Chapter 19:

The Ninth is Made Up of Phantoms

"Alright, Hanna is sound asleep on the sofa, and I finally got some food into her system." Spencer reported, flopping down on the bed beside Toby.

"Great. I'll check on her during the night to make sure she isn't trying to chuck her phone into our TV again." Toby replied, looking up from the book he was reading. He closed it with a soft snap and set it on the side table.

"Yeah, she does have pretty good aim, huh?"

"Well, let's just say it was a miracle that it didn't smash directly through the screen of our new plasma." Toby sat up a bit further, "Hey, what's on your shirt?"

Spencer looked down at her stained light-blue button-up. "Uhm, let's see…oatmeal, applesauce, pudding…" She said, pointing to each stain in turn, "And coffee. Which hurt like a bitch, in case you're wondering."

"Ouch." Toby said, furrowing his eyebrows in a laugh.

"Yeah, Hanna got kinda nasty for a little bit today when I tried to make her eat…but she did apologize for pulling out a lock of my hair."

"That was nice of her."

Spencer laughed lightly and shook her head. She stood up again and crossed the room, unbuttoning her shirt and dropping it in the hamper. "It's like I'm raising a toddler. And I'm not even a mom – or a legal adult – yet!" She exclaimed, slipping out of her white undershirt and jeans. She tugged a clean white shirt out of Toby's top dresser drawer and slid it on over hear head.

"Well, think of it as good practice, Mommy Hastings."

"For being a mom? Well, if my baby acts like a moody, recently dumped twenty-one year old girl all the time, someone divine force up there is gonna have some 'splainin to do." Said Spencer, pointing up to the ceiling.

Toby chuckled and slid off of the bed, joining her on the other side of the bedroom. He wrapped his arms loosely around her waist. "I think it's sweet of you to take care of Hanna. You spent the whole day with her and even canceled your plans to see that movie with Aria." Spencer shrugged and Toby went on, "Face it, Spencer Hastings – you may pretend to be tough as nails, but deep down, you are just a big old softie."

"I am not!" Spencer gasped, scowling. "I am so tough as nails! I eat happiness for breakfast!" She said, giggling now and playfully slapping Toby's t-shirt clad chest.

Toby laughed with her, "Yes, but in your double life, you ride rainbow unicorns, watch corny doctor shows, secretly cry over The Bachelorette, and spend an entire Saturday caring for your broken-hearted friend. You're a lover, not a fighter."

"Oooh, does that mean I'm finally a romantic?" Spencer shimmied her shoulders, smiling widely.

"You have your moments." Toby teased, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

Spencer snorted and shook her head. "Alright. I need some feel-good music or something to make me feel normal again. This could have been the weirdest day of my life. And look!" Spencer held up her index finger, which had a small, slightly bleeding slid across the top.

"Aw, what happened?" Toby asked, taking her hand in his.

"Hanna bit me."

"Why?"

"Because I wouldn't let her text Caleb that he was an "'Insert swear word here' idiot and that she 'insert swear word here' hated him.'"

"Ah." Toby nodded. He raised her hand to his lips and softly kissed her wound, "All better?"

"All better." Spencer nodded. She stretched up on her toes to kiss him before taking his hand and leading him back to the bed. "Okay, you know what I need right now?"

"Uhm, one of those long baths that you like, with the lavender bath salts, and maybe I'll give you a back massage afterwards?" Toby guessed, sliding beneath the sheets.

"Nope. Well, maybe I'll take a rain check on that – but I was thinking we could watch that one thing that brings my spirits up."

"Oh God, you aren't going to put me through an hour's worth of torturous Gossip Girl, are you? Because if I have to hear him say 'Dude, I'm Chuck Bass' one more time, I think I'm going to chuck the DVD set out the window – no pun intended."

Spencer giggled, "Hey, Chuck Bass is ten times more bad-ass than you and we both know it."

"Oh yeah, with that special little scarf of his, I pretty much pale in comparison of manliness. My mistake."

