Hey guys! So sorry for leaving you hanging last weekend. I got tons going on at the moment and i'm afraid it'll stay like that until mid-october, so I might not be able to upload another chapter next weekend.
Hope you enjoy it anyway and have something to say about it...
Chapter 8
After a minute Brittany leaned back and we both wiped away the tears that had escaped us.
"I do trust you." I said quietly, my voice rough from the throat-tying emotions.
Brittany scoffed quietly and looked to the side, but I caught her hands in mine and squeezed them. "No, Britt, but I do. It's not because I don't trust you." I said honestly. "It's because…I don't know, I think it's because I just still can't believe that you're really mine now. And that it'll stay like that." I confessed in a small voice.
It was true. Most of those amazing moments we had shared since we got together had often been accompanied by this dreamlike feeling, this sense that it was too good to be true.
On those rare occasions when I had been completely sure of us, completely sure that we'd be together forever, I had merely eclipsed the dreading feeling that lay beneath it all for a moment, but it had always come back. The fear that I would do something to screw it up. That I was already unconsciously doing something to screw it up.
Call it self-hatred or self-sabotage, but I had never thought that Brittany would be at fault when we would break up. And sometimes, in my darker moments, I thought it was an inevitability.
Even now, when I outwardly blamed someone else, Patricia, for something that hadn't even happened yet, I still felt deep inside me, in my heart, that I was doing something wrong that would make Brittany not want to be with me anymore sooner or later. And I prayed this stupid self-deprecating fear of mine wouldn't become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Brittany hadn't really reacted to my confession other than shaking her head a fraction, probably over my crippling self-doubt. I get it… this really is fucking frustrating. Why can't I just enjoy it when something good happens? Ugh, I don't know how, but I'm sure it's somehow my parents' fault.
I sighed. "Britt." I cooed and tried to catch her eye. She avoided me and so I just stood there, holding her hands, and went on. "Look, I'm sorry, I just get caught up in my fears sometimes. You know me." I smiled slightly to lighten the mood. "I'm not one for believing in happy endings."
Finally she looked up at me, but her sad expression wiped the smile off my face. "But San, I don't understand. I mean, like, you gave me this," she let go of my left hand and closed her fingers around the heart locket I had given her that lay over her chest. "and it says that you're mine forever, so how can you say that, if you don't believe in it?" she asked, her blue eyes questioning.
I swallowed and then glanced to the locket. "Because I meant it." I hushed. "That's not what I'm not sure about, Britt. I knowthat I'll always be yours and that nothing will ever change that. I'm a thousand per cent certain of that. I just…" I trailed off, dropping my gaze.
"You just don't believe that I will always be yours, too." Brittany softly finished my sentence.
I swallowed thickly but couldn't say anything, still avoiding her eyes. I couldn't even nod, and maybe that was because I was too ashamed and too angry about the answer.
For a while neither of us talked.
Brittany only wordlessly took my other hand in hers again and the feeling of her thumbs brushing over the back of my hands and the light pressure of her grip somewhat calmed the storm inside me.
I didn't wantto feel this way. I didn't want to doubt us. To doubt her, but I couldn't stop.
"So you don't trust me, but you want to?" she asked after a while. Instantly I wanted to protest that it wasn't about not trusting her, but maybe it was.
Hell, what did I know. Slowly it was all becoming so confusing and I couldn't sort out my feelings anymore. I couldn't tell her what exactly I thought would happen and I couldn't tell her if I had doubts because I didn't trust her, and if so, then why. I just didn't know and trying to figure it out was starting to hurt my head.
"Maybe. I don't know." I frowned exhausted and looked up at her. "I just…I- ugh!" Frustrated I let my head fall back. "I'm sorry." I repeated for what felt like the hundredth time in the last twenty minutes and it came out strained and whiney because of the way the weird angle of my head put pressure on my throat as I groaned.
"Well…" Brittany began and I thought I heard some underlying tone in her voice. But when I brought my head back down to look at her she looked as serious and morose as before, causing my stomach to clench.
"There's another thing I don't get though, San. How can you doubt that I'm yours? It doesn't make any sense." She frowned as if trying to figure me out.
"Britt-" I started with a sigh, wanting to explain that I knew it didn't make any sense, but that that was just the way it was, but she interrupted me.
"No, but San, it doesn't make any sense. I mean, you've seen my shirt."
And just then I recognized her poker-face for what it was right before it cracked. Her eyes twinkled before a tentative grin spread on her lips, and I sucked in a breath and blew it out in disbelieving relief.
"You are unbelievable." I exclaimed with a quiet laugh.
Her grin broadened impossibly and she squeezed my hands and intertwined our fingers. She laughed softly as I shook my head at her sneakiness and gently rocked our arms back and forth, pulling us a little closer together.
When she tilted her head and looked at me with so much love, I took a deep breath and let it in, my whirling thoughts finally coming to rest and my deep-rooted fear quieting.
I watched her as she eyed her hands in mine and then looked up, once again serious.
"I'm yours, San. And I'm not going anywhere." She promised, and her eyes confirmed the honesty behind her words as they shone with love and adoration.
I felt ashamed and embarrassed for still doubting our connection when she was so sure and convinced of it, so my gaze dropped to the floor.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like that." I apologized in a whisper, but then I was tugged into her arms.
Brittany kissed my temple and hushed, "Stop apologizing, it's okay. I'll get you to believe it one day."
I smiled against her neck as I hugged her closer.
