Jane sat at her desk, turning Kate's business card over in her hands.
Frost came up behind her and snatched it away.
"Hey!" Jane protested. Flashbacks of grade school filled her conscience.
"Call her," Frost shook the card. "Now."
"But I," Jane protested.
"Uh-uh," Frost held the card out to her pointedly. "Do it. Now."
Jane sighed dramatically and rested her head on her desk.
"Can you do it?" she whined. "You can pretend to be my secretary."
"Like hell!" Frost laughed. "Never seen you get so damn worked up over something so little as a phone call."
"I'm not good at this," Jane complained. "I'll mess it up."
"She gave you her card," Frost argued. "She wants you to call her. She wants to go out with you."
Jane snorted.
"Easy for you to say," she griped. "Look at you. Women throw themselves at you."
"Indeed," Frost grinned, Cheshire-cat wide. "And it's damn fine that they do. Now go make that phone call. When you're done, it's lunch time- you're buying."
Frost disappeared around the corner.
"No health food!" Jane yelled after him.
Standing, she shrugged into her blazer and picked up the business card. If she was going to do this, it sure as hell wasn't going to be in the crowded bullpen. She practically snuck towards the front door, bumping into Maura as the other woman exited the elevator, head buried in a manila folder.
"Sorry," Jane reached out instinctively to steady her friend.
"My fault," Maura assured, the smile not reaching her eyes. "I was distracted."
"Me too," Jane admitted. "Frost and I are going to get lunch in a minute. Wanna join us?"
"No, thank you," Maura demurred. She had been absent-minded and distant for days and it was driving Jane crazy.
"Aw, come on," Jane pressed. "I'm buying! And it's Frost's turn to pick so I'm sure it will be something grossly healthy that you will love like tofu and mung bean sprouts."
Her attempt at a joke had no effect on Maura's expression. The medical examiner's half-smile didn't even qualify as a smile.
"I'm just rather busy today," Maura replied. "But perhaps another time. Thank you for the offer."
Frost walked by them on his return to the bullpen.
"Stop stalling and call her!" he yelled.
"Shut up!" Jane yelled back. "Sorry," she turned to Maura. "Please come."
Maura barely met Jane's gaze. "I really wish I could," she lied.
And Jane knew it was a lie. She could see it written on every line of Maura's face. She briefly debated calling her on it but she knew it was neither the time nor the place.
"Well, if you change your mind," Jane let the offer hang.
"That's very considerate," Maura responded. "Thank you."
"Right," Jane nodded. "Well, I guess I'll see you later."
"I'm sure you will," Maura forced another fake smile before turning and walking back into the very elevator she had just exited.
Jane wanted to scream.
Instead, she shoved the front door open with far more force than necessary and took a few deep breaths when she was finally outside. The cool air was biting in her lungs and she relished it.
Dialing Kate's phone number, she found that her anger at Maura had evaporated most of her nerves.
"Hello?" Kate picked up the phone.
"Hi," Jane found herself smiling at just the single word. "This is Jane. We met the other day."
"Hmm," Kate pondered. "Jane? I just meet so many women, you know? Were you the one who hit on me at the library?"
"What?" Jane couldn't keep the indignant tone out of her voice.
Kate's laughter transmitted clearly through the connection.
"I'm teasing," she replied. "You saved me from myself when I passed out on the T a few days ago. I'm still recovering from my near fatal embarrassment. And I don't meet that many women."
Jane relaxed, breathing out the tension she only just realized had been so bottled up in her chest.
"Well maybe I can help with that," she offered. "Since you really have nothing to be embarrassed about."
"How about you help me with it this Friday evening, say around six?" Kate suggested.
"Um sure," Jane stammered, surprised by Kate's easy and relaxed nature. "That sounds nice."
"Do you have a place in mind?" Kate asked.
"Stoddard's," Jane replied, surprised at the suggestion.
"You have good taste," Kate told her, the flirtation unmistakable.
"What can I say?" Jane laughed. "I'm a sucker for a beautiful damsel in distress."
"Then it seems like you've come to the right place," Kate snickered. "What could be more attractive than a sweaty, barely conscious heat stroke victim?"
"You were the most attractive heat stroke victim I've ever encountered," Jane teased. "I promise."
"Right then," Kate giggled. "I suppose we'll have to explore the problems with your vision during our date. I'll see you Friday?"
"Yes," Jane agreed. "Friday."
"I'm looking forward to it," Kate responded. "Have a good day."
"Thanks," Jane felt practically giddy. "You too. Bye."
Kate had disconnected the call well before Jane found the resolve to sever the connection.
