A/N: Well, I'm not even gonna try to make an excuse this time. (Anybody still readin this thing?) This is actually the penultimate chapter, so the last one should be up within a few days. I definitely don't wanna leave this story hanging anymore.
––
Kirby slowly and blearily opened his eyes. It took him a moment to remember where he was and what had just happened, and after another moment he realized that he was not only soaking wet, but sprawled on top of his boat that was bobbing upside-down in the water.
"Owwww…" he moaned, slowly sitting up on the upturned boat and rubbing his spinning head. He had no idea how long he'd been out. He could vaguely remember that they were in a race and had just gone over a waterfall… what a stupid thing to do. Well, at least he was all right…
"Ugh… what happened, Kirby?" came a weak voice, and he turned and saw Waddle Dee was lying sprawled on the boat right next to him, painfully trying to sit up.
"You okay, Waddle Dee?" Kirby asked, immediately helping him up. "We just went over a waterfall… us two and Boomer and Amp…"
Suddenly he brightened up. "Hey, Waddle Dee! We're both all right and so is our boat! We can still beat those guys! We're almost at the end! We just have to – "
"Uh, Kirby…" said Waddle Dee, gesturing several yards away from them.
There was an enormous banner reading "FINISH" set up above the river, and directly underneath it were Boomer and Amp, jumping jubilantly up and down in their boat and cheering at the top of their lungs.
"YAHOO! WE WON!" Boomer crowed. "WE'RE THE WINNERS FOR THE FOURTH YEAR IN A ROW, SUCKERS!"
Kirby stared incredulously at this for a moment before his face fell. "…Well, phooey."
––
Approximately an hour later, all the racers had been transported back up the river to the starting line, where the closing ceremony was being held in front of the boathouse. Boomer and Amp were both standing on a wide podium and waving at their cheering fans, while Kirby and Waddle Dee had no choice but to stand back in the crowd with everyone else and sulk heavily.
"Well, everyone, it's been another fantastic, excitement-filled race!" said Mr. Gallant, who was standing on the podium with the two victors and holding the trophy. "This year was the best turnout we've ever had, and all of our racers gave it their all… but obviously, it was not enough to save most of you from crushing humiliation and defeat. You should all be ashamed of yourselves."
Most of the racers gave each other confused looks.
"How d'you think he's holding that trophy without arms?" asked Waddle Dee.
"I dunno… how do you talk without a mouth?" said Kirby.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Waddle Dee sobbed loudly into his hands.
"In the meantime, it is my highest honor to present this amazing first-place trophy to our winners, and champions for the fourth year in a row…"
"WAIT JUST A MINUTE!"
Mr. Gallant froze, and everyone present looked up in the direction of the voice that had just spoken to find Adeleine standing up in a tree, hands placed squarely on her hips.
Waddle Dee's eyes bulged. "Ad? What's she doing up there?!"
"Well, it's Ad, so whatever it is, we'd better brace ourselves," Kirby sighed, quickly putting on a hard hat.
"Oh, please let this work…" Ribbon groaned from where she was still in the back of the crowd to avoid being seen.
"Fear not, fair citizens, for I, the great Adeleine, am here to expose the truth!" Adeleine declared loudly. She grabbed her golden lasso and roped a branch of a tree across the podium from her, then swung down to land next to Mr. Gallant while loudly singing the Indiana Jones theme. "Da da-da daaaaaaaaaa, da da-daaaaaaa…"
"Actually, this is even more interesting than the race," Dedede decided, munching from his bag of popcorn again as Ribbon hugged her knees and sobbed.
"You see, the sinister Mr. Gallant has been deceiving you!" Adeleine continued. "This entire race is nothing but a scam!"
Everyone in the crowd looked confused and skeptical, but Mr. Gallant dangerously narrowed his eyes.
"He's converting the power from this river into hydroelectricity!" Adeleine shouted. "And he's using that power… to run his giant evil robot army that he's going to use to enslave us all!"
