Chapter 23:

The Angels Sang A Whiskey Lullaby

Like a lovesick veteran, he waited.

While the doctors drifted in and out, each of them taking different samples or injecting new fluids, he waited.

Like a hopeful youth waiting for the return of their lover, he waited.

He waited.

And waited.

And waited.

For what, exactly?

For things to be solid? And to stop shifting over and over, not a single moment certain or guaranteed?

He didn't know.

He sat in the secluded corner of the hospital room, amid the slow, careful beeps of her heart monitor. He sat there through the night, not sleeping a wink and watching as each of their loved ones left in turn, returning home, to where some form of absolution waited. Whether it were the arms of a parent, or the gentle hand of a lover. Someone was there.

But with him…he had nothing else. After all, his rock – the lone solid piece of his life, the tiny fragment of sureness – was right there in the bed in front of him, unmoving and worked over like a science experiment.

He waited.

Every now and again, a doctor would update him on her progress.

"We'll have to give her a blood transfusion, Mr. Cavanaugh."

"Mr. Cavanaugh, she's not comatose, but we'll have to give her time to rebuild all of the brain cells she lost."

"Just wait a while, Mr. Cavanaugh. Don't worry; she'll wake up soon. Her progress is very good."

But all of it sounded like gibberish to him. The glaring thing about her situation, the one piece of the puzzle that bounced around his brain, was the reason why it happened.

He should have been there.

If he hadn't gone to the dinner party…none of it would have happened. For whatever reason she was going to Aria and Ezra's, he could have gone with her. No gang bangers would have even thought about approaching her if he had been there.

The thought of the drunken men touching her like that – beating her – was enough to make Toby's skin crawl. Their filthy hands pushing her into a wall, hitting her over and over while she cried out screams that no one could hear….

It was sickening. Horrific. It belonged on the page of a mystery novel, or the screen of a horror movie. Not in real life.

Two days came and went, and he stayed there. He got up every so often to wash his face in the bathroom sink. Or to walk around her bed, sit by her bedside. Hold her hand. From time to time, he would drift off into a state of sleep, but he would be immediately tortured by horrendous nightmares – an awfulized scenario of what happened in the alleyway – and he would be startled awake, and then sit, unmoving, for a few more hours.

When she was stable enough to accept visitors, Hanna arrived, closing the door behind her. She locked eyes with Toby, who was still situated in the chair in the far corner by the window, and neither of them said a word. There was an unspoken agreement between them, and Hanna sauntered over to Spencer's bedside, taking a seat on the chair there. Her eyes scanned over Spencer's unmoving face, pale and a tad bit veiny from the medication. Hanna gave a short, bittersweet smile and took her hand. Hanna looked like she hadn't gotten much sleep either, her bloodshot eyes still ringed with old black makeup and her hair raked back in a loose, messy bun.

"Who found her?" Toby spoke first.

Hanna's gaze flickered up to his face, and he raised his eyebrows. She looked back at Spencer's unmoving face. "Will Lovat." She replied simply.

"Was he just driving around and found her body?" Toby asked bluntly.

Hanna shrugged. "He was on his way home from work."

Toby nodded. "Is he here?" He asked.

"No. He went home a couple of nights ago. He called me today and said that he was going to stop by later and see her progress."

Toby checked his watch, "It's eight-thirty right now."

"He works the night shift at Radley. He gets off late."

"Are you guys friends?"

Hanna shrugged, her eyes still on Spencer's face. She bit her lip and closed her eyes tight, as if trying to hold herself together. Toby could see that she was hardly hanging onto her sanity by a thread.

"Hey, it's alright." Toby said soothingly. He got to his feet and crossed the room, putting a hand on Hanna's back, "She'll be okay."

Hanna shook her head. "No." She said thickly, "Nothing will ever be okay again."

"Hanna, what's wrong?"

"I'm the reason she's here, Toby." Hanna said, sniffling slightly, "I'm the reason why she went through that alleyway to find her keys. If I hadn't been so damn drunk…"

"Shh, shh…" Toby replied softly, rubbing her back in slow circles. "It's okay, Hanna."

"No it isn't!" Hanna wiped her eyes with the inside of her wrist. "It's all my fault."

"It isn't your fault."

"Yes, it is."

"You didn't will this to happen. You didn't make her be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's no one here's fault."

"It doesn't stop me from being guilty."

"Yeah, well, I have a little bit of that guilt myself." Toby replied grimly, setting his jaw. "I keep playing it over and over in my mind. If I hadn't gone to that dinner party…I would've been there with her. She wouldn't have been alone, and she wouldn't have gotten hurt."

