Thanks so much for the lovely reviews guys, can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter. A lot of development in this one.
Enjoy :*
Chapter 7
My eyes couldn't keep from roaming her face, her body, as it was still being controlled, shaken by powerful aftershocks.
She was too beautiful. How could I ever grasp her beauty and save it in my memory?
It was almost frightening, but I knew I didn't need to remember it. I would see it for the rest of my life. I was sure of that.
She still pulsed around my fingers and I didn't want to move. Ever.
Her eyes were closed and her breathing was normalizing, as I watched her expression.
She looked so content, so … fulfilled, and I couldn't believe I had given her that.
Slowly she turned her head. A lazy smile preceded the opening of her eyes, but once she gazed up at me I fell into her. Into Brittany. Into safety. Into…
"I love you." I said, and I heard my voice catch as if it wasn't me who had spoken the words.
Her eyes closed again and her smile widened, before she looked at me again. "I love you, too."
I leaned down and kissed her. Slowly, softly. And then I carefully pulled my fingers out of her, instantly missing the intimacy of having that immense connection. She shuddered and a little sigh hushed over her lips as my hand brushed against her clit.
"God, I wish you wouldn't have done that." she moaned lowly, her eyes closed, as I reached down and pulled the warm blanket over us.
Confused, I gave back, "What? Brush against you?" I was debating whether to apologize or tease her about her over-sensitivity with a smug line about me being so awesome in bed or something, when she already answered.
"No." she opened her eyes and those blue eyes stared right at me and made me forget everything else. "I wish you would have let them stay there a little longer."
My heart rate picked up and I smiled, my eyebrow twitching in amusement. Did she really just say that? I let out a little sigh and rested my head on my upper arm. How can she be so perfect? The things she says… how is she doing this to me? I've never felt so…loved.
Her eyes ran over my face, making me feel a whole different kind of naked than I already was, and then focused on my lips. "I love feeling you inside me." She added quietly, almost shyly.
This elicited a little nervous chuckle, first from me then her, but the atmosphere remained intimate and honest.
After a moment in which we just gazed at each other like the two idiots in love that we were, I leaned forward and gave her a soft mouse kiss. "Do you know how beautiful you are?" I asked with a soft smile on my face, warmth still comfortably twirling inside me.
I leaned on my elbow again as Brittany chuckled and then slowly shook her head. She smirked up at me. "You're such a sweet-talker."
I let my mouth fall open in mock-offence. "Am not!" Then I couldn't help but gaze at her again, seriously and with my heart still pounding from the connection we had shared. The connection we still shared, as my heart beat only for her. Like always.
It was true, the words I had said had been sweet. Any words I could think of right now to describe her were sweet. I wasn't sweet-talking her, however. She was breathtakingly beautiful and I wanted her to believe me.
"I mean it though, B. You are. So very, heart-achingly beautiful." I whispered to her, my lips brushing her ear as I leaned closer, my hand coming to rest on her warm waist.
She didn't say anything, just blushed a little and tried to hide an embarrassed smile.
I grinned. Making her blush made me ridiculously happy.
She bit her lip and then looked up at me again, still flushed.
"See? I told you." She said so softly that I almost didn't understand her. A strand of her hair got caught in her eyelash and I lifted my head off my right hand to brush it behind her ear while my other hand drew a small circle on her stomach.
"Hm?" I asked a little side-tracked, my brows furrowing slightly.
"I told you that you wouldn't hurt me anymore." She said, staring intensely at me, into me.
Her words simultaneously let joy and regret rise within me and for a minute I didn't react at all, just staring back at her.
Anymore.
That word hurt as it reverberated inside my head. She hadn't meant to, I was sure, but in saying that she had admitted, despite what she kept telling me, that I had hurt her before. So many times. And knowing that, having her confirm it, made my heart bleed.
But her words also reminded me that things were different now and that my fear, my numbing dread, hadn't come true.
I wasn't hurting her now. I wasn't running away, or shutting her out, or denying her the love I had always felt for her but had never let her see. Had never let either of us see.
Now it was different. We were different. And that meant everything to me.
"Didn't I say I wanted to make love to you?" Brittany chided me gently, bringing me back to earth, back to her.
I swallowed thickly, my smile wiped off my face.
This was completely new to me. To both of us.
Suddenly I realized something else that had changed. Not just the 'not-turning-away' part was different now. Finally I understood that we had never done this before. We had never made love before. And we had never loved each other after the way we did now. With words and confessions and looks of adoration. And this mind-blowing, scarily intense intimacy.
"Are you okay?" she asked me in a whisper. Then she shifted a little to her side and stiffened when my palm accidentally brushed over her mound, close to where she had said she wished I had remained.
Pulling my hand a little higher to stay in the safe zone, I searched for an answer and found only one.
"I'm more than okay, Britt." I confessed, watching my fingers as they drew a little heart around her belly button. An intense wave of happiness washed over me and brought a broad smile on my face. "I love you so very much."
Our eyes met. And then…
And then I started laughing.
I didn't know why, but suddenly the euphoria, the relief and the incredible bond I felt with her that made me feel things I couldn't even comprehend, let alone explain, were too much to hold inside any longer and it all came bursting out in the form of carefree, tear-inducing laughter.