"Shut up." Spencer snorted. "Anyway, know, because we both know that laughing is the best remedy for a sour day. So, a little King of Queens reruns should put my mind at ease."

"Hmm, now that I can deal with." Toby smiled, getting to his feet once more and approaching the TV across the bedroom. He shuffled through the drawer on the table beneath the television set, and within moments, unearthed the complete collection of Kevin James' finest work – a gift to the both of them from Emily last Christmas.

"Put in the one where Deacon and Kelly give them that hideous painting of themselves!" Spencer instructed, her head falling back against the headboard.

"Way ahead of you!" Answered Toby, and he crouched before the DVD player and inserted one of the disks into it. He fiddled with the old TV set, changing the input.

Spencer stretched out her legs, crossing them at the ankles, and then a harsh vibration on the table beside her made her turn her head. She grasped her cell phone and held it up to the low light of the bedside lamp, squinting to see the caller ID. With a smile, she hit ACCEPT.

"Hey, Bree." Spencer said into the receiver.

"Spencer Jill Hastings!" Her roommate voice replied loudly on the other end. "How dare you hold such an important piece of information regarding your love life from me! I mean, I – "

Toby turned his head to look at her questionably, arching one eyebrow as Spencer held the phone a few inches' distance from her ear to avoid becoming deaf by the abrasive sounds of Bree's shouting.

"Bree, uhm, can I…." She trailed off and then looked at Toby. "Uh, excuse me. Give me a sec…" She told him, scooting off the bed and scurrying into the hallway.

"What, Bree?" She hissed into the phone.

"How dare you not tell me about you proposing to Toby! I mean, I know I've been back home in Boston with my family for Thanksgiving but I had to hear about this from Linda Channing, who heard it from Aria. Yeah, Linda-who-wears-her-hair-in-two-braids-like-a-second-grader-Linda. Like, what the hell, Spencer? You take this gargantuan leap in your romantic life and you don't even give me a chance to fangirl about it? I mean, I get how you want to keep it on the down low, but you totally forgot to clue me in! I may be amazing, but I can't read freaking minds! I mean, here I am over in Boston rewatching Grey's and being all freaking proud of myself because I think I know what the epitome of love is. But, once again, I was wrong, and I – "

"Bree!" Spencer responded forcibly, "Take a breath for God's sake! I was going to tell you! But with everything going on with Thanksgiving it just got tossed up in the air. And Hanna came last night because she and Caleb split up and she has been living on my couch all day. Well, Toby's couch…"

"…Soon to be your couch…."

"Anyway." Spencer pressed on, "I'm still unsure about it. I mean, I don't know what I'd give him in place of a ring. Nothing I come up with seems genuine enough."

"No way! You are totally going through with it! And since you robbed me of finding out straight from you, you now have to let me help you pick out the engagement gift."

"Alright, but I have to tell Aria to quit telling random strangers about the plan first."

But Bree was hardly listening, "You know, you should totally make an outline of a house with candles like Meredith did for Derek! Oooh, oohh! And you can do the sticky-note thing or bring champagne! And maybe throw a bit of GG in there if you want by having someone pick him up in a limo to take him there and – "

A beep on Spencer's phone interrupted Bree's adoration and Spencer held the phone away from her ear to see who was calling. "Uh, Bree…" She said, furrowing her eyebrows once she brought the phone back to her ear, "I'm going to have to call you back."

"Huh? Alright. But I'm counting on that Spencer Ha – "

Spencer hung up, cutting her off before she could finish, "Hello?" She asked, taking the other call. "Yes, this is she. Oh. Uhm. Alright. I see. Yeah, yeah."

Toby stepped out of the bedroom door into the hall beside her.

"Yeah, we'll be there…" She said, hanging up.

"What is it?" Toby asked, knitting his eyebrow and looking at her expectantly.

"That was Radley. Jenna…wants to see us."

So after making sure Hanna was sound asleep and letting Aria know that she might need to check in on her if she called, Toby and Spencer found themselves parked in an open space in the parking lot in front of Radley Sanitarium.

