Act One

Chapter Twelve

Tranquility

Hightown was quiet at night, except for the occasional barking dog. Crickets and katydids chirped from the stone walls around them as Paden, Carver and Varric made their way to the chantry. Paden's anxiety grew with each step she took. She could be willingly, and probably foolishly, putting herself in the direct sights of the Templars, for someone she had never even met. All for what? A set of maps that may or may not even help them?

She swallowed hard and focused her resolve. This is what they had decided to do. It was likely their only choice. She needed to keep that certainty in her mind and not turn back.

They took the long set of steps to the chantry door, and saw Anders waiting there. The sight of him sent Paden's heart rate up a few notches. She had almost been hoping they would arrive and not find him waiting, and they could go home and forget the whole thing. But there he was, and here they were, and whatever fate had in store for them tonight, their paths were now set.

"Good, you came," Anders said, not hiding the relief he felt. "I saw Karl go in a few minutes ago. No Templars so far. Are you ready?"

Paden nodded. "I haven't seen anyone. But let's do this quickly."

"All right," Anders said. "I'll handle the talking. You watch for Templars."

Anders carefully opened the chantry door and went inside. The others followed, walking softly so as not to make too much noise. The chantry was open day and night in case anyone wanted to come in and pray. So it wasn't unusual that they should be there. But drawing attention even from the mothers and sisters was probably not a good idea.

The chantry was a huge place. Everything was overstated, from the height of the ceiling to the size of the statues. Stacks of red candles, always burning, sat in clumps along the walls, dripping wax in ever widening pools across the floor. New candles were added to the remains of the old, until, over the years, they had become little wax mountains, obscuring the feet of the statues. Moonlight slanted down through high windows, accentuated by the smoke from burning incense. These were the only sources of light in the vast, pillared sanctuary. The smell of the incense tickled Paden's nose and made her feel a little light-headed. The utter silence of the place unnerved her. They couldn't be done quickly enough.

Where would they find Karl? They figured the alter might be a good place to start looking, so they headed to the front of the building where a giant gold-plated statue of Andraste stood towering over the entire place.

But as they passed by a small side gallery, Paden noticed a man in Circle robes standing with his back to them. She stopped and pointed him out to Anders. Anders nodded and they approached the man, who must have heard them coming.

Without turning the man said, "Anders, I know you too well. I knew you would never give up." His voice sounded strangely flat.

"What's wrong?" Anders asked him. "Why are you talking like—"

"I was too rebellious, like you," Karl said, and turned around to face them. The red brand of the tranquil could be easily seen on his forehead. "The Templars knew I had to be…made an example of."

"No," Anders said, shaking his head. They were too late. The agony and desperation that Paden heard in Anders' voice nearly broke her heart. Karl had been made tranquil, and there was nothing they could do for him now.

"How else will mages ever master themselves?" Karl asked, his expressionless eyes staring at his friend, no conviction in his toneless voice, only simple acceptance. "You'll understand, Anders. As soon as the Templars teach you to control yourself."

Paden heard the sound of footsteps behind them and turned to see several Templars closing in, swords drawn. Was this a trap? She laid a hand on her staff, her fingers trembling. She glanced at Anders. He was looking from Karl to the Templars and back, like a caged animal preparing to fight.

Karl looked at the Templars and then gestured to Anders. "This is the apostate," he said.

"No!" Anders shouted, and suddenly a bright light filled his eyes and he went down on his knees, clutching his head.

Paden stepped back away from him in shock, able to do nothing else but stare. A strange form of energy began building in Anders, and white light began to trace twisted lines all over his body, as if he were filled with light that was trying to escape through cracks in his skin. Then the energy built to the exploding point, and white flames seem to burst from him, accompanied by wisps of what looked like black smoke. He stood up suddenly, white light shining from his eyes. He spoke in a deep, resonating voice that was not his own.

"You will never take another mage as you took him!" He drew his staff and aimed it at the stunned Templars. A blast of some kind of magic hit the closest Templar in the chest, throwing the man backward into two of his fellows.

For a moment all Paden could do was stare, mouth open in shock. What was she seeing? Was Anders possessed by a demon? Was she helping a blood mage? Or worse, an abomination? Her mind was numb, but she came to herself enough to realize that Anders was not the immediate threat. She drew her staff to defend herself against the approaching Templars. She would deal with Anders later.