Frost broke her from her reverie by waving a hand in front of her face.
"Earth to Jaaane," he sing-songed. "Feed me!"
"Alright," Jane shook herself out of the trance. "Ok, ok. Where are we headed?"
She followed Frost to the cruiser and slid in behind the wheel. She was excited, albeit nervously excited, to meet with Kate.
But Maura's frowning, absent-minded behavior was tugging at Jane like a child desperate for attention.
"Maura seem a little weird to you this week?" Jane asked.
Frost pursed his lips, looked at Jane, and then averted his attention to something out his window.
"Why do you ask?" he deflected.
Jane wondered why he didn't just say yes since his attempts to deter her were so transparent. It made her anxious. Nervous.
"Is she mad at me?" Jane pressed.
"I really think you need to talk to her," Frost replied. "If you think that something is wrong."
"She won't tell me," Jane retorted, frustration evident in the way she slammed the brakes a little too hard. "I just need to know what I did wrong so I can figure out how to fix it."
"She's not mad at you," Frost hedged. "Per se."
"Not mad at me per se?" Jane echoed. "What the hell does that mean?"
"This isn't my place, Jane," Frost urged. "Talk to her. Ask her. Just… don't… be too much… yourself."
"Don't be too much myself?" Jane repeated incredulously. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means don't be like this," Frost threw his hands up in defeat. "Be gentle. If you want her to talk to you, then you have to listen."
"I listen," Jane protested. "I listen all the time!"
"Ok," Frost placated her. "Then I guess it won't be a problem for you."
"I listen," Jane muttered under her breath as they parked and exited the car. She continued to grumble to herself as they entered the deli. "I listen better than anyone you know. I'm a great listener!"
That Thursday, after a particularly long day for no particular reason, Jane found herself dreading going home.
Frost and Korsak both turned down her invitation to grab a drink so she found herself descending to the morgue to invite Maura.
The omnipresent hum of the refrigeration system and the stark whiteness had never been able to deter Jane from visiting. Not, that is, once Maura started working there.
Before, Jane had hardly ventured downstairs at all. She would read the coroner's reports, occasionally scope out a body she felt she needed to see in person, but that was pretty much the extent of it.
She certainly never entertained the idea of visiting the morgue for a social call. Or god forbid, at meal time.
"Maura?" she called out as the door closed behind her. "You in here?"
Maura poked out from around a corner.
"Oh," her voice was even, neutral. "Hello. How can I help you?"
"I uh," Jane was thrown by the formality of her voice, the passive expression on her face. "I was thinking we should grab a drink. You almost done for the day?"
Maura studied her intently for a minute.
"I'm not really in the mood to go out," Maura demurred.
"Please?" Jane tried not to whine, but in the end she failed. "I really don't want to go home right now. And I sure as hell don't want to go drink by myself. Pleeeeease?"
Jane threw in an exaggerated, pouty lip for good measure.
"Alright," Maura caved. "I'll be done in about fifteen minutes."
"Perfect," Jane grinned. "I'll be upstairs. Just come by my desk when you're ready. No rush!"
Jane fled before Maura could change her mind.
Fifteen minutes later on the dot, Maura was approaching Jane's desk, coat on, purse in hand.
"Where do you wanna go?" Jane asked. "Your choice."
"Somewhere quiet," Maura shrugged. "Your choice."
"Look," Jane hedged, noticing previously absent bags under Maura's eyes. "You don't have to. I understand if you're too tired or something."
She couldn't believe she was offering Maura an out.
Maura met her eyes and Jane felt the overwhelming urge to hug Maura. To pull her in close and just refuse to let go. She barely abstained, knowing the gesture would be unwelcome in the buzzing bullpen.
"Maybe we could just go to my place," Maura suggested. "I've got some wine and I think a few beers still."
"Yeah, that's great," Jane agreed immediately. "Sounds perfect."
"I'll see you in a few minutes then," Maura replied.
"Great," Jane nodded. "See you in a few minutes."
Maura turned and went to her car, Jane following closely. They parted in the parking lot and Jane slid behind the wheel of her cruiser. She let Maura go through a changing light, using the yellow glow as an excuse to give herself a bit of distance.
Detouring, she stopped for a few of Maura's favorite snacks before hurrying to Maura's house. At the door, she hesitated. She usually knocked and entered in one singular act. Maura's mood made her doubt herself.
She knocked and waited.
It felt like an eternity, and when Maura opened the door there was a question on her face.
"I didn't want to intrude," Jane blurted awkwardly.
"I invited you," Maura responded curiously.
