Disclaimer: I don't own LotR
Notes: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry this chapter is short, but I wanted to upload it before I go on vacation this weekend.
Ahem I am warning you now this chapter is a bit shiptastic. Sorry. I really can't hep it. Besides, later chapters have other things to focus on, other than shipping, so I'm getting that in now.
Chapter Eleven
Day Two Hundred and Forty Three
Nimhel and Lýthril have been turned to the dark side by Glorfindel.
I was minding my business, reading a book on healing Celegeth brought me, when they approached and sat near me. They were both quite, which wasn't to odd because elves are capable of being very serenely pensive, but they were both looking at me.
I gave them my best why are you so weird look and then Nimhel smiled and asked "Do you know you love Gorvon?"
My response was very intelligent. I just stared blankly at her.
"What?"
She laughed and Lýthril sighed.
"Candes," Nimhel said, "elves are rather... perceptive, shall we say? And you are also our friend. We can tell that you are attracted to him and care deeply for him, which, combined, cause your love for him."
"I don't love him," I tried to explain, "I've known him for less than two hundred and fifty days."
"That is a long time for mortals, no?"
"And is that your excuse for denying your feeling?" Lýthril added.
"I am not denying anything. Denial would imply existence."
The two looked at each-other and shook their heads.
"Candes you are our friend. We want you to be happy, we will not judge you for having feelings for him."
"I hope you also won't judge me for not having feelings for him, because I don't."
They sighed again. In unison. It was creepy.
Then they left me to "think on it because really, everyone could see it."
Elves. Maybe they aren't as perceptive as everyone thinks.
Day Two Hundred and Forty Three, later
While at tea I asked Bilba "Bilba, you do not think I am in love with Gorvon, do you?"
He gave me an odd look and said "Aren't you?"
Hobbits aren't very perceptive either.
Day Two Hundred and Forty Four
Baradir showed up today. At lunch I asked him "Baradir, do you think I am in love with Gorvon?"
he shook his head and gave me an odd look. I was about to thank him but then he said, with a mean smirk, "I know you are."
"Why would you think that?! Why does everyone think that?!" I asked, admittedly rather dramatically.
"Would you like an essay or a simple list?"
I just sighed and lay my head in my hands.
"A list would be nice," I muttered.
So he made one. I am not kidding. He went around Rivendell to all of my friends and acquaintances and COMPILLED A LIST. And it gets worse; Erestor caught me struggling through it (because my reading skills are, okay, sub-par), and HELPED ME READ IT. He knew what it was. He agreed with certain points on it. I hate him a little.
Baradir's List of Why Everyone Thinks Candes Loves Gorvon
-Candes asks questions about Gorvon's life and family
-Candes receives gifts from Gorvon with extreme happiness.
-Candes seems more proud when Gorvon compliments her cooking than when another does.
-Candes blushed at the implication that she would make a good daughter-in-law
-Candes is always excessively happy when Gorvon shows up- more than any other Dúnedain
-Candes seems to hold Gorvon's opinion in high regard.
-Candes goes out of her way to comfort Gorvon when he seems to be feeling sad or guilty
These are all easily explained by the fact that he's the one who found me and that he is a good friend of mine. They can. All of them.
Well, maybe not some of them. But I am sure those one's have other reasons.
Day Two Hundred and Forty Five
I had a dream where I was talking to Gorvon but we were being attacked by paper planes made of Baradir's list.
I was in a very bad mood this morning.
Nimhel, of course, misinterpreted the situation and said, "Do not feel sad, Candes, we all think he loves you to."
I have been in a catatonic state in my bedroom ever since.
Gorvon can't love me; he doesn't. No way, Jose.
The weirdest thing just happened; for some reason the thought that Gorvon doesn't love me is... painful. It must just be because I value his opinion so much... but it hurts really badly for it to be that.
What is going on here?
I think I need to be catatonic for a little while longer.
Day Two Hundred and Forty Six
After a day of being curled up under the covers of my bed in a fetal position, I have come to a conclusion.
It was not easy to come to, but after examining the evidence in every light, and then sitting and thinking long and hard with myself, I have realized something I really would rather not realize.
I do love Gorvon.
I know what you're thinking, diary; you're thinking no, no way. That is impossible.
But aside from just Baradir's list, I have extra knowledge; my feelings. Like how I worry about him when he's off doing god knows what. And how he's always the person who's name I look out for in stories. And how I don't think I could ever love someone who wouldn't let me burn rabbit.
And... I could live with loving him. If Nimhel weren't so utterly wrong.
You see, I have every reason to love Gorvon. He's nice (mostly). He's smart. He's brave and funny and compassionate. Now that I've realize I do, unfortunately, love him, I can think of a million more reasons.
But why would he love me? I'm a good healer and cook (well, sort of), and I'm pretty, for a mortal. And... yep. That's it. I'm not very smart, or creative, and I sure as hell haven't been very nice to him. It's enough of a stretch that he's my friend.
He doesn't love me, and maybe that's why it's taken me this long to realize I love him.
God, fuck my life.
000
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