You can almost physically feel the weight of these questions pressing on your small shoulders. You don't show any kind of weakness and keep on playing chess against Sherlock. After you lost more often than you can count, you hear someone coming upstairs and turn your head to face the door. Finally John bursts through the door greeting:"Hi, Sher-" he stops talking the second he sees you. You misinterpret his facial expression as disappointment and quickly look at the wooden floor, you just can't stand people who look at you like that. You feel how you're getting worse again, just one, simply look turns your heart ice cold again. All the good things have to come to an end ,you think to yourself, it was nice while it lasted but now, now you're back in the cruel and tortuous realty.
"Hello John, how was work?", interjects Sherlock. You force yourself to breath in deeply, to calm yourself down.
"Wait...you...do you really want to know", John asked confused.
"No, of course not, Idiot", Sherlock simply informs.
You can't stop the light chuckle that comes out of your mouth, you quickly old your hands in front of your face. The chuckle earns you a pissed glance from John and a wink from Sherlock.
"Sorry", you whisper, eyes fixed at John Watson. " I'll be gone in a minute..."
As you stand up and are about the leave the room, full of uncomfortable tension, someone grips your left wrist and holds you back. You twitch nervously as you feel the light pressure on your arm. The one who's holding you back is Sherlock, who immediately jumped from his chair and rushed over to you to keep you from leaving. He looks deeply into your mud brown eyes. At first you look back into his amazing colored eyes, but then the pain, his hand forces on your arm, is back on your mind and you glance down at your wrist.
Your arm doesn't hurt because his grip is too tight, but because you've cut yourself yesterday, hours before John found you, and it feels like being on fire and getting thrown into ice cold water at the same time, and Sherlock's touch makes it only worse. He slowly takes his long fingers away from your wrist and looks back into your eyes and orders:"No, you will stay here!"
"But..." you and John protest simultaneously and exchange a quick look.
"Now both of you shut the fuck up." Sherlock yells, "John, you may not see it already but you eventually will understand why she has to be here. Just trust me, both of you. Okay?"
John just nods and smiles apologetically at you. You can understand why he acts like that, everyone would react that way, if a stranger would be hanging around in his home. You look at John and say:" I am really sorry for the trouble I cause you, but believe me I am very thankful for what you and Sherlock have done to me." than you direct your speech to Sherlock, "I don't need to stay here. This was probably the most beautiful time I've ever had and I want to thank you for it. There is no need for me to stay here any longer"
"Doesn't matter we want you to stay here."
You turn around and look at John who is genuinely smiling, going forward and then takes you into a big hug. You smile against John's shoulder and whisper:"Thank you, John"
"You're welcome" he whispers back.