On this very fine day, Sokka was browsing through the Companion when something suddenly caught his eye. He sat up straight and read the title at the top of the page. "Avatar Abridged. What?"

Toph looked up from when she was reclining on the couch. "Aang gets 'abridged'? What's that supposed to mean anyway?"

Katara looked up from her Pai Sho game with Aang. "The word 'abridged' means to condense or shorten something, usually a written work."

Sokka nodded. "Yup. My sister, the dictionary."

"Ha ha," Katara responded drily before moving another tile on the Pai Sho board.

Aang moved one of his own tiles. "Well, I'm not a written work, so how am I supposed to be abridged?"

Toph shrugged. "Who knows? These authors can make you do a lot of things you usually don't do in real life; I'm sure they'll figure out a way to turn you into a piece of parchment or something and then shorten you."

"But that doesn't necessarily mean Aang can be abridged; he might be a blank piece of parchment with nothing written on it," Sokka pointed out.

Aang gulped. "I think I'll stick to being a boy instead of a piece of parchment, thanks."

"Why would you want to be a piece of parchment?" The four looked up to see Zuko emerging from the stairs that led to the upstairs lounge of the Jasmine Dragon. Toph sat up to make room for him as he sat beside her.

Zuko looked questioningly at the Companion. "So now some story's trying to turn Aang into paper?"

Sokka shook his head. "Not yet, but it might. Let's find out." And so he began reading.

The sun shone down on two Water Tribe teens in a canoe on the icy sea. The older boy was named Sokka and the girl was his younger sister Katara. Sokka looked bored. "Wow, what a boring and uneventful day we're having. Surely nothing special and life-changing will hap-"

Then their canoe got crushed and they jumped on an iceberg.

Sokka said, "Aw crap. Cheap freaking canoe. Dammit Katara I told you not to buy a canoe from Walmart but nooooo you had a coupon."

"What's Walmart?" Aang asked promptly.

"A place where you can buy canoes," Toph replied briskly.

"And what's a coupon?"

"Something you use to buy canoes."

The Avatar looked reverently at the blind girl. "You sure know a lot."

"That's why I'm your earthbending teacher, Twinkletoes. Now get on with the story, Sokka."

Katara stood up and got angry and started yelling while making water go everywhere and making cracks in the iceberg. "And I told you to shut the hell up before I waterbend the crap out of you!"

Sokka squinted critically at the book. "Hmm... the real angry Katara probably isn't that rude, but I guess it's close enough."

"Oh, so I always throw water around when I'm angry?" his sister retorted.

The Water Tribe teen grinned. "Pretty much."

Katara just fumed silently.

Sokka said, "Now sis, remember what we said about waterbending when you're PMSing."

"What's - " Aang started to say, but Sokka cut him off.

"PMS? It's that time of the month girls have - you know, when they're all moody and easily irritable and basically looking for someone to use as a punching bag."

The bald boy's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, that."

"Yes, that."

Katara started talking very fast. "Are you trying to tell me what to do? Is it because I'm a woman? Are you sexist? I bet you're sexist! Sexist McSexist Pants!"

Toph grinned. "Try saying that really fast."

Sokka shook his head. "Nah, don't feel like it."

Sokka saw the iceberg starting to break. "Uh... Katara...?"

"Shut the hell up and give me a tampon!"

"No Aang, we don't know what's a tampon," Sokka interjected before the Avatar could ask.

Katara's voice echoed as the iceberg broke. The two siblings fell into the ocean and Sokka screamed, "Damn you and your hormones you crazy bitch!"

Katara blinked at her brother. "Did you really have to shout that last sentence?"

"Hello? I've wanted to say that out loud ever since you entered puberty. Now my wish is fulfilled," her brother grinned satisfyingly.

Now a new iceberg appeared. (It's Aang's!)

Sokka rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, thanks for the clarification that it's Aang's iceberg and not one of the other hundred or so icebergs around the area. Really helpful."

"And now the suspense is ruined," Toph complained.

Zuko looked at the earthbender. "If you really were looking for something thrilling, you shouldn't be searching here."

"I know. I was just hopeful."

Sokka said, "It's an iceberg pinata."

Katara looked at her brother. "Whatchu talkin 'bout Sokka?"

The real Katara nodded. "Yeah, what are you talking about Sokka?"

"Shush, I'll answer your question in the next line," Sokka answered as he gestured for his sister to be quiet.

Sokka explained, "In ancient times, people would put giant pieces of chocolate shaped like people in giant blocks of ice. Then they hit the ice with a funny looking stick and break it open. Then they eat the chocolate people like chocolate cannibals."

