"Unhand me, you foul creature!"

They were on a beach, somewhere (Lysandre wasn't exactly sure where), and there was a giant Tentacruel attacking them, for some unfathomable reason. (Were there even wild Tentacruel in the Kalos region?)

"I don't think we're in Kalos any more," he muttered, mane flaring nervously.

Currently, the Tentacruel had Augustine caught up in its slimy clutches and was busily swatting off all their attempts to attack. Lysandre and Sylvey, being two small, land-bound Pokémon with a type disadvantage, didn't seem to be doing much but irritating the creature. Even Miss Gobble, who was larger, could fly, and had a type advantage, was having difficulty against this giant monstrosity.

"Why hasn't it grabbed us yet?" Lysandre yelled over the sounds of battle. That would be the logical thing to do, yes? Subdue all the attackers?

"Tentacle monsters are usually drawn to cute girls in skirts," Sylvey replied in the lecturing tone he used when he wasn't booming dramatically. "That's why Augustine chose a different outfit today, to lure it out. But now the idiot's gone and got himself caught. I swear, the things this job makes me deal with…" Sylvey sighed as he fired off another Swift.

"But he's not even a gir—"

"Eep!" squeaked Augustine as one of the tentacles slid up under his frilly, ruffly skirt. "Bad touch! Bad touch! A little help here, guys?"

Lysandre growled menacingly as the Tentacruel slid its slimy appendages all over Augustine in inappropriate ways. Briefly, he caught a glimpse of Augustine's flustered, teary face and roared, charging forwards to take down the disgusting creature and make it stop. His body glowed with white light as he ran, not even noticing that he was growing larger and larger as electricity crackled around his body, too focused on making that damn thing let go. With a snarl, he slammed into the Tentacruel, the impact causing it to thrash violently as Lysandre was thrown back from the recoil.

"Lysande!" Augustine managed to cry out, caught up in the thrashing though he was. "Was that…Wild Charge? Lysandre, you're a Pyroar!"

"Augustine, this is no time to be making fun of me."

"No, really! You're—eep! Help!"

Lysandre rose unsteadily to his feet, attempting to take stock of the situation he was in. He was, indeed, a Pyroar, fighting a giant tentacle monster alongside a Garchomp and a Sylveon, all to…preserve truth and justice? Preserve Augustine's maidenly honour? He didn't even know anymore. How exactly had he ended up in this situation, again?

"Lysandre!" Augustine cried just before he was sprayed with acid, flailing wildly as he was thrown into the ocean below. He didn't come back up.

This time Lysandre could feel his body changing, flesh tingling and bones shifting as he roared Augustine's name. Light began to surround his body once more, pink this time, and Lysandre had just enough time to think, But I thought Pyroar didn't evolve? before his transformation was complete and he was left standing fully human and fully naked on a beach in front of a giant rampaging tentacle monster.

Just perfect. Did he really have to turn back now of all times? He wasn't too concerned about his lack of clothing at the moment—Sylvey and Miss Gobble were Pokémon, and hardly seemed to care about clothes one way or the other (unless they were magical). And he was nowhere even close to being a cute girl, so he wasn't too worried about getting molested by creepy tentacles. But at least as a Pyroar, his attacks could do something. Now, as a naked, defenseless human, he was really no more than a tiny insect to the Tentacruel. He couldn't even swim, so diving in after Augustine wouldn't be very helpful and would most likely end in him needing to be rescued too.

"Use your Pactio card, you idiot!" Sylvey yelled at him before jumping out of the way as a tentacle slammed down on the spot where he'd been standing only moments before.

Pactio? he thought, and as he did so a card flashed into existence before his very eyes, floating almost expectantly in front of him. He took the card and held it aloft, staring at the strange image of himself on it. How was a card supposed to help him?

"SAY 'ADEAT'!" boomed Sylvey, who had apparently finally gone all "terrifying magical creature" mode and now had the voice to match.

"Adeat?" he repeated, but nothing happened.

"NOT LIKE THAT, YOU FOOL. BELIEVE! BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF A MAGICAL GIRL!"

Lysandre sighed.

"Don't sigh at Sylvey's advice, young man!" Miss Gobble cut in reprovingly. Wait, why could he even still understand her? "Don't you want to save Augustine?"

"Adeat," Lysandre growled, definitely with more feeling this time, and, lo and behold, both he and the card began to glow. Did everything magical have to glow or something? Was that a requirement magical things had?

Once the transformation was complete, Lysandre looked down to inspect the changes. He was now holding a…flamethrower, it looked like—better than nothing, he supposed. He was also now fully clothed, but…what in the name of Arceus was he wearing?

"What is this?!" he cried out indignantly, gesturing to the black and red maid dress that had materialized on his body. Not to mention the matching red stockings, along with the collar, cat ears, and tail. It was all extremely undignified, though to be fair his entire situation ever since Augustine had turned him into a Litleo had been rather undignified to begin with. Plus, he had bigger things to worry about now, literally. His new outfit, apparently, was enough to qualify him as a "cute girl" in the eyes of the Tentacruel, who clearly needed glasses because he looked nothing like a cute girl at all, dress or no dress. Regardless, he was now being swept up in the air by one slimy tentacle, struggling wildly the entire time.

"USE THE SPARKLETHROWER."

With an enormous sigh (did everything magical have to be sparkly?), Lysandre aimed his flamethrower directly at the Tentacruel's face, or what he assumed to be its face, if Tentacruels even had faces to begin with. He pulled the trigger of his flamethrower, expecting normal, orangey fire, and instead getting sparkly rainbow-coloured flames shooting towards the beast. The Tentacruel screeched and began to shrink, growing smaller and smaller until it was no bigger than a Tentacool, floating in front of Lysandre, who had fallen into the water after the blast of flames.

"Am I pretty, senpai?" it asked out of the blue, staring at Lysandre with impossibly wide eyes, a sparkly aura surrounding its small body.

"Yes?" said Lysandre, completely nonplussed.

"Senpai has noticed me!" it squealed, blushing (could Tentacruels even blush?) and flinging itself into the ocean, where it exploded in a shower of rainbow glitter.

Well…ok then. What exactly had just happened?

"Lysandre!" a familiar voice called.

"Augustine!" Lysandre called back, rushing to his friend's side. Apparently, while Lysandre had been busy with the Tentacruel, Sylvey and Miss Gobble had managed to rescue Augustine. He was sitting on the beach now, in the remains of his clothing, wet and dishevelled-looking but otherwise seemingly unharmed.

"Didn't you get hit with acid?" he asked, trying not to stare at Augustine's clothing, or what was left of it, anyway.

"Yes, but the acid only seems to destroy clothes. Lucky, huh?"

"…Yes. Very lucky," said Lysandre, trying (and failing) to keep his eyes from straying to where the clothing had dissolved, holes revealing patches of the smooth, pale skin of Augustine's chest and thighs.

"Congratulations on defeating your first giant tentacle creature!"

"…First? Are there going to be more of them?!"

"I really like your Pactio outfit, Lysandre! I think it really suits you! Maybe I should get an outfit like that too, then we'll match!"

"Please don't."

"All right, team, let's hear it!"

"For truth!"

"JUSTICE!"

"…And the Kalosian way," Lysandre grumbled, trying to tug the hem of his skirt down.

"Another successful day of crime-fighting for Team Sparkle!"

Lysandre covered his face with his hands. What had he gotten himself into?