"And until then, you'll just have to tell me when you feel unsure, okay? And don't do stupid stuff like that again." She chided softly, referring to my asshole move of reading her texts and then trying to turn it around on her.
"I thought you didn't like the word 'stupid'." I mumbled quietly against her skin, internally fighting down the need to defend myself.
"I don't, but in this case it seemed fitting." She gave back lightly.
Chuckling softly at her little reprimanding game, I nodded. "Yeah, you're right I guess. Maybe, I kinda deserve it." I gave in, although I still held on to that feeling of being right in some sense.
"You do." She agreed, but then added seriously, "Just promise me you won't do that again."
"I won't, I promise." I vowed with conviction in my voice, and then leaned back to look Brittany in the eyes. I meant it. Reading her texts without asking was definitely something I didn't want to do again, but still…
"Good." She smiled simply, but then tilted her head at me when I kept staring at her contemplatively. "What?"
Even though I knew I shouldn't have tried to read her texts I still felt that it hadn't been completely unjustified.
I mean, even if she says that she doesn't like Patricia like that she could still at least get why I don't like her talking with her so much. Aside from all the trust-issue crap I'm dealing with I mean. It's not like I'm totally overreacting. Anyone else might not have resorted to reading their girlfriend's texts but they still wouldn't like her to have a little relationship with someone else like Brittany's having with Patricia, right?
But should I really bring that up now when we've finally seemingly come to the end of this argument?
"San, what is it?" Brittany prodded and leaned a little further away to get a better look at my entire expression.
"I…" Ah, fuck it, you have a right to speak your mind about this. Just do it gently. No word-vomit this time!
"I just still think that it's a little weird that you and Patricia talk so much. I mean, you know I don't like her and you know why." I chose my words carefully, but adamantly went on. "She was a complete bitch to me at the party and she totally came on to you and-"
Brittany looked like she was about to interrupt, so I hastily continued my spontaneous speech.
"And I know what you're gonna say. Yeah, we weren't a couple then and I slapped her and blah blah blah, but seriously, Britt, I mean you gotta admit that it was still a shitty thing for her to do to rile me up like that and you just know she did that on purpose." I almost hissed. "It was obvious by the way she smirked when she noticed that she was pushing my buttons."
I was ranting by now and determined to get my point across. I really didn't like Patricia at all.
As I went on Brittany stayed silent, letting me talk, but I could tell by the way she pressed her lips together that she was holding something back. I went on anyway.
"And I mean, it's not even really about whether you like her back or not. Well, obviously I don't want you to like her back, that would be…just…anyway," I shook my head, trying to get back to my point. I had let go of Brittany's hands somewhere during my rant, needing both of mine to gesticulate wildly.
"It's about you knowing that I don't like someone and still acting like they're your best friend! I mean, obviously I'm not saying that you can't talk to the people I don't like at all anymore. We're not in kindergarten after all, and that would leave you with almost nobody to talk to since most people are dick-heads in my opinion, but I mean you could at least dial it down a notch when you know that I don't like that person."
By now I was pretty sure Brittany was stifling a grin, her left eyebrow and the corners of her mouth twitching tellingly, but I ignored her. The fact that she was apparently taking this lightly, however, encouraged me even more to freely speak my mind, because I was pretty sure that she wouldn't take offense in whatever I had to say now.
"You know, if there's someone you don't like I don't happily go out shopping with them either!" that made her snort, "I would probably rather punch them than make them my new cell phone buddy!" Now her grin was firm in place and it spurned me on to continue in almost ridiculous ways. Importantly, I added, "It's about respect, really. About respecting your girlfriend and having her back and-"
"Okay okay!" Brittany put her hand over my mouth and laughed. "I get it, I get it!"
"Gmmh!" I mumbled behind her hand. She grinned, her eyes sparkling in amusement, and let her hand fall away.
"Good." I repeated haughtily once I was free to speak again.
"Can I talk now?" she asked, chuckling breathily.
I shrugged, indicating she should go ahead, successfully keeping up the pretense of still taking this all deadly serious.
"First of all, nice rant. Really, very impressive." She tried to get a smile out of me, but I remained stone-faced.
"Second of all, I think it's time."
That made my poker-face crumble as I furrowed my eyebrows. "Time for what?" I asked confused but curious.
"Time for me to show you something." Brittany answered and grabbed my left hand, starting to pull me towards her room.
"What are you doing?" I asked lost, but she just smirked at me.
"Come on." Brittany tugged me inside the room and then let go of my hand as she went over to retrieve her phone from the bed.
As soon as I understood what she was about to do I stopped on my way over and shook my head, lifting my hand.
"Whow, hold up! No, no, no, I don't wanna read'em. You don't need to show me, really, it's okay!" I tried to convince her, suddenly very adamant not to do the thing that had brought about our argument in the first place, but Brittany insisted and told me to go ahead once she had scrolled up to the very beginning of their conversation.
We sat down on the bed next to each other and after glancing one more time at Brittany and receiving an encouraging nod, I started reading through their messages, frowning, while Brittany watched.
"Britt-" I tried, feeling uncomfortable as my original suspicion seemed to be spot on.
"Just read on. It gets better." She grinned and I continued.
The first few texts were quite flirty as I had suspected, although Brittany had never really flirted back to her credit, which gave me greater satisfaction than I cared to admit.
As Brittany had promised, however, the tone of the conversation soon changed and I found myself blushing in embarrassment.
I saw Britt looking smug out of the corner of my eyes and couldn't blame her.