Paden had never gone up against a Templar before. They were strong, well trained, and trained specifically to defeat mages. They were given lyrium to enhance their abilities and grant them some semblance of magic, though it wasn't real magic—at least they claimed it wasn't. But they used it to protect themselves from regular and magic attacks, and to dispel the the effects of magic spells cast at them, which Paden found to be quite frustrating, as several of her spells had no effect on them.

The skill wasn't sustainable though, so a lot of her attacks still got through. Plus there was Carver and Varric with their conventional weapons. But still, the fight was tough. There were only four of them and close to ten Templars, and more seemed to keep coming even as the first ones fell.

Throughout the battle Anders remained in his strange state of being. But his powers seemed to be augmented by whatever was causing it, and no Templar could touch him.

After several minutes of fighting, Paden began to feel exhaustion setting in. She was having difficulty drawing energy from the fade and her spells weren't as reliable. She had to get some lyrium potion! If she survived this battle she would go buy some potion first thing in the morning. It was too important to keep postponing, and now she finally had the coin.

Paden took a deep breath, as if that would help her regain some of her strength. But of course it didn't. Suddenly something smashed into the back of her left shoulder and she went sprawling to the floor. She looked up in a slight daze to see a Templar heading toward her, sword ready to cut off her head. He must have knocked her down with his shield. She tried to cast a repulsing spell to knock him backwards, but nothing happened. She just didn't have enough strength left.

So she rolled out of the way, and then scrambled as the Templar followed her. She got to her feet and turned to face him, but she knew her wooden staff would not stand up against a sword.

Suddenly Paden felt like what she could only describe as a long, cool drink of water wash through her. Her mind cleared and she felt new life in her bones. She stood up straight and threw a spell at the approaching Templar. The man was thrown back off his feet and slammed into the wall behind him. Then Paden stretched out her hand toward him and shot a bolt of electricity into his body. He never got up again.

Once that threat had been taken care of, Paden glanced around. Where had that bonus to her power come from? She looked at Anders, still fighting Templars, eyes blazing. Had he done that? She didn't know where else it could have come from. She'd have to ask him about it later. That is, if he was still around later. She didn't know what this all meant, but it was clear nothing was as it seemed.

A moment later all the Templars lay still. Paden took a quick look around, making sure Carver and Varric were all right. They were. And Anders stood in the midst of Templar bodies, his eyes still glowing, black smoke still drifting off his body. Karl stood behind him, and spoke with a shocked and amazed tone.

"Anders, what did you do?"

Anders's eyes suddenly returned to normal, and the intense energy that had emanated from him dissipated.

"It's like…you brought a piece of the fade into this world," Karl said, his eyes clear, voice strong and full of emotion. "I had already forgotten what that feels like."

Anders turned to face his friend, and the others gathered around.

"What did you do?" Paden asked warily. "Not the fade part. The angry, glowing bit."

"It's like a gateway to the fade inside you," Karl said. "Glowing like a beacon."

Yes, Karl couldn't have said it better. That's exactly what it felt like.

Anders glanced at Paden. "I have some…unique circumstances, yes." He looked back at his friend. "But Karl, what happened? How did they get you?"

"The Templars here are far more vigilant than in Ferelden," Karl said. "They found a letter I was writing you." He shook his head. "You cannot imagine it, Anders. All the color, all the music in the world, gone. I would gladly give up my magic, but this! I'll never be whole again. Please!" he begged. "Kill me before I forget again. I don't know how you brought it back, but it's fading." The desperation in his eyes showed how serious he was.

"Karl, no!" Anders said.

"Maybe we can find a cure?" Paden offered, though as soon as she said it she realized how silly it must sound. There was no known cure for tranquil.

"Can you cure a beheading?" Anders said, looking at her. "The dreams of tranquil mages are severed. There is nothing left of them to fix."

"I would rather die a mage, than live as a Templar puppet," Karl said with conviction.

Paden closed her eyes briefly. So this is what her parents had been protecting her from all these years. Seeing Karl now drove it home to her more than any words had before. If death was the only escape from such a passive, passionless existence, she would rather have death. But what a horrible decision to have to make. To kill a loved one, no matter the circumstances…Paden wasn't sure she could ever bring herself to do such a thing. She had watched Aveline end her suffering husband's life, and now she watched as Anders struggled with the same decision. The look of desperation and utter hurt on his face broke Paden's heart. He was faltering, refusing to admit the inevitable, unwilling to hear his friend's pleas. Paden rested her hand lightly on his arm to get his attention.

