A/N: Another chapter with some canon material, and some original material as well. Hope you enjoy.

Act One

Chapter Sixteen

Work and Doldrums

Paden didn't feel in the mood to do much the next day. She spent some time studying her father's grimoire, wandered around the market, and stopped herself at least four times from heading to Anders' clinic. He had asked her leave, and she had no business returning until he invited her to do so. Chances were he never would, and she had to accept that.

Paden came back from her second stroll through the market as the sun was just going down. She moped about the house for a while, wishing she had her own room where she could go to be alone.

"Paden, are you all right?" Leandra asked her.

Paden looked up at her mother. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, I don't know. That's why I'm asking. You've not been yourself today. Is anything wrong?"

Paden shrugged and shook her head. "No, nothing's wrong. I'm fine." She gave her mother a smile and then went into the bedroom.

Leandra watched her daughter go, and then looked at Carver who was reading a book in a chair by the fire. "Carver, do you know what's bothering your sister?"

Carver looked up. "What? Bothering her?" He shrugged one shoulder. "I imagine any number of things."

"She's been acting strangely today," Leandra said. "Preoccupied and…broken hearted almost."

"Well, it may have something to do with that mage," Carver suggested.

"Mage?" Leandra asked. "What mage?"

"Oh, she didn't tell you about him?"

"Him? Who are you talking about, Carver?"

"We met this mage the other day. I think Paden's a bit smitten with him."

Leandra looked at the closed bedroom door. "She never said anything about a man in her life."

All Carver could offer was another shrug as he returned his attention to his book.

Leandra went to the bedroom door and knocked lightly. "Paden? May I come in?"

"It's your room, too, Mother," Paden answered.

Leandra came in. Paden was reclining on her middle bunk, once again reading her father's grimoire. Leandra sat in the chair at the desk. "Carver told me you met a man the other day," she said.

Paden looked up at her mother, her eyes narrowing. "So?"

"He said the man is a mage, and that you're…"

Paden waited. "I'm…?"

"Well, 'smitten with him' is the phrase he used."

Paden sighed and flopped onto her back, staring up at the bunk above her. "Why would he tell you that?"

"Is it true?" Leandra asked. "Because it would sure explain why you've been behaving so strangely lately."

How could Paden tell her mother everything about Anders? If her mother knew all the details she'd probably forbid her from ever seeing Anders again. "There's nothing going on between us," she finally said. "We're just friends, and barely so—I've only just met him."

"Then why have you been so broody lately? Your mind's been somewhere else."

Paden shook her head and shrugged. She did not want to talk about this with her mother right now.

"Paden, you have me worried," Leandra said.

Paden sighed and looked at her mother. "The man I met…Anders. He's…going through some hard things. He just lost a dear friend and he has…other issues. I was trying to help him. That's all. There's nothing going on between us, I promise."

"You make it sound like it would be a bad thing if there was," Leandra pointed out.

"Well…he's an apostate," she said.

"So are you. So was Father."

"So…are you saying you never regretted marrying an apostate, spending your whole life running and hiding when you could have had it so much better?"

Leandra smiled. "Easier maybe, dear. Not better. I loved your father more than anything in life. What was life without him in it? I gladly traded all the finery and coin and status for the years I had with him, even though they were hard and not always what I had dreamed my married life would be like. But I wouldn't trade a moment of it. Not one."

Paden smiled warmly at her mother, very glad to hear her say that.

"And so, if you want to spend your life with a man like Father, all I can do is be happy for you, even if I might worry for you. But it is your life, love. You choose how to live it, as fully as you possibly can."

Paden rolled onto her side and looked at her mother for a moment. "You're the best, Mother. Have I ever told you that?"

Leandra smiled. "Yes, but I never tire of hearing it." She stood up and walked closer to the bed so she could look into her daughter's eyes. "So there is no future with this man then?"

Paden shook her head. "It's not like that. We're just friends."