"That's silly to think that way, Toby." Hanna shook her head, looking up at him. "You didn't know it was going to happen."

"See? It sounds silly when you hear someone else say it."

"But when it's your own guilt…it makes so much sense…" Hanna shook her head. She wrapped her arms around herself in an effort to keep herself together. "Will she be okay?"

Toby nodded. "Yes. The doctors say she's in a state of rehabilitation. She's recovering from the blood loss and rebuilding the cells she lost. She'll be fine. There's no permanent brain damage; just a few cuts and bruises."

Hanna nodded. "Have you gotten any sleep at all?"

"Not really."

"Me neither." Hanna said, taking a deep breath. "I keep replying it over and over in my mind."

"Yeah. And no matter how hard I try…I just can't erase the tape." Toby shook his head. "Go home, Hanna. Get some rest. Go back home to your mother's if it makes you feel safer. You don't deserve to beat yourself up over this."

Hanna nodded. "Okay." She replied. "I'll try. Call me if there's any news."

"Will do."

And with that, Hanna turned on her heel and began to slowly amble towards the door, murmuring a soft hymn under her breath.

And where are the clowns?

There ought to be clowns.

Well, maybe next year…

"O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet." Toby read softly, his voice quiet. After Aria had called and asked if he wanted her to bring him anything, he had requested a new set of clothes and his old, battered copy of Shakespeare's finest romance play. Now, he read it aloud to Spencer, like he had done so many times before, even if she couldn't hear him.

He smiled softly, a little bittersweetly, and peered over at her, her stoic, unmoving face, her chest rising and falling with each breath she took…

"I know that's you're favorite part." He told her, dog-earring the page and setting on her side table. He turned back over to her, their silhouettes barely lit by the glow of the bedside lamp. "You can practically recite in your sleep."

No pun intended.

"You know, you always call me Romeo, but…it's times like these where I don't feel like I'm living up to his image very well." Toby sighed. He leaned his elbows on the side of the bed. "Romeo may have been overly impulsive but…at least he knew how to trust his heart." He shook his head. "I should have proposed to you a long time ago. Heck, I would have done it the day I kissed you at the motel, if you asked me to." He snorted, shaking his head again. "But I didn't. And still haven't. I guess I was just waiting for the right time but…God, I wish I would have done it sooner. I should have…I don't know, seized the day and done it the moment it felt right. Then I wouldn't just be known as the desperate, stalker boyfriend who hasn't left this room in three days. No, I'd be the faithful husband – or at least fiancée – that never moved from his love's bedside."

He looked back at her, as if he half-expected her to reply. He sighed.

"I miss your laugh. Who would have thought after only three days of not hearing it, I'd miss it so much…?" He reached out and stroked the back of his fingers along her cheek. "I guess I really am going through 'Spencer Withdrawal Syndrome.'" He chuckled a bit bitterly.

He leaned in and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up, okay?" He breathed against her skin, "I promise, I'll be right here."

A soft tapping on Toby's shoulder woke him. He was passed out with his face against his crossed forearms over the edge of Spencer's hospital bed. He had forgotten what time it was when he finally caught some sleep. Will had floated in and out at about ten, but he slowly lost track of time after that. Now, as a subtle, gentle tapping patted his shoulder, he raised his head and blinked a few times, rubbing his eyes with his fists to cure his blurry vision.

"Hmm…Toby?" A voice said, and he opened his eyes.

There she was, looking back at him like she had done countless times before, with the same focused look in her eye – if a bit drowsy – and a lazy smile playing on her lips. For a moment, he wondered if it was a dream, but as she touched the side of his face with her bandaged hand, he knew it was real.

"Hey." He said softly. As much as he wanted to yank her from the hospital bed into his arms and hold her tight and never let go…he didn't want to scare her. He kept his movements slow and easy, careful. "How're you doing?"

"Good." Spencer replied softly. The sound of her voice was so good it made him close his eyes, drinking in the sound of it. "My head hurts like a bitch, though."

Toby chuckled. "Well, it should. You got fourteen stitches."

"Really? Damn." Spencer raised a hesitant hand to the back of her head. "How long…how long have I been out Toby?"

"Just three days. Why?"

"Oh, shit. Did I miss my final?!" Spencer sat half-way up sharply, but then her face contorted in pain, and Toby reached out to ease her back down into the pillows.

"Easy, easy…" He soothed her. "It's okay. Hanna called your professor; he said you could take it at a later date."