Katara just gave him a creeped out look.

Zuko took a look at the real Katara. "'Creeped out look' as in the one Katara's got on her face right now?"

Sokka looked at his sister as well. "Yeah, I think so."

"This must be the second time we've encountered 'chocolate'," Toph said as she recalled the New Year Carnival story. "Must be a popular food in that other universe."

"Suppose so," Sokka agreed.

Aang looked thoughtful. "Can we substitute the 'chocolate' with fire gummies and make an iceberg pinata ourselves?"

"NO," his four friends replied as one.

The Avatar's shoulders drooped. "Aw, man."

Moments later...

Katara started hitting the iceberg. "Give. Me. My. Chocolate!"

The iceberg opened and a random song started playing, singing "Blinded by the light-" before ending immediately.

"Luckily back when we found Aang there wasn't any random song," Sokka remarked.

"Yeah, otherwise you'd have jumped on him the moment you saw him and claimed him to be a Fire Nation spy," Katara smirked.

Zuko stared at Sokka. "So you think all Fire Nation spies play random songs when they appear?"

"No, he just considers anyone remotely different-looking as one," Katara explained.

"Funny how he hasn't suspected you yet," Toph grinned.

"Yeah, because I'm paranoid enough to assume my own sister is a Fire Nation spy," Sokka said drily while his friends laughed.

Far away on a kickass battleship, Zuko saw the light and started talking in a whiny voice which he will use for the rest of the story. "That light... It can only be... Someone is opening a giant chocolate pinata and they aren't sharing with me!"

"Poor Zuko," Toph smirked.

Zuko groaned. "Why do I have a whiny voice?"

"Because it's fun to mimic," Sokka grinned. "Hey, at least you have a kickass battleship."

"I'd rather have a regular battleship, thank you," the scarred teen muttered.

He turned to his uncle. "Uncle, someone opened a giant chocolate piñata and they aren't sharing with me and I want the chocolate so I'm gonna go get the chocolate and if you stop me from getting the chocolate I'll hate you forever."

Katara sighed sympathetically. "And now I feel sorry for Iroh, having to cope with a whiny nephew who wants chocolate."

"Worse than the original angsty one," Sokka added.

"Hey, I can hear you, you know," Zuko spoke up.

"Doesn't matter. You're still great for cracking jokes," Toph told him.

Iroh looked at his nephew. "What are you talking about already? Aren't we supposed to find the Avatar and restore your honor?"

Zuko said in a really whiny voice, "But I really want the chocolate and I really want the really want the but ja da fa ba nuh uh..."

Aang chuckled. "Imagine the real Zuko like this."

"Don't. You. Dare," Zuko deadpanned.

Iroh sighed. "Alright! Alright! Enough with whining already! We'll go get you some chocolate! After I finish playing cards with my friend, Tom."

Zuko exclaimed, "But you don't have a friend named Tom!"

Iroh thought to himself, "Shit he is on to me."

"Maybe he's gone insane because he can't handle being with his whiny nephew any more," Toph speculated.

"Or maybe the angst finally got to him," Katara added.

"Or maybe both," Sokka grinned.

Zuko scowled at all of them. "I think my uncle likes me fine, so no thanks for your speculations."

"Well, he probably needed someone to play cards with since you won't do so, so he made up a friend," Aang guessed, and Zuko's scowl deepened.

Meanwhile...

Katara held Aang in her arms. "Hey, this isn't chocolate!"

"Too bad," Toph said. "Don't be too disappointed, even though I'm sure wimpy Avatars were the last thing you expected."

"I'm not wimpy," Aang protested.

"If you say so, Twinkletoes," the blind girl responded, putting emphasis on the last word.

Sokka poked Aang with his bone spear thingy. "Maybe it's one of them colored M&M shells?"

Katara grinned. "No, it's better than that. It's a random stranger I can exhibit naive optimism towards! Yay naive optimism!"

"Someone go rescue Aang, or he'll be drowned in naive optimism," Sokka quipped.

Katara shot a pointed look at her brother. "I think Aang won't be in danger of drowning, thanks for your concern."

"Any time."

Aang finally opened his very, very beautiful gray eyes (which are like the most beautiful eyes in the world, except for Zuko's because they're so hot and... never mind).

Zuko raised an eyebrow. "How are my eyes 'hot'?"

"Dunno. Must be a crazy author thing," Sokka replied.

"Who are you?"

Katara beamed. "An optimist!"

"Yup, that pretty much sums Katara up," Sokka grinned as said optimist shot him another look.

Aang got up and Sokka started poking him again, muttering, "And I'm a skeptical person. Skepticism skepticism skepticism."