"I would rather die than be made tranquil," she said in nearly a whisper. "Give him peace."

Anders sent her a brief glance and then looked back at Karl. "I got here too late," he moaned. "I'm sorry, Karl. I'm so sorry."

"Now! It's fading…" Karl said, clutching his head with his hands as if he might be able to physically stop it from happening. But of course he could not. A moment later his hands lowered to his sides. All expression and emotion had left his face, the spark gone from his eyes. He looked at Anders, confused. "Why do you look at me like that?" he asked, his voice flat and lifeless.

Anders stood there for a moment, blinking, and Paden could see the resolve finally begin to gather in his eyes. Anders walked close to Karl and drew a small knife from his belt. "Good bye," he said softly, and came close enough as if he were going to hug his friend, but instead he ran the blade deep between Karl's ribs. The man gasped, and his body went limp. Anders caught him, and then lowered him to the floor.

Paden tried swallowing past the lump in her throat, but it was painful. Her heart went out to Anders in that moment. Regardless of what had happened with the Templars; regardless of Anders' "unique circumstances" and what that might mean; in that moment he was a normal, deeply feeling human man who had just been forced to slay a friend. In that moment he was both strong and weak, beyond what the average man ever had to experience. In that moment Paden's respect for Anders only increased.

Anders turned around and walked past Paden, his face expressionless. "We should leave before more Templars come," he said.

Paden glanced back at Karl's body one last time, and then followed Anders from the chantry. He didn't wait for them to catch up once they were outside, but walked swiftly back toward Darktown without looking to make sure they were following. Paden figured he didn't want their company right then, and she understood and kept her distance.

"Well, that was all very unexpected," Varric said quietly as they walked.

"Creepy is what it was," Carver said. "What exactly happened?"

Paden shook her head. "I don't know for certain. I don't want to believe it, but Anders may be…possessed. I don't know."

"Possessed?" Varric said. "Like with a demon? That would make him the bad guy, wouldn't it?"

"I don't know," Paden admitted. "I've never encountered an abomination before. But that…what he did in there…that's not something I've ever seen or even heard of. And the power coming from him…I know you two couldn't feel it, but it was strong. Stronger than anything I've ever felt before. Something else was there. Something more powerful than Anders."

"Well this all is giving me the creeps," Varric said. "I say we just get the maps from him and then leave him be. We don't need to be mixing ourselves up with abominations."

"For once I agree with the dwarf," Carver said.

"We'll get the maps," Paden assured. But she said nothing else after that. She didn't know what to think of Anders. She wasn't completely sold on the idea he was an abomination. There was nothing malevolent about him. And once he had returned to normal he seemed…well, normal. Abominations weren't known for returning to normal. She would get to the bottom of this or she knew she wouldn't sleep a wink that night.

They finally arrived back at Anders's clinic where they caught up with him. He turned to face them as they came in, sorrow etched in his face.

As much as Paden felt for him and wanted to give him his space, she needed her questions answered. "So, what was all that about?" she asked. "What you did in the chantry…that wasn't normal. Is this the part where you tell me you're an abomination?"

"You're wrong," Anders said. "But not far wrong. I…this is hard to explain." He sighed and let his shoulders sag, looking exhausted. "When I was in Amaranthine I met a spirit of Justice, who was trapped outside the fade. We became friends. And he recognized the injustice that mages in Thedas face every day."

"So wait, a spirit. That's…different than a demon?" Paden asked.

Anders nodded. "Just as demons prey on the deadly sins of mankind, there are good spirits that embody our virtues," he explained. "Spirits of compassion, fortitude, justice. They are the Maker's first children, and have all but given up on us."

Paden frowned slightly, beginning to see where he was going with this, but wishing he'd just get to the point. "All right, I can accept that, but what does this have to do with your eyes glowing, and all that other racket?"

Anders scratched the back of his neck and shifted, nudging the loose dirt on the floor with the toe of his boot. "To live outside the fade, he needed a host," he said. "I offered to help him."

Paden let out a soft, involuntary groan as she rubbed her brow. Anders heard it and looked up at her. "We were going to work together," he said. "Bring justice to every child ever ripped away from his mother to be sent to the Circle." He paused, closing his eyes briefly. "But…I guess I had too much anger. Once he was inside me he…changed."

