Zuko turned the page and read the first title he saw aloud. "Avatar Alphabet. Huh, now that sounds unusual."
"About half the titles we find in here sound unusual," Toph piped up.
Sokka blinked twice in confusion. "What's an 'alphabet'."
To his surprise, it was Aang who answered. "They're letters that stand for certain basic speech sounds, instead of meaning a certain object like the usual characters we use."
The Water Tribe teen's eyes widened in amazement. "Wow. Where'd you learn that?"
Aang grinned shyly. "The monks taught me back in the Air Temple. It's a new way of writing that some Air Nomads invented years ago as an easier way for people to learn to read and write - you know, instead of learning a varietyof different characters and what each one means."
"Sounds sensible," Katara remarked.
Toph shrugged. "Meh, I can't read or write anyway. Too bad nobody would be able to learn that whole new way, what with the Air Nomads getting wiped out a hundred years ago and stuff."
"But we've still got Aang!" Sokka said enthusiastically. "Since he's the Avatar, maybe he can get a whole bunch of people to learn this new thing and then - "
"And then we'd be able to read this story?" Toph wrinkled her nose as she thought. "That'll take way too long."
"Of course we won't wait that long for the story, sheesh!" Sokka turned to Zuko. "So do you think you can read it?"
Zuko glanced at the book, then at Aang. "I dunno. Since Aang knows what this 'alphabet' is about, why don't we just let him read instead?"
The others agreed, and so it was decided that Aang would be the narrator for the next story.
A is for Aang
"Huh?" was Sokka's straightforward response.
Aang pointed to the line he just read. "It means that 'A' stands for the first sound in my name - the 'eh' sound. Get it?"
"No."
The Avatar sighed. "Never mind."
Aang is a short, bald kid who has problems with color coordination (see his outfit?) and also happens to be the Avatar. But he should really work on that color thing.
Everyone's eyes inadvertently strayed towards Aang's clothes (except for Toph, who can't be bothered with it anyway). Sokka was the first to speak. "What's wrong with the color?"
Zuko shrugged. "I don't think anything's wrong with red and yellow."
"The author might be referring to Aang's earlier outfit - the one he was wearing before the Fire Nation took over Ba Sing Se," Katara suggested.
Sokka was silent for a moment as he recalled said outfit. "It's just orange and yellow, like that's a big difference."
"Maybe the author just doesn't like bright colors," Aang proposed, and everyone thought that was a good enough reason.
A is also for Azula
Soka shook his head sadly. "Imagine sharing a similar sound with Azula's name. Oh, the horror."
"And what do you know about sharing sounds anyway?" Toph asked him.
"Nothing, just saying."
Has better color coordination than Aang,
"Well, that's one point in Azula's favor," Toph smirked.
but happens to be an evil bitch. Huh.
"And she just lost that point," Sokka added.
Oh, and I should probably mention that she's a princess and therefore has the power to USE her evil bitch-itude.
"Which gives her two points: one for her status and one for her power," Toph decided.
Katara raised an eyebrow. "Since when did this story have a scoring system?"
"Dunno, it's just for fun," her brother answered.
The waterbender sighed. "Right."
A is also for Appa
Why does everything in this show start with A?
"We're in a show?" Sokka wondered aloud.
Toph shrugged. "Who knows? But come to think of it, I was also wondering why there were so many A's."
Appa is a flying bison.
"Well, that was straightforward," Zuko remarked.
No one can really TELL how he flies, but it appears that he flaps his tail around a lot to achieve liftoff.
"Actually, he just does a couple of flaps and he's off the ground already," Sokka interjected.
Toph sightlessly eyeballed her ponytailed friend. "Seriously? You bothered to check?"
"That makes it sound like anything can fly just with a few flaps," Zuko remarked.
"No, they can't," Aang deadpanned, and that was that.
He ferries the Avatar and his merry band of losers around.
"Guess we should've figured out earlier that this guy isn't our fan or anything," Sokka muttered.
"Since he apparently seems to take offense with Aang's outfit of all things, I'll second that," Katara agreed.
