Chapter 36:

When You Love Someone But It Goes to Waste

Spencer wasn't sure how she got to the police station. She recalled the sound of Toby's voice, and with it, the earth-shattering news that sent her world spiraling out of control. She remembered the low buzzing she heard in her ear, as Toby's voice began to sound a million miles away.

She was sure that she got in her car after that. After all, she couldn't have run all the way across town to the police station. But then again, Spencer didn't recall much from the moment. It was all a blur.

Breaking through the double doors of the station, she was quickly met with Toby's arms, holding her back as she threatened to scamper over to the nearest police officer and claw information out of them.

"Shh, Spencer…" Toby eased her, but she could barely hear him.

"What happened?!" She screamed at the police officer closest to her. He had short, dark brown hair and a shocked expression.

"Miss Hastings, if you could please just take a seat – " He tried.

"No, I need you to tell…to tell me…" She said, but her desperate tone soon turned weary. She suddenly felt limp in Toby's arms, and he held her upright.

"Spence," Toby started. "Can you come sit down for him?" He whispered gently in her ear.

He didn't tell her 'it'll be ok' or 'it's fine' because it wasn't either of those things. It was ok or fine. Her whole world was falling apart, one person at a time.

She nodded listlessly and Toby led her to a vacant seat before a detective's desk. Toby sat beside her, taking her hand in his.

"Miss Hastings, I'm extremely sorry to be the one to deliver the news of your brother's passing but…" The officer sighed, taking his seat on the other side of the desk.

"Just…please tell me what happened." The urgency Spencer had felt earlier had faded. Now, she was just tired, sober, and desperate.

The officer sighed and shook his head. "My partner and I were on our way up to the mountains to investigate a robbery in Doyle's Brooke. On our way, we saw a body on the side of an empty road. Stopping by it…well, it appeared as though the man had been killed by some sort of animal. We were guessing that he might have been…under the influence?"

"Jason was…I…I thought he said he's been sober for four years." Spencer's eyebrows furrowed and she looked to Toby for confirmation. He nodded in turn.

"Well, of course, nothing can be proven at this point, Miss Hastings." The officer continued. "But the body was too…mangled to make out the identity. The rain from the night before appeared to have covered it in mud and leaves. When we reached into the man's pocket…we found this." Reaching into a drawer beneath his desk, he fished a card out, and flipped Jason's ID onto the table in front of her. Spencer very cautiously picked it up, holding it delicately in her hands as if it was made of glass.

She shook her head, "No, no. Jason…Jason was just going out of town to clear his head after his house caught fire. He wouldn't…he didn't go camping or anything. He wasn't exposed to harsh conditions."

"Well, Miss Hastings, it could have been murder as well."

The thought made Spencer's stomach drop even lower.

"There has to be some kind of mistake…" She insisted. Toby squeezed her hand but she felt strangely numb. Like she hadn't fully wrapped her arms around the idea.

"Well, if you can confirm that the other objects found aren't Mr. DiLaurentis'…" The officer opened the drawer again and pulled out a Ziploc baggie filled with various items.

Opening it, Spencer picked out a red flashlight, a pocket watch, and a wallet. Turning the flashlight over, she saw Jason's trademark initials engraved into the handle. She recognized the pocket watch immediately as the one his adopted father had given him for his eighteenth birthday – an heirloom from the DiLaurentis heritage. Opening the wallet, Spencer discovered a few pictures: one of Jason's mother, one of Ali, one of Spencer and Toby, and one of Jason and Spencer.

Her fingers were shaking by the time she put the last item down and Toby wasted no time in grasping her hand in his once more.

"Are those the belongings of the victim?" The officer asked, eyebrows raised.

Spencer swallowed, her hands feeling clammy. "Yes." She said softly, "Yes they are."

It had been a full hour after Jason DiLaurentis was declared dead that Aria heard about it. She'd been out to dinner with Ezra, barely even past the breadbasket and wine, when she'd received an urgent call from Toby. His words cut in and out, but when the news became clear, Aria's stomach churned and bile rose in her throat.

Oh no. Oh, God, no.

"What is it? Aria?" Ezra asked her, looking worried as her impassive face stared straight ahead. She dropped her phone into her bag and got up, not even waiting for the check as she made a dash for the door. She could hear Ezra clamber to get up behind her and run after her.

Once she reached her car, she began to yank and pull on the door handle. A few seconds later, it registered that the door was, in fact, locked. Behind her, Ezra unlocked it, pressing the button on his key. Tears were already welling up in her eyes, and she felt like she was going to throw up.