After finishing their entire exchange, I silently handed the phone back to Brittany and she raised her eyebrows at me, a warm expression on her face.
"See?" she asked softly and I nodded. There was no more smug glee in her face and I was thankful to be spared the additional shame.
Initially Patricia's texts had all consisted of complimenting Brittany and asking her how her day had been and quite obviously coming on to her, but then Brittany had mentioned me in one of her replies and from then on Patricia's real face had shown.
She had kept telling Brittany that I was obviously in love with her and that she had seen that the second she had seen us dance together at Sam's party, and when Brittany had written that she wasn't sure if I'd ever figure it out, Patricia had told her not to give up on me and had encouraged her to hint that she knew I was into her.
Even though every now and then she had still been flirtatious, which I came to suspect was just how she was, and even though she had defended me by saying I was just unbelievably slow and stuck in my own head, which I probably rightly took as playful banter towards me, Patricia had basically been rooting for us all this time and I seriously couldn't have felt more like an idiot if I had tried my best.
"Told you she's a sweet person." Brittany smiled and swayed gently against my shoulder so I'd look up at her.
When I did, I found her looking at me in amusement, but also with more love than I could fathom.
"Still jealous?" she asked quietly and I shook my head.
"No. But stupid doesn't even cover how I'm feeling right now." I confessed and then groaned when Brittany chuckled and pulled me into her arms again.
She hugged me tight and then whispered in my ear, "I called her, too, and told her about us. Guess what she said."
"What?" I mumbled curious.
"'Wow, took her long enough.'" She repeated Patricia's words into my ear and then giggled.
I shook my head and groaned.
Delighted by my embarrassment, Brittany beamed at me as she leaned back, and cupped my face in her hands. "She says she and her sister are making bets about how long it'll take you to propose to me." She grinned and then kissed me. "Maggie thinks you'll do it when we're twenty-three, but Trish is sticking with twenty-five and a half. And Roland thinks I'll have to do it cause you'll be too chicken." She informed me before kissing me again.
My face felt incredibly hot in her hands and I leaned back, frowning. "They're taking bets?!" I asked horrified and Brittany nodded happily. "What the hell?" I snapped, feeling like my whole personal life was on display all of a sudden. I didn't like that feeling, I can tell you. Nope. Didn't like it at all.
"Mhm." Brittany confirmed again and dropped her hands into my lap, taking my hands into hers and starting to play with my fingers, apparently completely amused by the situation and my reaction.
"That's not- that's- who the fuck are Ronald and Maggie anyway?!" I burst out, in lack of something better to ask. I was a little speechless if I was being honest.
But could you blame me? In the last five minutes the whole damn universe had shifted! Patricia wasn't trying to steal Brittany from me, she was actually rooting for us, and now Britt tells me that she's even betting on my love life with two other people? What the hell was going on?
"Maggie's her sister and Roland is Maggie's boyfriend." Brittany filled me in, watching me with a smile. It must have been quite the sight too, seeing various emotions and question-marks dance on my face.
"I think I'm getting a head-ache again." I murmured finally, giving up on wrapping my head around all of this new information, and blinking repeatedly as the confusion slowly ebbed away. My brain, however, still felt a little fried.
Brittany giggled and gave me another mouse kiss.
"You're cute." She said and I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop from smiling back at her.
It wasn't long until her parents and Emily came back and soon after that I told her I had to get home.
Brittany made a pouty face, but said she understood as she brought me to the door.
We kissed goodbye, a lingering, sweet kiss I didn't want to end, and then I left for home, my still slightly damp clothes from this morning packed away in a plastic bag, and the shirt Brittany had given me for Christmas safely hidden under the baggy hoodie she had lent me.
I wasn't embarrassed to wear the shirt, which said Brittany's on the back, matching hers, but I didn't want to provoke my mum either and challenge her decision to try and support me by throwing my relationship with Brittany in her face when she clearly wasn't ready yet.
She was moving in the right direction and I was beyond excited about that, but I also knew that she'd have to get there in her own time.
So for now, I'd just have to try and dial back the 'crazy for Brittany', no matter how hard that would be. Yah, more like impossible…
I was glad to see that neither my mum's nor my dad's car were in the driveway already when I came home. I didn't bother checking the garage because only my dad ever used that anyway, and since he never came home before my mum I was sure my parents weren't home yet.
When I had put my coat and shoes away, I went into the bathroom and hung up my damp clothes, before walking into the kitchen and looking around if there was anything else I needed to do before they came home.
Not able to think of any chores I still had left to do, I was on my way up the stairs to my room when I heard the front door open.
I looked over my shoulder and saw my mum coming in, carrying her briefcase and one bag of groceries.
When she saw me she said, "Oh good, you're here! Could you please help me bring in the rest of the groceries from the car, Santana?"
"Sure." I replied, turning on the spot and jogging back down the stairs. On any other day her 'normal' demeanor would have thrown me more, but today I was still so happy and a little buzzed from seeing Brittany and the amazing, eventful day we had spent together, that I didn't speculate what her normal behavior could mean.
Together my mum and I carried another three bags inside and then put everything she had bought away where it belonged. The whole time neither of us talked much, except for little comments on the things she had bought or the weather which thankfully seemed to calm down over-all.
Despite the awkward topics, the small-talk wasn't as uncomfortable as I would have imagined, and I was secretly smiling to myself, seeing today as a big victory on both the 'mum' and the 'Patricia' front.
"So, what did you do today?" My mum suddenly asked and for a second I froze.