A is also for Air Nomads
Those hobos you see in the sky.
Aang blinked. "Hobos?"
"Never mind it, it's just an insult," Sokka told him.
Oh, okay, they're the Airbenders
"Yay, he figured that out," Toph cheered sarcastically.
(who blow at each other as a method of attack)
"That doesn't sound particularly effective, does it?" Zuko said.
"Just wait until you're cornered at the edge of a cliff by one of them and you'll see how ineffective 'blowing' can be," Sokka responded.
The Fire Lord paused. "Fair enough."
and they're all dead (what a shocker).
"Yup, not a big fan."
"We get that already, Snoozles."
B is for Ba Sing Se
An Earth Kingdom city where some nutty shit goes on.
"Well, at least that part is true," Toph grinned.
B is also for Boomerang
Sokka's misused weapon which is more like a prop for a comedy routine.
"Hey!"
"Shut up Snoozles, you know that's also true."
"Hey again!"
"Funny how all the B's so far seem to strike the nail on the head," Aang mused.
C is for Cave of Two Lovers
An excuse for Aang and Katara to make out.
Sokka gritted his teeth. "I hate this cave."
Also provides us with a funny song to sing.
"I hate the funny song too."
"Okay, we get it, you absolutely loathe the Cave of Two Lovers," Katara told her brother.
"But you got to ride on a badgermole," Aang added.
Sokka's expression brightened. "Yeah, that part was fun."
D is for Dai Li
The crazed and disillusioned brainwashing organization lead by the guy with the Girly Braid of Doom.
Toph burst out laughing. "Exactly! That's what I've been thinking the whole time I knew Long Feng! I don't care what you guys think, I like this author!"
E is for Earthbending
When people throw dirt at each other.
"Okay, now I don't like this author."
"You're quick to change your mind, aren't you Miss Beifong?" Sokka commented amusedly.
"Shut your trap unless you want me to use you for a demonstration of how read dirt-throwing is done, Snoozles."
"Alright, alright, no need for death threats."
F is for Fire Nation
Who put a bee in their bonnet?
A fly in their soup?
A hair in their teriyaki chicken?
A cheese doodle in their anti-aging lotion?
Katara blinked twice. "Say what?"
"It means they're hot-tempered and angry all the time - except for some nicer ones, of course," Sokka said hastily after a glance at the ruler of said hot-tempered and angry nation.
Toph simply shrugged. "I don't mind teriyaki chicken."
G is for Grass
What Appa probably eats, and because I couldn't think of anything else for 'G'.
"'G' could be for Gaoling," Sokka suggested.
Toph shook her head. "Nah, that place's so boring even Appa's dinner sounds more interesting."
H is for Haru
An Earthbender who the Lame Brain Gang meets, greets, then rescues, all within the space of what seems like an hour.
Sokka snorted. "If it really took that amount of time, I'd be a much happier person back then."
"But you always inflict suffering on yourself anyway," his sister quipped to his annoyance.
"Is it just me or does this writer seem to hate us all?" Zuko wondered.
"No, it's not just you," Toph assured him.
I is for Iroh
The fat, tea-chugging uncle of his Emo Highness.
Toph sighed. "And now he's even taking a dig at Zuko's uncle. There's no pleasing this guy, is there?"
J is for Jet
A freedom fighter with terrible reasoning who constantly chews on a weed. Hint, hint, Nickelodeon?
"What's Nickelodeon?"
"Dunno." And that was the end of Aang and Sokka's brief conversation.
K is for Katara
An annoying Waterbender who is comparable to Tea in Yu-Gi-Oh. See it? I do.
Katara huffed. "Well, I don't."
"I see the annoying part though," her brother grinned, causing her to glare at him.
"I can't see at all," Toph interjected.
"And we don't know what 'Yu-Gi-Oh' is anyway, so that's the end of it then," Zuko concluded.
She's also got some short, bald, un-color-coordinated kid fetish. Go figure.
"This guy seems to hate you in particular, Aang," Sokka remarked. "Funny how you haven't lost your cool yet."