Brittany jerked surprised and then yelped, as her movement and my laughter that shook through my body caused my hand to stray too low. "San!" she exclaimed, half-amused, half-bewildered, and grabbed my wrist, keeping my hand still and then cradling it between our bodies instead.
"Sorry! Sorry…" I apologized, still giggling, and entwined our fingers. Brittany let me, but kept staring at me in utter confusion.
I pressed my lips together to tame my giggling. "Sorry." I said again, this time blowing out a steadying breath as I finally regained some control.
"What was that?" she asked, her look of bewilderment the most endearing thing in existence.
"I just…" grinning, I snuggled closer to her until I could softly kiss her on the nose. "I'm really happy." I shrugged lightly.
"Oh-kaay?" she frowned. So freakin' cute!
"C'mere…" I beamed, and began wiggling my arm underneath her head. She lifted it and then curled up against me. Letting go of her hand, I lay back on my back and then wrapped my left arm around her shoulder as she snaked her right leg between mine and her arm over my middle.
And as she nestled her head into the crook of my neck, I was positive I had never felt so content in my life.
Everything was so perfect right in that moment and I couldn't quite believe it all was real just yet.
For a while we just lay there, wrapped up in each other under her warm duvet, and enjoyed the silence. We didn't need words anymore to make the other know how we felt. Or at least words wouldn't be enough anyway, so we were happy just holding each other.
I lazily drew little patterns up and down her back and right side, and she hummed every now and then, making me smile.
Glancing across the room to where Brittany had hung the ugly wooden clock Puck had made her in wood shop for her birthday our last year of middle school, I saw that it was already a little before three. The Pierces had been gone for almost an hour.
"Wow." I marveled aloud. "Time really does fly when you're having fun."
"Hm?" Brittany's head lifted off my chest. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were bright and alive and her beauty just made me happy.
"We've been busy for almost an hour." I informed her in a soft voice, a small grin tugging at the corners of my mouth.
"Huh." Was her only response and then she shifted and rolled on top of me, careful to keep the covers around us. I folded my hands over her muscular back and bit my lip, smiling down at her, as she rested her chin on both of her hands over my sternum. "That's a first. Usually we're more ones for the hot and fast kind of sex." She remarked with interest.
"Yah, well that was before." I replied quietly.
She gazed up at me for a moment before asking gently, "Before what?"
Her head moved up and down as she spoke, her chin pushing her hands against my chest. It looked really cute and the pressure felt soothing somehow and my heart rate slowed before it could even really take off.
"Before I knew that I loved you. Before I understood how to love you right." I answered honestly.
Her only reaction was a smile, but it was one of the Brittany ones. One of those that ignited a fire inside me and made me feel everything at once without scaring me.
I loved those smiles, but when she still hadn't said anything after what felt like three hours it was becoming a little awkward.
My hands that had unconsciously come up to play with her tousled hair fell away from her and drew nervous patterns on the warm sheets below us.
"Well…um…" I said a little uncomfortably when the silence dragged on. "I…" my eyes searched the room aimlessly for something to talk about, a new topic that didn't involve me spilling my heart out every five seconds.
"I definitely am glad that LT apparently decided to stop cock-blocking me." I improvised out of the blue.
What? Really? Jesus, Santana!
Brittany raised an eyebrow at me.
"Um, I mean-"
"Oh, I know what you mean." Brittany smirked. "But, honey, I'm afraid this time you can't pin it on Lord Tubbington. The last few times were all on you, babe." She said, pressing her lips together in a 'deal with it' way which couldn't quite hide her grin that made my mouth drop open defensively.
"What?" I gave back a little high-pitched. Seriously? "I- but he's always the one-"
Her grin broadened shamelessly.
"He-"
"He what?" she asked with a little laugh. "He wasn't the one being too afraid of himself to sleep with his girlfriend."
Ouch.
My heart sank and this time I wasn't sure if I shouldn't actually feel offended. I looked at her incredulously. Was I missing something or was she really just throwing my insecurities in my face?
"I-" I shook my head, not sure what was happening. Britt was still resting her chin on my chest, totally relaxed and grinning up at me. "That is so-"
"So what?" she asked innocently and almost a little provocatively.
"So…just totally insensitive!" I blurted out with a frown.
In a second her expression changed and it went from grinning cockily to confused and then to a wide-eyed shocked look. Like the one you get when you have that second of horror where you're not sure if you've left the gas oven on or when you realize you accidentally offended a disabled person or something along those lines.
"Oh my god!" she exclaimed in a whisper, her head jerking up. She leaned up on her elbows and stared at me, shaking her head. "No! San, that's not- I didn't mean it like that! God, I'm sorry, I just meant- I just wanted to tease you a little cause you're always so cocky around everyone else but you're really just, like, a big softy when you're with me, which I love, I just…oh my god, I didn't mean to- I didn't mean to hurt you or anything I just- I was just teasing, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking! I'm-"
"Stop, it's okay." I interrupted her, holding my hand up and then cupping her cheek with it. "It's okay. Really."
I was still a little shocked by what she had said, but the real reason why my stomach was in knots at that moment was the heartbreaking look on Brittany's face. She was close to tears and her lower lip was trembling. God, she's really upset!
