I have the best readers of all FF; the response in the last chapter was unbelievable so THANK YOU! Your continuous support and encouraging words is what keeps me going. I'm so happy the story has not gone stale, I was very worried. Not so long ago several of you asked me about what I'm explaining in this chapter. I hope that all your questions are answered. If not please don't hesitate to pm me.
I want to give a shout out to my good friend, Ratts. Check out her new story The Sun and the Moon. It's very different and a great read. Give it a try; I know you'll like it and will keep going back for more.
Disclaimer 1: I do not own Twilight.
Disclaimer 2: Please be warned that this chapter will include physical abuse. I DO NOT promote, condone or accept abuse in any shape or form.
Chapter 26
Seth walked out of the bathroom freshly showered and shaved. He knew he still had to keep the façade, if he didn't people would start to wonder why was Jake treating him differently. Just the fact that he was not black and blue all over was enough to stir the pot. Both father and son observed him as he walked towards the door to get the breakfast that was left next to it every morning.
"It's good that you two have the frame of mind of trying to keep up appearances. I'm very concerned, whether it's the spies the West has planted here or the informers the council pays off, anyone could harm him just to get to you. Jake, nobody can know about this, he would turn into your Achilles heel." As Billy was saying this Seth was setting up for breakfast. He turned to look at his master with obvious concern. The slave was not worried about his well-being; he always placed others before himself. After so many years of servitude he didn't know if it was inherent to his character or an acquired skill.
Sensing Seth's distress Jacob turned to look at him and smiling motioned for the slave to come closer. "Hey I don't want you worrying about any of this; you have enough to worry about with all the dickheads with permanent boners in this house." Said Jacob after coaxing the submissive to sit on his lap. The slave was self-conscious about such a display of affection. Billy's smile helped him feel comfortable enough to bring his legs up on the bed and rest his face on his master's ample chest, his new favorite place to be.
"My son is right; you have him, Edward, me, and pretty soon Quil to keep you safe. Just be smart about this, no going down to the lower level by yourself." Seth shivered when the memory of the dramatic consequence of his fateful trek on the lower level hit him. "Jake if I may say something, he looks too healthy; he needs to look like any of your other slaves."
"Damn it! Edward said the same thing, listen to me I will not hit him." Jake's outburst made Seth jump on his lap; he lifted his head to look at his master when he felt his form shake.
"Sorry babe." Jake nuzzled the sub's cheek to comfort him. Sighing Seth reclaimed his spot on his master chest.
"Son I know you don't want to do that, I don't blame you; I wouldn't either. But you have to look at the big picture, if our enemies catch wind of your relationship, who do you think they will come after? A chain is as strong as its weakest link. Subs are outstanding, talented and smarter than most wolves, but what they have in intellect they lack in physical prowess." Billy made a lot of sense, as if it was not enough trying to observe all the rules and regulations regarding the submissives they needed to worry about a completely different set of problems. But Jacob was not really listening to his father's logic; he was too busy analyzing his words.
"You seem to know a lot about submissives." Said Jacob, eyeing his father suspiciously.
"Now that I see that you have obviously changed your ways about subs, I'll let you in on a little secret. For years I've been trying to find information that could help dissuade the council from the use and abuse of subs. It's shameful that we resurrected an abominable practice such as slavery. There is so little out there, we've been led to believe they never existed before. I found some ancient scrolls a few years back, they are written in old Quileute and I can barely understand them. Now I regret never paying attention when my father tried to teach me." Billy chuckled lightly at a distant memory of better times. "The few words I could understand were submissive, protective, pregnant and gifts. These scrolls are at least a good two centuries old and the submissives are mentioned. This means that they have always existed; I don't know why we have been led to believe they popped out of the earth only after the pandemic."
"I searched the East coast for tribal libraries, there were none. They had been burned to the ground; we found some books in the council center of one of the reservations. But they were no help, I read them cover to cover and there was no mention of submissives. Somebody went through a lot of work to hide something, but I don't know what it might be. There is someone out there who doesn't want us to find out some important truth and I suspect it has to do with these guys." He said pointing to Seth.
