Chapter 6

What did I just do?!

In my state of emotional turmoil, I pause my sobbing and let the question sink in.

Okay, self, you want to know what I've done? I think. Because in this moment, I have done something sickeningly satisfying, but completely stupid all the same. Not only did I just turn my back on the only safe haven in my now- desolate home world, I flat-out attacked the one who made it so. Any rational person would look me in the eyes and tell me I did the right thing by standing up for what I believe in. And yet, for all of Vanellope's wrongdoings, I feel as if I've somehow wronged her a thousand times worse.

Maybe that's what you need, Jubileena, I think to myself. You just need someone to come along and give you a pat on the back. But I know that's not going to happen- the only other person currently in this game has just kicked me out of her little campsite, and rightfully so, I would say.

You're standing up for her again, Jubi, the voices in my head tell me. Stop it. You know in your heart what you did was right.

My mind believes it, but my heart isn't ready to accept it yet. In light of everything that's happened to her these past few days, I feel as though I could never say that I actually hate her.

In fact, I don't think I can say I've ever passionately detested someone to the point of hating them. It just wouldn't compute- not with the girl programmed to be the most loving, caring person in the game. Love is my natural talent; my forte. And I absolutely must hold on to it, now more than ever, because it's the only part of me I have left.

I do a quick mental checklist of the things that make me uniquely Jubileena, as determined by my code. Cheerful smile? That's gone. Contagious enthusiasm? Hardly. Love of cherries and racing? Well, unless our game is restored, I won't be getting any access to either anytime soon.

But somehow, through this ordeal, love is the one thing I've been able to hold on to. In spite of everything, I suppose it's been rather easy for me- I still have a home, and friends, and above all, I have Citrusella. I don't know what I do without her. I don't want to think about what she'd be doing without me- I can just imagine the look of terror on her face when the Surge Protectors inform her I've gotten my sorry self trapped in Sugar Rush again.

I decide I dislike Vanellope. I don't hate her- I could never completely hate her. Even still, I dislike Vanellope for many things- for deluding herself into thinking she was fit to race with us, for ignoring our warnings and racing anyway, and for destroying our game in the process. And now, when all I could ever need was the truth, she spewed a load of blatant lies in my face.

Or did she?

I think back to what Clyde had said about Ralph yesterday during his Bad-Anon meeting. Could these minor rumors be true? Ralph, the hero who gave his life fighting King Candy, caused the invasion? I feel totally defeated just to consider it, yet I know in my heart that it can't be true. The very idea, even… it was outrageous! Slanderous, even! But yet, at the same time, part of me wants to believe it. I am powerless to let that part of me play Devil's advocate as I ponder over everything Vanellope said. Because out of everything she told me, one thing sticks out in my mind:

"You can go around blaming other people for your problems, Jubi, but like it or not, that's the truth."

And then I realize that Vanellope isn't completely wrong about Ralph. She's right about at least one thing- she wasn't responsible for his death. Not even King Candy was completely responsible. The only one I can blame is myself, for not stepping in to help Ralph when he unknowingly needed me.

If I only knew what would happen…

Whatever the circumstances surrounding his death really were, it was clear that Vanellope did in fact know Ralph. But in spite of all that came between them, it seemed that she actually had feelings for him. Maybe she really did try to save him, I think to myself. It was a bittersweet relationship- they had every reason to hate each other, yet their seeming friendship lasted right up to the end. It was the kind of relationship I wish I could have with Vanellope, but I know it would never happen.

I snap out of my lather and bolt up because suddenly, I'm tempted to go back and apologize to Vanellope for everything I said- because I feel like calling her a glitch was the meanest thing I have ever done to anyone. I start in the direction of the cave when the cold reality sets in: Vanellope isn't going to accept my apology. I gave her my worst, and at the same time I lost both my only means of protection and the one thing I thought I'd never find in this messed-up world: a friend.

…

The sky is a dark, sickening shade of green as I clumsily take my leave from the secret entrance to Diet Cola Mountain. I must have spent hours in here- everyone back at the bunker will be worried sick for me, especially Citrus.

Well, Jubileena, you wanted the truth, and you didn't find it here. Ready to call it quits? I ask myself. My legs answer for me as I take off once again for the portal to Game Central Station.