Mr. Gallant was about to vehemently deny anything she said, when he paused and blinked in confusion. "Wait, what?"
"IT'S TRUE! The robots have been planning their uprising for years now, and this man is a sympathizer! He's betrayed all of us fleshies! Betrayed, I tell you!"
"Oh for goodness' sake – " Mr. Gallant grabbed Adeleine and dragged her behind the podium where he was certain no one could see or hear them. "Just what do you think you're doing?! You've just ruined the entire ceremony!" he whispered loudly.
"No less than you deserve, you traitor!" Adeleine declared. "I'm just exposing the truth! Now prepare to face the consequences!"
Mr. Gallant finally completely lost his patience, thrusting himself into Adeleine's face and forcing her to back against the podium. "Now listen here, you little nitwit," he hissed. "If you're going to sling accusations at me, make sure you get your facts straight! I wouldn't expect you to understand it, but the only scam I'm pulling is on these racers! I'm playing them all against each other so they keep maiming each other like the idiots they are, and so those native Kanys I got rid of can never come back to this river!"
And then, to his utter shock, Adeleine suddenly grew a very smug grin on her face.
"You don't say? My, that is something," she said, reaching into her shirt sleeve and pulling out a microphone.
Mr. Gallant froze up in horror as he realized he'd inadvertently spoken right into the microphone, and his entire evil plan had just been broadcasted to everyone present over the speaker system. He slowly and nervously peered around the edge of the podium, and the shocked and mortified gasps rising up from everyone in the crowd only confirmed his fears.
Adeleine just continued to grin at him. "Heh… next time you really shouldn't spill your plans like that to just anybody, boyo!"
Mr. Gallant looked utterly incredulous. "But I – well I wouldn't have spilled them to anybody else, but – you're so idiotic I thought there couldn't possibly be any harm in it!"
"Ha! You got that right!" Adeleine laughed before pausing and realizing how nonsensical that reaction was. "Wait a minute… is that why Ribbon needed me to do this?"
"Wow… Adeleine actually pulled it off!" Dedede exclaimed, looking impressed. "Hey Ribbon, you can stop crying now."
In the meantime, the entire crowd was in an uproar over this revelation, Boomer and Amp most of all. "I don't believe it… those two numbskulls were telling us the truth?" Boomer cried. "Mr. Gallant! You really have been using me and Amp the whole time, haven't you? We're just pawns to you!"
The Galbo turned to them with an irritated expression. "Well, obviously. You two go around blowing people up over a plastic trophy. Why else would I keep you around?"
"THAT'S IT! You've insulted the ancient craft of my ancestors!" Boomer screamed, hoisting a lit bomb over his head. "Prepare for payback!"
"Hey, we want a piece of him too!" Waddle Dee snapped as he and Kirby leapt forward to join them, Ribbon and Dedede close behind them. "He lied to us as much as you guys!"
"And he drove all those Kanys away from their home!" added Ribbon.
"And he's ugly and smells funny!" said Kirby.
"Classy as always, Kirby," Ribbon muttered.
"Oh for goodness' sake – I don't have time for this nonsense," Mr. Gallant muttered, not looking concerned at all the able fighters closing in on him. "SECURITY!"
On his cue, over a dozen security Nruffs, each one of them wearing a dark pair of sunglasses, came charging out from behind the boathouse and directly toward our heroes while snorting and bellowing at the top of their lungs. Kirby and friends, as well as Boomer and Amp, charged fearlessly into the fight against the makeshift army, while most everyone else in the crowd started screaming and ran off to safety, having never been in a fight in their lives.
"BANZAIIIIIIII!" Adeleine cheered, running up and belly flopping into the mass of violence.
"YES! Finally! This is my favorite part!" Dedede cackled, pulling out his hammer and charging into the fray, indiscriminately swinging it at any Nruffs that got in his way. Ribbon sighed wearily and joined in as well, having stopped questioning why everywhere they went invariably led to an epic battle sequence that looked like it belonged in some kind of music video.