"I'm so sorry, Sanny, I didn't m-"
"No, hey! Hey, it's alright, really. I'm fine." I tried to convince her, wiping away the sudden tear that spilled over. She tried to avert her gaze but I cupped her other cheek as well and forced her to look at me. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean it, I was just- it came across a little…" I wiggled my head. "You know…"
She nodded her head in my hands, another tear rolling down her nose and dropping onto my chest. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry…" her voice broke and then her face screwed up as she tried to stop her lip from trembling.
"Oh god.." I murmured and sat up, gathering her into my arms. "Shh. It's okay, I'm okay."
The blanket slid down and pooled around our waists.
"I didn't-"
"I know you didn't mean it, Britt. Shh, come on."
Her chin resting on my shoulder, she hugged me tightly and even though we were both still naked, sex was the furthest thing from my mind at that moment.
I rocked her from side to side for a little until she had calmed down. I didn't know what to say. She had gotten so upset so fast and I really wasn't entirely sure why.
She drew back and wiped the wetness off her cheeks.
"Are you okay?" I asked softly, dipping my head a little to catch her eyes. She looked at me and nodded meekly. She still looked so apologetic and it warmed and broke my heart at the same time.
"I really didn't mean to make fun of the way you felt, San." She said quietly, her gaze dropping to her hands which were on her thighs. She was picking her nails and I covered her hands with mine.
"I know. You'd never do that. That's why I was so surprised." I assured her. She nodded and swallowed visibly, still not looking up at me.
I tried to catch her eyes again, but she didn't look up at me. "Britt…"
"Do you hate me now?" she asked in the tiniest voice.
"Wha- jesus! No, of course I don't hate you, Britt!" I said almost indignantly. How can she even think that?!
"No, okay, maybe not hate me, but…do you…do you, like, feel like I betrayed your trust? Cause, like, that was really bad, what I said and I really didn't mean it and you opened up to me and you told me all that amazing stuff about you being scared of hurting me and now I- I just, I don't want you to think you can't trust me and that you can't talk to me like that again, I just…"
She was rambling, and the more she said, the more she got upset again. So much so that my heart sank as her voice caught and her shoulders shook with a little sob.
I wordlessly pulled her into another hug and waited until she had calmed down again, drawing soothing circles on her back and cooing in her ear while she fought the tears.
This was a little surreal, I thought. Here we were, sitting in Brittany's bed, naked, after just having had sex, holding on to each other as Brittany cried over accidentally having been insensitive.
I shook my head at the insanity of it all. Was this what being in a 'normal' relationship was like? Cause I gotta tell ya…that's pretty freakin' weird! She didn't even mean to insult me. Why is this killing her so much?
"Hey, Britt." I hushed, gently pushing her back enough so I could look into her eyes. "Why is this upsetting you so much? I said I was fine. I know you didn't mean it." I frowned, trying to understand.
"I just…I don't want this to be why we break up." She got out between two sobs.
What? What the- just…huh?!
"Wh-" I shook my head, now completely lost. "What are you talking about? Break up? Of course we're not breaking up! Geez!"
"Yeah, not now…but-"
"But what? Why the hell do you think we'll break up? Because of what you said? That's ridiculous, Britt, you didn't even mean anything by it!"
"I know, and I didn't, but I… I broke your trust, San." She said desperately, her watery eyes shifting between mine. "And that's like… that's horrible and that's what destroys relationships!"
"But…" I didn't know how to reply to that. She was right, breaking someone's trust was definitely poisonous to a relationship, but I hadn't even considered this to be a trust issue. I guess now that she said it I slowly saw what she meant. She had kind of broken my trust and maybe, somewhere down the line, this could have gotten us into trouble if I had just bottled it up.
Stunned into silence by what she had, once again, understood perfectly clearly before it had even crossed my mind, I just stared at her. She was without a doubt the smartest person I had ever fucking met and I just couldn't believe how she seemed to know everything about relationships when I didn't know my face from my ass.
She was staring at me as well and her expression became more worried by the second. "Oh god, I'm right, aren't I? You can't trust me now!" she wailed in a hoarse voice, throwing her head back in despair, and I reflexively shook my head and squeezed her hands which I was still holding.
"Hey! Whow, back up there for a sec! I do, okay? I do trust you and I wouldn't even have thought this was such a big deal if you hadn't said all that stuff about trust and how it could come back to bite us in the ass." I said, keeping my eyes locked with hers.
"Look, you just…" I picked up her hands and looked at them in mine, still baffled by her incredible insightfulness. "You just don't even know how fucking smart you are, do you?" I finally asked her, gazing into those deep, blue eyes of hers.
Her head bobbed back in confusion and her brows furrowed. "What?"
"You, Brittany Pierce, are so fucking amazing and so fucking smart and I just can't even believe you!" I said, and just then a smile crept onto my face. Brittany, on the other hand, looked more lost than ever, sniffling quietly.
"Britt, you see things, get things that I wouldn't even think about." I explained. "Do you think I would have ever thought so far ahead, let alone understood, what consequences a little moment like this might have on us in the future?" I asked rhetorically, and then proceeded to answer my own question.
"No! Of course I wouldn't. I'd never make that connection! But you! You just see things like nobody else does like it's no big deal and that's why you're so amazing, Britt! Don't you get it? I'm not worried about us ever breaking up because of some stupid shit either of us say, because you're totally just gonna call us out on it the second we do, and then we're gonna talk about it and we'll just sort it out right at that moment and then we'll be just fine!" I ranted exhilarated.
