As always, thanks for the favorites and follows! Comments would be appreciated. :)
And fair warning: this is the second to last chapter!
The others return from their engagements, Clint and Natasha a little worse for wear, and things settle back to normalcy— at least, what the Avengers consider normal. Tony tells them that Thor stopped by for some magical aid in the ladies' department, and while he leaves out Loki being there, they've all noticed that Tony is suddenly healed. None of them ask, so he assumes they put the pieces together on their own but don't want to rock the Tony Stark boat of sobriety by potentially bringing up the God of Mischief.
He's glad they don't ask. He wants to keep the little tryst to himself.
They don't hear from Thor for a few weeks, which isn't unusual. Loki doesn't show up, either, and while Tony is somewhat disappointed, he feels better about this absence, like at least something was settled between them. It was sex, but it wasn't just sex. He doesn't know what else it was, and he doesn't know if it's going to go anywhere. He isn't sure if he wants it to. It went to hell fast the first time, and he and Loki are a match made with explosives at the foundation.
The thing is, Tony knows that he'll never find someone to handle him the way he is unless they're just as self-destructive, and Loki fits the bill. Loki can handle everything that Pepper never could because he's just as fucked up and just as reckless. The god has enough baggage to rival Tony's, and he basically steeps himself in chaotic passion. And Tony wants it. He really does. He tries not to think about it, but he wants it, and some nights, when he's been awake for thirty-six hours straight, he wants it so much it aches.
It's not healthy. He knows that. But it's right. He knows that, too, without a flicker of a doubt.
And, he realizes, that scares the ever-loving shit out of him.
Loki comes and goes over the next few months, giving Tony no warning before he appears.
Sometimes the gods pours through the air of Tony's workshop and strips him of his grease-stained clothes before pushing him up against his worktable. The first time Loki fucks him, Tony nearly passes out when he comes.
Sometimes the god's put together. Other times, he looks like he's just waged a war, and Tony finds that Loki wants to be caressed on those nights. Tony is too happy to oblige because he likes the way Loki's eyes flutter closed and his mouth opens in silent pleasure when he ghosts his fingers across the god's pale skin and presses gentle kisses to his inner thigh.
Sometimes Tony sees him sitting on top of a roof, watching him and the other Avengers work. No one else ever sees him, not even Thor, when he's on Earth. It's just Tony's eyes that keep darting to his location. He likes the way Loki rolls his eyes when Tony fucks up because he's too busy staring at the god.
Sometimes Tony wakes up in the middle of the night to the god sliding into his bed. They don't usually speak, and they don't wrap their arms around each other. He doesn't even acknowledge his presence, except to card a hand through his long hair. Loki sighs, sinks into the pillows, and sleeps.
Other times, Tony doesn't wake up when Loki slides into bed, but he does when he feels the god's cool fingers trace patterns across his chest and around the arc reactor. These are Tony's favorite nights because he loves the way Loki stares at him when he's bathed in blue light, and occasionally these nights lead to something terrifyingly like lovemaking, with gentle hands and lips and quiet gasps. Neither of them ever say anything, and Loki is usually gone before morning arrives.
Once, and only once, the god appears shaking and panting, eyes and hair wild and skin as blue as the deep ocean. He's freezing and inconsolable, unable to control his temperature, and Tony has to wrap him in a blanket before he can crush the god in an embrace so tight his arms quiver. It takes the better part of the night before Tony is able to warm the god enough so that his skin pales. Loki doesn't say how or why or what, and Tony doesn't ask, doesn't have a chance. As soon as he's Aesir again, Loki climbs on top of him, all reckless, emotional abandon, and he cries out so loudly when he comes that Tony's afraid the others will hear even though they all stay on different floors. They've both barely got their breath back before Loki disappears.
And that's the problem. The god gives him no warning before he vanishes, and Tony doesn't know where he goes when he's gone. He's not jealous, or even feeling clingy. He just wonders, but Loki still keeps his icy barricades up with a steadfastness that pisses Tony off, only ever letting them down in the dead of night when he's moaning against Tony's lips.