When I looked over at her she was just washing her hands and although her back seemed a bit tense to me, the question hadn't sounded insinuating.
Should I lie?
"Um…"
She turned around, leaning against the sink as she dried her hands on the kitchen towel, and looked at me.
There was no anger in her eyes and the hardness that had been permanent on her face the last few days was almost completely gone as well, so, going on good faith, I decided to be honest with her.
"I went over to Brittany's."
I swallowed audibly as I awaited her reaction. After all, the last time we had talked about this had been when she had told me I was never to see Brittany outside of school again, so technically I had just confessed to defying her.
My mum finished with the dish cloth and then nodded slowly as she turned to hang it back over the sink.
She was still nodding, a slow, thoughtful nod that made most of her upper body sway with it, as she stared out of the window, and I remained standing on the other side of the kitchen island, curious what would come next.
Whatever I had expected, what my mum asked me next was definitely not it.
"How is she?"
I failed to react at first, thinking I had misheard her, but when she only kept standing there, with her back to me and her hands on the edge of the sink, I gathered the words I had understood had actually been what she had said.
Slightly confused, but positively surprised, I answered, "She's good. She's…yeah, she's good."
My mum nodded and then slowly turned, lifting her eyes up to look at me again.
The way her eyes stared into mine, it just… there was so much there, but I couldn't quite figure out exactly what.
"That's good." She said quietly and my heart skipped a beat as I heard the honesty in her voice.
"She asked about you." I said carefully, doing my best to play it cool while my heart was racing inside. "She asked about how you are. If you're okay." Would this be it? Would this be the conversation that changed it all? The turning point? How far could I go without tipping over the delicate balance and making my mum retreat to her former state of mind again?
All these questions were toppling over each other in my head, but a simply gesture from my mum quieted them all at once.
She lowered her gaze and then… she smiled.
I couldn't believe my eyes, but my mum actually smiled.
"That's…" she began to nod, still looking to the floor as she crossed her arms. "That's really sweet of her." she finished quietly and I thought I heard a catch in her voice.
I didn't say anything, at a loss for words, and my mum nodded towards her shoes for another minute, apparently struggling with… something as I caught a quick flash of pain furrow her eyebrows, before sucking in a deep breath and looking up again.
She cleared her throat and uncrossed her arms, as she reached for the empty plastic bags on the kitchen island and bunched them together into a small ball before shoving them in a little drawer at her hip.
"Well I better get started on making dinner." She said, and just like that it was like the conversation had never happened. Her voice was normal as she thought aloud of what to make, and her face didn't show any traces of the unnamed emotions I had seen play over it a mere minute ago.
I was a little baffled and must have not been paying attention, because it took me a moment to realize that my mum was saying my name.
"Huh? Sorry, what?" I blinked the slight daze away and really focused on her face at which I had been staring.
"Are you going to help me cook or is there something else you need to be doing?"
"I…yeah, no I'll help." I nodded, more to myself than to her, and stepped closer to the island. I wasn't sure what had just happened, but I had a feeling to just go with it. "What do you need me to do?"
In the following days my mum and I seemed to reach a quiet understanding.
I was allowed to go over to Brittany's while my parents were at work as long as I did my chores around the house and was back before they got home, and in turn my mum asked how Brittany was, which I always answered shallowly but truthfully with 'good' or something along the lines, and that was that.
It wasn't exactly perfect, but it was a huge progress as my dad kept reminding me.
I always nodded when he pointed it out because I knew he was right and I agreed. It was great that my mum seemed to slowly open up to the idea of Brittany and me being together, but it still got a little frustrating sometimes that I couldn't tell them about something funny or sweet Brittany had said or done while we were sitting at the dinner table.
Thankfully I still had Quinn though, and judging by the way she sighed 'yes, Santana, what is it?' into the phone as form of greeting, I had probably been gushing about my beautiful girlfriend quite a lot lately.
"Well, hello to you, too, Fabray." I replied with a grin, throwing my purse onto the passenger seat as I got into the car.
She didn't say anything and I was pretty sure she was rolling her eyes.
"Okay, so, I'mma head over now. Do you want me to pick up anything on the way?" I asked, fitting the key into the ignition and turning it halfway. The stereo started blaring some disco song and I quickly turned it down before switching on the heating. Thankfully it hadn't been cold enough to freeze, so a quick wipe over the windshield cleared the thin blanket of soft snow that had gathered there since the night before right off.
"Oh. No thanks, I think I got everything." Quinn said, not sounding as annoyed anymore now that she was assured I hadn't called to talk about some other great thing my adorable girlfriend had done. I grinned. Okay, so maybe she has a point. I mean, I have called her to talk about Brittany three times already today.
"Wait, could you pick up some juice and soda? I got the alcohol I just forgot to buy something to mix it with."Quinn added as I shivered and pushed my scarf into the collar of my coat, fighting the cold inside my car.
I snorted. "Wow, going a little Kurt Cobain there? You know, there are groups you can join-"
"Haha. Just pick up the drinks and get your butt over here." she gave back impatiently. "And don't forget the movies!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got'em." I rolled my eyes as I turned on the car lights and started the engine. "See ya in a few."
I hung up and leaned over to push the phone into my purse, next to the DVDs Quinn had asked me to bring for our movie night.
It was Saturday evening and since Brittany was out of town to visit family just like Quinn's parents were, she and I had decided it was time for a good old 'Quinntana-movie-night'.