The revelation that Brittany was basically the couples counselor we'd now never need was the most exciting and also the most reassuring thing I thought I had ever discovered.
My girlfriend was a relationship guru and I couldn't believe how lucky I was. I, who was terrible at all that stuff, had the incredible fortune to be with someone who had it all figured out.
"I don't- Sanny, I don't understand what you're saying." Brittany said softly and she almost looked a little scared.
Okay, maybe I was a little overexcited about this, but come on, wasn't she just the greatest?
Forcing myself to calm down, I took a deep breath and then lifted her hands to my lips. I kissed them lingeringly and then met her unsure eyes again.
"B, what you said to me…yeah that hurt a little and I guess it was kind of like breaking my trust, but the second I saw that you didn't mean it, the second you apologized I would have just pushed it away and forgotten about it, because I know you'd never hurt me on purpose." I said, and this time I was calm and steady as I tried to explain how amazing, how important what she had just done really was.
"But you're right, maybe in a few days or weeks or maybe even later, something could have come up again. Something that was really bothering me and that I was feeling insecure about and maybe I would have, like, unconsciously felt like I shouldn't tell you because you might say something like that again." I shrugged and she bit her lower lip, worry lines appearing on her forehead.
I wanted to kiss them away, but I knew that my next words would do the same, so I went on.
"But you wouldn't let that happen. You didn't let me just shove it away to come up at the worst possible moment. You saw the danger behind the small moment and you went to make it right. To kill it before it grew."
I saw that I was losing her again with the metaphor so I tried to simplify it.
"Look, sometimes there are little moments and little feelings that nobody thinks are important, but which grow into big things over time, like anxieties and phobias and trust issues, and then it's really hard to get rid of them again. But you…you see those little moments and you understand how powerful they are. I think this might have been such a moment, Britt, and because you, like, instinctively understood what it could grow into, you held onto it until I could see it too. And I do, and now we can kill it together." I smiled at her and then, I think, she got it.
She smiled back, slowly, carefully, but her eyes shone brighter and her face lit up.
"Okay?" I asked happily. Brittany nodded and I squeezed her hands one more time before taking her head into mine and pulling her in for a kiss.
The kiss was warm and freeing, and we lingered, just lips pressing against lips.
When we pulled back simultaneously, her insecurity was gone and had been replaced by visible joy and excitement.
"How do we kill it?" she asked me in an eager whisper, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. She was too cute, with her eyes all wide and serious, a look of innocent wonder on her face.
"I think we might have already." I gave back lightly.
"Oh."
She looked almost disappointed and I had to laugh again.
"Come on." I said, still grinning broadly, and motioned for her to come cuddle with me under the blanket again. "Let's get our cuddle on for a bit before your parents come back home."
"Okay." She chirped, any trace of her distress gone, as it only happened with Brittany. I swear, Britt could bounce back from an upsetting emotion quicker than Karl the Koosh could bounce off a wall.
My blonde unicorn grabbed the other corner of the blanket as I took the one nearest to me, and together we pulled it over our bodies as we snuggled close to each other.
Brittany sighed as she nestled into me and I closed my eyes as the feel of her skin against mine made everything so right.
I kissed the top of her head, basking in the breathtaking scent that was Brittany, and held her close with my other arm around her waist.
"I love you, you know that?" I mumbled quietly against her hair.
She smiled against my chest and nodded just a tiny bit. "Yeah, I know."
I grinned. "Cocky." I snorted and then added, "Now, don't go holdin' that against me though. I can trust you with this information, right?"
"Oh my god!" she exclaimed incredulous, leaning on her elbow and gaping at me. I started giggling and winked at her, which made her smack my arm.
"Ou!"
"You are such an asshole!" she complained, but behind her scowl I could hear laughter.
"And you are so easy." I gave back sassily. Brittany huffed, her mouth still agape and her eyes unbelieving.
"You-"
She smacked me again and I giggled and tried to roll away. Of course Britt was on me before I could even turn to the side.
"Evil!" she laughed as she sat astride me and caught my hands that were trying to push her off. I was already giggling hysterically, but when she reached down and started tickling my sides I lost it and squealed loudly.
"AAH! NO! No, get off! AH- B-Britt, St-STOP! Aah!"
She was laughing happily and had both my wrists pinned down with one hand while the other continued making me squeal and wiggle, but all my efforts remained fruitless. Brittany was just too strong.
Even when I bucked up in a desperate attempt to roll us over, she just roughly pushed my hips back down and shook her head.
"Nuh uh! You're not going anywhere until you say sorry!" she demanded, her hand hovering over my ticklish spot. She wiggled her fingers and arched a brow challengingly. "Well? What's it gonna be, San?"
I pressed my lips together and shook my head, but as she went in again, I quickly shouted, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry!"
She narrowed her eyes at me.
"Really! I'm sorry!" I repeated and then struggled against her hold on my wrists. "Now get off me."
"Mmmmh, no." she said simply.
"What do you mean 'no'? I give up, okay? No get your fine bod' off me before I make you."
That 'threat' caused Brittany to throw her head back laughing, but when I tried to take advantage of the moment and get my hands free, her grip tightened.
"Britt, come on!"
"No." she shook her head, smirking down at me.
