Standing in front of their door, it took all that she was to reach out and turn the knob. Nearly seven hours spent wandering a deserted park, and then the streets that circled their building. She hadn't settled, no answer had come to her. The only decision she had made was something strangely reflexive.
If the cold hadn't grown so fiercely bitter, she would have wandered the rest of the day, and maybe half the night, too. Though she knew now that it would not have gained her any true understanding.
The one thing she understood: she had no idea how to reconcile any of this.
The lock clicked open, but before she could push in, the door wrenched right out of her hand. She had a split-second to try and prepare herself, but it seemed as if she had no time in the world. Even seven hours hadn't been long enough. She didn't know what would.
They stood facing each other, the open doorway between them, and he looked as oddly frazzled as she felt. Though, as always, his presentation was more subtle.
Hands grasped his hips in a tight grip, and his frustration was written in that hold, as well as the up-tilt of his chin.
However, it was the slight slump of his shoulders that spoke of fear. Frustration and fear, volatile emotions.
At her continuing hesitation in the doorway, he threw down his hand, stepped right over the threshold, and grasped her arm, dragging her in.
The door swung shut behind her, and she jumped like she was stung then took a sharp breath, as she suddenly felt the door against her back, and heat surrounding her.
She was frozen through from her snowy wanderings-And he was so close, hands wandered in distraction and intent, as he seemed so completely focused on her, trapping her against the door.
"Where have you been?"
"Aki," she gasped, her eyes widening as seemingly searing fingers passed over her neck above the skewed collar. It was like fire on ice, and she hadn't realized how completely cold she was until he had touched her.
He was still touching her. Clearly upset, and looking for injury as his hands slid over her shoulders, her arms. She felt as if she were humming under his fingertips, as if the combination of cold and heat had short-circuited her brain into just shaking and breathing.
"I'm okay," she gasped.
"Okay!" he demanded, his hands tightening on her and his voice falling fully now into his frustration. "You've been gone all day! Without a word! What if the Mikages had found you?" And then his arms slid around her, holding her tight against his front in an embrace that clearly bore new intimacy. He seemed to relax at the feel of their bodies pressed together, of her breasts squished against his chest, and the hard muscle of his thigh nearly pressed between her legs.
And it had the taste of something instinctive. Her eyes snapped open wide as he turned his face into her cold hair, the heat of his breath tightening her scalp.
"Aki, Aki...don't!" she gasped, struggling weakly in his arms.
His hands tightened for a short moment, then he took a hard breath, and let her go. Even still, he was so slow about it, his hands trailing over her arms, fingers drawing a shiver from her despite her best attempts at being unmoved.
One step back, and she felt as if she could breathe again. But only in short, hunted snatches. He gave her room, but he didn't back off. Slowly he lifted his hands and laid them flat on the door behind her. He leaned forward, his hip cocked in a purely aggressive pose. Relief had quickly shifted into frustration again.
She leaned against the door, pushing her shoulders into it slightly, and could no longer be ignorant of the blatantly sexual tone of his nonverbal signals.
Looking back, she could see them in so many situations now. Her hands began to shake as she slid them around her stomach, grasping onto her own arms and clenching her nails in her skin.
He tilted his chin down, bangs casting shadows over his eyes. "Are we going to talk about this?"
Her eyes widened at the sound of his voice, steady and deep, but full of breath and emotion. And force. A demand for acknowledgment.
She wasn't ready. Whatever good her time alone had done, she still had not conquered this, she was still not ready. "T-talk about what?" Who was that weak little girl?
He leaned slowly forward on his arms, and panic fluttered in her stomach. Without conscious thought, and in an abrupt move, she slid left and under his arm, hurrying quickly for the only door in the apartment that he wasn't blocking.
"Aya."
His voice stopped her in the doorway of the bathroom, between one step and the next. Right on the threshold.
"This is not going to go away, no matter how much you pretend." A soft whisper, a quiet statement. Not offering anything, or taking anything for granted. Just a bland statement of fact.
And it sent her emotions right into disarray with its simple truth. She stared at the shadowed shower curtain, her hand paused on the down-slope of the switch. She felt as if two different parts of her were trying to drag her in different direction. Like she was wavering on her feet.
She took a deep breath, flipped the switch, and closed the door.
tbc...