Inside the rocky cave, Kirby and Waddle Dee were sitting on a ledge jutting out of a wall, surrounded by Kanys scuttling around. They were still a little uneasy about that, even now that they had had a very long and important discussion with the leader.

"So… let me get this straight," said Kirby. "You're saying that this entire race is just one big gigantic scam?"

"That is correct," said the giant Kany. "We Kanys used to inhabit this river, but ever since that Galbo started holding races every year, we've been forced off our land and have had to dwell in this cave ever since."

"But… why?" asked Waddle Dee, looking confused. "What made it so you guys can't live out on the river anymore?"

"It keeps getting blown up," the giant Kany said flatly. "I don't know if you've noticed, but everyone who lives on this planet seems to be a bunch of trigger-happy nutcases… and from what we've seen of you two, you're no exceptions."

Kirby put on a goofy grin with half-closed eyes. "Heh heh… yeah, that's true. Good times… goooood times…"

"This man does not represent me," Waddle Dee said flatly. "So, anyway, Mr. Gallant basically forced you guys off your homeland just so he could make money off of the races every year?"

"Precisely. In fact, the very reason he makes so much money is because of the ridiculous spectacle the racers make. People pay to see them committing all sorts of violent and senseless acts as they try to win… and at the same time, that reckless behavior is destroying our river, making it unfit for us to live in."

"So when you and Boomer were fighting, you were just serving Mr. Gallant's evil plan," Waddle Dee said to Kirby, folding his arms in disapproval. "So now will you cut it out and stop trying to kill the guy?"

Kirby looked a little torn. "Well… on the one hand, I don't like evil plans… but on the other hand, I do like blowing up people who annoy me."

Waddle Dee sighed and covered his face. "Don't worry, Kirby and I will put a stop to this," he promised the big Kany. "We'll tell everybody what Mr. Gallant has been up to, and then he'll have to shut down the race. Then you guys will get your home back."

"We would appreciate that very much," the big Kany said gratefully. "If you vouch for us, people will be more likely to believe we are telling the truth."

"But there's one thing I still don't get," said Kirby. "Why haven't you guys just fought Mr. Gallant to get your own river back? I mean, you're… really big."

"It's glandular," the giant Kany pouted. "Anyway, we prefer to resolve our disputes peacefully if we can. I did once break down the wall of his office to have a talk with him, but everyone in there just started pointing and screaming some nonsense about attacking my weak point for massive damage."

"Well, that explains it," Kirby decided. "All right, we'll be sure to expose that dino-brain and save your guys' home. But in the meantime – " He whipped out their boat from literally out of nowhere and held it over his head. "We've got a race to finish! Let's go, Waddle Dee!"

Waddle Dee stared at him. "…Where were you keeping that thing?"

"Were you not even listening to me?" the big Kany snapped. "If you finish the race the way you've been going, you're just going to damage our home even more!"

"Yeah, but how else are we going to get everyone's attention so we can tell them about Mr. Gallant?" Kirby reasoned. "Besides, we have to win the race so we can get the Crystal Shard! We need it to save the universe!"

Waddle Dee glared at him. "You don't actually care about those things and you just want to blow up Boomer, right?"

"Absolutely. Now come on, chop-chop!" said Kirby as he raced over to the exit of the cave, holding the crate high above his head.

"Kirby, I'm serious!" Waddle Dee snapped as he stepped in front of Kirby. "We're not gonna help the Kanys this way! We should stay in here and plan out what we're going to do."

"Waddle Dee, the longer we stay in here arguing about this, the longer we leave Adeleine out there unchecked."

"…Point taken. Let's go."

––

Adeleine and Dedede were, at that very moment, tied to a tree near the riverbank and glaring acidly at the two Nruffs who were holding them captive.

"You guys have no idea who you're dealing with, do you?" Adeleine snapped. "Untie me now or face the fiery wrath of a thousand imploding suns on your head! My lawyer is going to hear about this!"

"You're an artist. You can't afford a lawyer," said the first Nruff.

"…Well, he's got me there."

"You two aren't going anywhere," said the second Nruff. "You are non-competitors who have been interfering with the race, which is explicitly against the rules."

"So is that any reason to tie us to a tree?" Dedede asked angrily. "With, incidentally, a really flimsy rope that normally I could totally break out of with my awesome strength, but I haven't had lunch yet."

"Dedede, are you trying to salvage your manliness?" asked Adeleine. "Because I think that went out the window the minute you teamed up with a bunch of little puffballs and a fairy."

"Once I brain these guys, you're next."

"As a matter of fact, that is a reason to keep you two tied up," said the first Nruff. "By interfering with the race, you are threatening to unravel Mr. Gallant's evil genius plan of keeping the native species of this river driven off their homeland just so he can make a bunch of money every year by having a bunch of easily exploitable racers maim each other in extremely over-the-top fashion for a plastic trophy."

Adeleine and Dedede looked completely blank. "Uh… run that by us again?" said Dedede.