"What makes you think that, dad?" Asked Jacob with a glimmer of hope. Maybe someone out there had the key that would permanently unlock Seth's collar.
"It just doesn't add up. During the pandemic chaos broke out, the shelves of the grocery stores were cleaned out and the pharmacies were picked clean but nobody cared about books. There was too much death around us to stop and pick a good book you know. When the government failed all we had left was burying our dead and live day to day. Why were our libraries burned?" Billy stopped talking and watched the morning sky through one of the windows. Every time he spoke of the pandemic the pain and uncertainty of that time came back to haunt him. He had asked himself the same questions over and over again and never reached a reasonable conclusion. It was painful to accept that some wolves disregarded knowledge of their traditions in such blatant way. It was scary to think that somebody did all this on purpose.
What will always fill him with shame was that for years he had been playing their sick game. Purchasing man after man for his son to slaughter, he knew in his heart that it was wrong to support such twisted system. Unfortunately for the dozens of men who died at Jacob's hands the welfare of a complete stranger meant very little when compared with his son's happiness. The Aleph knew that even if it was a false happiness his son would feel something like joy, or at least that was what he told himself so he could sleep at night. Billy shook his head to dissipate the self-loathing thoughts. "Your breakfast is getting cold, guys."
Master and slave noticed the pained expression in Billy's face but decided against pointing it out. They walked to the table where Jacob sat down in his usual chair. "Jake, will your father like me to go get him something from the kitchen?" Seth stood to Jacob's left; he couldn't bring himself to address Billy.
"I don't know, why don't you ask him?" Jacob took Seth's small hand in his and rested them on the table.
"I can't." Whispered Seth. "I don't know if I should address him or wait for him to give me permission to speak. It's very confusing Jake, when I was just a slave it was very clear what was expected of me and there was minimum guessing; now I don't know where I stand."
"You won't offend me Seth." Intervened Billy having listened to every word the slave uttered. Billy's voice had a softness that Seth had never heard in the Aleph, almost like an Alpha command that instead of obedience, brought peace. "You're part of my son's life now; that means you're part of mine too. When it's just us feel free to talk to me as much and in any way you want. Until the day we figure out how to attain your freedom when we're with others you'll behave like you always have. I don't like it one bit but there is no way around it."
"Sir would you like me to get you breakfast?" Seth's voice was almost imperceptible and his eyes stayed glued to the floor like he feared getting in trouble.
"No thank you, I'm not particularly hungry." Billy's voice was warm and fatherly. Since the day he saw Seth at the auction he felt drawn to him like a moth to the light. He couldn't explain it, but he needed to buy the small man with the saddest pair of eyes he had ever seen in a person. The other two slaves were in much better condition and he was advised by Carlisle to leave Seth, he feared the small wolf wouldn't survive one day with Jacob. The price was very steep and they needed to be practical. The Aleph wouldn't hear it, the slave needed to come to his house. "I think I better go, I intruded enough already."
"Dad, don't leave yet, stay a little longer. It's been so long since you visited me here, the last time was…" Jacob's voice trailed off as he remembered the last time his father had entered his room. His memories punished him; it was unnecessarily cruel for him to starve the submissive. The way he treated him afterwards made his breath get stuck in his throat, he could still smell the coppery scent of Seth's blood and see the gashes and welts produced by the belt. He diverted his eyes to the slave who remembered all too well what had transpired that day. He could still feel the sting of the belt on his skin and the pain of his broken nose. He shuddered at the image of having been made to eat his own vomit.
All pretenses of having breakfast went out the window; Jacob could barely swallow his own spit, much less any food. He pushed the plate towards Seth and motioned for him to sit. "Pup, there is no sense in wasting all this food, sit down and eat."