"So…you have this spirit of Justice living in your head," Paden said, trying to make sense of it.

"It's not like that," Anders said. "He's gone now. He's part of me. It's not like we can have a conversation. I feel his thoughts as my own. Not even the greatest scholar could tell you where I end and he begins."

"Can you control it? Bring him out at will?" Paden asked curiously.

Anders shook his head. "No. He comes only when I've lost all power over myself. It's a madness, a frenzy. I only find out after what I might have done." He furrowed his brow and glanced away, deep pain evident in his expression.

"I'm sorry for so many questions," Paden said. "This is obviously difficult for you." She didn't mean to interrogate him, she just wanted things set straight, to understand what happened.

"Difficult for him?" Carver said. "We'll be hunted for sure now."

"I thought I was helping my friend, when I did it," Anders said. "Justice would have…died, I guess. If that even means anything. And he wanted to help me. He knew what mages have suffered."

"You were just trying to help a friend," Paden said. "Right? If he's not a demon, what harm could come from that?"

Anders looked at her, and the sadness and—regret?—in his eyes was almost crushing. "I wish I still had your innocence," he said, his voice wavering as he battled his emotions. "There was too much hatred in me. Justice thought he would overcome that. But my anger…things that have always outraged me—but could never do anything about…" He clenched his fists and looked at the floor. "He comes out," he nearly whispered. "And he is no longer my friend Justice. He is a force of vengeance, and he has no grasp of mercy."

Paden stared at Anders for a moment, trying to put it all together—what he was telling her and what she had witnessed at the chantry. The thought of Anders playing host to a dangerous, unpredictable and uncontrollable spirit frightened her. Isn't that why Templars feared mages so much, because of their ability to play host to such spirits? Because of the danger of them becoming abominations?

But Anders wasn't an abomination, was he? Justice wasn't a demon, and only mages possessed by demons were considered abominations, right? It was all so complicated. She didn't know what to think, and frankly she felt a bit overwhelmed. She didn't know what else to say, either. How does one talk about such things anyway? But regardless of Anders' poor choices and resulting burdens, Paden felt a strong empathy for him. It was obvious he had gone through a lot of trials in his life that had left their mark on him, and now this whole thing with Karl. He looked like he was on the verge of breaking down, of giving in to the emotions that he was obviously fighting against. She had a strange and overwhelming desire to go over to him, put her arm around him and let him cry. But she knew she would not appreciate it if someone did that to her, and figured he would feel likewise about it.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked instead, gesturing helplessly, since she knew there really was nothing she could do.

"You're the first one I've ever told this," Anders admitted softly. "Thank you for not running away."

Paden inclined her head, and then, after a moment said, "I'm…sorry…about what happened with Karl."

Anders' jaw clenched and he glanced away, shifting uncomfortably. "Karl is at peace now," he said, his voice strained. He ran the fingers of both hands through his hair, scratching his scalp as he drew a heavy sigh. "My maps are yours," he said, deflecting the topic. "As am I if you wish me to join your expedition. I thought I was done with the Gray Wardens. But…if you have any need of me, I'll be here." He handed Paden a packet of folded papers, and then rubbed his eyes wearily. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to rest." Without another word he turned and left into another room.

Paden stared at the empty doorway for a moment before turning to look at the others. "Well, I wasn't expecting that," she said softly.

"Neither was I," Varric said. "Still pretty creepy though."

"Very creepy," Carver agreed.

"I think it's sad," Paden said. "He was only trying to help Justice, and now he's trapped."

"Well, I say it serves him right," Carver said as they left the clinic.

"Have a little heart, Carver, the man just had to kill his best friend."

"I'll give him that," Carver said. "But we're not really going to take him with us on the expedition are we?"

"How am I supposed to know that?" Paden asked, raising her voice slightly, feeling like she needed to defend Anders. "There isn't going to be an expedition at this point; we still have a lot of coin to get."

"Well, if you ask me—aside from the whole glowing eyes thing, we could probably use a Gray Warden on the expedition," Varric said. "Not to mention a healer. He would be very useful."

"You have a point, Varric," Paden agreed. "We'll have to see what comes between now and then."

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A/N: Thank you to all my wonderful readers and reviewers! And an extra special thank you to my betas. You guys are the best!