"Spence. Spencer." Toby repeated her name for about the seventh time since they had parked. "Hellooo. Earth to Spencer…" He waved a hand in front of her stoic face.

Spencer sighed, shaking her head and keeping her gaze locked in front of her. "What is she planning…?" She asked under her breath.

"Come again?"

"What's she planning…she's planning something."

"Spencer, she's been confined to a hospital bed for nearly a month. I don't think she's been making evil blueprints and cooking up a way to ruin your life when she has nurses watching her like a hawk."

Spencer shook her head again. "I can't imagine what she wants to tell us."

"She probably wants to explain why she tried to do what she did."

"And she couldn't think of a better time to tell us than in the dead of night when the rest of the town is sleeping?"

Toby didn't reply, just shrugged and reached out to slowly pet her hair, "Spence, you're doing it again."

"What?"

"Turning into an Easter Island Head."

"Am not."

"Spencer, you're so frigid right now, if I bent you over, you'd crack in half."

Spencer's eyes fell into her lap and she took a few steadying breaths. "Alright. Let's go in."

At night, the halls of Radley reeked even worse than Spencer remembered from the daytime. She idly wondered if perhaps Will Lovat would be working the night shift, and perhaps guard the outside of Jenna's room in case she tried to sick both of them with a wooden chair or a pair of tweezers.

But alas, they were completely alone as they lurked the halls, going up staircase after staircase, their footsteps echoing off of the walls like firecrackers.

Spencer shivered as they reached the ninth floor. The eerie feel of the hallway made her skin crawl. Toby put an arm around her to steady her and she stood, her feet planted firmly on the floor, at the top of the staircase. The dimly lit hall was absolutely empty, having been robbed of visitors hours ago. One of the light bulbs along the ceiling flickered, as if to amplify the already uncanny setting.

The floorboards creaked, even though no one was walking on them. Ghostly sounds emanated from the rooms as the patients fought for sleep. No wonder they couldn't, Spencer thought. Not in a place this scary. Cold and unfriendly.

Toby stood beside her, not moving an inch, waiting for her to be ready. Words passed through her head – many things that she could say to Jenna – but none of them seemed quite right. They all bounced around, ranging from anger and frustration to irritation to understanding.

One breath.

Two.

Three.

"Okay. Let's go." She said finally. She took a step forward and Toby followed, moving until they found Jenna's closed door. Spencer peered into the window, but nothing but blackness stared back at her. She cleared her throat and knocked on the door quietly. "Jenna?"

Toby fished key the nurse had given them out of his jean pocket and inserted into the keyhole, turning it slowly until the heavy door let out a creaking thunk and the door unlocked. Spencer pushed down on the handle and slid the door open, "Jenna?" She repeated softly. "It's Spencer. And Toby."

She took one step into the nearly black room, squinting through the darkness. She fumbled around on the wall for the light switch, but before she had the chance to turn the light on, a light sputtered to life in the far left corner of the room.

There, snuggled against a wooden chair in the corner beside a side table and a lit lamp was Jenna, swathed in a robin's-egg blue nightgown and knitted white sweater. A pair of black sunglasses lay in her lap, even though her seeing green eyes stared back at them.

Spencer looked over at Toby before stepping towards her, Toby at her heels.

"Hello, Spencer. Toby." Jenna said impassively. Her fingers idly played with the glasses in her hands. Spencer noticed how careful she was to keep the scars on the inside of wrist covered by her sweater sleeve.

"Uh, hi Jenna…" Spencer said softly. She looked over her shoulder at Toby again before coming to a stop before Jenna. "You…wanted to speak with us?"

"Yes." Jenna nodded. "Have a seat, why don't you?" She motioned to two empty chairs behind them.

Toby looked at Spencer and she raised her eyebrows. When he took a seat in one of the chairs, she followed suit. They now sat kitty-cornered against the wall, with Jenna staring holes into their skulls.

"So…are you going to tell us why…you did what you did?" Spencer asked carefully.

Jenna took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I noticed that you both have been coming here for a few weeks and I thought you deserved to know why I'm here."