"Jake you'll be working outside all day, you need to eat." Seth placed scrambled eggs and ham over a piece of toast and offered it to his master. Jacob couldn't help thinking how adorable he looked. His puppy eyes pleading to him, he couldn't deny anything to such a gentle loving creature. Jake wished he had half of the submissive's strength so he could forgive those who had wronged him. It takes more courage, strength and character to forgive than to hold on to destructive feelings. He didn't present much resistance and took a bite out of it.
Billy observed the interaction between master and slave in awe. For one so simple and insignificant Seth sure had a lot of power over Jacob. He knew that what was radiating from both of them was real love. Their feelings remained unprofessed but that didn't mean they were nonexistent, it was quite the opposite. It's true what they say, true love doesn't need words; it speaks directly to the heart. Their relationship was not perfect, far from it, but it was real and it was committed. His son allowed himself to be loved and to love in return. Jake had been so blind; he closed himself to the possibility of being happy. The little wolf freed his master, he took the most powerful weapon known to man and used to crush the chains that retrained his master. Now Jake could soar, he was free to love.
Before leaving the room Seth brought his collar to Jacob so he could lock it in place. "Damn it I hate this fucking thing." Stated Jacob hissing between his teeth. Before placing the wretched piece of metal on Seth's neck the master feathered it with kisses. His kisses were light but filled with emotion. Their bodies weren't touching but both men could feel the heat emanating from each other's body. Seth shuddered when the softness of his master's lips and a hint of his warm breath hit his skin. It stirred feelings in him that if Billy hadn't been there, he would've acted on them. This was a ritual Jake came up with to make the painful task of placing the collar on Seth more bearable. Like Jake was trying to create a barrier between the cold metal and his puppy's warm skin.
Billy looked away to give them privacy, he loved the change he was witnessing in his son and prayed that he wouldn't stray away and fall back to his old routines. The trio walked down the hallway with the slave two steps behind them. Annoyance and guilt riddled Jacob's thoughts; he glanced back at his boyfriend only to find him walking behind them in complete submissive mode.
Another month passed in which Seth barely saw his master. He would be gone for several days at a time taking turns between the harvest and patrolling. Every day the West would push the boundaries more and more. Nobody felt safe, everybody kept looking over their shoulder as they did their patrols. The wolves from the individual packs under Billy's command were advised to move in pairs and stay close to their pack. Even Quil was asked to put off his quests until it was safer. Nobody knew when exactly things would improve but they all agreed that it would get worse before it got better.
After so long without spending a whole day together master and slave welcomed Jacob's day off, the first one in a month. It didn't matter that he was the son of the Aleph he had to work as hard as everyone else. They decided to make the most of it and left the manor right after breakfast. It was a perfect autumn day, one of those that occur more frequently in the imagination than in reality. The alpha wouldn't tell the sub where they were going or what his plans were. All he said in reply when Seth asked was 'it's a surprise'. Jacob removed Seth's collar and they both phased. They had to be very careful and guard their thoughts zealously. The slave had a lot more control than the master. It had nothing to do with the intensity of his feelings. Because of his nature the slave had learned to be restrained in everything, how he talked, how he acted and even how he thought. Jake never had to answer to anyone; he could just be as impulsive as he wanted.
They ran for forty-five minutes in a direction Seth didn't recognize. Jacob had been quiet the whole time; the submissive wondered what was keeping his thoughts so busy. He could sense hesitance, apprehension and a deep sadness coming from his master. All he wanted to do was phase so he could surround him with his arms and comfort him. The slave didn't recognize any of the landmarks in that area, not even the scent of any wolf. It was like they were in another dimension, a place untouched by human hands. They crossed a small wooded area with a thick growth of plants and trees. Many trees were in the process of losing their leaves which added to the canvas of abundant oranges, yellows, browns and purples. What awaited them on the other side was undeniably the most beautiful place Seth had ever seen. It was like being inside a dream.