Aang just smiled. "I'm not one to be enraged easily, and besides, how can I get angry at someone I've never even met before?"
His girlfriend's brother nodded in agreement. "Good point."
L is for Lu Ten
The dead son of the fat tea-chugging guy. You have to wonder if he's better off taking the dirt nap...
"So not even death spares you from the wrath of the author. That's tragic," Toph remarked.
M is for Momo
A lemur who is more intelligent than any of us think...
"Well, at least he seems to like Momo," Aang said, and then there was nothing else to say about the matter."
M is also for Mai
A very, very, VERY bored girl who won't stop expressing her boredom. She's friends with everyone's favorite psycho Firebender Azula.
Sokka looked thoughtful. "Funnily enough, that actually makes for a very fitting description of Mai."
"Just goes to show that you can always expect the unexpected with these stories," Toph added.
N is for Nuts
What everyone in this show is.
Aang was slightly crestfallen. "But I thought he liked Momo?"
"Well, Momo does like eating nuts," Sokka responded before a look of horror dawned on his face. "Oh no, that doesn't sound good."
Also what the Lame Brain Gang has to eat many a time (and they won't let us forget it...shut up already!)
"Since when have we whined on and on about eating nuts?" Toph wondered.
"Since before you joined the group, end of story," Sokka replied simply.
O is for Ozai
Seems to need to attend parenting classes.
"Well, the author got that right," Zuko muttered.
O is also for Omashu
An Earth Kingdom city where a crazed old king with some kind of unnamed disease rules.
Sokka scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Well, I guess that explains Bumi's freaky right eye."
"You mean his left one that sticks out slightly?" Aang asked.
"Yeah, but I'm sure it's his right one."
"No, it was left."
"Right!"
"Left!"
"It was right! Oh come on Katara, you remember which eye it was, right?" Sokka said as he turned to his sister for assistance.
"Frankly speaking, I don't remember which one it was," Katara answered honestly, and that put an end to the matter.
P is for Prince
All of which are whiny and emo.
"And on what does he base that theory?" Sokka questioned. "How many princes are on this planet anyway?"
"Only one, as far as we know, and he's already become Fire Lord and is sitting with us right here listening to crazy stories about us," Katara replied.
"Guess that makes my supposed whiny emo character invalid then," Zuko reasoned.
Q is for Quiet
What Sokka isn't but we wish he was.
"You said it, author."
"Toph, do you really hate me so much?"
"Nah, it's just that loud voice of yours that ticks me off."
"So what, am I supposed to communicate with you through sign language or something?"
"Won't work; I won't be able to see it anyway."
"Which means the loud voice has to stay then," Katara concluded.
What Zuko is when he isn't angsting.
"Must be because he's tired out from all that angsting," Sokka grinned as Zuko sent him a pointed look.
R is for Roku
The former Avatar who needs a beard trim.
"I think his beard's fine," Aang said to nobody in particular.
S is for Sokka
Katara's brother (pity him).
Sokka sighed in relief. "Finally someone realizes how tough being me is."
He happens to be the lamest one in the group.
"As well as how much it sucks to be you."
"Shut up, Toph."
The only thing he's good at is thinking of snappy nicknames. Also being a man-whore.
Said man-whore had a dark cloud over his head. "So now my only virtues are my nickname-thinking brain and my good looks?"
"I wouldn't entirely agree on the 'good looks' part," his sister smirked.
"Well, why else am I being described as a man-whore?!"
"Because you're going after way too many girls for your own good."
"Good one, Katara," Toph grinned as Sokka smacked his forehead and groaned in defeat.
S is also for Suki
Member of the Organization Where We Paint Our Faces Like Clowns and Hit People With Fans (OWWPOFLCHPWF).
Aang took a deep breath. "Wow, that last word was tough to read."
"So that adds Suki to the author's list of hated people," Sokka muttered darkly. "Brilliant."
One of Sokka's many loves.
"Guess that explains the whole man-whore thing."
"I said shut up, Toph."