Kirby had been effortlessly taking care of the Nruffs before he broke off in time to notice Mr. Gallant attempting to slink off, forgotten and unnoticed by everyone involved in the fight.
"HEY! He's getting away!" the pink puffball shouted.
"Not on my watch he's not!" Boomer snapped, and the two rivals immediately took off together after the fleeing Galbo. His eyes widened as he saw them approach, and he was barely able to run for a few seconds before they had him cornered.
"You two really are a pair of sore losers, you know that?" he jeered as he faced them. "If you can't handle getting conned like this, I'd hate to see you on the dating scene."
"That was below the belt, old man!" Kirby shouted before hoisting a bomb above his head… only for Mr. Gallant to let loose a burst of fiery breath that not only burned him, but caused the bomb to go off in his hands.
"…I kinda forgot he could do that," Kirby said from where he was now lying several yards away.
"Enough fooling around!" said Boomer, racing at Mr. Gallant while chucking bombs of his own. However, the Galbo was easily able to evade each and every one of them before spewing another blast of fire at Boomer, who cried out and scrambled to get out of range. Kirby jumped back into the fray before long, but try as they might, the two of them just couldn't score any hits on Mr. Gallant, even while double teaming him.
"Geez, this guy is tougher than he looks!" Kirby swore.
"You really think I can't handle a couple of bratty kids like you?" Mr. Gallant jeered. "I'm the one in charge around here, in case you forgot!"
Kirby quickly broke off from the fight and fell back, panting with exhaustion. "Boomer… I'm starting to think there's only one way to take this guy out. I really hate to say this, but… I need your help."
Boomer stopped what he was doing and turned to stare at Kirby before a triumphant smirk crept onto his face. "What did you say? You need my help?" he gloated. "Well well well, how the mighty have fallen! Glad to see you finally got it in your head that I'm the important one around here! Took you long enough to – "
"DUDE, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"
"Hang on, I just want to bask in this moment. This is definitely – " He was cut off as he was barbecued by a blast of Mr. Gallant's fire breath. "Okay you're right, we don't have time. What do you need me to do?"
"Throw me one of your bombs, fast!" Kirby ordered. Boomer quickly complied, but as he did, he was surprised to see Kirby reach into his mouth and pull out what looked like a four-pointed black crystal. Then he chucked the thing right at the incoming bomb, causing them to collide in midair and reform into a similar-looking crystal, this one with eight points.
"Wha – " Boomer could only stare as Kirby inhaled the crystal with his tremendous lung power and swallowed it in one gulp – and then his eyes bulged out even more as the pink puffball suddenly turned to Mr. Gallant and spat out a trio of heat-seeking missiles!
"WHAT THE HECK?! NO FAIR! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH THAT?!" the Poppy Bro screamed. Mr. Gallant looked shocked as well and tried to run away, but the missiles were locked onto him. He let out a shriek as they collided into him and three massive explosions blew him up into the air.
"YEAH! That's how winners do it!" said Kirby, doing a victory dance.
"Urgh…" Mr. Gallant groaned from where he was sprawled on the ground. "So, that's the way you want to do it? Fine! I'm not finished here yet!"
For all his words, though, it was painfully clear that the tide of battle had just been turned around. Kirby's Double Bomb power was too much for him to handle, and as he was unable to evade the volley of missiles, he was quickly beaten up so badly that he couldn't run away from Boomer's bombs either. In a matter of minutes, the two of them had beaten the sinister Galbo into the ground.
"Ohhhh…" he groaned weakly, swaying around before finally collapsing to the ground, soundly defeated.
"YAY! We did it!" Kirby cheered, jumping up and down and spinning around in jubilation.
"We sure did! You're finished now, Mr. Gallant!" Boomer gloated.
"YEAH!" both of them shouted at once, preparing to give each other a high-five… but then they both caught themselves in midair, seeming to realize what they'd almost done, and roughly turned away from each other and started muttering to themselves.
