Chapter 28:

Breathe Again

It fascinated Spencer just how much a ring could change a hand. How a tiny diamond, atop a little silver band, could turn a regular old hand that was usually boring and mundane into something to gawk at.

For her, it was nice being one of the only ones who knew about the ring, and what it meant to her and Toby. At least for a little while. Like the secret was just theirs to have, to hold, to share if they chose.

Something that was really, truly theirs, in a way that nothing else was.

She smiled, sighing and cuddling back into Toby's warmth. She lay there, spooned against him, her free hand intertwined with his, admiring how the light peeking through the gap in the curtains hit her engagement ring in just the right way to make it cast shattered sparkles along the wall.

Never in her life did she think that she would get so giddy over a simple trinket. Her, Spencer Jill Hastings, infamous pragmatist and realist, going googly-eyed over something like an engagement ring. Maybe it was just because Toby brought out the romantic in her. The whole Valentine's-Day-Hearts-And-Flowers-And-Candy scheme was in her – it was buried pretty deep – but it was there. And Toby had somehow brought it out.

She wondered if she should wake him – jump up and down on the mattress like she did every Christmas, impersonating an impatient child, and drag him out to the kitchen for special morning Christmas coffee (which was, in theory, much less festive that it sounded). But she felt…calm. At ease.

Happy.

It had taken her so long to find that peace. Through the hellish years of high school, the craziness of college, the uncomfortable encounters with her sister, the even more uncomfortable encounters with his sister, the problems with Jason, the mugging…

It made her wonder if she had truly felt peaceful since before freshman year of high school.

How crazy was it that a mere ring could do something like that? Calm her in a way that countless yoga classes, friend gatherings, and deep conversations couldn't?

For the first time in years, Spencer felt like she could finally breathe again.

Toby made a soft sleeping sound behind her, his breath tickling the back of her neck, and she grinned, peering over her shoulder at him.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty." She said softly. She reached up with her newly-ringed hand and raked her fingers through his hair, trailing behind his ear.

With his eyelids still purposely closed, he made a muffled groaning sound, and suddenly tightened his hold on her, turning her in his arms and drawing her against him, burying his face in her neck. "Five more minutes…can't Christmas wait?"

Slightly breathless, Spencer giggled, "'Fraid not, Romeo. Daylight's calling."

"Tell the sun to calm the hell down."

"I'll give them the message." She replied, her pointer finger tracing a heart on his bare chest. "They say stick it to them."

Toby chuckled against her hair, pressing a kiss to her temple. He reached down and twined her left hand with his, pulling it up and gently playing with her fingers. His eyes caught on the ring adorning her finger, and a soft smile played on his lips. She sighed blissfully, and he pressed a gentle kiss to the skin above her knuckles, letting his lips linger on her skin.

"As much as I wish we could stay like this forever…" Spencer said idly as Toby traced soft kisses down her open palm and along the inside of her wrist. "Christmas coffee with Emily and Samara, remember?"

"Mmm…" Toby mumbled against her skin. "You don't want to call your mother first?"

"What for?"

"Well, for one, to wish her a happy holiday; for another…" He held up her hand, motioning toward the ring for explanation.

"Ughhh can't we just keep it a secret?" Spencer groaned, flopping onto her back and scowling.

"Oh, I'm so glad you aren't ashamed to marry me…" Toby replied sarcastically.

"No, no! It's not that!" Spencer said hastily. "Not that at all! It's just that…I like keeping it between us. It makes it seem more sacred and less…commercial." She held her hand out far in front of her, watching the diamond dance in the light.

"Well, don't you think it'll be odd for them sooner or later? Like 'hey whose the newborn in all those Christmas cards with the familiar chin dimple…?'"

"Hey, whoa, no one said anything about babies yet!" Spencer exclaimed, batting his chest as he tackled her down deeper against the pillows, smothering her.

Hovering above her, he pushed loose strands of hair out of her face, "Even if they have six-packs?"

Spencer giggled, "Let's just start with a wedding." She replied.

"Sounds good to me – which is going to be when, by the way?"

"After Aria's, of course. Summertime, maybe? It's always happiest then."

"Well, we can discuss it later."

"Yes," She agreed, leaning over the side of the bed to check the time, "Because we're supposed to meet Em and Samara in ten!" She gently shoved him off her, and hopped out of bed, scampering toward the dresser and riffling through the top drawer for some of her clothes.