"But whyyyy?" I whined childishly.
"Because," she started slowly, "I'm not finished with you yet."
Her voice had taken on that low, dangerous tone and her eyes glinted as she gave me a lop-sided smirk.
Oh, fuck!
Immediately the atmosphere changed and I could practically hear the air sizzle around us from the heat that coursed between us.
It shot through my body as well and my breath hitched as I became painfully aware of the fact that Brittany's very naked, very sexy body was currently pressed against mine and that her fingers, that just a second ago had been threatening to tickle me, were now teasingly walking down the valley between my breasts.
Another half hour later I was leaning against the headboard, two pillows propped behind my back, and lazily watching Brittany play with Karl the koosh.
After the mind-blowing orgasm Brittany had skillfully coaxed from within me – which had taken her not nearly as long as it had taken me, because I had still been buzzing from before-, we had cuddled a while and then she had suddenly jumped up and gotten the rainbow koosh from her desk.
Now she was leaning against my side, her head on my stomach, and twisting and kneading Karl between her fingers.
As always watching her play with the little koosh left my insides tingling comfortable. Even now, after just having come harder than I had in weeks.
"I pretended he could talk." Brittany informed me matter-of-factly and I averted my gaze from her fingers to the top of her head. Her golden blonde hair shimmered in the rays of the winter sun that shone in through Brittany's bedroom window.
"What do you mean?" I asked quietly, gently letting my fingers run through her soft hair.
"Remember when you gave him back to me?" she asked, turning her body a little sidewise and glancing up at me.
I nodded and hummed affirmatively.
"Well, at home I asked him to tell me what you had said about me." She explained with a small smile as she recalled those days that seemed so far away now even though it had only been about a month.
A warm smile appeared on my face as well. "You did?" I asked touched, continuing to stroke through her beautiful blonde strands. "What did he say?"
She grinned and looked back at the koosh, snuggling into me again as she rested the hand she held him in on top of the duvet that covered me from the hips down.
"Oh, he told me everything." She said playfully. "All about the way you gazed dreamily out of the window and about how you couldn't stop talking about me. He told me that you chatted his ears off, telling him how awesome I am and how you totally love me and how I'm the Arielle to your prince Eric." She giggled.
I laughed. "He did, huh? Wow, and he promised me he wouldn't tell a soul!" I joked, running my right hand down her arm until I could prod Karl the koosh through the gap between her thumb and her palm. "Traitor!"
Brittany giggled freely and hid Karl away from my poking finger under the blanket. Then she turned her head again and grinned up at me, the happiness shining on her face.
"He was my spy all along." She said proudly, with a childlike glint in her eyes.
I chuckled soundlessly, the motion letting my abs and Brittany's head on them tremble. Brittany squealed and rubbed her ear on my stomach. "That tickled!"
That made me laugh even more and she grunted playfully and pushed herself up with her free left hand next to my right waist.
I looked up at her and she quickly leaned down and kissed my nose before slowly inching Karl out from under the covers and then teasingly dragging him up my still naked body, first circling my navel and then rolling him further through the valley of my breasts.
I followed his path with a raised eyebrow, a low tingling in my stomach making me slightly uncomfortable as this was definitely not something I wanted to get turned on from.
"Britt…" I warned and caught her wrist when she wanted to let him wander back the way he had come up. She laughed lightly at my hard stare but lifted him off my skin nonetheless, gently tapping him against my forehead once with a grin, before throwing him onto her desk chair.
"There." She said conciliatory. "Traitor's gone."
"Thank you." I replied formally and then smiled at her with laughter in my eyes.
This was one of the many many things I loved so much about Brittany. She was a kid at heart and that kid always managed to coax out my own inner child and convinced it to come play. And what could be more carefree and joyous than being kids again and playing with your best friend?
"If you want I'll even give him a time out for betraying you." She offered me generously, her flawless 'play-pretend' poker-face firm in place that so many others mistook for seriousness, and therefore stupidity.
If they only knew…
"Nah, that's okay." I gave back, tugging on her elbow to come lie down on me again. "He was only doing what you told him to do, so if anyone, I think you should be the one to get punished." I suggested, not able to hide my grin as well as Brittany.
Her face was dead-serious as she shook her head importantly and replied, "I can't be punished. I'm the queen." As she lowered her head onto my chest.
"Oh." I smothered a laugh. "Well then I guess nobody's getting a time out."
She hummed and nodded while my hand stroked down her naked back, the backs of my fingers gently running over every part of her warm, soft skin they could reach.
We lay there a little while longer until Brittany breathed in heavily and then sat up, stretching elaborately to my immense enjoyment.
"We should get dressed." She said, looking down at me. "Mum, dad and Emily are gonna be home soon."
I checked the clock on the other wall again. It was twenty to five.
My heart sank a little as I felt sad that our time together was almost over. I didn't want this day to end.
"Come on." Brittany said gently, obviously having picked up on my change in mood, and then kissed my temple and swatted my arm lightly before getting up.
I groaned and deliberately pushed out my lower lip, watching her as she bent over to gather up the clothes we had managed to spread all over her room.
"But I don't wanna." I whined in a childish, stubborn voice.
Brittany turned around to me and snorted at my pout. When she raised her eyebrows at me and put her hands on her hips I almost faltered, the grin tugging on my lips.
