Five Years After Breaking Dawn
Teenage Renesmee strolled into Volturi headquarters getting past the guards. She was wearing colorful casual clothes, listening to pop songs on her Ipod, and chewing gum. At some point, Jane realized Renesmee was present.
"What are you doing here half breed?" Jane asked disgusted.
Renesmee paused to make a large bubble gum bubble, which then promptly popped. "I just want to chat. Why are you being a bitch?"
"How did you get past the guards?" Jane demanded.
"I put nude images of myself in their heads and now they really really like me now," Renesmee smiled.
"You're quite the slut," Jane insulted.
"Look, how many men have you slept with in 500 years. So, don't go there," Renesmee argued.
"You're not supposed to be here. Leave," Jane ordered.
"I have an appointment," Renesmee said obnoxiously.
"Are your parents here?" Jane asked.
"No, I can do what I want now. I am a grown woman," Renesmee said. Jane gave her a confused look and sighed annoyed.
"Don't even think about using that trick of yours. I also inherited my mom's shield and my father's mind reading ability. If we went head to head you would be fucked," Renesmee said rudely.
Jane simply stared at the curly brown haired teenager in front of her. "Just go," she said pointing to the Volturi chamber.
Renesmee entered the Volturi chamber where the three masters were on their thrones talking. "Renesmee, so happy to see you," Aro said getting out of his throne and walking over to her.
"So, that time when you tried to kill me, my parents, my boyfriend, and my entire family. I'm cool with that now. Water under the bridge," Renesmee told Aro.
"Happy to hear it," Aro smiled.
"Who is this person?" Marcus asked bored.
"It is Renesmee, the child of Edward and Bella," Aro explained.
"Who are Edward and Bella?" Marcus asked.
"They are the reason we took first class flights to Seattle and then did a long caravan road trip to Forks. Then we walked miles in the snow to some abandoned snowfield," Aro reminded him.
"Ah yes," Marcus recalled.
"We shouldn't have had that confrontation in the middle of a valley. We could have all been spotted by helicopter or aircraft," Caius said annoyed.
"Even if they did the humans would simply think we were having a Renaissance convention," Aro said dismissively.
"I don't know of many Renaissance conventions that have a pack of giant wolves," Caius argued.
"We didn't know there would be shape shifting wolves at the time when we planned it," Aro shot back.
"So, anyway, I'm here to get your advice Aro because you're like so old and stuff," Renesmee said interrupting.
"Of course my dear," Aro said holding her hand and then realizing it wouldn't work.
"Can't she just read our minds? What's the point of talking," Caius asked.
"I like to actually talk to people unlike you Caius. You're so anti-social," Renesmee sneered.
"Burn," Marcus said. "It is "burn" right?"
"Yes Marcus," Aro confirmed. "Explain in detail," Aro said looking at Renesmee intently.
"So, my boyfriend is like a shape shifting wolf and he imprinted on me when I was a baby," she began.
"What do you mean imprinted?" Aro asked.
"So, like, I don't know, he just did it. So, now he will forever like me you know. And I sort of like him forever too. It's magic. You guys understand magic right. Your magical creatures," Renesmee said.
"I can sense people's emotions," Marcus nodded.
"So, you guys get it right?" Renesmee asked.
"Yes, but you were an infant at the time so did your boyfriend have a romantic interest then?" Aro asked confused.
"You see, I don't know. That would kind of make him a pedophile wouldn't it?"
"I suppose so," Aro said.
"Yes child, if one has sex with anyone under 14 that's pedophilia," Caius said.
"We haven't had sex though. He just liked me," Renesmee clarified.
"I think it still qualifies," Aro nodded.
"So, like, what should I do because that freaks me out. I mean, do I have to love him because of the imprinting or what?"
"What other qualities does this man have other than being a pedophile?" Aro asked delicately.
"He's very possessive. He doesn't want me talking to other vampires outside the Cullen clan. He thinks they're dangerous and stuff," Renesmee said.
"I couldn't imagine," Aro said innocently.
"But he's really outgoing. He likes to work on bikes, go hiking, hunting, and cliff diving. Now, that's a rush," Renesmee said.
"I would avoid cliff diving. We had to deal with a lot of drama here because of it," Aro advised.
"He's also really tan. Like, he's been out in the sun all the time but it's always cloudy in Forks," Renesmee said.
"I think it is because he's an Indian," Caius said disrespectfully.
"They're called Native…American," Aro corrected.
"Oh my God, that makes us an interracial inter-species couple," Renesmee realized.
"Is that a problem?" Aro asked alarmed.
"I just thought this whole time he was German, like Bavarian German or something," Renesmee said.
"They can have a dark complexion," Aro allowed.
"That's another thing. Whenever I go to tribal meetings they're always talking about how the pale faces killed and raped their village. It's so sad but I feel really awkward."
"Who are the pale faces?" Caius asked.
"They're white people," Aro said.
"So, I have a really strange question so hear me out okay. So, what if we have sex…," Renesmee began.
"Go on," Aro nodded.
