The shower slammed on, and he flinched, having let her silence stretch all the way into him. There was something sharp and abrupt about the sound, and a shudder ran through him as his mind was only too eager to offer him an echo of her emotions. He wasn't stupid, he knew what it was like trying to deal with something like this. To be a puppet of one's emotions. There was anger in the sharp twist of the spicket, almost reproach in the sudden groaning of the pipes.
He wanted nothing more than to go to her, to comfort her. But he knew his presence would not be appreciated right now. Her fear wouldn't let her appreciate it, even if it would give her a leg of support that she so desperately needed.
He sat on the edge of the bed as if he was waiting, hands open and palm-up on his thighs. In a way, he was waiting. Not for her to come out, he knew she would hide herself from him for as long as she could. But for his next actions to come to him.
The path was open before him, but now he needed to know the length and stride of the steps he was going to take. Too fast, and she would run. Too slow, and she would hide. He needed to find a balance, especially now that hers was so off-kilter.
He wanted to comfort her. He wanted her to hear him and see him. But more importantly, to listen to him and love him. As a woman, as a sister, he didn't care, as long as she reassured him that her feelings were real, that she wasn't going to try to push him out of her heart.
She wouldn't succeed, but that wasn't the point. It would hurt them both if she even tried. And he wanted to comfort her.
I would save you from this confusion if I could, Aya. But I can't just let you go now that I'm so close. Now that you've let me so close.
Don't fool yourself into thinking that you didn't. You came to me last night and you reached out to me. Maybe you didn't quite understand what you were doing, I don't think I do either, but that doesn't change the fact that you did do it.
'Right' and 'wrong'...ideas like that don't really exist. Not concretely. I can't help the way I feel, and I've accepted that. You can't help it either, but you haven't yet realized that.
It breaks something, to admit the truth. But it destroys the soul to live in denial.
Your soul is too precious to me...you are too precious to me...
He wanted to get up and pace, but he sat still and loose on the edge of the bed.
I wish I knew how to make this easier...
I wish I knew the words to say that would comfort you...
But there are no words, no easy ways.
It was torture, sitting there while his emotions kept pushing him to go to her. He wanted to wipe her confusion away, but only she could conquer that beast.
Don't take too long, Aya, he thought, finally allowing his hands to tighten.
Please don't take too long.
tbc...