Leandra nodded, looking a little disappointed. "All right. Well, I hope he is able to work out his problems."

"Me, too," Paden said.

—

The next day Paden made a conscious decision to put Anders out of her mind, and she nearly succeeded. Mostly by focusing on other things that actually needed to be done.

She and Carver went up to Hightown, to the address on the help wanted poster Paden had picked up. Ghyslain de Carrac answered the door on Paden's second knock.

"Yes? can I help you?" he asked, his accent thickly Orlesian.

Paden held up the creased and crumpled poster. "This says you need help tracking down your wife. Are you still hiring?"

Ghyslain's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and then he seemed to deflate with relief. "If you can find Ninette, yes, I will gladly pay you," he said.

"Can you give me any details?" Paden asked. "How long has your wife been missing?"

He considered that for a moment. "About a month. I wasn't worried at first; she's run off before. Ninette is uncontrollable, you see. She comes and goes as she pleases."

"So she left under her own free will then?" Paden said. "You don't think it was foul play?"

Ghyslain shrugged. "I don't know, but if so then it is her own doing, gallivanting about with men half her age." He threw his arms in the air. "That foolish woman has caused me nothing but embarrassment. She needs to be dragged home. Her family is getting suspicious. They think I might have…done something to her. Even if… well, I just want to make sure they know I didn't do it."

Paden arched an eyebrow at him. "Why would her family think you did something to her?"

"They think I married her for her inheritance," Ghyslain said. "And they know we have been fighting. They believe this is reason enough for me to hurt her." He shook his head and gestured emphatically. "But I swear, on Andraste's pyre, I've done nothing."

"You're more concerned with what her family thinks than what happened to her?" Paden said in disgusted surprise. "No wonder she left you."

Ghyslain furrowed his eyebrows and adopted a defensive tone. "Ninette keeps the company of other men, and makes no secret of it. I'd be better off with her gone." He sighed. "Well, as long as her family knows I had nothing to do with it. They would ruin me otherwise."

"So these other men your wife's been seeing, do you know who they are?" Paden asked.

"Jethann, at the Blooming Rose," Ghyslain said, clenching his fists. "I didn't know she visited whores, until Jethann sent a letter, to our house! He even sent her flowers once! Lilies…her favorite." He threw up his hands in frustration again. "Talking about it makes my head hurt."

"Any other leads you can give me?" Paden asked.

Ghyslain shook his head sadly. "No, that's all I know. Will you help me?"

"I'll do my best," Paden assured. "I can't promise I'll bring her home, especially if she won't return with me. I'll try to at least find out what happened to her."

"Thank you, serah," Ghyslain said. "Please, let me know as soon as you find anything. Maker guide your search."

Paden and Carver left with what little leads Ghyslain was able to give them. "So, a whorehouse," Carver said. "Maybe she's taken up residence there."

"If so that will be the easiest reward we've ever claimed," Paden said. "One can always hope." She gestured down the street. "Let's go head on over there; I want to keep busy and get this investigation going as quickly as possible."

Carver eyed her as they walked. "I haven't seen you with that mage in a couple days," he commented.

Paden sighed. Just when she had finally gotten Anders out of her mind. "Is there some reason why we have to see each other every day?" she asked mildly.

"No, no reason. Other than I thought you and he…I don't know… had something going on."

"I don't know whatever gave you that idea," Paden said. "There's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

Paden let out a breath of exasperation. "Oh wait, I forgot, there is something going on. Silly me for forgetting."

"All right, I get the hint," Carver said, holding up his hands. "Don't want to talk about it. No problem."

"There's nothing to talk about," Paden said. "I wish everyone would just leave me alone about it."

"Fine," Carver said, and he dropped the subject.

They were silent for the rest of the walk to the brothel. They knew exactly where it was because Athenril kept her makeshift office just across the street. Paden had walked past the strings of red lanterns that hung above the door to the Blooming Rose many times, but she had never gone inside. She was not looking forward to it now.