It's starting to irk Tony, but he doesn't say anything. Tony Stark is many things. He doesn't think he's a coward, but maybe he is, because even when his heart is doing mad gymnastics inside of his chest when the god appears, he can't admit a damned thing.
Yeah, he's definitely a coward.
It's the end of June, and Tony hasn't seen Loki in nearly a month when there's a swarm of small, robotic crab-like things scurrying through the city. No one is really sure where they came from. Initially, Tony wonders if Dickhead von Doom is branching out, but the crabs just don't suit the villain, and he's usually very vocal about his misdeeds, so they stop trying to figure out the source and instead go on the Avengers' version of the Deadliest Catch.
It's funny, at first, because it's just so ridiculous, but there are thousands of the little fuckers, and they're just small enough that it makes aiming at them difficult. Tony is ready to mute his comms, too, because he's really tired of listening to Clint alternately scream and cackle like a madman in his ear, but he doesn't want to have another talk with Steve about communication. He's gotten a stern talking to all too regularly for shutting them out in the midst of battle.
"This is seriously the worst prank ever," Tony grumbles. "They ruined Friday pancakes."
"I can make pancakes any day, Tony," Steve says, sounding strangely close to laughing.
Tony blasts a horde of the multi-legged bots and watches the sparks fly. They're annoyingly strong. "I wanted pancakes this morning, Cap. Not tomorrow. Not Sunday. This morning. This Friday morning. It's kind of our thing. But instead, here we are, and I can't even eat these fuckers because they're made of tin."
"They're actually made of vibranium, sir," Jarvis says casually.
"No one asked you," Tony snaps.
"They're kind of cute," Natasha says calmly.
Tony huffs. "I'm about ready to quit this thing." Then he watches the Hulk jump down from a building. The robotic crustaceans surrounding him fly into the air, metal legs flailing, and they all land with a crunch on the concrete. Tony doubles over in the air, wheezing he's laughing so hard. "Oh my god, never mind. This is the best. I need popcorn."
He's still laughing when something collides with his chest. He doesn't see what hits him, but suddenly he's spiraling towards the ground. He uses his repulsers to stop his descent, and as the hum of their burn dies down, he hears tapping, the sharp sound of metal against glass. He looks down and just stares. One of the robots has its little metal legs synched into the joints of his suit, and its front pinchers are banging at his chest like it's demanding entrance. Tony can't stop himself. He starts laughing again, almost doubles over in the air.
"What's so funny?" Clint asks.
"Sir," Jarvis states, "there are several microscopic cracks in the glass casing covering the arc reactor. It will shatter if the pressure is continued. I would advise immediate removal of the threat. "
"Wait, seriously?" Tony asks, then tries to pry the little monster off. It hangs on for dear life, and no matter how much muscle and metal he puts into it, the fucker doesn't budge.
"Uh, guys, I have a problem," Tony says. "These things are, uh, more durable than I thought. I have one stuck on my chest plate. They're like face huggers."
"Can't you just blast it off?" Steve asks.
"Not that simple." Tony swallows, tries to shove a hand between the little metal monster's pinschers and his arc reactor. It's only mildly effective. The pinschers dent his gauntlet until he can feel the strikes pinch through to his hand. "I don't think Jarvis was joking when he said they're made of vibranium. It's damaging my armor. And it's right over my reactor. I'm afraid I'll fry it if I try to shoot. It's digging for China, though, so the protective casing is kind of, you know, fucked."
"Well, shit," Clint poeticizes.
"Tony, where are you?" Steve asks at the same time Jarvis says, "Sir, the casing is at ten percent structural soundness."
Tony gapes and tries to pry the thing off with renewed vigor, snarling, "How the fuck is at already at ten percent?"
"Tony!" Natasha snaps, her voice rising unnaturally high with panic. "Give us a location!"
