Owe my head I open my eyes slowly and wince as a sharp pain cuts through my temple Ouch! Jesus Christ what have I done to my head? Rubbing my sore head and sitting up gently I survey my surroundings, I'm in bed. How did I get back to bed? My last memory is sitting in the arm chair watching Christian, why was I watching him? Wait he had something in his hand, a piece of paper. Then I remember, The Note. He has a daughter. My husband, my fifty shades of fucked up, has a seven year old daughter. And she wants to meet him, probably be a part of his life, of our life. Its then that I realise I'm crying , I try to stop but they keep coming , falling in buckets down my cheeks , choking me as numerous emotions rush through me. I feel so betrayed, so alone. The fuss he made about me making sure I never got pregnant when he proposed the sub contract .., "Christian!" I shout his name as loud as I can knowing he will think I'm in pain, which in all honesty I am but it's emotional not physical, and make him run to me faster. As expected he's rushing through our bedroom door and by my side within seconds, his eyes full of concern as he examines me, paying close attention to my bump.
"What's wrong, is blip ok?" I push his arms away hard and he falls back against the floor, his eyes wide with confusion.
"You lied to me Christian" He's struck silent and taken aback by the venom in my voice, I've never been this mad before and especially not towards him. He moves back to kneeling next to me, he reaches for my hands but I move them away "The contract you asked me to sign when you wanted me to be your sub, it stated that I ensure I never fell pregnant, it was a clear command and yet one of your previous subs obviously didn't have to follow that particular rule which makes me believe she wasn't a sub at all! You were more than just her Dom Christian!" My voice catches and I fight myself to not cry, I will not let myself appear weak. He shakes his head vigorously and sits on the edge of the bed and tries to take my hands again "Don't you dare touch me" There that really got to him, his face is a sheet of white.
"Ana please listen to me it's not what you think, she was my first Sub, my first anything after Elena, I didn't know what rules I had to implicate and what precautions to put in place, all I knew was how to dominate someone. Esmee meant nothing more to me than any of the other fourteen, I told you I've only ever cared for you Ana, only you. I love you" Rolling my eyes at him I slip out of bed and put one of my wrap dresses on, they highlight my figure whilst not constricting my bump and Christian loves me in them then why are you putting one on when there are plenty of pairs of tracksuit bottoms and tops in your wardrobe states my subconscious with a smirk, she's been taking lessons from Christian it would seem, although she does have a point.
Quickly I change out the dress and throw it behind me with disgust, changing into really baggy black sweat pants and a navy blue cami top "you know I've put up with a lot from being with you Christian but this , this is just too much" He jumps up with impressive speed and is grasping my arm within seconds , I desperately try to pull away without looking into those eyes , eyes which cast a spell over me and make me forgive him instantly "Let go of me Christian" His voice is so broken that it hits me like a ton of bricks
"Please Ana you can't leave me, please I'm literally begging you here , stay with me. I need you more than I need anyone else in this entire world. You and blip, you are my entire existence. Please Ana, please" I keep my head down and yank my arm away from him with all my strength, he staggers back and I can hear his gasp.
"Ana please, please don't do this to me" I grab one of my gym bags and frantically pack up some essentials.
"I'm not leaving you for good Christian I just ..." My voice trails off as I feel tears fill my eyes, I stop them with a deep breath "I just need some time to process this" His arms are around my waist, pulling me close to him.
"We can get through this Ana , I'll do anything to make sure this doesn't get between us" I remove his arms slowly and carry on packing.
"It's already come between us Christian. I need to be away from this place , and you" my words knock him down hard and he sits down on the bed , his eyes dead of emotion as he starts to visibly shake.
"No , no you'll never come back if you leave. Ana I'll be alone. I never ever want to be away from you. Please" His eyes have lost their beautiful sparkle as he looks at me "Please, please stay" my inner goddess is choking on her tears but thankfully my subconscious knows I am doing what's right and keeps my inner goodness quiet, yes the pain I am feeling at the idea of leaving is physically crippling, but I can't think straight around him. I need to talk to someone who will always lead me in the right direction. I need to talk to my dad. Zipping up my bag with more force than necessary I heave it over my shoulder and take one last look at my husband , a man I love more than life its self but who has an seven year old daughter with one of his ex submissive slaves.
"I'll call you when I've had time to think, promise me you'll let me have my time, don't follow me" He doesn't answer but I know he's heard me. I take a large gulp of air before spinning on my heel and heading down the elevator and into my R8. Placing my hands on my little bump and I know I'm right for leaving. I can't deal with this while pregnant; it's not healthy for me to be around so much stress. So I start the engine and drive towards Ray.
reach Rays and bang on his door , my tears have been falling since I left the house and now my shoulders are shuddering as I gasp for breath ,I'm literally chocking myself with my own tears. Ray opens the door and his face tells me how terrible I must look , his eyes are full of fear and concern as he pulls me into his house and holds me as I feel my body shake violently , my legs give way and I crumble to the floor, my dad's arms are still around me as he holds me against his chest, his voice is a soft hum in my ear as he strokes my back, just like Christian holds you my inner goddess cries out at me and I am glad my subconscious shuts her in a closet and tries to make me calm down , but even her calm seems forced and her eyes are full of hurt. I'm so weak, so in pain, so in need of my husband. No! I can't be near him now, not when he's got a 7 year old daughter, a daughter who will take him away from me, and blip. I'm brought back to reality by my dad's soft concerned voice "Annie what's wrong?" I crumble again.
"Oh daddy he has a daughter" Ray's tenses slightly.
"Who Annie?" it takes me a while to get his name out.
"Christian" another sob rockets through me "she's 8 and she wants to meet him" Ray holds me closer against him.
"Oh Annie I'm so sorry that's such bad luck" Bad luck! It's more than bad luck it's an absolute nightmare.
"I've left him daddy " Ray lets go of me and I slump on the floor , looking up at him.
"Annie, no you can't leave him for such a silly reason , you two were meant for each other , anyone can see that" No, he's suppose to tell me that every things going to be ok not tell me I'm making a mistake , has he not seen the films where the heartbroken girl runs to her dad just so she has someone to cry to.
"Dad I can't. I can't be with him if he already has a child , what about my baby" my hand instantly goes to little blip as tears stream down my cheeks , my baby needs their father but he already has his first child.
"Annie it's not Christian's fault this has happened, if she's 7 I'm guessing he never knew she existed. You can't blame him" Yes I can and I will, I look away and Ray pulls me close again "Annie do you really think this is the best way to deal with your problems, by running away?" I shake my head and rub my nose with the back of my hand, I feel six again.
"No but every time I look at him I remember he has a daughter by another woman and it kills me inside" ok so it's not all about the fact little blip might not be the centre of their fathers affection but more the insane jealousy I feel that another woman has a child by my husband, ok so he wasn't my husband at the time but he is now and he's mine. I can feel the smile in Ray's voice.
"Annie he married you , not this other woman , it's you he loves" I look up at the man who raised me , and am comforted , he's right I am the girl he married , the girl he would do anything to protect. But I'm also the girl who he wanted as a sub and who failed him because she couldn't handle the pain. A thought strikes me and I shudder Esmee can handle the pain, she was his sub, a real sub who signed the contract. She can give him what he needs I lose my breath and am suddenly hyperventilating dangerously, Ray jumps to get me into a proper sitting position "Annie breath! Breath!" I can hear his words but I can't do what he's telling me , all I can do is imagine my Christian and this Esmee woman in the playroom , she'd know how to pleasure him , she knows what he wants . He may choose her! "Annie! Breathe Annie! Please!" Once again my vision goes black.