When they walked in, their senses were met with an assault of perfumes and languid guitar music. Paden had to stop just inside the door to catch her balance, as it nearly knocked her backward. She put a hand over her nose and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Suddenly the idea of being surrounded by prostitutes is no longer the worst part about coming here," she said, her voice muffled by her hand.

"Let's just hurry and find this Jethann," Carver said, looking uncomfortable. Paden couldn't tell if he was uncomfortable for the same reasons she was, but she didn't comment.

They went into the main lounge, which was strangely busy for an early afternoon. A large bar dominated the right side of the expansive room, and tables and couches were arranged throughout the rest of it, on which male and female prostitutes lounged, sharing drinks and conversation with patrons. Carver pretended not to look at them.

Paden asked a girl where she might find Jethann, and was directed to a room at the top of a wide staircase. She knocked on the door, and an elf with light red hair answered. He looked Paden up and down as if she were a mare he was considering for purchase.

"Today's my rest day," he said. "But, I'll make an exception for you." He gave Paden a knowing smile. "What can I say? Why work if you're not working hard?"

Carver rolled his eyes and shuffled uncomfortably. Paden's annoyance and disgust curdled her insides. She was not anywhere near the mood for crude jokes. She got right down to business.

"I'm looking for Ninette. Have you seen her lately?"

"Ninette? Not for several weeks. Which is a shame; I enjoyed her company. I hear she finally left her worthless husband. Good for her. I just wish she'd said good bye."

"Did she tell you she left her husband?" Paden asked.

"No," the elf admitted. "I just hope that's what she did. Ghyslain only wants her for her family's wealth. Ninette's a jewel. Elegant, worldly, just the perfect level of depraved. Ghyslain doesn't deserve her."

"Ghyslain knew about you and Ninette," Paden said. "Did he talk to you?"

"The man is incapable of talking," Jethann said. "He came here, yelled at me, called me a dirty knife-ear, among other things. And accused me of corrupting his wife. We had him thrown out."

Paden mounted a supreme effort to keep her tone of voice neutral. This elf wasn't helping them at all. They weren't learning anything that Ghyslain hadn't already told them. Nothing helpful at least. She forced back her feelings of frustration; it wasn't Jethann's fault Ninette didn't tell him where she was going. "Do you think Ninette has come to harm?" she asked.

"I hope not!" the elf exclaimed, as if he had never considered that before. "Everyone loves Ninette. Sometimes twice a night." He chuckled. "Ghyslain's the only one who might hurt her."

"So you don't actually know anything," Paden said, not amused.

"What made you think I would?" the elf asked. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Anyway, there was someone else looking for Ninette—a Templar. I believe his name was Emeric. I can't see why a Templar would be interested in anyone who isn't a mage."

Paden had to agree with him on that one. "Any chance Ninette's an apostate?" she asked.

"Well, she certainly cast a spell on me," Jethann said, and chuckled. When Paden only stared blankly at him he shook his head. "Anyway, if Ninette was a mage I think Emeric would have said so."

"Perhaps Emeric knows something we don't," Paden said, glad they finally got at least one more small lead. But why did it have to be a Templar?

"Emeric said he'd continue his investigation in Darktown," Jethann said. "You could see if he's still there. And if you find Ninette, tell her to drop by and see me sometime."

Paden thanked the elf, and then she and Carver left the brothel as quickly as they could. Once they were standing out on the street again Paden took a deep breath of the fresh air and let it out slowly.

"I was about to faint in there," she said. "What in Thedas was smoking in those incense burners in the lounge?"

"I don't know," Carver said. "But I think I might be sick for the rest of the day."

"Well, at least we have some sort of lead to follow," Paden said.

"Yeah, some lead. Are we really going to go chasing after a Templar?"

"What choice do we have?" Paden asked. "It's either that or we drop the case. And if we drop the case we won't get paid."