"Santana." She said in a playfully stern voice. "Get out of bed right now and get dressed before my parents come home and find you in that compromising position!"
My brows shot up in surprise at her choice of words and she finally cracked a grin. "I overheard mum say something about hoping to never find us in a compromising position in bed when she and dad were talk the other day." She confessed explanatory.
"Ah." I nodded understandingly and le t my grin spread as well.
Brittany tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at me contemplatively. "I'm not really sure what that means though. I mean, this doesn't even have anything to do with music."
It took me a second to catch up with her. "That's composing, Britt. Compromising means, like, a dicey situation. In this case it means that she doesn't wanna catch us having sex or almost having sex and I second that whole-heartedly by the way." I said, a little shiver running down my spine at the thought of either of our parents walking in on us.
"Oh…" Brittany said lengthily. "Yeah, me too! Ugh…" it was amusing to see her grimace at the idea as well.
While Brittany began dressing herself, I finally got up, too, and looked around for my own clothes. Well, the clothes that Brittany had let me borrow after our snow-adventure this morning. It took me a while to find the top which had somehow landed between some books on Brittany's shelf, but the rest of my clothes were quickly located and picked up from the floor and I started pulling them on as well.
"Hey! So I still need to give you your present." Brittany suddenly remembered and I pulled down the big jumper over my head and looked at her. She was beaming at me from where she was fixing her hair in front of her vanity mirror.
Shit, I totally forgot about that!
Of course I had remembered to bring Brittany's present this morning and it was still safely tugged away in my big purse, but now I was getting nervous again about giving it to her.
Quinn had assured me that she'd love it and that I should quit being such an insecure baby, but I couldn't help the quiet distress that slowly manifested itself inside me.
"Uh, yeah." I mumbled, failing to conjure up the enthusiasm Brittany clearly wore on her face.
She didn't seem to notice however, as she bounced up and down, clapping her hands with the brush in it, before setting it down in front of her and skipping over to her open closet door. "No peeking!" she ordered strictly, before vanishing inside the walk-in closet.
My heart rate tripled. "What now?" I squeaked alarmed, tugging my hair out from under the jumper's collar.
"Of course now! It's already way past Christmas morning anyway." She said impatiently.
"Not way past." I grumbled under my breath as I shakily stalked over to my purse and retrieved the little wrapped up box from inside. Brittany either didn't hear my comment or ignored it, because other than a little rustling there was no reply.
Biting my lower lip, I smoothed out the little maroon bow I had tied on top of the present, and then turned to face the closet.
"Are you ready?" Brittany called from inside and I faintly remembered a comment she had made during one of our phone-conversations about me having to be there for the gift exchange.
Holy shit, she's not gonna come out dressed as a dominatrix, or something, right?!
I started panicking, but before I could spas out too much, Brittany emerged from the tiny room, singing a proud, 'ta daaa'.
"Oh my god…"
Brittany had indeed changed into something else. However, it was not at all what I had expected.
Instead of a sexy, but quite frankly way too early, presentation of her hot body in a leather outfit, she wore a flattering raglan shirt with moss green sleeves and a white middle part with a picture printed over her chest.
It was a picture of the two of us, snuggled close together and grinning into the camera, looking happier than I ever remembered seeing us on a photo before.
"Well? Do you like it?" Brittany asked a little shyly and I noticed that I must have stared at her.
"Yes!" I blurted out, still a little shocked at the surprise. "It's- it's amazing." I gushed over the shirt, walking over to her and admiring it from closer.
But slowly confusion trickled in. "Uh… but I don't get it. Is my present that you're wearing it?" I asked carefully. "I mean, not that it's not great, you look awesome, but-"
"No no!" Brittany laughed, obviously relieved at my reaction. "I made you one too, of course!" she said happily and whipped another shirt out from behind her back.
It was almost identical to Brittany's, but its sleeves were my favorite dark red, and the picture wasn't exactly the same either. It was candid and in it, Brittany and I were laughing freely, the camera having caught us dancing.
"When was that?" I asked awestruck, marveling at the picture in wonder. On Brittany's shirt we looked definitely, insanely happy, but on this one we looked… in love.
"My mum made it at the family get-together on my sweet sixteenth." Brittany answered softly.
"Wow…" I murmured, running the fingers of my left hand over the print of the picture as she still held the shirt out to me.
"Yeah." She agreed quietly and then shifted from one foot to the other. "Um…there's more." Brittany confessed and when I looked up at her, her expression was as nervous as I had felt only a few minutes ago.
"More?" I asked, curious as to what might have her biting her lower lip like that.
"Mhm. I- um…I wasn't sure if I should do it, but then I- um…well-"
Instead of finishing her stuttering sentence, Brittany turned around to face away from me and my confusion lifted as I saw the back of her shirt.
"Oh."
There, in bold, cursive letters, stood only one word.
Santana's
I stared at my name on Brittany's back and couldn't grasp it for a minute. Was this really happening? Had she really done this?
"Um, Sanny?" Brittany's voice called to me. Unsure. Timid.
I took in a loud breath and then gently touched her elbow. Slowly she turned around to me and met my eyes, searching for my reaction.
She couldn't see it, so I shook my head lightly and said it out loud. "I love it."
Her shoulders fell as she let out the breath she had been holding and then her expression turned from worried into relieved and happy and I smiled along with her.
