It was chaos and mayhem on the river. The dozens of competing boats were throwing up a spray as they raced along, zigzagging around each other and narrowly avoiding numerous collisions with each other and with the shore, and the racers were all shouting excitedly at the top of their lungs. Kirby and Waddle Dee were smack dab in the middle of it all.

"STEER FASTER, WADDLE DEE!" Kirby shouted from the front of their "boat", waving his arms frantically. "We have to beat that bomb-chucking meathead! My honor is at stake! And I guess yours too maybe!"

At this point Waddle Dee was just sitting with his head in his hand and looking annoyed. "Kirby, I hate to point this out, but I CAN'T STEER A BOX!"

"Then you're not trying hard enough!"

Unfortunately for the two of them, it only got worse from there. The defending champions took that very moment to sail up next to them, knocking an unfortunate Chilly-and-Kapar team out of the way as they did so.

"Heh heh… well, look who it is!" the cocky Poppy Bro taunted them. "You guys didn't honestly think we'd let you get away that easily, did ya?"

Kirby glared at him. "YOU! I've been waiting several minutes for this!"

"Did you guys seriously come all the way over here just to antagonize us specifically instead of actually trying to get ahead?" Waddle Dee asked impatiently.

"Possibly… anyway, enjoy last place, pinky!" Boomer shouted as he and Amp went soaring past the other boats, pulling into the lead. "We'll be sure to send you a postcard!" Then, seemingly as an afterthought, he wound up and hurled a bomb right into Kirby and Waddle Dee's boat.

"WAAAAAAAAUGH!" they both screamed as the explosion rocked their boat, sending it spinning out of control and ricocheting off a bunch of rocks sticking out of the river. The other racers all gasped and swerved to get out of their way, and by the time the two puffballs had regained control of their ride they had fallen to nearly last place.

Kirby lifted his head up stared after Boomer and Amp in disbelief. "'Pinky'?" he roared. "I can handle getting bombs thrown at me, but… PINKY? That man has a death wish! Waddle Dee, man the harpoons!"

"We don't have harpoons."

"Really? Darn, that would've been neat."

––

Unbeknownst to Kirby and Waddle Dee, their friends had a front-row view of this entire thing. There was a huge plasma TV screen mounted over the riverbank by the starting line, and all the spectators were watching an aerial view of the race and cheering.

"Man, this is gettin' good," said Dedede, watching the race in rapt attention and munching from a bag of popcorn.

Ribbon, naturally, was the only one not in a good mood at the moment. "Dedede, did you not see what just happened? Aren't you a little concerned that Kirby and Waddle Dee's lives might be in danger?"

"Should I be?"

"And from the looks of our sky cam, Boomer and Amp have pulled into the lead!" announced Mr. Gallant, who was now wearing a set of earphones and a microphone. "This is an exciting turn of events, folks! Why don't we hear some commentary from our cameraman, Bernie?"

"It's madness down there, Mr. Gallant," said Bernie, a Bronto Burt, into his mike as he held up a camera and flew along after the racers. "It's a bloodbath. Brother against brother, small neckless puffball against small neckless puffball. It's something out of a nightmare, I tell you. I haven't seen this much devastation since the last time my in-laws came over."

"…Bernie, this really isn't the time."

"YOU'RE NOT THE TIME, GALLANT!"

"All right, that's it!" Kirby snarled in the meantime as he and Waddle Dee struggled to catch up with the other racers. "These guys have humiliated us for the last time! The only appropriate course of action is gratuitous violence!"

Waddle Dee glared at him. "Kirby, are you serious? If we try something like that we're gonna get disqualified!"

"I don't care! That guy called me pink! He has to die!"

"You're right. That must be a real stain on your pride."

"Darn skippy! Now full speed ahead!"

He and Waddle Dee both leaned forward as far as they could, causing the crate to dip forward at a faster and faster rate until they were zooming past the other racers. Finally they had nearly caught up to Boomer and Amp, and the Sparky was the first to notice them coming up from behind.

"Uh oh… uh, we got a problem, Boomer."

"Unless it's Kirby coming back and holding some kind of gigantic flaming sword, I don't want to hear about it!"

Amp glanced over his shoulder and saw Kirby rapidly approaching them while holding a lit bomb over his head. "…Okay, I'll just stay quiet then."

"HEY BOOMER! LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!" Kirby shouted, hurling his bomb directly at his rival's boat. It hit the side and exploded, causing Boomer and Amp to scream as their boat listed dangerously to the side and almost flipped over.

"What in the – how do you have bombs?" Boomer demanded. "Quit stealing my bit!"