"I just hope you know what you're doing," Carver said.

"There are more than just mages in Darktown who would jump at the chance to rid the world of a single Templar. He's outnumbered down there. And if he's smart he'll realize that. I think we'll be all right."

Carver pointed his finger at her. "If you're wrong…"

Paden rolled her eyes. "Come on," she said, motioning for him to follow her, halting the argument before it could turn into something ugly. But as she began walking, she noticed a familiar face across the street. "Hey, Athenril's in her office," she said, pointing.

"So what?" Carver said.

Paden ignored him and crossed the street to the elf. For some reason Athenril looked surprised to see her, despite having sent Paden a letter offering work.

"Huh," the elf said. "Well, I just lost a sovereign. Didn't think you'd stoop to our kind again."

Carver glared at his sister. "Neither did I."

Paden continued to ignore him. "You sent me a letter," she stated flatly, not willing to discuss her motivations with the likes of Athenril. "You said you could use my help."

The elf eyed Paden for a moment, as if contemplating her sincerity. "Since you stormed off, we don't have anyone who can quite work your magic," she said. "If you know what I mean. I sent some men to fence a bit of cargo down at the docks. Haven't seen 'em since. I'd pay good silver for the safe return of them, or the goods."

"Is this anyone I know?" Paden asked.

"When you left, I had to take on new Fereldan…volunteers. Lad named Pryce is leading them. No one of your caliber."

"That it?" Paden asked. "Just find your men and goods? Couldn't you send anyone to do that? Why do you need me?"

Athenril hesitated slightly. "We were trying to make a deal with the Carta, those Orzammar dwarves," she said.

Paden let out a short breath and glanced away in irritation. The Carta was one of the oldest and largest crime syndicates in all of Thedas, their influence reaching from the depths of Orzammar to the wind-whipped streets of Kirkwall, and every place in between. They were ruthless, not to be trusted or taken lightly. Often those who got caught up in their affairs ended up dead."

"The Carta? Really, Athenril?"

"It was supposed to be easy and clean," the elf insisted.

"What are the goods?" Paden demanded.

"They like luxury items; fine fabrics, a cask of caviar, an aged wine. Anything one can…liberate from a Hightown merchant."

Paden narrowed her eyes at the elf.

"Disbelieve me if you wish, I swear this was a clean deal. All I want is my goods returned, and my men if possible. You're one of the few I know who have dealt with the Carta successfully in the past, that's why I called on you. Take it or leave it, Hawke."

Paden deliberately didn't look at her brother, but she could feel the glare of his eyes on her nonetheless as she stepped forward and held out her hand to the elf. "I'll take it," she said simply, a knot twisting in her stomach.

Athenril smiled slightly and shook Paden's hand. "Good. Go to the docks tonight. My boy Pryce was supposed to meet our buyers from the Carta there. Maybe you can find out what happened."

Paden nodded and then left without another word, walking briskly down the street. Carver had to hurry to catch up with her.

"What do you think you're doing?" he demanded. "You just took a job from Athenril, are you crazy?"

"Oh, excuse me," Paden said. "I thought we needed the work. Or did you not hear the part about 'good silver'?"

"That was Athenril," Carver said.

Paden shook her head. "Really, Carver, your powers of observation are astounding."

"I thought you hated her. You spent the last year complaining left and right about how we had to work for her, and now you want to keep working for her?"

"We're being paid this time, Carver. How is it so hard to see the difference?"

"I just thought you had a little more self respect than that," Carver said.

Paden stopped and whirled on her brother. "What do you want me to do, Carver?" she bit out. "We're broke. We need to make fifty gold as fast as possible, and so far we've made nothing really—not any more than what pays the bills anyway. If I have to swallow my pride for a day in order to do that then I will. You can go suck an egg."

Carver glared at her, his blue eyes turning nearly purple in his ire. "Fine," he said, and spun around and stormed off, leaving Paden standing in the middle of the street.