"And that pretty much sums Sokka up," Katara smirked as her skeptical brother returned the pointed look.

Aang absent-mindedly waved Sokka's spear away. "Um... right... hold on a second. How'd I get in an iceberg piñata?"

"Maybe you're actually a fire gummy Avatar," Sokka suggested.

Katara stared at her brother. "Sokka, I think you've read too many crazy stories."

"No, I'm fine. Moving on!"

He went to see Appa. "Appa! Appa wake up buddy!"

Appa growled and Aang said, "Well that's what you get for eating strange cats Appa."

The real Aang looked bewildered. "But Appa's a vegetarian!"

"That's why the abrupt switch to exotic meat made him sick, Twinkletoes," Toph explained.

"Well, he has tried to eat Momo before, or at least that's how it is according to the great Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe," Katara smirked while glancing sideways at her brother.

Sokka puffed up his chest. "I still stand by my earlier judgement."

"If you say so, Snoozles."

Aang then turned to Katara and Sokka. "Oh by the way, I'm A-A-A-A-ACHOO!"

He flew up 50 feet into the air before landing and continuing. "I'm Aang and I'm an airbender."

"Probably Aang doesn't know that in these current times, declaring your identity as an airbender in front of complete strangers isn't a wise thing to do," Sokka analyzed.

"But then again, he does happen to be a bit out of date after being frozen in an iceberg for a hundred years," his sister pointed out.

"True."

Katara was still beaming. "Hopeful optimism."

Sokka simply scowled. "Continued skepticism."

"This author sure knows you two well," Toph remarked.

Aang frowned thoughtfully. "So let's get this straight: Katara's naively optimistic, Sokka's annoyingly skeptical, Zuko's childishly whiny, Appa suddenly turned into a carnivore and I'm still an airbender."

"Yup."

The Avatar shrugged. "Oh well, at least I'm still normal."

His three not-so-normal friends all shot him dirty looks.

Aang raised an eyebrow. "Uh yeah... Katara is it? I'm the future savior of the world and your future husband and father of your kids."

"What?"

Katara nodded. "That's probably what I would say if Aang told me that the first time he met me."

"Yeah, and if he did say anything like that I'd bash his head in with my boomerang for trying to pick up my sister," Sokka added.

Aang gulped and Toph just shrugged. "Protective brother, eh? Not surprising."

"Nothing. Hey, you guys want a ride? Me and Appa can fly you off this piece of ice. He's my flying bison."

Katara nodded while saying, "Trusting optimism."

Sokka just continued scowling. "Paranoid skepticism."

Katara cleared her throat. "Convincing optimistic argument."

Sokka paused. "Skepti- ...ah... skepticism."

Toph grinned. "Oh yes, this author really does a great job with your characterizations."

Sokka shot a pointed look at her. "I object."

"And there we have your skepticism. Now continue, O Skeptic One."

"I hate you," was Sokka's reply as he turned back to the story.

He then got on Appa next to a very excited Katara.

Aang jumped onto Appa's head and took the reins. "Alright then. Hang on guys. Appa Yip Yip!"

Appa... didn't fly.

"Well, that said a lot," Sokka smirked.

Sokka smirked. "Sarcastic skepticism."

"Still think you're not like yourself in the story?" Toph smirked, while Sokka's face dropped into a scowl.

Aang patted the bison's head. "Come on Appa, yip yip! Yip yip means fly... it's our catch phrase!"

Katara still beamed down on Aang. "Encouraging optimism."

Aang looked up at her. "Yeah... I'm gonna have to ask you to stop doing that."

Katara breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank Tui and La."

Toph turned her sightless eyes towards the waterbender. "Well Sugar Queen, if you're getting tired of yourself already, imagine what it must be like for us."

Katara glared at the blind girl. "Hey, I don't use the word 'optimism' in every other sentence I utter!"

"It's close enough."

"Calm down Katara, we all know you're not like that at all," Aang said, trying to reassure his girlfriend. "Just think of it as another Ember Island play."

"Yeah, and when Toph appears she'll be another buff guy with bad breath this time," Sokka chirped happily.

The Water Tribe girl smiled smugly. "I'd like to see that."

Back at the kickass battleship...

"Wish I had one," Sokka said wistfully.

Iroh shouted, "Oy Vey get it right already! It's wax on, wax off. Not wax on, wax on!"

Aang blinked. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just wax," Sokka told him.

Zuko whined, "I've done this 500 times already uncle. Why won't you teach me the advanced set?"

Iroh answered. "Because you suck. Now get back to work you whiny little brat."

