully form the last letter before my hand stopped working, but I felt like it would do.
I smiled as the darkness surrounded me, wondering if he would ever get the message.
JARETH, I LOVE YOU.