Paden watched him go, forcing herself to remain angry in order to not break down in tears. She turned the other way and began walking as fast as she could, the soft soles of her boots thudding on the stone street, echoing the thrumming of her heart loud in her ears. What was her brother's problem? Couldn't he see they didn't really have a choice? Athenril was the last person Paden wanted to work for, but they didn't have a lot of other options at the moment. Why was he so mad at her for wanting to take Athenril's coin?

She shook her head in confusion as she took the stairs down to the docks. She went to her usual spot at the end of an empty pier, and sat down, dangling her feet over the edge. She watched little waves lap against the side of a moored boat and listened to the sounds of the gulls calling. Coming here always calmed her down when she was upset. Though, usually she didn't have so much to be upset about at once.

Paden scooted back against a large shipping crate and pulled her knees up to her chest. She rested her arms on her knees and buried her face from the world as tears poured from her eyes. She couldn't even remember the last time she cried—really cried, with sobs and everything. She always preferred clenching her fists, shouting or running as an alternative way of dealing with strong emotions. Crying was a show of weakness, and Paden couldn't afford to be weak in her line of work.

But in that moment, crying was the only thing that made sense—as long as no one saw her doing it.

Why did life have to be so hard? Why couldn't they have come to Kirkwall and moved straight into the family estate and had all their needs met from day one? Hadn't they already gone through enough; losing their home in Lothering, running for their lives, losing Bethany, and then that horrible voyage across the sea? That had all happened over a year ago, and they were still barely surviving. Would this season of their lives ever come to a close? Would they ever be happy again? That idea was hard to fathom. They weren't a complete family anymore. They never would be again. Paden's father had died a few years before the Blight, and even though they were more used his his absence, Paden still missed him terribly. And now Bethany, too, her sister and best friend. Even a year later Paden still caught herself looking for Bethany, or almost going to find her to tell her something that was on her mind. And then she had to remind herself that Bethany was gone, and nothing could ever stop the melancholy mood that would always follow.

Paden sat against that crate with her face buried in her arms for a long time, probably close to an hour if the lowering of the tide was any indication. But she didn't care. Let the world pass her by and leave her behind if it wanted to. She would gladly watch it fade away into the distance.

"Hawke?"

She startled at the sound of her name being spoken so close by. She looked up, blinking in the sunlight. "Anders?" she said in surprise. There he was, standing there looking down at her, his eyebrows knit with concern. She hurriedly wiped her eyes and stood up. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to find you," he said. "I went to your house, and your brother said you might be down here." His brow furrowed again as he looked closely at her face. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she lied. "What did you need me for?"

Anders let out a tense breath and rubbed the back of his neck. "I just…came to apologize for my behavior the other night," he said. "I'm sure I made you uncomfortable, and I'm sorry."

Paden shook her head. "No need to apologize," she said. "I understand you have no control over it."

"But that's no excuse," Anders insisted. "I treated you badly, and I should have known better. I am no stranger to what happens to me when I talk about certain things. I should have avoided those topics, to avoid hurting you."

Paden sat down on the edge of the crate and stared at her hands as she folded them on her lap. "Truth be told, I thought that would be the last time I would ever see you," she admitted. "I thought maybe you'd not want to see me again."

Anders shook his head and then sat down next to her, their elbows touching. "It wasn't you, Hawke," he said softly. "It was Justice. And…I don't want Justice to come between us. We'll just…have to avoid talking about certain topics." He smiled slightly. "That is…if you still want to be friends."

She turned her head to look at him briefly. "I do. I really, really do. And there are a lot of other things to talk about besides Templars and the Circle."

Anders blew a laugh through his nose and nodded. "Agreed."

They sat in silence for a couple minutes, watching a gull dip and dive over the waves. After a moment Paden realized that she felt very content sitting there beside Anders, even in the extended silence. There was no awkwardness. It was as if they had done this a hundred times before over a long friendship. She smiled slightly at the thought.