"I know," Jane shrugged. "You just seemed… a little off this week. I wanted to give you the space you need. If that's what you need."
"Come in, Jane," Maura encouraged.
Jane had noticed the weariness emanating off of Maura at the precinct but here, defenses down in her own home, she seemed utterly exhausted. Defeated.
Jane entered, the bag of treats in hand, and made her way into the kitchen without speaking. She began to empty the contents, arranging things on a plate, when Maura sat at the counter and looked at her oddly.
"I brought you some snacks," Jane stammered, the scrutiny making her nervous.
"I see that," Maura replied evenly.
"Look," Jane bit, her desire to pressure Maura into being herself again bubbling up without warning. She took a deep breath to steady herself. "Sorry. That's not what I meant to say."
Maura looked at her expectantly.
"I meant," Jane evened her breathing, tried to keep her body language neutral. "That you seemed… not yourself this week. And regardless of the cause, I would like to be part of the solution. I hate seeing you upset. I just want to help. So whenever you're ready to tell me, I am willing to listen. And until then, I'm here for whatever else you need."
Maura looked like she was on the verge of tears.
Jane couldn't help herself. She reached out and wrapped Maura's hand in her own, squeezing gently.
"God, I hate seeing you like this," she bemoaned. "What can I do?"
"Let's just," Maura sniffed. "Have a drink and watch a movie."
"Fine," Jane nodded and tried to smile. "Absolutely. You go pick something out and I'll pour some wine."
Wordlessly, Maura set about preparing the movie as Jane poured wine, grabbed a beer for herself, and finished arranging the snacks. She brought everything over just as Maura was sitting down on the couch.
"Is Gone with the Wind ok?" Maura asked, adjusting the volume.
Normally Jane would have complained, again?
But she nodded and handed Maura the glass of wine, smiling.
"Yeah," she sat beside her friend on the couch. "That's great."
The movie rolled and Jane munched idly on the snacks. Maura didn't eat anything. Jane drank two beers and then quit, knowing she would be driving home. Maura barely sipped her first glass of wine.
Partway through the movie, Jane felt Maura inch incrementally closer to her. Unsure what the other woman was looking for, but willing to give her anything, Jane rested her arm along the back of the couch. Maura moved, with painfully slow motions over the next half hour, into the space against Jane's side.
A million things rushed to the tip of Jane's tongue but she swallowed them all. She had said she would wait, and listen. Now she actually had to wait, and listen.
Hopefully, when Maura was ready, she would tell Jane what was bothering her.
Maura shivered despite the temperate room and Jane pulled the afghan off the back of the couch, draping it over Maura's shoulders and leaving her hand to rest on Maura's arm. Maura burrowed slightly closer.
"You'd tell me," Jane rasped. "If something big was wrong."
Part question, part plea.
She thought about assaults, diseases, the daily perils they dealt with and how they could become a part of you- mentally and physically.
"Of course," Maura whispered. "I would tell you. I'm not dying. It's nothing like that."
Jane couldn't help the sharp exhalation in relief. Her hand tightened on Maura's skin of its own accord.
"Good," Jane sighed. "I'm glad. I mean, I'm sorry that something is wrong but… that's good."
"I'm sorry to worry you," Maura replied. "That's not my intention."
"Hey, hey," Jane soothed. "That's what family is for. They worry about you. No way around it."
Maura was still and silent beside her and Jane tried to focus on the movie but it was increasingly difficult.
Jane had done a lot of reading online when she began exploring her sexuality. It had been scary at first, and she had done it all in secret, deleting her browser history even though it was her personal laptop.
She remembered one of the things she had read with vivid clarity.
Never fall in love with a straight girl.
Even then she had known it was too late.
She had been in love with Maura since the moment they met.
She just hadn't realized that's what it was until much later.
And by that point, there was no turning back.
Now, she was trying to honor her new discovery by exploring all facets of her sexuality, and personality. She had been out with a few women, casual dates. It was awkward, like starting over as a teenager.
But there were parts of it that were incredibly liberating. She got to do things she didn't even know she'd been missing out on. It was fun and exciting and fulfilling. She started to get comfortable talking about it with her close friends and family. Sharing the new side of herself with them.
And there were certainly rewards to acknowledging her whole self.
Like going on a date with Kate.
The woman was beautiful and charming and Jane was innately drawn to her. Jane had an ulterior motive too though.
She hoped that finding a woman to fall in love with would help her stop being in love with Maura. Nothing else had worked so far.
Maura's weight fell more firmly against Jane and she looked down to see that the other woman had fallen asleep.
Even asleep, the worry did not leave her features.