"Awwww, you two like each other! That's so sweet!" Adeleine cooed, and Kirby turned around to find that she, along with the rest of his teammates and Amp, had just come walking up behind them, having quickly dispatched the Nruff army.
"Heya, guys. You totally missed out on the action, but me and this guy over here totally showed Mr. Gallant a thing or two. I doubt he's gonna be a problem anymore."
"So I see," Ribbon said with approval in her voice. "And it looks like you two learned a lesson too. When you work together, you accomplish a lot more than when you're working against each other."
Kirby and Boomer both gave her weird looks. "What are you talking about? We didn't learn anything. Except that blowing stuff up is fun," said the Poppy Bro.
Ribbon sighed deeply. "Never mind."
"Okay, Mr. Gallant," said Waddle Dee, walking up to the defeated Galbo. "Here's what's gonna happen. You're going to give us the Crystal Shard on that trophy, you're going to issue a formal apology to all of the racers for using them all these years, and you're going to disband the Sapphire River Race permanently so these Kanys can have back their home that you took from them."
"And then you're going to report back here for some corporal punishment," said Dedede with a malicious grin, pounding his hammer into his palm.
Mr. Gallant wearily stood up and saw everyone closing in on him with very angry looks on their faces. He started sweating profusely.
"Ah, well… about that," he said nervously, seeming to recognize he'd been beaten. "I suppose you may be right… it seems I have no choice but to – oh my goodness! What's that behind you?!"
All seven of them turned and looked over their shoulders. "Yoink!" shouted Mr. Gallant as he spun around and ran away.
Everyone turned back around with very displeased looks as they realized what had happened. "I can't believe we fell for that," Kirby muttered.
"I can't believe Ribbon fell for that," said Adeleine.
––
Mr. Gallant was frantically racing down the riverbank as fast as he could go. He refused to believe that a couple of empty-headed racers had gotten the better of him like that! Not when he'd been the one pulling the strings all this time! No, he was going to get out of here and start over – somewhere where they'd never find him! They couldn't stop him no matter how hard they tried – he was top dog around here, and they'd never –
He'd been frantically glancing behind his shoulder to make sure they hadn't caught up to him, and so wasn't looking in front of him until he slammed into something very large and very hard. Briefly stunned, he staggered backward before shaking his head to clear it and looking at what was in his way.
As he saw it, he grew very pale, and his gaze slowly traveled up.
The enormous Kany was towering over him, looking down at him with a very unfriendly expression. All the other Kanys were standing behind it, snapping their pincers threateningly at the fleeing Galbo and cutting off his escape.
"GIANT ENEMY CRAB!" he screamed.
"That's getting really old, you know," the big Kany said impatiently, grabbing the hapless Mr. Gallant in its claw and lifting him off the ground.
"Hey, it's the Kanys! They came!" Kirby exclaimed as he and the others caught up with Mr. Gallant. "Hang on… what are you guys doing here? I thought you didn't want to get involved in this."
"Your determination inspired us, Kirby," said the big Kany, looking down at the pink puffball. "We realized that this river is our home, and if someone we had just met was willing to go to such lengths to protect it for us, it was only right that we do the same. Well, that, and we didn't entirely trust you to do it without just blowing more things up."
"They know you so well," Ribbon remarked as Kirby grew a humiliated look.
"Now, then." The big Kany turned its attention back to Mr. Gallant, who was shaking very violently and whose eyes had grown comically large. "As I'm sure you know, we Kanys prefer to resolve our disputes peacefully. We avoid violence and lashing out whenever possible, no matter the situation."
Mr. Gallant seemed to relax a little. "Oh, well, that's good then."
"At least, that's how we used to be. But that clearly got us nowhere, so I'm just going to do this instead." And the big Kany wound up and hurled Mr. Gallant clear over the horizon.
"YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiii…"
Kirby and the others watched him as he vanished. "Well… that was interesting," Kirby finally said.
"Does this mean no corporal punishment?" Dedede pouted.