Jacob asked Seth to phase and after donning their simple attire they stood by the entrance. The submissive looked at the sad expression on his master's face and wondered how he could be sad in such a wonderful place. The master sought the sub's hand and after interlacing their fingers they walked in together. The submissive was worried that somebody could see them holding hands, sensing his nervousness the alpha stopped walking and turned to look at him. "Don't worry, nobody is allowed to come here. The wolves have been ordered to stay at least a mile away from this place; they patrol around it but can't see it."
Seth wanted to ask where they were but decided to wait for his master to offer the information. The slave took in his surroundings; they were in what seemed to be the entrance to a garden. A majestic array of rose bushes framed the entrance filling it with their aroma. There was a backdrop of evergreen plants that provided varying shades of green. The multiple flower beds contained what the submissive could only guess were flowers for every season. It was early fall and the place was covered by a blanket of colors. It was filled with plants that contained so many blooms that Seth chuckled thinking it was a flower that really liked to show off.
"This is my mom's personal garden of Eden. Her body rests right there." Jacob pointed to a tombstone that had blended in the back, guarded by the flowers and the plants. "She loved flowers so we thought it would be fitting to give her a garden. Since we laid her body to rest nobody has been here except my father or me and now you of course. The wolves know that if dad scents them here it would be hell to pay. We didn't want anybody soiling this sacred place with their presence."
"I feel honored that you consider me worthy of coming here. I promise to honor it just like you do." Stated Seth respectfully, keeping with the seriousness the occasion.
"I know you will. This is the place I come to when I feel overwhelmed or like the weight of the world is going to crush me." Jacob paused for a minute, his mind very far away.
"Do you know what day is today?" Seth shook his head in negation.
"Today, one year ago you arrived at my house. I could live forever and it won't be long enough to make up for everything I did to you." Seth placed one hand on his master's cheek and he leaned against the touch. The slave knew it always helped him when he did it. "You must be thinking that I've lost my mind bringing you here today but there is method to my madness. I know everything about you, from the day you were born to how many worms you and your sister ate when you decided to see who could eat more before barfing, which was disgusting by the way." They both chuckled lightly before the alpha continued.
"I thought it would be fitting to reveal my past to you. I don't know if I'll be able to do it, I'm having second thoughts about it. I fear what you'll think of me… I'm so ashamed. I haven't spoken a word of this in many years. My father always encouraged me to talk and share my feelings, to lighten the load, but it was just too much. I tried to avoid thinking about it but the memories chase me and when they catch up with me it is like rubbing salt on a wound."
Seth gently guided his master to a rustic looking bench and made him sit, kneeling in front of him between his legs. "My Jake, don't think for one second that I will judge or think less of you. You've made mistakes; we all make then, you dust off your clothes and keep going. You cannot dwell in the past and most importantly, you cannot stop living." The slave wiped a solitary tear sliding down his master's face. He had a way to speak directly to the alpha's spirit. It was like he knew what his master needed to hear.
Jacob nodded and managed to give Seth a dim watery smile. Seth stood up and offered his small but strong hand to his master. It took them just a few steps to stand before Sarah's resting place. The slave knelt respectfully and his master followed suit. The submissive read the tombstone out loud, "Sarah Wilde-Black 2867-2906"
"Dad, her and Carlisle were childhood friends, even though Carlisle was two years older. She was very smart and after high school the obvious course of action was college. They got married in her sophomore year and moved to a tiny apartment near campus. Dad used to say it was a glorified closet. He worked two jobs to pay her tuition and she bused tables to make ends meet. But they didn't care, they were madly in love and could've been living under a bridge and would still manage to be happy. My mom wanted to make a difference, she was a dreamer. She had so many plans; she wanted to go to a third world country and work at a health clinic. She wanted to bring immunizations and vitamins to children in impoverished areas. In a way she was like you, completely selfless. In her second year of med school she gave birth to me, she was twenty three years old. Six years later the entire world turned to shit and she was faced with the task of pronouncing dead most of her family and friends. She was terrified of losing me and asked my father to keep me at home at all times and to not open the door to anyone. That wouldn't hold off the fucking virus but she felt better at lEast trying to keep it out of our lives. My ancestry protected me and we were one of the few families that remained intact."