"Oh good! Cause I was afraid you might hate it and that it might be too soon, but, like, we don't have to wear them in public or anything if you don't want and we can jus-"
"Britt, stop." I interrupted, grinning bigger than ever. "I love it." I repeated, emphasizing the word, and then I leaned forward and kissed her.
I kissed her hot and long and with all the love I had and Brittany let me, even pulled me closer, until I was reminded of the box in my hand as it pressed against her abs.
"Mh!" Brittany had noticed, too, and quickly disengaged from me. "Oooh! Is that my present?" she asked unnecessarily, her eyes huge and her expression over-enthusiastic as she eyed the little rectangular present.
I chuckled and nodded, only a small amount of my previous nervousness fluttering in my stomach.
"Yeah, you want it?" I teased grinning.
"Yes, yes, yes!" Brittany cheered, jumping up and down in front of me and biting her teeth together in excitement.
"Okay then." I laughed and gave her the present, grinning as she blindly handed me my shirt, her eyes already gazing at the little wrapped up box.
I watched her apprehensively as she carefully undid the little bow and then tore the Christmas-themed paper off.
The small box was black and velvety and her lips parted a little as she stared at it and then up at me.
I swallowed, feeling a little jittery after all, and stared back at her. "Well, open it!"
She did and then gasped. "Oh, San!"
I was picking my nails and gnawing my lips as she carefully fingered the golden necklace out of its soft cushion. "It's beautiful." She breathed, catching the small heart locket in her hand and softly running her thumb over the little flowery ornaments covering its edges.
"It opens." I said quietly and she glanced at me for a second, her eyes showing wonder and love, before she daintily pried the locket open.
Inside was not a picture as you would expect, because it was a little too delicate, a little too small for that – great job, whoever designed that by the way - , but instead I had gotten it engraved.
"Forever yours. Proudly so." Brittany read aloud and then, slowly, her lips formed into a trembling smile. "It's perfect." She whispered shakily and then she whirled around and drew me into a bone-crushing hug.
"Thank you so much, Sanny! I love it!" she whispered into my ear and the thickness of her voice made a thickness appear in my throat.
"Merry Christmas, baby." I gave back just as breathily and then her lips found mine.
This kiss was different. This kiss felt different. But for the life of me I couldn't have explained why.
"When do you have to be home again?" Brittany asked from behind me.
We had cleaned away the wrapping paper from my present to Brittany and then I had exchanged Brittany's top I had borrowed, for my new shirt, while she had pulled on the necklace over her head.
Happily displaying our mutual professions of love, we were now sitting on Brittany's bed and she was gently trying to French-braid my hair.
"I don't know. An hour's probably cutting it pretty close." I answered quietly, the way Brittany's fingers ran through my hair relaxing me and making me hum contently.
She gave a little unhappy grunt, but thankfully didn't stop the soft ministrations of her hands.
"I wish you could stay here tonight." She mumbled, carefully tugging on a strand of my hair to get it to where it was supposed to be.
"I know." I gave back quietly. "Me too."
I tried to turn my head to look at her and give her a little kiss, but she made a protesting sound and kept my head facing away from her by cupping my jaw from the side.
"Don't move! I'm not done yet!" she ordered and I obeyed with a hidden grin.
"Sorry."
She got back to work, but a minute later her phone vibrated next to my thigh and I picked it up to hand it to her, but when my eyes accidentally read the name on the display I froze.
Motionless I stared down at the phone in my right hand.
Patricia.
I tried to hide all of the emotions running through me - anger, disbelief, annoyance, jealousy, hurt - , while Brittany continued braiding my thick hair. "Who's it from?" the blonde asked from behind me.
I took a second to reel in my temper and calm myself down, before answering as unfazed as possible. "Patricia."
Brittany's hands froze for a moment in my hair, before they went on fingering the strands apart. "Oh."
Wordlessly, I held it to my shoulder so she could take it but I felt her shake her head. "I'll answer her later." she said simply and I put the phone back onto the mattress.
I managed to keep the thoughts and comments that ran around my head inside, but the atmosphere had changed nevertheless and when Brittany pulled the scrunchies from around her wrist and tied my hair together with it, I was a little relieved that she was finished.
"There. Done." She said and let her hands fall down onto her thighs on either side of mine.
"Great. Thanks." I said, lifting my left hand to feel the braid. As always it seemed to be perfect and I gave Brittany a small smile as she looked at me expectantly. "Feels great." I repeated softly.
She smiled at me and tilted her head. "Wanna do mine now?" she asked, her eyes innocent and hopeful.
"Sure." I replied, trying to ignore the weird feeling I had inside that created this distance between us.
Or maybe I was just imagining it as Brittany sweetly kissed me on the cheek and then stood up from the bed. "Awesome! I'll get some more scrunchies from the bathroom."
"Kay." I nodded and watched her as she walked out of the room. The second she was out of sight however, my eyes fell onto the phone next to my right leg.
It felt as if it was drawing me in, calling to me, and I balled my hands into fists and tore my gaze away from it.
Don't!
But the pull was too strong and before I knew it I had snatched Brittany's phone up and touched the display.
It lit up and her name stared up at me again. It mocked me and whispered things to me as an inner battle erupted.