Spencer and Toby exchanged glances and then they turned back to Jenna, waiting.

Jenna heaved in a few breaths, turning the glasses over and over in her hands. "Well, it all started the day of…the accident. I went over to Garrett's mom's house across the street because I heard he was back in town for a few days. Since my thing with Mitch ended on a sour note, I hoped that I might be able to patch things up with Garrett. When I talked to him and told him how I felt…it ended up terribly. I reminded him that he once loved me but then he went on and on about how much of…of a whore I was breaking his heart. He told me he had moved on and that…I was so frigid that no man would ever want me. That all I do is play games and never commit. That I use people."

Spencer could practically hear Toby resisting the urge not to snort.

"Anyway, I don't really…want to get into everything he said." Jenna shivered, her eyes falling into her lap. Her fingers were shaking around the glasses. "But…after he was done yelling at me…I don't know how I got home. He kicked me out, but I could hardly see I was crying so hard. After Mitch and then Garrett…it was all just too much. When I made it back to Jason's house, I stumbled upstairs and then…just kind of lost it. I threw some things. Some textbooks. I broke my snow globe."

"The…gold one?" Spencer cleared her throat, looking over at Toby then back at her hands folded in her lap.

"Yeah. Why? Do you remember it?"

Spencer could feel Toby's eyes drilling holes into the side of her head and she nodded. "Uhm, vaguely." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, go on."

"And when I threw my old copy of Great Expectations on the floor, a picture of Garrett and I slid out. It was from years ago – I hardly remember having it. But that…was the final nail in my coffin. I didn't really know what was going on. I rummaged through my drawers and found a pocketknife I stole from my parents when I was fifteen."

Spencer resisted the urge to ask why the hell she needed a pocketknife at such an age, for an answered popped into her head before she could voice her question.

"And…I got some pills from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and…well, you know the rest. I just…lost it. I didn't really intend for it to go that far. But…here I am, in the loony bin. And I guess I deserve it. I went too far. I need to have more control than that."

Spencer nodded and Toby sighed. "Well, I'm glad that you…told us that, Jenna." He said.

Jenna nodded. "Thanks for listening. It means a lot. Given what I've put you through recently." She finally set the glasses on the side table. "And my nurse told me that you all spent some time in the hospital while I was there. That you stayed there with me, and that you came to the ER when I was taken there." She looked up at them, "Why?"

Toby raised his eyebrows and looked over at Spencer, who shrugged. "I…I don't know. I guess it…it just felt like the right thing to do, Jenna."

Jenna gave a soft, bittersweet smile. "You both were always so good. I never gave you enough credit. Even when you both hated me…you had the right to. I think that the worst part about what Garrett said was that…t was all true."

Spencer and Toby were silent.

Spencer cleared her throat, "Has, uhm, has Garrett been to visit you?"

Jenna snorted, "Would you? If you were him?"

For that, Spencer had no answer.

"Well, thank you both for coming. And for listening. And for doing everything you've done for me in the past few weeks. It means the world. I think it's time I let you know that."

Toby gave a gentle smile, "You're welcome, Jenna."

"You can both go. I know it's late, and you're probably tired." Jenna said. She ran a hand through her hair.

Spencer nodded and got to her feet. Toby followed her to the door.

"Oh, and Jenna?" Spencer said before she stepped out, "I understand why you did it. What you did. I just wished I would have understood you sooner."

Jenna looked at her with her eyebrows furrowed, trying to comprehend what Spencer had just said. Spencer gave her a wry smile and then she and Toby disappeared into the ghostly hallway.

wow! over 100 reviews for 18 lousy chapters? i have the best reviewers - i love you all like toby loves spencer ;)

and i would like to thank Bree once more, for continuing to let me use her name and for being just her flawless self and an amazing best friend ;) love you baby girl!

tonights ep was kind of a disappointment :/ the spoby hug was the only good thing. i just want my babies to stop fighting and make babies already...

soundtrack for this chapter:

medicine - daughter

the argument - aidan hawken