Author's Note: so what would be the greatest fears? thats my question to you after you read this chapter dear readers. Also sorry that this is a day early, it was either gonna be today or a saturday update since computer is still on the frits :S so I rather be early than late.

Chapter 78

Family Worries

Prep for entry into the Capitol means commanders and soldiers alike have to take the exam. It's broken into four parts testing all our skills, ending with a run thru the underground mock up of a residential sector. The goal is to try and trip up whoever enters.

I enter and I know I'm in trouble, because I don't want to see people get killed or injured and suffering. They already have people wounded and crying for help. I'm supposed to be taking a command position so I have to tell my people to keep moving despite my heart saying we should help the wounded. The perverse part is they have voices in the corners of children crying in pain. Then I hear Gale calling for help!

This is killing me inside and I bite back the need to run to him and help him, I keep reminding myself this is a test…a test to see if I will cave because of how I am. I urge my crew of seven to move forward, we have to get to our checkpoint on time. When I finally utter those words even if it felt painful the exam ends and I am asked to join the other COs for orders.

I glare at Boggs who has passed before any of us arrived, we're junior staff to him we take his orders and spew them out to our teams when we are in the field.

"Plutarch knew where to get you" he said, "sorry kiddo"

"He's an ass" I mutter

"The important thing is you passed" he comes over, "you wanna watch the primary soldiers go thru? Your boy should be this afternoon"

"I rather not" I reply, I don't know what weakness Gale has but I seriously don't want to know right now. I still hear him crying in pain and it's hard to shake, "when do I know my crew?"

"Your team? Maybe tomorrow midday, we'll go over the plan prior to that early morning, and you'll be shipped off the day after" he looks at a clipboard, "early enough?"

"Not by a long shot" I reply, I grab my jacket and head for my room.

I meet my friends, my family in the mess hall. With everyone going in relatively at the same time, the idea of segregating seems pointless now. Why should we? We are all district Thirteen right now aren't we?

Peeta actually comes in with his two bouncers. He holds his tray and waits calmly, until Mason nudges me to look up. I had been resting my head on Gale's shoulder for the past ten minutes listening to him drone with Haymitch about non sensical stuff. Knowing he is okay and the voice I heard was a recording is helping.

"Is there a place?" Peeta means to say but I am up and wrapped him in my arms, almost upsetting his bowl of stew and bread.

"Surprised they are letting you out" Haymitch says but Delly who has been hanging with us smiles a greeting that drown out even the surly has-been-drunk. We make room.

Peeta pokes at his food. Everyone is quiet. It seems to close in on us.

I think I'm exhausted because this simple act has me chuckling. I get strange glances, even Gale looks at me like I have finally cracked.

"What you laughin' at you ghost?" Johanna says, she's been calling me that ever since she saw me when she came to. Of course it's better than Katniss' nickname…'brainless'

I look at Maverick, "two years ago, same thing I did looking at their food"

"It's not bad!" Katniss says, "compared to what we had to eat back home when the pickings were slim"

"I miss fish and chips" Annie mutters, considering Annie barely speaks hearing her say something is surprising and I have to say welcoming.

"I could go for a cup of coffee" Massala says, "lots of cream and sugar"

"Those sugar cookies from our games" Maverick says, "sorry Ari as much as you love strawberries but those cookies"

"Pancakes" Johanna says, "I would kill for pancakes right now"

The conversation goes on Posy loves blackberries, she keeps interjecting with that. Ken touches the side of his nose to me, I nod but when it comes to me I don't say strawberries.

"Eggs" I reply, "if Johanna can kill for pancakes I think I would do so for two big eggs"

"Squirrel" Peeta speaks up, "my dad used to cook it, kinda miss it sometimes"

Everyone looks at him, we had completely forgotten him amid our chatting like he was part of the group, Gale looks at me like I had this planned. Maybe I did.

"Never tried that" I smirk at Peeta, "had snake"

"What does snake taste like?" Cressida asks, as much as she is capitol she seems a lot more down to earth than Plutarch.

"Like chicken" I explains, "and fish, but i find it salty"

"Kinda buttery" Maverick adds and smirks as Massala looks green, "we ate enough of that"

"Kept us going" I point out.