"Awwwwwwwwwww."

"Way to go, Iroh," Sokka grinned.

Zuko now scowled. "I didn't know this would be another Ember Island play-like story."

"Yeah well, since you're here anyway just enjoy it," Toph told him.

Meanwhile in Aang's flashback dream sequence... thingy...

Aang was struggling to steer Appa in a big storm. "This storm wasn't supposed to come for another week! Dumb ass weather man!"

He fell into the water with Appa and got into the Avatar State. An ethereal voice announced, "ULTRA KUNG-FU ACTION JESUS ACTIVATE!"

Aang blinked again. "WHAT?"

"Don't look at me, I don't know either," Sokka replied. "Maybe it's your Avatar State catchphrase."

"But there isn't an Avatar State catchphrase!"

"Exactly."

Aang's mind spoke in a disoriented voice. "Hey, I know how I'll save us. I'll freeze us in a block of ice. Yeah."

Then he returned to reality and woke up.

"That was abrupt," Toph commented.

Katara was standing in front of him. "Aang wake up, I wanna introduce you to the entire village."

Later, she showed Aang to the village. "Entire village, this is - "

Aang opened his glider. "Yeah, I'm going to go goof off and play with animals now. Bye-bye!" And he flew off.

"Now that sounds like Aang," Sokka grinned.

The airbender shrugged. "I do like animals."

Finally, he found the penguins and started chasing them. "Yeah... penguins... yeah..."

Katara walked up to him. "Hey Aang, since I'm the only waterbender in the entire South Pole, I've never had anyone to teach me so maybe you could teach me a little bending since you're a bender and stuff maybe please?"

Aang hesitated. "Yeah... that sounds like fun but you know what would be more fun? Danger."

They went to an abandoned Fire Nation ship and Aang continued. "Danger like exploring this ominous and deadly looking Fire Nation ship."

Aang frowned slightly. "Hey, I don't think danger's fun."

"Don't worry, this is the before-you-knew-you-were-hunted-by-the-Fire-Nation you," Sokka told him. "You just broke out of an iceberg and life's one big party."

"Oh."

Katara frowned. "Um... I don't think that is a good idea."

Aang looked at her. "What's the worst that can happen?"

Sokka gave a low whistle. "Biggest understatement I've ever heard in my life."

Katara nodded. "You said it."

In the ship...

Katara cleared her throat. "By the way, you've been frozen for a hundred years, your people have been wiped out by the Fire Nation, and the world is engulfed in war."

"Love the bluntness," Sokka grinned.

"So is Aang going to enter the Avatar State now?" Toph grinned.

"Dunno. One thing's for sure though - nothing here is as it seems."

"Like the iceberg pinata," Aang contributed helpfully.

Sokka stared at him. "Uh, yeah, like that."

And then Aang stepped on a booby trap and some random guy started rapping, "TRAP IT'S A TRAP, trap it's a trap, TRAP IT'S A TRAP, it's a trap, IT'S A TRAP, trap it's a trap, WORD! to your mother." Then a big firework - sorry, flare goes up in the air.

Aang blinked. "Well, that sucks... a lot."

"Forget what I said just now," Sokka interjected. "THIS is the biggest understatement I've ever heard."

Zuko looked confused. "Why do random voices keep popping up at the strangest times to sing songs never heard of?"

"Because it's to be expected in this story," Toph answered. "Hey, maybe the Ember Island Players should incorporate random voices into their play as well."

Katara shuddered. "No thank you."

Meanwhile...

Zuko was looking through his telescope. "I know you're out there, chocolate." Then he saw Aang through the telescope.

Zuko gasped. "The Avatar! Time to make daddy love me."

End of Chapter 1

Toph snorted. "'Time to make daddy love me'? I'd love to hear Zuko saying that."

"Don't count on it," Zuko retorted.

"Wait, 'end of chapter 1'? Does that mean there's more?" Aang asked.

"Probably," Sokka replied. "Still though, I think we've had enough of abridged Avatars for now."

"And Aang didn't even get shortened or anything," Toph added. "All he did was bust out of an iceberg pinata."

Aang grinned. "That was fun."

Sokka stared at him again. "Uh huh. So, who wants another story?"

The idea for this came when a reader suggested I use another author's transcript of the Avatar Abridged series for the Companion, but since the author already had a story featured here before I didn't want to use another of her stories again - you know, to give a fair chance for everyone's stories to be featured. Besides, it'll be kinda tough having the Gaang read stories in dialogue, so I changed the format instead. If you've watched the original videos before, I hoped you laughed just as hard at this one. See you all soon!