T is for Toph
"Wow, I actually get a space in here? I'm not sure whether I should be happy or worried about that."
"Considering all that's happened so far, I'd advise the latter."
"Gee, thanks for the tip Snoozles."
A little blind girl who can miraculously see through her feet. Question: Does she have eyes in her toes? And aren't they always getting dust in them?
"No, I don't have eyes in my toes, meaning they don't get dust in them either," Toph replied briskly. "Did this guy totally ignore the whole vibration-feeling thing or something?"
"Who knows?" Sokka answered wisely.
T is also for Ty Lee
All bendy! An acrobat who pokes you a lot. She's friends with that nutty bitch Azula.
"At least this writer isn't taking sides," Aang remarked. "They seem to hate our enemies as much as they hate us."
"Like that's any better," Sokka mumbled.
T is also for Tea
The drink that Iroh obsesses over and oddly enough is pretty important to the show. But it tastes really nasty. Ewww.
"He must have mistaken hot leaf juice for tea. It's a common mistake," Zuko stated to the amazement of his fellow Team Avatar members.
U is for Ugh
The sound everyone makes when Sokka opens his mouth.
Sokka groaned. "Also the sound I'm starting to make every time I'm mentioned in here, because apparently I'm a total sucker in this story."
Aang looked up from the book. "Does this even count as a story?"
"Not really; it's just like that Top Ten Kataang Moments we read before," Toph replied. "You know, a list of sorts."
"More like a list of everyone's faults," Sokka muttered.
V is for Violence
Lots of it, yet no-one ever bleeds. (...?)
"Yup, because we're so into humane fighting," Sokka quipped. "Also because when you're getting roasted by the Fire Nation, there's not much bleeding going on."
"Funny how your head never bleeds every time your boomerang conks it by accident though," Toph commented. "Is it a giant pillow or something."
"No, it's stuffed with cotton wool and decorated with pink sparkles. Does that make you happy?"
"Totally, Snoozles."
W is for Water Tribe
The place, essentially made from ice and frozen dirt, where Katara and Sokka hail from. Go figure.
"Well, there are penguins," Aang recalled dreamily.
Wis also for Waterbending
Equivalent to a squirt gun fight.
"What's a squirt gun?" Aang asked, predictably.
"Something like waterbending, apparently," Sokka answered.
X is for Xylophone
No significance to Avatar, but it begins with 'X', so why the fudge not.
"And what's - "
"We don't know, Aang, okay?" Sokka said a little irritably. "Just get on with the story."
Y is for Yue
A disgustingly selfless girl with grandma hair who by some awkward miracle turned into the damn moon. Another one of Sokka the Man-Whore's many loves.
"Yup, there's plenty of hate to go around," Sokka muttered.
Z is for Zuko
His Emo Highness. Thinks that it's okay to angst all the time JUST BECAUSE he has a large, awkwardly shaped burn on his eye (why the hell is it his eye?) given to him by the former Whiny Prince who just HAD TO become Firelord. I guess it runs in the family.
Zuko shrugged. "I won't even bother to comment on that."
"Wise choice, Fire Lord sir," Sokka affirmed him. "So to recap the lessons learned from here, Aang has a lousy outfit, Katara is plain annoying, Toph is a weird biological anomaly, Zuko's whiny and emo almost all the time, I'm a total flirt, and Momo's the only one among us who has any resemblance of a brain at all. Did I miss anything out?"
"Suki's part of a fan-wielding circus, Roku has facial hair issues, Iroh's an overweight tea addict, and Yue's a moonly little-miss-perfect," Katara continued for him.
"Right, that too."
"So in conclusion, this author hates us all." Aang closed the book and looked up at his friends. "Now what do we do?"
A grin broke across the Water Tribe Warrior's face. "Simple. Now we grab some lunch."
Yup, it's lunchtime here and I'm hungry. Anyway, sorry for the very long delay in updates, credits to Undercooked (who sadly has not responded to my Pm asking for permission to use this story. But that's probably because he/she hasn't been heard of on this site ever since '11) and hope to see you again soon!