"As you know after the pandemic war erupted, first with the leeches and a few years later between the East and the West. I grew up watching my parents go off to fight, not knowing if I would see them again. My godfather, Carlos, was and still is, too much of a chicken shit to fight so he stayed back and babysat. I didn't mind, he was fun and would let me eat anything I wanted. At that time they hadn't realized the scarcity of females and hadn't turned them into porcelain dolls. My mom fought shoulder to shoulder with dad in his pack as the female alpha. All the wolves loved and respected her, she had a way to reach out to them and act as a mother figure to all." Seth was amazed of his master's appearance. Like a new father he was positively radiant as he beamed with pride and love. It was a troubled time but the strength of the bonds Jake shared with his parents remained intact even after so many years. Just remembering his mom was enough to put a smile on his face, no wonder he would seek refuge in that sacred place.
"When I was sixteen I phased for the first time and joined my parents in the front. My mother always kept me by her side, I worried that she would get distracted and somebody could hurt her but it never happened. During one especially nasty battle I caught sight of a couple of wolves from the West running away from the fight. Against any logical judgment I went in pursue thinking they were scared and would lead me to their camp. My mom called after me but I wanted to prove myself and ignored her. She and two other soldiers took off and soon caught up with me. Those two motherfuckers were fast, my legs were burning and I couldn't catch my breath but I wouldn't quit. Eventually we realized we couldn't hear the battle anymore, but thought that we had already traveled so far that there was no point on turning back. We should've gone back…" The radiance from Jacob's face was covered with a shroud of guilt and shame. There was no more pride being projected from him, like turning off a light what emanated from him was darkness.
"It happened so fast, they jumped from all around us and killed the two soldiers. My mother and I stood back to back and fought with all we had but they were just too many. They overtook us and the last thing I remember before everything going black was watching as the two wolves we had been chasing phased to human form. I was dumbfounded and shook my head trying to wrap my mind around the fact that we had been lured into a trap by two submissives." Seth's brows knitted together unsure of what to think. His normally caramel complexion turned pale and his spirit was overcome with sadness. Of course they would use submissives, they were faster than most dominants and followed orders without question.
"Is that why you hate submissives so much?" Asked Seth.
"Yeah…" Stated the alpha chuckling sadly. "That and the fact that they remind me of my own weakness. I, Jacob Black, son of the Aleph, was willing to betray my father just so my agony would end." At that point Jacob started shaking lightly. His fists were clenching and unclenching, his jaw was tense as he tried to keep his wolf in check. Seth had no idea what he was talking about but knew that soon enough he would learn what it meant.
"I woke up in human form in a cell. My hands were bound with chains that went up and all the way around my neck. I tried to take in my surroundings, there were no windows and as far as I could tell there was nobody else there. I hoped that they had let my mother go free, again I sadly was mistaken. As I sat there trying to figure out a way to get out that I got myself into I heard the most horrifying sound ever, my mother's bloodcurdling screams." A chocked sob escaped the master's throat, he was mournful for what he lost that day. He remembered every detail, sounds and smells, it was something he would never forget.
"I started banging on the bars with my bound fists and calling my mother. They noticed I was awake and brought me to her, she was barely recognizable, her eyes swollen shut, her nose visibly broken and her lip busted. I wanted to kill them all but if I tried to phase the damn chain would choke me. As I got closer to her I could smell several foreign scents on her… in her. The bastards had abused her in every possible way. I cursed their existence; I prayed that one day I would get the chance to wring their miserable throats until their eyes budged out." This was a sight Seth was used to, the deep seated anger that constantly threatened to take over. That anger that with time instead of getting better got worse. It turned into resentment, bitterness and aggression. Consuming every positive feeling inside him and spitting out a hollow shell of a man. Still Seth pitied him; his hatred for these men was only surpassed by the hatred he felt towards himself.