You can't do that! You can't read her texts! That is so unethical. – But we always read each others texts – that's different! She's not showing it to you! – It shouldn't matter. I'm her girlfriend!
My thumb hovered over the phone, indecisive, while my heart hammered inside my chest.
That doesn't give you the right to invade her privacy like that! - Well Patricia doesn't have the right to invade our relationship like that and apparently Britt's fine with that too, so – Don't! – I have to! – Santana Estrella Lopez!
"San? What are you doing?"
My heart stopped and my head shot up. Busted. Fuck!
Brittany scowled and strode over to me, snatching her phone from my useless, frozen hands.
"Were you reading my texts?" she asked incredulously, staring at me with a look as if she didn't recognize me anymore.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
"I- uh, I just-" I stammered helplessly, staring up at her in shock.
"You did, didn't you?" this time her voice sounded not only shocked, but hurt.
"No!" I shook my head fiercely, desperate to stop the train from crashing, even though it was inevitable. "No, I just- I-"
"I can't believe you'd do that! What the hell, San!" Britt fumed outraged, tossing her phone and the scrunchies she had gone to get, angrily onto the bed behind me.
I stood up, still shaking my head, as my blood raced through my veins to the galloping rhythm of my heart beat.
"I didn't read anything!" I burst out, my voice high and anxious.
"Yeah, but you were about to, right?" Brittany accused, still glaring. She crossed her arms over her chest and I felt dread spread over me.
Fuck! Fucking dammit! Idiot! Apologize!
Now!
"Well, you and I always read each other's texts, what's the big deal?" I gave back defensively and then struggled not to strangle myself as Brittany gaped at me in disbelief.
That's not apologizing, you fucking-
"Excuse me?"
Panic rose icily inside me and I was desperate to find my way out of the grave I was rapidly digging for myself.
"I mean-"
"What's the big deal?" she repeated my idiotic question back to me, and by now she looked like I was an ugly alien.
"Well, you broke my trust too earlier, so we're kinda even, ri-"
No! What the hell?!
I gasped, swallowing the last word, as Brittany's mouth fell open and she took a step back, completely bewildered by this stammering fucking asshole that stood before her.
Take it back! Take it back! For god's sake, turn back time and punch yourself in the face!
"I'm sorry!" I cried, clapping both of my hands in front of my mouth and staring at Brittany in horror. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that! Oh fuck! Britt, I- I didn't mean any of that!" I stammered panicky, but Brittany just shook her head and walked out of the room.
I ran after her, but she loudly banged the bathroom door shut behind her and locked me out.
"Fuck!" I hissed burying my face in my hands as I slumped against the bathroom door.
From inside the bathroom I could hear Brittany sniffling. "Fuck!" I repeated as I ran my hands through my hair and grabbed it, turning around.
"Britt! I'm sorry! I'm a fucking asshole, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean any of that, I was just saying those things, cause…"
Well why? Why the hell would you do that?
"I…I don't know, I'm just a fucking, miserable idiot and I am so sorry! Please, don't cry! I didn't mean it!" I rambled desperately, my forehead and hands pressing against the door.
All I heard was another sniffle.
"God, I'm so sorry, Britt. I just…"
I needed to explain to her why the hell I had said the things I said, but I had no clue. They had come tumbling out of my mouth while my head had shouted something completely different at me and I didn't know what was wrong with me to cause such a breakdown in basic communication.
"It's just that when I saw that that Patricia girl had texted you again I got so… I…she just- Ugh! It just makes me crazy when I think about the two of you texting and talking and just…I don't know! But that doesn't excuse what I did! I didn't read anything, but I was thinking about it and I shouldn't have done that! And I should never have said those things! They just…they just came out and I'm so sorry! Please believe me!" I pleaded as tears streamed down my face.
Suddenly I heard something on the other side of the door and I could only barely lift my forehead away from the wood before it was yanked open to reveal a red nosed, watery eyed Brittany.
She was still furious by the looks of it, and I shrank back as she strode out.
"You know what, Santana? That jealousy bullshit is getting so old!" she threw at me, her eyes glistening. "I would never cheat on you and I don't understand why you just don't trust me!"
She threw her hands up helplessly and stared at me, more upset than I had seen her in a while.
"I-I do." I gave back quietly, but before I could even really get the words out she went off again.
"No, you don't, San! You don't trust me and I don't know why! If you did, Patricia wouldn't bother you this much." She shot at me and I had to admit that she had a point.
Why did Patricia bother me so much? The answer came to me as soon as I had asked the question. Because she had clearly been interested in Brittany.
"I just…she obviously likes you." I explained, shrugging my shoulders. The attempt at my defense felt feeble and Brittany crushed it in a second.
"So? Even if she did, why does that matter? I still would never do anything with her. I don't like her like that. I don't want her. I just want you!"
Her words were frantic and frustrated and then she just looked tired. Her entire body deflated once she had said her piece and she just looked at me, her eyes sad.
"I just don't understand why you don't trust me." She said again, and this time, as her small voice broke, my heart did too.
I gathered her into my arms and she let me. And as I stroked her back and she hugged mine, I tried to find the answer.
But what if I didn't want to know?
So what's the verdict? Both girls had some bad word vomit there. What's your opinion on how they're handling it?
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and have something to say about it :) Can't wait to read your thoughts on it!
Love you all! Next chapter next weekend ;)
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