"And it's when he's a wolf?" Renesmee finished and then took a deep breath.
"Are you a wolf too?" Aro asked.
"No, I can't change like he can."
"I think that would be bestiality. I don't think you should. I mean, is it even possible?" Aro wondered.
"So, this man is a pedophilia and practicing bestiality," Caius said accusingly.
"You know, he's also really close to my father. Like they're best buds. He even calls him daddy," Renesmee continued.
"Just add homosexual to the pile," Caius said.
"We don't know that…for sure," Aro said. "So, Renesmee, your boyfriend imprinted on you when you were an infant, wanted to have sex with your mother, transforms into a wolf, and has control issues," Aro summed up.
"Yeah, he gets so passionate. He calls me Nessie. I hate that name."
"So, why do you like this man?" Aro asked.
"I think it's because he's so hawt. Whenever I am around him I just want to go swimming or take a shower," she said shaking her head.
"Basically, taking your clothes off," Aro clarified.
"Yeah," Renesmee nodded.
"That sounds very immature for your age," Aro lectured.
"Hey, give me a break. I'm only five."
The three Volturi stared at each other. "Was it only five years ago that we were in Forks? I have lost all sense of time here," Aro said.
"Are you saying I have to wait another 13 years to get married?" Renesmee asked.
"Listen child. You should get married when you feel you are ready. This man, Jacob I believe, is still maturing as well. He's only twenty-three. What your mother did was a mistake getting married at 18 and she only did it to gain immortality. Granted we threatened to kill her if she didn't but that wasn't the main reason she did it. Now, she's locked forever in the mind of an 18 year old girl forever with a husband that is also locked forever in a 17 year old boy. Your mind doesn't stop maturing until your twenty-five. You need to experience life. Go to school, get your first job, date a few people, and travel the world," Aro advised.
"This imprinting means I'll be with Jacob so why not do it now?" Renesmee asked.
"First, I don't know if this imprinting is even real. A lot of men say that a certain woman is destined for them. Don't believe it. Secondly, you don't have to follow through on your nature. We can decide not to drink blood if we really wanted to. We could be homosexuals if we wanted to," Aro said.
"It's not happening Aro. Do not ask again," Caius said.
"My point is that our decisions are based off free will. We are all influenced by our desires and urges but you make the final decision. You don't have to be with Jacob if you don't want to," Aro said.
"I understand now," Renesmee said nodding. "You are so wise Aro."
"I know."
The doors suddenly opened revealing a rather peeved Jacob Black. Jane and Felix followed closely behind. "He demanded an audience," Felix said.
"Shall I give him the treatment?" Jane asked.
"Not just yet," Aro said intrigued.
"Renesmee, what are you doing here with these people," Jacob said astounded.
"What do you mean 'these people,'" Caius said offended.
"Just asking Uncle Aro some advice is all," Renesmee said.
"You went all the way to Italy. Your parents…never mind, I was worried sick," Jacob said concerned.
"Stop telling me what to do Jacob," Renesmee shouted at him.
The Volturi stared as they continued. "Look Jacob, we have some real issues. Your tribe hates me…," Renesmee began.
"They don't hate you," Jacob interrupted. "Well, maybe a little."
"And you're trying to control me. Remember when my dad stalked my mom, when he tore the engine out of her car, when he demanded she get an abortion?" Renesmee said.
"Yeah, that does sound kind of fucked up," Jacob realized.
"I need you to respect my boundaries," Renesmee said.
"I understand now," Jacob said thoughtfully. "From now on, I am going to treat you as an adult, not like a child."
"True love at last," Marcus said happily.
"Thank you Jacob. Is it hot in here?" Renesmee asked becoming flustered.
"I can't really feel," Aro said.
"Yeah, it is," Jacob smiled. He immediately took off his shirt.
"You're so tone and tan Jacob," Renesmee said breathing heavily.
"Thanks," Jacob smirked.
The Volturi watched as Jacob and Renesmee started making out and taking off their clothes. Aro was about to say something but then stopped himself. "Well, we don't get to see this every day," he said awkwardly.
"We do in my quarters," Caius said.
"We can provide you a room if you require it," Aro said politely as clothes were being thrown around. "Yes, this is really awkward for us all here."
Suddenly Jacob turned into a giant wolf. "Oh…," Aro observed. "Oh God, please stop. That's just wrong...," Aro said.
"Make it stop!" Caius said covering his eyes.
Aro looked at Marcus who seemed attentive but was not saying anything. Finally Jacob was back on his feet completely nude in human form. "That was great," he said smiling.
"Not for us," Aro frowned.
"Oh yeah, I heard you can read a person's memories just by touching them. Try to forget this," Jacob said taking Aro's hand.
"What are you doing?" Aro asked alarmed.
"You're going to get the full memory from my perspective," Jacob smirked.
"What have you done?" Aro released his hand.
"No…I remember every detail, every thought, every emotion," Aro gasped.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
Author's Note: The reviews have been great. This should conclude Volturi Reflections. Thanks for all who enjoyed my twisted sense of humor.