Spencer sighed and nodded. "Okay." She looked over at him, "Toby, who found me in the alleyway?"

"Will Lovat." Toby replied.

She furrowed her eyebrows, but her face slowly showcased understanding. "Ah. Okay." She said simply, nodding.

"Spencer?" Toby asked gently.

"Hm?"

"Why…do you know why those men in the alley approached you?"

Spencer shrugged. "They thought I was Jenna." She replied, her eyes staring straight at the ceiling.

"They thought – They thought you were Jenna? Wha – why?" Toby asked, knitting his eyebrows.

Spencer shrugged. "I was wearing her coat. And they were drunk enough to think I was Jenna."

"But…what could Jenna have done to agitate four dangerous men?"

"That's what I'm trying the figure out."

Toby shook his head. Spencer's head turned to look at him, and she smiled softly, gazing into his eyes.

"What?" Toby asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

Spencer shrugged. "I was just thinking about how good it feels. To wake up looking at your face after this whole mess."

Toby smiled softly and reached out to caress her cheek. "I was so worried about you."

Spencer nodded. "Yeah, tell me about it." She replied, snorting, "I've been out cold for three days. It was like there was a barrier separating my brain from the outside world. After I while, I got so fed up with trying to wake up, I just started doing complex math problems in my head."

Toby laughed and reached down to squeeze her hand. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Romeo. Always will."

"So, you remember all of it, right?" Aria asked cautiously. She was holding her cup of coffee so tight her hands were shaking.

Emily, newly arrived from CalPoly, reached out and steadied her hands.

Spencer nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, the last thing I remember is falling on the ground and a car coming up to save me and…after that everything is black, but I remember everything before that. But believe me…I'd rather not. It was…pretty bad. And gruesome."

Hanna nodded. "I'm so sorry, Spence."

"Hanna, you've said that already; actually, three times since you entered the room. It isn't you fault."

It was the next morning and Toby had called the three girls to come in and visit Spencer, now that she was awake and her bodily functions were back on track. Now, Spencer had sent Toby out to get himself breakfast in the hospital cafeteria, leaving the four girls to chat alone.

Spencer was propped up in a sitting position upon a mountain of pillows, her hair pulled back into a ponytail to showcase the lovely stitches zig-zagging along her temple, over her ear, and along her hairline behind her head. She could see Hanna's gaze wander to them every so often, and the poor, unstable blonde would flinch involuntarily.

"So…why were you on your way over to my place to begin with?" Aria inquired. She sat on the left side of Spencer's bed, while the other two perched on the right.

"Well, I was studying for my final while Toby was at the dinner party and I saw the watch I bought Toby on my dresser and – " Suddenly, a thought jarred her and her blood ran cold. Her eyes went wide. Uh oh. Oh no.

"Spence, what is it?" Emily knit her eyebrows as she and the other two girls leaned towards her.

"Aria, where's the jacket I wore the night they found me?" Spencer asked stonely, her heartbeat still pounding in her swollen temples.

"Uhm, over on that chair, why? They returned your clothes to your room the morning after you were brought here."

"Could you get me it, please?" She asked urgently.

"Are you cold? We can get you another blanket – " Aria asked, not quite catching on.

Spencer shook her head vigorously, "No, no, no, just get me my jacket, please." She repeated.

Confused but obedient, Aria got to her feet and walked over to the set of table and chairs in the far corner, grabbing Jenna's black winter coat off of the back of one of the chairs. She brought it over to the bed and handed it to Spencer.

Immediately, Spencer grabbed at it and shoved her hand deep into the front pocket, feeling around for anything solid. Nope. She dug her hand in the opposite pocket. Nothing in that one either.

No.

No, no, no.

How could she have not realized it?

Oh, no.

She let out a gasping breath and let the jacket fall into her lap.

"What is it, Spence?" Hanna asked, looking worried.

"What's wrong?" Emily joined in.

Spencer merely shook her head slowly. "The gang." She replied frigidly. "They got Toby's watch. The took my proposal gift."

thank you all sooo much for the abundance of reviews and feedback! i'm glad that the majority of you have taken a liking to Will - he'll be featured in the upcoming chapters. because you all are so amazing, i decided to find time to update tonight rather than tomorrow.

so, if i get another ten reviews on this chapter, i'll update again by thursday at the latest. does that sound alright? ;)

you guys are all incredible. really, amazing. i love you all more than you know.

let me know what you thought of this chapter - i love all of your comments!

-AJ