"Never! Prepare for humiliation, evil one!" Kirby declared. The two of them instantly started hurling a rapid-fire volley of bombs at each other, but they were both so riled up that most of the bombs missed their mark by several yards.

"WOO! Yeah Kirby!" Adeleine cheered, jumping up and down. "You're the bomb! Ha ha, get it? The bomb? See, 'cause he's throwing bombs at those other guys? It's like a pun or some – AAAACK!" she screamed as Dedede started beating her into the ground with his hammer.

Mr. Gallant observed the race with interest. "Ah, what's this? It seems our defending champions have gotten a little friendly competition from Kirby and Waddle Dee!"

"Friendly competition? They're chucking bombs at each other!" Ribbon shouted at him. "There's no possible way that's legal! They're going to hurt each other!"

"Such is the cutthroat world of competitive racing, my dear," said Mr. Gallant. "I'm afraid it's well within the rules. Racers are encouraged to get creative!"

Ribbon glared at him. "You're saying everything going on out there is legal? Even that Yariko who's stabbing everyone?"

"So long as nobody sues us, then yes."

Ribbon groaned to herself, realizing she had no choice but to take matters into her own hands. She quickly grabbed Adeleine and Dedede and hauled them off until they were well away from the rest of the crowd.

"Hey, I was watching that!" Dedede said through a mouthful of popcorn.

"All right, listen, you two," Ribbon sighed. "I was really hoping we could do this fairly, but those racers out there are crazy, and I don't know if Kirby and Waddle Dee can handle it. And you know how crucial it is that we get that Crystal Shard, by any means necessary."

The other two glanced at each other. "Okay… so what do you want us to do about it?" asked Dedede.

"Well, even though we're not in the race, you guys can still help those two out. I want you to – "

"Sabotage?" Adeleine asked eagerly.

" – maybe just do something about those other racers, so that – "

"Sabotage?"

" – just try and keep them from interfering with Kirby and Waddle Dee, so they have a better shot at – "

"Sabotage?"

Ribbon sighed deeply. "All right, fine. Yes, I want you to sabotage."

"YES! Finally, the pendulum swings for Adeleine!" the artist cheered, racing off while cackling insanely.

Dedede glanced at Ribbon to see what she made of this. "Just go," she groaned, waving him off. "Keep an eye on her and make sure nobody dies."

"Well, I'm definitely not promising that."

––

"Ready to surrender yet, pinky?" Boomer sneered as the two competing boats raced side by side and repeatedly rammed into each other.

"NEVER! Death before dishonor!" Kirby screamed, waving his arms over his head.

"So how do you two know each other?" Amp asked Waddle Dee as the two of them sat back nonchalantly and watched this going on.

"Well, that's a funny story actually…"

"Amp, stop talking to them! It's time to get serious!" Boomer shouted. "All right Kirby, you think you're hot stuff? Well get a load of this!"

He reached down and pulled out an enormous bomb, much bigger than anything he'd thrown so far. As if that weren't bad enough, it also had a skull painted on its side.

Kirby's eyes bulged and Waddle Dee looked exasperated. "You brought that thing to a boat race? You need therapy, man!"

"Mwahahaha! Sayonara, suckers! See ya at the finish line… in a few weeks, maybe!" the Poppy Bro jeered, hoisting the bomb over his head and hurled right at the other boat. Kirby and Waddle Dee both freaked out, screaming in panic as they frantically tried to paddle out of the way.

PHOOOOOOOOM!

The bomb landed in the water right next to them, and the explosion was so huge that it sent their boat flying through the air, soaring over the heads of the other racers. Kirby and Waddle Dee screamed at the top of their lungs as they were sent plummeting down, splashing into the water a far distance away from the other boats.

Once they reemerged from the water and his ears stopped ringing, a soaking wet Kirby lifted his head up and groaned. "Urgh… that stupid freaking… he's getting a strongly worded letter from me…"

Thankfully, Waddle Dee's head was much clearer. "Uh, Kirby… where are we?"

"Huh?" Kirby looked around and realized they had landed in an unfamiliar section of the river, and there were no other racers to be seen. There was nothing around them but forest, and everything was eerily quiet.

Kirby frowned. "Those jerks! They blew us straight off course!" he exclaimed. "How are we supposed to win now?"

"Actually… I think that's the least of our problems," said Waddle Dee, pointing straight ahead.

Kirby looked where he was pointing and realized that their little boat was still drifting downstream… and it was headed straight into a huge rock tunnel, where inside it was seemingly pitch black and impossible to see to the other end.

"…Well, shoot," he said as they were both swallowed up by the darkness.