"A man that looked about eighteen years old kept asking her questions and every time a question went unanswered he would kick her face or her stomach. He wanted to know the location of my father's camp, but she didn't know. Neither one of us did. Dad made sure to change the location every other day and the day we were taken he was bound to move. Of course they didn't believe her; they just kept pounding her until she lost consciousness." Seth had been inching towards his master, he was unsure of how to proceed. All he knew was that his master was in obvious distress. The man he loved was experiencing the worst pain of all, pain of the spirit. He slowly ran his fingers up and down the arm closest to him, while the other hand rubbed small circles on his master's back.
"They left us in the interrogation room and as soon as they closed the door I ran to my mom. I wanted to comfort her, at least get her head off the filthy floor but I couldn't. My mother was so beautiful. I wish you could've seen her. Her skin was a little lighter than mine but much softer. Long raven hair, thin but muscular body and she always smelled good. Like jasmine and roses. But the woman before me didn't look like that at all; she was a mass of blood and bruises, her hair was stuck to her head and her scent was unrecognizable."
"After a few hours they returned and woke her up to continue the interrogation. When they realized they couldn't get anything out of her they turned to me, saying that watching me suffer would loosen her tongue. They asked me the same questions they asked my mom, every time I said I didn't know they would kick or hit me. It went on for a long time, I lost track of time but from what I could tell it was several hours. My mother pleaded with them. She begged them to leave me alone. They saw her resolve falter and changed their strategy. One of the submissivess that led us to the trap brought a whip. They sat me backwards on a chair, undid the chains around my wrist only to pull my arms around the back of the chair and bind them again. They started flogging me, not even caring to count. It was not a punishment, it was simple torture. They didn't need a number, they would stop when my body couldn't take it any longer and my spirit would soar to the heavens. Soon enough my back was left in shreds, I could feel the blood trickling down my naked behind, its coppery smell surrounding us." It dawned on the slave that this was the reason for his master's strict rule of no flogging. He knew how inhumane and painful it was; he experienced it in his own skin.
"Then they stopped, I felt so relieved when I couldn't feel the sting of the whip anymore. I raised my face to look at my mom who they sat up and were forcing to watch. All the sudden I saw her expression change, she was looking at something behind me that filled her with fear. She started begging again, she even offered to become their bitch if they let me go. My mom would rather turn into a whore and be tortured on a daily basis than see me suffer. My mom loved me like only a devoted mother can. They were all laughing as I struggled against the chains, throwing insults at me. They said that the one they would turn into a whore was me; that I would beg for a death that would never come. They would bring me to the brink of death only to pull back enough for me to heal. They offered me a deal, if I told them where to find my father they wouldn't do what they were about to. Again I said I didn't know and that's when I felt it. The motherfuckers brought a vat of salt and began rubbing salt on my back. It was the most excruciatingly painful sting ever. I doubt there is anything out there that could compare. To add to my agony they roughly scrubbed my back at the same time. I heard these beast-like howls and realized the animal was me, the voice was mine." Seth's heart was sickened by the horrors his master endured. He had seen more than his share of mistreatment and cruelty but it was part of his nature to care. His levels of empathy were one of his better traits. The idea of his master howling in pain filled his eyes with tears that he refused to let escape, today was about Jacob. He had his day to cry and be comforted when they visited his house. The roles were reversed and his master was the one who needed love and understanding, something he was more than willing to offer.
"I would've told them, I would've betrayed my father, my pack brothers and my friends. I was so weak, if I had known; my father would've been dead within the hour. The worst thing was that I didn't care what happened to anyone, the only person that mattered was me, old selfish me." Jake spoke so fast that Seth could barely follow. "I couldn't handle it anymore and gave them a false location. I knew my father must've been looking for us. Hopefully this would give him enough time to reach us." Jacob bore the heavy burden of shame and self-loathing, two of the most devastating forces in the world. The master agonized with such heavy burden, for years he had been carrying it unable to find a way to free himself from it.