If it had been Brittany's I had asked to spend the night at, I was sure my mum would have forbidden me to go, but as it was she had only told me to have fun and to say 'hi' to Quinn's parents. She didn't need to know that they were away over the weekend and seeing as the Fabrays and my parents never really talked I had no reason to think she'd find out.
Because it was already after eight I had to drive to the gas station to pick up the mixing sodas and while I was there I thought I could fill up the tank as well.
As I was putting the nozzle into the shaft of my car, I heard my phone ring and quickly received it from the passenger seat.
"Hello?" I answered, not having had time to check the caller ID.
"Hey Santana."
I frowned. "Uh, sorry, who is this?"
"It's Ryder." the caller answered to my surprise.
Why is Ryder calling me?
Brittany's dance teacher and I had met on several occasions and I thought she was pretty cool, but I had no idea why she would be calling me, let alone how she had even gotten my number.
"Sorry for calling you, Brittany gave me your number to call in case of emergencies and I can't reach her at home or on her cell."
Feeling a tingling warmth spread inside my body at hearing the fact that Brittany had named me as her 'emergency' person of sorts, I registered one of my questions answered.
Aww. Well that's question number two solved, now I'd just like to know why she's calling me.
"That's okay. So, what's up?" I asked, walking back over to the gas hose as it clicked. Smiling, I pulled it out and put it back onto its holder, before turning to get my purse from the passenger seat.
"I'm not sure if Brittany's told you that we've been asked to dance at the New Year's day parade again this year." Ryder began and I nodded as I closed the door behind me, locking the car over my shoulder as I walked towards the gas station shop.
"Yeah, she told me. That's great, congratulations!"
When Brittany had told me yesterday that the parade people had confirmed that they wanted her hip hop dance group to perform again like last year, I had vaguely remembered her telling me something about it already, but as I recalled I had been a little preoccupied with my jealousy of Patricia at the time.
Since the Patricia situation was resolved now, I had had a head for what she was actually telling me and so I had been more perceptive to her excitement about the event. And I was beginning to share her enthusiasm. They had already attended the parade the previous year, which took place in Columbus,and I had greatly regretted not being able to go because I had been too sick.
This year however I was really looking forward to getting to see Brittany dance outside of school again for a change.
"Thanks." Ryder's voice snapped me out of my thoughts as I passed through the automatic doors and stepped into the warm gas station shop. "So, I've got two things. First, could you tell Brittany that we'll be doing the extended version of the 'Shatter Dance' and that she can do her solo? I wrote her an e-mail, but she never checks them and like I said, I can't reach her, so it would be great if you could pass that on to her."
"Yeah, you got it." I answered, letting my eyes run over the assortment of sodas. "What's the second thing?"
"Brittany wrote you down for a ticket for the after parade event, but she didn't list how many, so I was just wondering if you wanted more than one."
"Oh." I looked up from the cherry juice bottle I was holding in my hand. "No, tha- wait, can I get back to you on that one?"I asked.
I had been about to say that I definitely didn't need more than one ticket, but then a thought had struck me.
"Yeah, sure. But I have to pass on the final number of tickets we'll need by tomorrow morning, so could you let me know by tonight?"
"Sure, I'll just text you as soon as I know. I got your number now, right?"
"Yeah, it's the one I'm calling from."
"Great. I'll tell Brittany about the extended dance and her solo and ask my friend if she wants to come to the parade."
"Fantastic. Good. Well, I gotta go, Santana. Was nice talking to you again. You should think about joining the group next semester, Brittany says you're an awesome dancer."
I felt my ears heat up as I put the overprized juice back onto the cooling shelf. "Um, I'll think about it."
"Okay, well, talk to you later, Santana. Bye."
"Bye." I mumbled into the phone but Ryder had already hung up.
"Oookay." I focused my attention on the task at hand after putting my cell phone away. "Let's see…"
"Oh wait, let me help you with those!" Quinn exclaimed and nudged the door further open with her elbow while reaching for two of the bottles I was carrying. "Jesus, why didn't you get a bag?"
"Because they were out!" I gave back with a grunt, pushing into the huge Fabray house and towards the kitchen, balancing five bottles and trying to avoid my purse as it dangled from my elbow.
"How many bottles did you buy, S?! Who's supposed to drink all that? Is that red bull?"
I groaned as I heaved everything onto the kitchen counter and then turned to glare at her.
"Can you stop criticizing my soda shopping? If it weren't for me we'd be downing pure alcohol all night." I snapped.
Quinn was unimpressed by my tone as per usual, and continued frowning at the bottles as she added the ones she had taken from me to the others.
She picked one of the ones I had brought in up and looked at it. "I thought we had agreed no more red bull for you." She raised her eyebrows at me.
I snatched the bottle from her hands, getting annoyed by her overbearing behavior. "First of all, it's not red bull, it's a cheap knock-off, and second of all, we most certainly did not agree on that and I'll tell you again that it's none of your business what I decide to mix my booze with!"
"Okay, okay fine!" she gave back, raising her hands. "Just remember that I'm not Brittany, so if you suddenly feel the need to run naked through the neighborhood you're on your own."
"We weren't naked!" I protested, referring to the last time Brittany and I had had too much Jager-bombs at one of Puck's parties and had gotten a little carried away.
"As good as." Quinn mumbled under her breath as she went over to a cupboard and got down two big plastic cups that were hidden behind a pile of expensive china that had probably never been used.
"Aw, our drinkies!" I cooed, completely forgetting my snarky retort, at the appearance of the child cups I had gotten for Quinn and me on my trip to Disney-land when I was six. "You kept those?" I asked, marveling at the colorful hard-plastic pieces of our childhood.