The task of getting out of Sugar Rush without becoming Bug bait seemed impossible, but it had nothing on trying to ignore the voices in my head. Armed with newfound information from Vanellope, they assaulted my emotions as I blindly ran, desperately trying to keep my wits about me.

"He didn't die trying to save this arcade…"

"How can we be so sure about what happened?..."

"Look, kid, I hate to sound rude, but I don't think there's anything that could cheer me up today. Thanks for trying, though, I guess…"

I freeze suddenly. I've been trying to fight off the attacking thoughts in my head for what feels like ages, but at the sound of Ralph's voice, the fight goes out of me. Uncontrollably, I sink to my knees, my head swimming, then I raise my fists to the sky and let out the loudest scream of my life.

Only when my senses come back to me do I realize the deadly mistake I've made, and my hands fly to my mouth. But the damage has been done- I've just broadcast my general location to a whole game full of hungry Bugs who will stop at nothing to make a bedtime snack out of me. And unlike before, there sure won't be any Vanellope to step in and save me this time around.

It doesn't matter, I think. It was bound to happen. Let them come. LET THEM COME.

And come they do- I have just enough time to stand up before waves of Cy-Bugs flood the valley en masse, their green eyes set on their next meal. A large orange one perches right in front of me- by the looks of it, this one has already feasted upon its fair share of the Sugar Rush landscape, and it's about to get a taste of the locals- literally. As it draws near, I shut my eyes, awaiting the sound of my inevitable death.

But the sound I hear next is quite different- it sounded like an inexplicable wail of pain. I open my eyes and am instantly perturbed by the sight of the Bug that had been ready to kill me moments ago, which now lay dead at my feet.

That's when I hear the gunfire- an entire row of the Cy-Bug circle surrounding me is floored as three armed soldiers enter the scene, each of them wearing some kind of protective armor. They looked a bit like a comedy routine- one was tall and lanky, one big and beefy, and the other short and pudgy, with a cartoonish-looking nose. I instantly recognize him as Felix, the man I met at the hospital yesterday.

This day just keeps getting weirder, I think.

The tall man runs up to me, still firing at the oncoming Bugs. "C'mon, kid! We're getting you outta here!" he yells over a flurry of bullets.

I take in the horde of Bugs before me, and yell back, "Much obliged!"

The four of us break our way out of the Cy-Bug circle, but another wave of airborne Bugs stops us in our tracks. We're dead, I think.

Turns out I was partially right: As Felix and the tall man jump out of harm's way, dragging me with them, their companion falls on his face, and his gun slides out of reach. The man panics as he scrambles after it, but the Bugs get there first and box him in, surrounding him from all sides. As the three of us run away, his shrieks of agony and the grim sounds of his demise are barely audible amidst the ruckus.

Having escaped death by Cy-Bugs for the first time in two days, I heave a sigh of relief as the two remaining soldiers and I finally reach the portal to Game Central. Felix nods at me and breathes deeply with a smile. The tall man, however, wastes no time- he immediately pulls out a radio transmitter and begins speaking into his earpiece. "Corporal Kohut to base. Do you copy? Markowski is down. Repeat: Markowski is down. Operation failed, but we managed to rescue a civilian," he says. "Returning to base now."

"You're all right now," Felix says reassuringly, as Kohut grasps me firmly by the hand. "You're gonna be just fine. Don't you worry. Everything will be just fine, okay?"

Kohut says nothing, but when I look up at him, the glare on his face suggests I have done something terribly wrong.

And indeed, the moment we step through the portal into the now Bug-free entrance to Game Central, the three of us are swarmed by angry Surge Protectors. Some of them hastily begin arguing with Kohut the moment he lets go of my wrist, while others are holding back the crowd of onlookers who came to see the girl who marched right into a game full of Cy-Bugs and somehow lived.

Among the onlookers was Citrusella, flanked by two Protectors. "Jubi!"

"CITRUS!" I yell back, but Kohut seizes me by the wrist again.

"No, stop it! LET ME GO!" I yell. "I have to see my sister! I HAVE TO!"

"Negative," says Kohut. "You are not authorized to return to the bunkers yet. We're taking you into custody. But first, Tamora wants a word with you…"

Still kicking, screaming, and calling for my little sister, I find myself dragged into the arcade's newest game, whose name I'd never remembered up until now: Hero's Duty.