"They left me tied to the chair and exited the room. As soon as the last wolf stepped out my mother slowly walked towards me. She held my face between her hands and kissed my sweaty forehead. I cried like a baby, I couldn't speak since I lost my voice from all the screaming. She cradled me the best she could under the circumstances. Not even once she chastised me for signing our death warrant. We both knew that if my dad didn't get to us before they came back, they would most likely kill us both. We were both exhausted, my mom sat beside me and we both drifted off to sleep. I woke up with a start when the door was slammed open and an irate wolf came in. It was the same young man that interrogated me earlier. He started cursing my name and backhanded me several times. My mom grabbed his hand to make him stop but she was very weak, he got lose and pushed her back several feet. From what I gathered he was the son of the leader of the West, an Alpha like me. His father left him in charge of the interrogations and more than anything he was pissed because I made him look like a fool."
"He untied me but kept the chain around my neck to prevent me from phasing. Anyway I doubted I could even if I tried. Pulling me to my feet he motioned for one of the guards to bring my mom closer. She looked at me and her expression instead of fear, read peace. My mom was ready to join our ancestors, watching her stand proudly before me infused me with strength and I too stood to my full height. The room became silent when the alpha asked me for the last time to disclose my dad's location, threatening to kill my mom if I didn't. He held a dagger on his right hand and he placed the sharp blade against my mother's throat. I still remember how the light from the fluorescent light above us reflected on the polished metal. I stayed silent, our fate was sealed anyway. I would rather leave this earth with the little dignity I had left intact."
"He smiled malevolently and looked from my mother to me and back to her. He motioned for a soldier to come closer and told him to hold my left arm behind me. He held me from the back rubbing my raw skin with my own arm and making me hiss in pain. Another wolf stood on the side opposite to the alpha and held me tightly around the waist. It was game over, there was no hope, there wouldn't be any rescue. He…" Jacob hesitated, taking a few calming breaths.
"He placed the dagger on my hand, closed my fist around it and wrapped my hand with his. I had no idea what he was going to do until he brought the dagger back to my mother's throat. He told me it was my last chance, that if I didn't talk… I would kill my mother." The terror of that day came back to haunt the alpha. The groan that escaped him was one of sheer terror. It was a low stifled sound that originated in his soul. Seth knew that sound all too well; he had heard it coming from himself one too many times.
"I couldn't do something so despicable; I was not going to kill my mom. I trashed around and fought, he said he was fed up with my childish act and pierced my mom's skin with the dagger that I held in my hand. We sliced horizontally, blood spraying all over my face in spurts as we did it. I heard a gurgling sound and realized my mother was choking on her own blood as she tried to breathe." The sorrowful convulsive sound that emanated from deep inside the master's chest resembled more the howl of a wolf than the voice of a man. He gasped for breath between sobs, an unending stream of tears rolling down his face and ending up in the soil. The master crumpled in Seth's arms, seeking solace in the arms of his lover. Seth tried to blink away the tears that were welling in the corners of his eyes and making his vision blurry. All around him he started noticing the dead flowers rotting away on the floor, the cold appearance of the stone that held Sarah's name, the utter silence around them. The beautiful garden had turned into what it was, a cemetery.
"A soldier opened the door and said there was some altercation. They released me and my mother before running out. I caught my mother as she collapsed, thankfully she was already unconscious. I sat on the floor and pulled her to my lap asking for her forgiveness over and over again. I had killed my own mother, if I wouldn't have been a coward I would've phased and before we both knew it I would be gone. I watched her chest rise and fall with difficulty, then it stopped. She was gone… my mommy was gone forever." Jacob's sounded like a scared little boy on a stormy night. His whole body shook violently, more than would be needed for phasing. He would never stop grieving his mother, nobody expected him to. It was the only thing he could do to mitigate the pain of the loss. He knew he would never get over losing his mother, but needed to learn to live with it without wallowing in self-pity. Easier said than done, the truth was that the vast emptiness his mother's passing left couldn't be filled.