Mine had Stitch from Lilo and Stitch on the outside and the straw that was attached wound up in a spiral. I had gotten Quinn one just like mine, only that hers had Alice from Alice in Wonderland on it and the straw was shaped in a loop.
"Of course I kept them. They were practically our most prized possessions of our entire childhood." Quinn gave back non-gallantly and shrugged as she let her eyes roam over her own cup.
"Man, I totally forgot about them." I said, smiling at my cup and then at Quinn who had come to stand next to me. "This is awesome!"
She smiled back and then indicated to the bottles. "Well, should we get this movie-night started, or what?"
About fifteen minutes and two warm-up shots of Tequila later, Quinn and I carefully carried our filled-to-the-rim drinkies over into the living room.
"Aah, I see you've taken precautions. Very wise." I grinned at seeing the white and highly expensive carpet rolled up to one side of the room.
"Well, I thought we should try not to get me grounded and give my mother an aneurism this time." Quinn said as she set her Alice cup down on the coffee table, which was also protected from harm by the two kitchen towels that covered it.
I hummed and nodded as I concentrated on putting mine down without spilling as well.
Having two friends over who almost trashed their new TV and hanging upside down over the coffee table hadn't been the only reasons why Quinn had gotten a major punishment the last time Brittany and I had been at the Fabrays' in our freshman year. We had also accidentally spilled something on the carpet which Mrs. Fabray had spent almost one year searching for and had thereby ruined it beyond repair. Apparently the dry-cleaners didn't cut it for over-prized crap like that.
"Good thinking." I praised again and then sank onto the sofa next to Quinn with a sigh.
"So," Quinn leaned forward and opened one of the chocolate bars she had apparently already set up before I had arrived. A nice assortment of snacks and DVDs was laid out in front of us and I reached for a bag of Nachos with enthusiasm.
"So?" I echoed over the sounds of the Nacho-bag as I ripped it open.
"What do you wanna do first? Watch a movie, gush about Brittany, get wasted? Although if you're gonna do the second again I really need you to give me a head start on the 'getting wasted' part."
"Haha." I gave back, rolling my eyes.
Even though I knew she was right to tease me about my Brittany addiction, I refused to acknowledge my 'problem'.
"What? You can't stop swooning over her! I mean, I love Brittany to bits, but I swear if you don't shut up about her amazing smile and beautiful eyes I'm going to kill someone. Preferably you." She ranted exasperated, breaking off a row from the Oreo-filled chocolate bar.
"Shut up! I did not say she has an amazing smile! You're totally exaggerating!" I defended myself, before throwing a handful of chips into my mouth.
Quinn scoffed and drew her legs up under her butt as she repositioned herself and scooted back against the back-rest of the couch. I pulled my legs up too and folded them Indian style as I leaned against the armrest, facing her.
"What! I just said I thought it was cool that she still gets so excited about things we've done a million times."
"Oh please! I think your exact words were 'oh my god, Q, you should see her, it's like the cutest thing ever!'" Quinn imitated my voice in an annoyingly high-pitched way.
"I-"
Quinn raised her eyebrows, challenging me to say she was wrong.
Dammit!
I frowned. "I didn't say 'like'." I grumbled, digging another hand of Nachos out of the family sized bag and shoving them in my mouth darkly.
Quinn snorted and shook her head as she chewed on her chocolate.
Even though she didn't say it I could read the word 'smitten' clearly on her face and I just had to set her straight.
"I am not smitten!"
"I didn't say you were."
"And anyway, I don't sound like that." I added in attempt to find some fault in her delivery of my gushing words.
"Fine. You may not sound like a thirteen year old girl but you're certainly acting like one." Quinn gave back feisty and again I didn't have a satisfying comeback so I resorted to the basics.
"Shut up."
Quinn chuckled and exchanged the half eaten chocolate bar for her drink. "When's B coming back anyway?" she asked as she leaned back. "She's coming to Rachel's party, right?"
"Yeah, she'll be back Monday afternoon she said." I replied, feeling a little tug in my stomach at the prospect of almost two more days without Brittany.
"Good. Wanna get ready together here? My parents aren't going to be back until Wednesday at the least." She offered.
"Yeah sounds good, I'll just ask Britt, but I'm sure she'd love that." I said, before having to ask. "How did you get out of going with them anyway? Aren't you supposed to be playing happy family in front of the rest of the Fabray clan?"
This time it was Quinn who rolled her eyes, but not because of me for a change.
"Don't remind me. I can't believe he's still not over this 'pretending everything's normal in public' crap! And my mum just plays along! It's making me furious!" she fumed, and I could tell that the little bit of alcohol we had already had was already beginning to bring out her angry-drunk nature.
"I get it, Q. He's a ruthless ass, but how come he didn't drag you along? I mean, doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose? Doesn't really convey 'picture perfect' when the daughter's missing at the family reunion."
"Nope, it does not, but better having the daughter stay at home than have her cough up phlegm at all the dear relatives." She said, still a disgusted expression on her face, as we continued talking about her dick of a father.
Despite her sour demeanor I had to grin at her. "Seriously? You pulled a sicky?"
She shrugged and finally the frown lines on her face smoothed out as drank from her self-made cherry-maracuja-bacardi cocktail again and looked at me over the Disney cup.
"Simple but effective. Back to basics, Lopez. Works almost every time."