"Sooner or later we will all get back to things we miss" Plutarch comes over, probably heard some of the conversation.

The ranks kinda closed when Peeta sat down, we all warmed to him. But since Two the administrators are not as welcomed with the exception of Haymitch. And that's saying something since Peeta is by far more of a danger than the tubby Capitol man standing with his tray, waiting for a space to be offered. I don't say anything but scoot over tugging at Gale and nudging Peeta so we kinda distance ourselves.

"How is the shoulder?" Plutarch asks as conversation.

I don't respond right away because as a CO I should be setting a good example, but to be honest I can't think of a proper response so I merely give him the coolest glance I can muster under the circumstances.

"Congratulations on passing the exam" he adds spooning stew into his mouth, speaking with a full maw makes my stomach turn.

"I've lost my appetite" I push my plate away

"Ari no" Gale grabs my shirtsleeve, "you're rail thin"

It's then I think that everyone else realizes how skinny I've gotten since the propos shoot, with worry and everything I haven't felt in the mood for eating.

"But I saw you in the mess hall at every meal!" Ken look annoyed at my state, he pours some of his stew into my almost full bowl, "Sit. Now. Eat" he orders, even Katniss can't figure how I am as skinny as her I gather from her glance, then from my other side a hard jerk has me sitting. Peeta has pulled me to sit, forgot how strong he is. He puts his second slice of bread on my plate. No words uttered.

"Maybe it would a good idea to mind our table manners" Finnick says looking at Plutarch who has never had to go hungry, or has never been so worried his appetite has evaporated.

"If you don't want this I can get you something else," Gale says, "all I have to do is flutter my lashes" he smirks and winks at my confused expression. "What? I heard some of the cooking staff say I was a looker, what better way than to curry favor for my girl"

I shake my head and manage to eat a bit, it relaxes my friends but I am sure I'll just be sick later.

"Worried about something?" Hazelle asks, "you look it."

"Guess its pre launch jitters, I should be shipping out in a couple days" I say spooning another mouthful of rabbit and potato stew in my mouth to stop talking.

"They say the exam plays on your worst fears" Mason says, "that true?"

I nod still eating, when I swallow I add, "we can't talk about the exams too much Mason, everyone has to have a fair shake at it"

Everyone kinda quiets after that, me leaving in the early batch means I might not see them all until this is over.

"Wonder how bad it is in the Capitol right now" I say and Mason scoffs

"Why are you worried about them? They're certainly not worried about us" she says.

Gale and Ken clear their throats and try and nix her continuing.

"Keep talking Mason I'll pass you a shovel" I return.

"Please! I could take you" she smirks.

"Pass your exam and we'll see" I snap, "what is your biggest fear Johanna? Huh? Certainly not loosing loved ones. The unknown maybe? How about the dark?" I continue eating.

"Quit," she glares at me, "don't you dare"

"Then don't expect me to explain why I worry about strangers okay?" I glare back finishing my supper, "the people tripping those traps are not the aristocrats okay? They are children, and elderly, and people going to work, they don't know what is going on, they are trying to live their lives in an arena right now? And there are no horns saying the game is over" I point my spoon at her, "so don't say they deserve it, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy."

"Enobaria?" Johanna asks.

"Barring her" I add…our hostility melts away and we smirk.

"Why do you hate her?" Gale asks

"She saw her best friend get her throat ripped out by Enobaria" Johanna says, "Tracker told me when we were in jail, think that was the day before he went mute. Ever since then Our Ariana has had it in for ol' shark teeth"

"Xania was sixteen, she was a good fighter, but when she disarmed Enobaria that…girl ripped Xania's throat with her teeth like some vampire, Xania died of blood loss on day two in the evening, when they opened the casket before sealing it they had wrapped her neck in a nice red bow, like a sick gift" I throw the spoon into my bowl, "the people I have trouble with are the ones who sponsored us, the ones who wanted to see kids kill each other with viciousness. Not the general population, so when it comes to Snow? If he got caught in a trap I wouldn't help him even he begged. That's where my hatred lies, with him and only him."

"Amen" Maverick says

I realize I'm standing and everyone is looking at me, "I have to talk to Boggs, good luck guys if we don't see each other in the next couple days."