Within seconds, Toby was at her back, wrapping his arms around her and pressing a kiss into her hair, "Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you wear my shirts?" He murmured low in her ear, his fingertips toying with the end of his t-shirt that she was wearing.

"Toby, just last week you were chastising me for not wearing any of my own and 'absconding with your precious shirts, leaving you without any for work.'"

"Well, last week you were my beautiful girlfriend. Today, you're my gorgeous fiancée."

"Hmm, didn't know that a ring could effect my beauty…"

"It doesn't." Toby's breath tickled her ear, and he suddenly gripped her hips, spinning her and lifting her so that she was sitting on the dresser. "It must be your engaged-woman-glow."

Spencer giggled breathlessly and wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him in for a kiss. "At this rate, we're never getting to coffee…"

"Works for me, Juliet."

Hanna usually liked to take it easy on Christmas mornings. Sleep late, make coffee for herself, and watch TV in her pajamas before meeting with Aria for lunch. In the past years, she and Caleb had engaged in Christmas movie marathons – How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Annie, It's a Wonderful Life – and ate leftover Christmas cookies, complaining about how fat they would both get, but not truly giving a crap.

This year had been so different. It had put Hanna through a lot, but she was ready to come out on the other side of it, strong and sure.

Different didn't have to be bad, she decided. Sometimes, different can be a good thing.

So, instead of lazing around all day until someone had to drag her from her apartment by her hair, she got up willingly, dressed in her new red knee-length jacket and black boots, curled her hair, and set out for coffee at Lucky Leons.

The streets were packed with last-minute shoppers, desperate to get into department stores before they closed early for the holidays. She parked her car way down the road, by the little sewing joint that Aria used to spend countless hours in. she got out of her car and began walking down the snow-dusted sidewalk towards the coffee shop.

She passed Nordstroms, Macy's, Saks, and a few boutiques, casually peering into each display window. A few times, a cute top or a fun pair of boots caught her eye, but she kept her pace, her heels clicking merrily against the pavement.

She liked the peace. The casual pace of the morning – the busy shoppers, the falling snow, the abundance of holiday décor…

The whole thing was calming for Hanna.

As she passed in front of The Guru, a hole-in-the-wall bakery that she used to favor in high school, her gaze nonchalantly straying into the window, wondering what frosted delights were set in front of the window to taunt her. The Guru had been known for their "fairy cakes" – buttercream vanilla cupcakes with a mountain of dense, colorful icing, and glittery sprinkles adorning the top – which had been, unfortunately, Hanna's weakness during her chubby stage as a pre-teen.

The memories made Hanna smile a bit, thinking about how far she had come from that point.

Suddenly, as her gaze raked past the lovely treats in the window, she spotted a familiar face, sitting at one of the tables inside. She halted to a stop, unable to tear her gaze from the window.

There he was. Sitting there, reading a book, as if nothing had changed.

Caleb.

Had he…had he not left yet? Was he still in Rosewood? For good? Why wasn't he in Montecito – if not permanently, then with his mom for the holidays?

Had he ever left to begin with?

Had he thought of her at all?

Is that why he was still there?

His eyes casually flickered up from the page of his book, and caught hers through the window. They just looked at ear other for a moment, neither of them moving a muscle. The cold from the morning air nipped at the tip of Hanna's nose.

Gently, the side of Hanna's mouth quirked up into a smile. Caleb smiled back – in that crooked grin that she knew too well.

Should she keep walking? Turn away like he had with her?

No. That would be prideful, wouldn't it?

But on the other hand…she had come so far. She had learned so much about herself. Gained so much strength.

Could she really go back to being so dependent on another person?

But Caleb…he hadn't made her weak. Just the opposite.

But she had to learn to be strong without him, right?

Right?

No, she thought, that has nothing to do with it, does it?

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

And, as her own person, Hanna took a deep breath, reached for the door handle, and walked inside.

hey guys! yes - im alive! lol soooo sorry about not updating until today - my dad pulled a surprise weekend vacay and the place didnt have internet so i had to use my dad's ipad and i couldnt get this ch online b/c it was on my laptop yada yada yada

thanks so much for your lovely reviews! what do you guys think of the return of caleb? will it last?

keep the reviews coming!

-AJ