I hummed affirmatively and then we both sucked on our straws in comfortable silence until I remembered Ryder's call.
"Oh! Hey, so Britt has this dance thing at the Columbus New Year's day parade and I'm going. There's like this after parade kind of party thing I think and Ryder asked me if I knew anyone else who might wanna go." I said.
Quinn only looked at me, so after a second, I went on. "Sooo, you wanna go?"
"Who's Ryder?" Quinn asked instead of an answer.
"Brittany's hip hop teacher." I replied and Quinn nodded.
"Well?" I prodded again, getting a little impatient with her lack of reaction to my original question. "You gonna tag along or not?"
Quinn put down her cup and I noticed that it was empty already. Frowning slightly at her speedy drinking, I eyed her a little more closely and noticed that she looked a little wary.
I was about to ask her what was wrong but Quinn spoke before I had the chance.
"It's on New Year's day right? So right after Rachel's party? When would we have to leave?"
"I don't know. Maybe around nine or something?"
I really had no idea, neither Ryder nor Brittany had told me at what time the parade would take place, but since it was a day parade I was guessing somewhere around noon or early afternoon. Taking the time it would take us to drive there and the time Brittany would have to be there early to rehearse into account I thought nine was a pretty good guess.
Quinn didn't like the idea of getting up so early after a party apparently as she groaned and pulled a grimace.
"Oh, come on, it's not that early. And it'll be fun!" Watching Brittany dance and be happy is always fun.
"Who are you and what have you done with Santana? Cause the Lopez I know wouldn't get up that early after a party if the house was on fire and her life depended on it." Quinn gave back a little grumpily but over-all not very surprised.
I guessed she already knew the reason I was suddenly immune to the pains of getting up before noon with a potential hangover.
"Come on, Fabray, buck up. It's our senior year. Who knows how many times we'll get to go on a little road trip like that?" I tried to convince her, but I had a feeling she'd be on board anyway.
"Fine, I'll go." She gave in as I had predicted. "But only if you promise the two of you won't behave like annoying teenage love-monkeys. It's getting really frustrating being the third wheel all the time." She grumbled and again her face looked more morose than the situation called for.
"What's with you?" I had to ask. I was used to angry-drunk Quinn, but even though she was drinking even faster than me which was unusual, something didn't seem right. She seemed to genuinely be upset by something and behind the anger I detected a trace of sadness.
"What do you mean? I just said I'd go, didn't I." she said as she leaned forward to pick up the half eaten Oreo bar again.
"That's not what I meant. What's going on? You seem… I don't know, upset about something."
I put my drink and the Nacho bag down and cocked my head at her, but Quinn didn't meet my eyes. Instead she started picking on the couch material with her left hand, a nervous habit she had developed around seventh grade when we had started high school and her dad had began pushing her more and more to do well in school.
"It's nothing. I'm just really not looking forward to a car ride on which you and Brittany list all the things you love about each other while I'm trying not to puke from my hangover." She shrugged and I could tell she wasn't being completely honest.
It was because I knew her so well, that I didn't take offence at the exaggeration of Brittany's and my couple behavior. I knew she was only trying to mask what was really bothering her.
In the same way as I could tell that she was hiding something, I also got the feeling that she wasn't in the mood to share, but I decided to prod one more time before giving it a rest.
"Come on, Q, spit it out. I can tell there's something else going on. Is it your parents? You can talk to me, you know? About anything."
Again, I tried to catch her eyes and this time she met mine. When she looked up, I saw her struggle if she should confide in me and hoped she would.
Even though I had suspected she wouldn't she wouldn't come out with it, I was disappointed when she apparently decided against sharing and just repeated that it was nothing and then asked if I wanted another drink.
Nodding, I followed her into the kitchen and after drinking another couple of shots the weird vibe was gone again and Quinn and I were giggling almost hysterically as we read the back of the DVDs in a deep, foreboding trailer voice to each other as we tried to decide which movie to watch.
"Sh's not even that hot." Quinn slurred as she gestured wildly at the screen.
"Who?" I asked, jerking my head up a little too quickly and immediately feeling a little dizzy from the fast motion. I had been concentrating on pouring Quinn and me another drink into our Disney cups when her comment had made me look up at the TV. "Who's not hot?" I asked again.
"Well, she!" Quinn exclaimed, again flicking her hand at the TV in a vivacious manner and frowning her tell-tale drunken frown.
"Which one? The one that's gonna get spiked or Katherine Whatsherface?" I implored her to clarify.
"Neither!" she burst out. "I just don't get it."
"Don't get what?" I asked, not understanding what her issue was. Doesn't she enjoy the movie? But this one was her choice! I chose 2012 and she chose Killers! We were fine with both choices. We totally agreed! Everything's always my fault! Maaan…
I noticed that I was becoming a little teary, so I tried to shake off my alcohol induced sadness, but again the motion made me dizzy. At least the slight disorientation distracted me from being upset.
"She's just not hot." Quinn repeated, shaking her head as she still glared at the TV.
"WHO?!" I yelled, my frustration bursting out.
"The one that- that one!" she pointed at the screen and I saw just in time as the blonde woman got spiked by the weirdly designed chandelier or decoration piece or whatever it was. To me it just looked like lots and lots of antlers hung up to hang from the ceiling.
"Really? I think she's kinda hot." I mused, looking for the remote control to wind it back so I could really check her out. Somehow I couldn't seem to remember exactly what she looked like since she wasn't in the shot at the moment. Maybe she was already dead. That's basically all I remembered about her anyway. No idea what her name was. Just knew she'd die and look...gross.