"Oh my God mommy I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't want to do it, please mom believe me please…" Jacob threw himself over his mother's grave and fisted handfuls of dirt while wailing in desperation. Seth knew he needed this and didn't interfere. He stood back for some time and when his master slowly began regaining his composure he sat up and the slave immediately rounded his chest with his arms. The master knelt on the moist ground while Seth hugged him from behind. Digging his face into his master's back and clinging to him firmly, even though he did it for Jake's benefit and not his own. Eventually the alpha's cries subsided into whimpers and then ceased altogether.
"I don't know how much time passed before the door flung open and my father ran in. His face contorted in horror and pain when he realized his mate was gone. Like a flash of light in the dark night my mother's life shone brightly and died quickly. He took her from me and wailed as the anguish of his wounded heart overwhelmed him. Carlisle came towards me and looked at my back with concern etched on his features. He took some salve and tried to lather it on but I batted his hand away. I didn't want anybody to touch me, I didn't deserve it."
"We walked out of that damn room and went up some steep stairs. The room was located in some basement. The light of the sun blinded me for a few seconds until I got accustomed to it again. I took in my surroundings and saw my father's pack piling bodies to burn them. I felt a sick satisfaction when I saw the alpha, the one who with my help killed my mother, burn to a crisp. Carlisle suggested to my father that they should burn my mother's body or bury her there. To both suggestions my father gave a deep throaty no. His voice was filled with sorrow and thick with tears. They wrapped my mother's body with a clean bed sheet and after my father phased they secured her to his back. Carlisle carried me on his back since he insisted I shouldn't phase. The next day we laid her body to rest here. From that moment my father gave the order forbidding any wolf to set foot in this place."
"When I was strong enough I went to my father and confessed what I had done. I told him I understood if he banished me, that anything wouldn't come close to the pain I felt for what happened. He didn't reply, no sound escaped his lips. My father turned his back to me and asked me to leave his presence. That was the first time I disappointed him, unfortunately it was not the last. For weeks he didn't even look my way. He was in mourning for having lost the love of his life and the son he used to have. I became a hermit and hid in my room day and night. One day he walked in my room and told me he forgave me. A week later we went into battle and won. We offered our victory to my mother but there was no celebration. A little after that Edward arrived and my father at last had somebody who could understand him and could relate to the multitude of feelings he was experiencing. They helped each other, I think Ed is the only reason dad didn't take his life and dad is the only reason Ed didn't take his."
"As you can see my Seth I am the cowardly lion in the tin man's body. I have no courage and no heart." Stated Jacob sadly.
"You have more courage and more heart than you give yourself credit for. You are a good man, Jacob Black. I know that right now she is watching you from heaven and smiling, proud of the man you've become. Do not be ashamed of what happened or wonder what you could've done differently. That's all in the past now. This shame and regret you have been carrying is keeping you in shackles. As long as you don't shake off that weight from your shoulders your hands will still be bound with those chains. They will prevent you from growing and rising above all this. I'm certain that the instant the blade cut her skin she had already forgiven you. Now you owe it to her to forgive yourself." Seth's wisdom was pure; it came from a gentle spirit. He had seen all the horrors men were capable of, but raised above all that filth. Just by surviving he had already won the battle. He wanted his master to realize that he had not been put on this earth to live like a monster, he was meant to be much more. The slave wanted to save his master, to help him free himself from his past. What the sub didn't know was that just by being part of his master's life he had already achieved that. Seth had made Jacob's life be worth living.
"You don't know that, she could be scowling at me for everything I've done."
"Nah, she can see into your heart better than I can, if I can see what a wonderful and loving man you are, so can she. It's not about leading a perfect life, that's impossible. You live the best life you can in spite of everything that's happened to you. You've showed me that there is still good in this world. You've given me hope and that my Jake is the best gift you can give a person."
"You are the gift that your mother gave me."