Finally Anders looked at her again. "So, what are you doing down here anyway? Your brother made it sound like you come here often."

Paden nodded. "I come here now and then to think. This place has a way of soothing my soul."

"In what way?"

"Whenever I'm feeling particularly down or ungrateful about my family's situation, I come here and watch the ships in the harbor. They remind me of our escape from Lothering, and the voyage here, how horrific and miserable it was. Remembering that always managed to make me feel grateful for what I have now."

Anders studied her for a moment. "But it's no longer working?" he observed.

Paden sighed and shook her head.

"What's wrong, Paden?" Anders asked gently. The sound of her given name on his lips made her heart flutter. Anders waited, and when she said nothing, he added, "I…I noticed you've been crying. Is there anything I can do?"

Blast it all, he could tell she'd been crying? That's the last thing she wanted. But it was too late now. She shook her head, refusing to meet his gaze. She knew if she did, her resolve would crack and that would be the end of her control. If anyone else had said those words to her in the state she was in now she would have bit their head off. But somehow Anders had the oposite affect on her. After a few softly spoken words from him she was willing to spill every hurt and cry every tear in a puddle at his feet. And that thought alone scared her more than any Carta crime-lord or Templar knight.

"You know," Anders said. "A few days ago you told me that I could tell you anything. I would like to give you that same offer. Or…are you better at giving than receiving?"

Paden snorted. Did he already know her so well? "Yeah, I've never been one to spill my heart all over someone else."

"Well, I'm offering my shoulder," Anders said. "Take it as you will." And with those words the tension seemed to drain away. He was expecting nothing from her, and she was free to back away into her safe zone.

Once finally mastered, she glanced up at him and gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you," she said. But she was done crying for that day. She wouldn't cry again for a long while—especially not in front of someone else, even Anders. But she was grateful that he wanted to be there for her. That made her feel very good.

After a moment she took the opportunity to change the subject. "I have a job tonight, here at the docks actually. It's with the Carta, so there's a chance it could get ugly."

"Let me guess, you want me to come with you?" Anders said with that lopsided smile of his.

"Do you mind?" Paden asked.

Anders shook his head. "Not at all. Actually, I've been enjoying our little nighttime jaunts. Gives me a nice change of pace from a long day at the clinic."

"Really? Then I'll let you know whenever I've got a job. You're more than welcome to come along." She laughed lightly. "You're much better company than Carver anyway."

Anders laughed also. "Glad to hear it."

Paden sighed. "Are you busy for the rest of the day?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Today I'm actually free, for the most part. What'd you have in mind?"

"Carver and I were following a lead in an investigation, in order to claim the reward for finding a missing woman. We need to go to Darktown next and find a Templar who may know something about it."

"A Templar?" Anders said, arching his eyebrows. "I'm surprised you'd even want to get close to one."

"Well, I don't really. But what other choice do I have? Talking to him is the only lead we have. We'd have to drop the case otherwise."

"So why don't you just drop the case then?"

Paden frowned. "Because we need the money. And besides, I'm used to taking risks. I had to do it all the time working for Athenril. And as long as I don't cast a spell in front of the man, then he won't ever know I'm a mage. But I understand why you'd rather not come. I shouldn't have asked, I wasn't thinking."

Anders shook his head. "No, it's all right. I'll go with you. You're right, he won't know we're mages, just…let's be careful."

"We won't go alone," Paden assured. "What's one Templar against two mages, a dwarf and my brother?" She gave him a sidelong glance and smiled.

He chuckled lightly. "I think I like you, Paden Hawke."

"Oh? Nice to have the vote of confidence." She slipped off the crate and turned to face him. "Let's get going; this Templar might not even be in Darktown any longer. And I'd rather not have to go looking for him in the Gallows."

"I hear you," Anders agreed.