Maybe that's what happens to everybody. People only remember you the way you are when you're dead. God, I hope I die a natural death! I don't want people to forever think of me like with blood somewhere or stuff oozing or…egh, that's too gross! Fernando had stuff oozing from his eye once after ramming that pen in there…his nurse was totally hot. Not as hot as Brittany though! Oh my god, what if Brittany ever got hurt and that nurse tells her I had a crush on her? OH NO! No, wait… that nurse probably doesn't even know that…and anyway Britt might get another nurse, or go to another hospital…or…or…oh my god, but I don't want Britt to get hurt! I don't want her to be in pain! And what if she can never dance again? She'll totally die if she can't dance and then I'll die cause I can't live without her and –
"What's wrong with you? Why the hell are you crying?" Quinn asked harshly and as her voice slowly dragged me back to the present and my wobbly surroundings I noticed that tears were streaming down my face.
"I don't want'er to die!" I cried desperately and then suddenly the movie got really loud.
"Fuck! What the hell, San! Jesus, gimme that!" Quinn reached over and then ripped something out of my grasp.
She pointed it at the TV and it got quieter again. Oh…remote control…ooops…
"It's just a movie f'Christ's sake. People die! Is what makesit an action movie." Suddenly Quinn's fierce and angry expression was too hilarious to handle and I was overcome by a fit of uncontrollable giggles.
"Ugh, what now?!" Quinn exclaimed exasperatedly and eyed me intently.
"S-sorry…" I hick-upped and then quieted down while Quinn stared at me over the rim of her drinky. That picture however, made the giggles worse again and it took another few minutes until I had myself under control again.
Quinn meanwhile, had directed her focus back to the TV, but I didn't understand why. The movie was boring and I didn't even really know what was going on anymore.
I knew that I had seen it before and that back then I had pretended to find Ashton Kutcher as ridiculously hot as everybody else seemed to. I mean, yeah, the guy was ripped and quite good looking, but I just wasn't attracted to him. For obvious reasons.
"I like Brittany." I said defiantly. I wasn't going to pretend that wasn't the simple truth anymore. "Not some six-pack movie star. And anyway I don't like his hair. It's stupid." I explained to Quinn but she just ignored me, which made me sad again. Then I remembered that Brittany hated the word stupid and I could practically see her sad face before my inner eye when someone called her so which made me feel like crying again.
The sniffle I let out was apparently loud enough to catch Quinn's attention again and she closed her eyes in a weird way that made me think that she probably wanted to roll them at me but couldn't because that would have made her too nauseous.
"Ugh, okay, 's enough alcohol f'you." She decided and before I could even really grasp what she had said my Stitch cup had been torn from my hands unceremoniously.
"Hey!" I protested strongly, but as I leaned forward to grab it back, I noticed that I was off balance, so I just gently swayed in place to calm down my stomach again. "Okay, yeah maybe you'right…" I mumbled, my eyes fixating on a random spot across the room as I tried to keep as still as possible to make the dizziness go away.
Fuck, when did I get this wasted?
"Y'okay?" Quinn more or less gently touched my shoulder. I was aware enough not to nod and merely hummed affirmatively instead. "Jus' gimme a minute…" I slurred and then I felt Quinn lean back on the couch.
"You know, I wanted to be the one getting drunk t'night. You don't even have a reason…I mean, you got your girl."
I hummed again and felt my stomach settle enough to dare nodding slightly. It felt okay and I was relieved that the worst part seemed to be over. Yes! Didn't puke! Now I just gotta r'member not to drink any more booze…
"It's not fair. You get everything. You get the girl you like, you get the awesome dad, you get the mum that's coming around, you get everything…"
It wasn't a rant exactly, but I could tell Quinn was really upset about it nevertheless.
Trying even harder to concentrate on what she was saying, now that I had the suspicion this might lead to what was actually bothering her, I carefully scooted back on the couch until I was sitting right next to her, my back comfortably leaning against the backrest and my left side lightly touching hers.
"I mean, look at my life. I got nothing. Only shit. My daughter's gone, my dad's a f-fucking asshole, my mum's spineless and pathetic and my two best friends are dating each other, making me the third wheel. And I'm just here like 'what do I have'? You know? Like, why can't I have all that? Why can't I find someone? I mean someone who actually likes me back, not like R-"
She made a weird sound then which I interpreted as either a hick-up or a sob, so I blindly reached for her right hand, not trusting myself to look down yet, and squeezed it in what I hoped was a sympathetic way.
"S'gonna be okay, Q." I promised quietly. "You'll find someone and he'll be totally awesome and way better than Finn or- or Puck or Sam or anyone, cause he'll apsh-arp-appreciate you for who you are, and it'll be great, and then you and him and me and Britt and you- wait… anyway, we can all go like on double dates and shit, cause I think Britt would really like that, okay?"
I felt Quinn nod next to me and squeezed her hand again.
We sat like that for a little while until I noticed that my mouth was exceptionally dry. My nausea was almost completely gone by now so I tentatively stood up to get myself a glass of water from the kitchen.
"Hey, I'm getting some water, you want any?" I asked as I walked around the couch.
"Oh, yeah that'd be great. Could you bring some of the bread in too? I think we both need to detox a little."
I grinned. "Got it."
And that's that. Drunk Quinntana :D
With Rachel's party coming up there's obviously more where that came from, so I hope you liked it a little :)
Tell me what you think, honeys ;)
Love you all :*