The casing cracks before he can reply, and Tony watches shards of it fall down to the ground below. He tries to wrench the crustacean off once last time, and manages to rip one of the pinschers off with a very mild thrust of the palm repulsor, but the other nails the reactor before Tony can stop it. The comms fizzle out and Tony watches in abject horror as the arc reactor's light flickers violently before it dies.
The repulsors fail, and then Tony is plummeting down to the ground. He thinks about how he's an idiot for not landing the second Jarvis told him the arc reactor was compromised. He can't do much about it now except hope that the fall doesn't kill him. It might. He was kind of high. But he has a semi-chance, maybe. He wishes Jarvis was online to tell him so. Or put him out of his misery with fact. Jarvis is always good at that.
The suit suddenly goes cold, and then everything he can see through the eyes of his faceplate goes back. He starts to panic, but before it settles, the world is back, Tony is sprawled on the ground, and a very angry looking Norse god glares daggers down at him.
He hasn't seen Loki in weeks, and he hates how the organ in his chest, which should be busy trying not to become a pincushion, kind of flutters. He chalks it up to panic, to some stupid life-before-his-eyes moment, because it's easier.
"What were you thinking?" Loki snarls, ripping the faceplate away with such ferocity Tony flinches. The god looks positively furious, his eyes gleaming with magic. "Why did I save you if you are only going to snuff out your meaningless mortal existence?"
Tony's shaken, and he can't respond. The cold air wafting off of Loki makes him shiver. Loki frames his vibrating hands around the reactor. The magic sinks through the suit and reaches skin. Tony lets out a shaky breath. He isn't the only one breathing heavily. Loki's chest heaves, and there's a wildness about him, in the way his eyes dart from Tony's face to his chest, the way his hair falls into his face.
It makes Tony's heart do the fluttery thing again and he swallows. "I have a replacement," he whispers. He sounds far away, even to himself. "At the tower. I have a replacement. I don't just die immediately when it gets taken out."
"Curse your replacement," Loki hisses, leaning forward. "I will kill you when this is over, Stark. I would save you just to kill you."
Tony laughs, because he doesn't know what else to do, and then his jaw drops as he watches shards of glass coalesce in the air around Loki. The god's eyes are emitting verdant light now, glowing brightly, and he spreads his fingers over Tony's chest until they overlap and cover the shredded reactor in his chest. His lips move, and Tony can't hear the words, but the air changes, charges and pops with energy, and he can't take his eyes off of Loki's face because the god looks terrifying and beautiful.
Tony doesn't need to look. He feels the reactor shifting in his chest, feels the sputter of power as it flares back to life before there's a spark, a zap that makes him shudder violently. The glass, floating conspicuously around Loki's shoulders, suddenly shoots forward and Tony closes his eyes, teeth clenched because fucking hell, he's got enough shrapnel imbedded within him, and the flying pieces of glass are too much for him to stomach.
"The suit is back online," Jarvis intones.
Tony opens his eyes slowly. He looks down. The reactor glows prettily behind its protective glass casing.
He's too stunned to really process it when Jarvis says, "I'm activating communications, sir."
"Tony! Are you there?" Steve all but shrieks over the comms.
He is, he wants to say, but his voice still isn't working. He thinks about how he should probably be dead, or at least on his way there, because even if he survived the fall, he doesn't know if they'd have been able to get the replacement reactor into his chest on time.
He looks at Loki. The light in the god's eyes dulls. His pupils are blown, and he's even more pallid than before. He slumps forward slightly, putting more weight against Tony's chest. He stares at his hands for a moment, the blue light of the reactor peeking through his fingers, and then he looks up at Tony from beneath dark lashes.
"Do not be so careless with your life," he says quietly, and even though his voice is controlled, even though the words don't shake, Tony can see the turbulent emotion in his eyes.
He thinks maybe Loki's heart might be flopping around in his chest like a fish out of water, too.
"Jarvis, comms off for a second," he rasps.
The AI follows orders, and then Tony grabs the god's leathers and hauls him forward. Loki's lips open in protest, but he doesn't have a chance to say anything because Tony crushes their mouths together. Loki struggles for three seconds before he growls against Tony and wraps his arms around the suit, embracing him despite the metal.