The first Nruff suddenly looked stunned. "Oh crap… I said too much again, didn't I?"

The second Nruff sighed wearily. "Well, now that you two know the whole truth about Mr. Gallant and the Sapphire River Race, there's only one thing left to do."

"Let us go free and give us ice cream?" Adeleine asked hopefully.

"Exactly. Now prepare to – wait, no, that's not right. We're going to kill you. And then give you ice cream. Which will be no good to you, because you'll be dead. We're just nasty like that."

"You fiends!" Adeleine cried, struggling against her bonds as the Nruffs slowly and purposefully advanced on the helpless duo. "Okay, Dedede, I think it's time we enacted Escape Plan C. I'll fake an intestinal worm, and while they're distracted with me you cut their legs off and we make a break for it."

"Adeleine, I think there are at least two problems with that escape plan."

"What the heck is going on here?" came a sudden and very angry voice from high above their heads. Adeleine and Dedede immediately broke off from their frantic struggling and looked up in astonishment.

"It's Ribbon!" Adeleine cheered as the fairy came zooming down from the sky to meet them. "She's here to save us!"

"No, I'm here to save Dedede. The fact that you're here too is just unfortunate."

Adeleine frowned. "I'm bringing this up in therapy…"

"What in the – who are you?" the second Nruff demanded at the sight of this unexpected newcomer. In response, Ribbon turned to face him and folded her arms.

"I'll have you know these two are my friends, technically. I can only imagine what stupid thing they did to warrant being tied up like this, but I'm going to have to ask you to let them go."

"Sorry, but that's not going to happen," snapped the first Nruff. "I'll have you know these two are political prisoners!"

Dedede looked confused. "What? How?"

"…Never mind. Anyway, Miss Fairy, I'm afraid you've already seen too much, and we're going to have to take care of that."

Both Nruffs let out angry snorts and came charging directly at Ribbon, who just rolled her eyes and banged their heads together.

"Wow, Ribbon, you gotta teach me how to do that," said Adeleine as the fairy flew over and untied her and Dedede. Unfortunately her little maneuver had only momentarily stunned the two Nruffs, and they quickly cleared their heads and immediately advanced on the trio.

"All right, that's it! We're taking you all out, right now!"

Adeleine and Dedede eagerly leapt into battle stances as Ribbon glared impatiently at their foes. "Seriously? You want to take us on? You know it's three against two, right?"

"Oh, come on. You can't possibly tell us that the girl in the stupid hat is competent enough to win in a fight."

"Beret! It's called a stupid beret!" Adeleine shouted at them, looking highly insulted. "All right, that does it! You guys are gonna suffer! I'll be back in like fifteen minutes!" And she grabbed her art supplies and hurried behind the tree.

Ribbon sighed wearily and turned to Dedede. "Shall we?"

"I guess I've got nothing else going on."

"HIYA!" bellowed the Nruffs as they each came charging at one of the heroes.

It was hardly a fight. Ribbon wasn't very strong compared to her friends, but she was smart, easily figuring out her foe's attack patterns. All he could really do was charge at her, and she easily zipped and zoomed out of the way before landing a blow of her own. Dedede's opponent was tenacious, ramming into him and driving him backwards, but all he really had to do was swing his hammer around to come out on top. Still, their foes were burly and stubborn, refusing to go down quite that easily.

Dedede and Ribbon were running out of energy when the former suddenly turned around and noticed something. "Hey Ribbon, Adeleine's back."

"Finally! What in the world took her so long?"

"I think she has a flamethrower."

"Oh for Pete's sake…"

"MWAHAHAHA! WE'RE HAVIN' PORK TONIGHT!" Adeleine cheered, hoisting the flamethrower on her shoulder and spewing flames at the Nruffs. The two of them squealed in fright and immediately broke off from the fight, spinning around and scrambling back up the river.

"You know, just once I'd like to have a fight that doesn't make me question my sanity," Ribbon sighed once they were gone.

"I gave up on that dream a long time ago," Dedede said frankly. "Anyway Ribbon, Ad and I just found out something about this race that you probably want to hear…"

So he and Adeleine told Ribbon everything they had heard from the Nruffs, leaving the fairy looking very displeased indeed.

"Are you serious? You're saying this whole time, Kirby and Waddle Dee and the others racers have just been playing into his hand?" she cried. "This whole race is just some con to get money? Ugh, I don't believe this… we have to expose that guy!"

"Okay, but what about Kirby and Waddle Dee? They're still missing," said Dedede.

Ribbon just rolled her eyes. "If I know one thing about Kirby, it's that he doesn't go down easily… I'm sure they're fine, wherever they are. In the meantime, we've got our own job to worry about. And I think I have a plan."

"Right behind ya, Ribbon!" Adeleine said cheerfully, hoisting up her flamethrower.

"The plan does not involve setting things on fire."

Adeleine pouted and threw it away. "Well, fine then."

––

A/N: This thing is kind of turning into a crack fic… oh well, it's fun. :D