"You're pretty handy in a fight," Tony says against his mouth, then hisses and swats at Loki when the god bites down on his lip. "What was that for?"
Loki glares at him, then kisses him savagely.
Tony can't help but feel giddy.
"Sir, I am sorry to interrupt, but you should turn on your communications before Captain Rogers has a heart attack," Jarvis states.
Tony sighs and loosens his grip on Loki. "Turn them on, Jarv."
Loki sighs and pulls back. He touches Tony's face gently, cool fingers tracing his cheekbone, before he stands.
Tony takes the hand the god offers as he hears the telltale click of his comms coming online. "Hey, guys. Surprise!"
"Thank god," Steve exhales. "Are you injured?"
"No," he says, and Tony feels momentarily guilty. The Captain sounds like he's aged another hundred years. "I'm all right."
"I was just calling dibs on your Xbox One," Clint says good-naturedly.
Natasha exhales loudly. "Where the hell are you, Stark? Are you in one piece?" She doesn't wait for him to respond. "Yes? Fantastic. We're still overrun by these things and we could use your help."
Loki leans forward, suddenly grinning, and says, loud enough for the comms to pick up, "Agent Romanoff, allow me to be of service."
"Is that who I think it is?" Clint says.
"Loki?" Steve says.
"Perfect," Natasha says, and Tony can hear the smile in her voice.
Tony doesn't answer. He watches Loki snatch one of the scrambling bots off of the ground. He holds it out, studies it with an expression of disgust, and then the robocrab begins to glow Loki's trademark green. He doesn't shatter it. He doesn't destroy it. He gently sets it back down on the ground, and then Tony watches at the crab begins to scurry around dumbly. A few crabs gather around it, and then they shudder, green electricity transferring between them. Sixty-seven seconds after being magicked— Tony has Jarvis time it— the first glowing bot topples over and powers down.
"What did you do?" Tony asks, awed.
Loki raises a brow cooly. "What do you Midgardians call it when your technology is infected? A virus, I believe?"
It takes Tony a minute to get his tongue working. "You're kidding. You just bugged them with a magical virus. No fucking way."
Loki shrugs. "I cannot accomplish such feats with more accomplished technologies, such as the robotics in your laboratory. However, while hardy, these pests are quite rudimentary."
"I am so turned on right now," Tony states, one-hundred percent serious.
"Tony, the comms!" Steve groans.
Tony throws his hands into the air. "You want them on or do you want them off, Captain Prude? Because you're giving me all these mixed signals."
Clint is laughing, and Tony is, too, but then he notices that Loki's stepping away. He reaches out and grabs the god's wrist.
"Oh, no you don't," he says, trying to be cheeky, but really, his heart is pounding so hard it hurts because he's afraid that the god is going to do it again. "Where do you think you're going, IT Crowd?"
Loki just smiles blandly, and Tony hates the feeling that curdles in the pit of his stomach.
He's definitely going to do it, he thinks, and Tony's voice drops to a whisper. "Loki. Don't go. Not yet."
The god's eyes soften, and then he's gone, and Tony is left standing alone.
When Tony finally makes it back to his workshop hours and hours later after a painful debriefing and a swarm of questions from his comrades, he carefully removes the arc reactor from his chest and studies it. Nothing is out of place. It's a perfect piece of tech, and if Tony didn't know any better, he would think he made it. Which he did, except then he unmade it with the help of a robot crab, and then a god put it back together like it was a piece of cake.
When he has Jarvis scan it, the AI notes the traces of Loki's magic that run through it like a circulatory system.
So, sometimes, even though he's trying to remain sober, Tony drinks himself stupid. He doesn't do feelings, but they apparently do him, and he needs to drown himself in something else before he thinks too much about the fact that his tin man's heart, which keeps him alive and is impervious to mind control and has changed clean energy for the better, is really, really, really fucking compromised.