Ezra opened the door for her, and gently eased her into the car, shutting the door behind her. When he got into the driver's seat, he backed out of the parking lot and headed for the police station.

All Aria could think about was her last conversation with Jason – when he had asked her to keep the cause of the fire a secret.

The very same secret that ended his life.

If Aria had been smarter…if only she had told Spencer the truth. Maybe the two of them could have stopped Jason before he got too far into the woods.

A loud, cackling voice that was nothing short of as terrifying as –A sounded in the back of her head, chanting over and over:

Your fault, your fault, it's all your fault.

Truthfully, Hanna wasn't exactly in the position she would have wanted to be in upon hearing the news of Jason DiLaurentis' death.

She was settled on Will's couch, the glass of champagne he'd poured her forgotten on the coffee table, letting her fingertips graze the stubble on his cheek as he kissed her softly.

In all honesty, Hanna wasn't even sure how they'd gotten to that point. After having a cup of coffee with her, Will had suggested that he give her a ride home. Instead of accepting his chivalrous offer, like a proper lady, Hanna longed for an extension of his amiable company, and had insisted that they go back to his apartment instead.

It wasn't that she was planning anything with him; she just simply wanted to keep talking. Somehow, she felt as though she could spend hours gabbing on and on with Will, about the most obscure concepts. Will was an excellent listener, and Hanna was an exceptional talker. Naturally, their personalities were compatible.

So he'd taken her there, to his apartment, for the first time. Hanna quite liked it – it was comfortable and contemporary, with little odds and ends that made it so purely Will: a Journey poster, a few ACDC records on the walls, and a clear bottle filled to the brim with different colored beach glass on the side table.

She'd felt his hands easing her jacket off behind her, and she shrugged out of it. Hanna took a few steps into the living room, letting her eyes graze over the walls.

"What?" Will asked with a slight chuckle.

"Hm? What do you mean?" She asked.

"You're giving the place the 'Hanna Look.'"

"What? No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"And what might the 'Hanna Look' be?"

"Well, a classic once-over; taking inventory of the area, figuring out what parts might need improvement and divulging ideas on how to change it."

Hanna shorted and playfully crossed her arms, "And I do this often, I assume?"

"Oh, all the time." He nodded, grinning as he disappeared into the kitchen. Hanna could hear the sound of him uncapping a champagne bottle and pouring two glasses. When he came out, he was holding them, just as she'd suspected.

"Well, I'm not." She replied as he handed her one of the glasses, "I'm just looking around."

"And do you like what you see?"

"I do. It's very…Will Lovat-ish."

Will snorted a laugh, "Will Lovat-ish? What is that, a perfume name?"

"It very well could be, you know." Hanna teased. She took a sip of the champagne and flopped down on the couch.

He sat beside her and set his drink on the table in front of her.

Needless to say, one thing had led to another, and sooner than later, Hanna had found herself leaning in to kiss him, and feeling his fingers weave into her hair.

But, as her butt began to vibrate with the ringing of her cell phone, she was sent flailing about, grasping onto Will's shoulder to keep from toppling off the sofa.

"What is it?" Will murmured.

"My phone…" She replied, fishing it out of her pocket. Reading the called ID, she answered it, "Spence?"

"Hey, Han…I uh…" It sounded like she'd been crying quite a bit.

"What's wrong? Spence, you're scaring me."

"Something…something happened, Hanna."

"What? Is it Toby?" Hanna asked, jumping to the worst-case scenario. Beside her, Will listened with earnest concern.

"What? No, no, Toby's fine." Spencer answered thickly. She sniffled. "It's Jason, Han."

"Did you find him?"

"Yeah, you…you could say that."

"Spence…?"

"He's dead, Hanna. They found his body." Hanna could hear Spencer's voice choke in a sob on the other end, followed by Toby's muffled voice cooing to her gently.

"Oh my God." Hanna's hand flew to her mouth and she began to have trouble breathing. "Oh God. I'll…I'll be right there."

"Hurry Han…" Spencer murmured, her voice condensed by tears.

"I will." She hung up, getting to her feet.

"What happened?" Will asked, concerned.

"Spencer's brother…they think he's dead." She replied, hurrying around the sofa and hastily collecting her coat.

"Whoa, oh God, is Spencer ok?" Will stood up and followed her.

"Not likely." She sighed. "I have to go and talk to her; figure out what happened."

Will nodded in understanding, his eyes bearing empathy.

"I'm sorry I can't stay." She apologized.

He smiled his sweet crooked smile and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Go, be with your friend; tell Spencer I'm praying for her."

Oddly enough, Spencer's news had come to Emily through the mouth of Noel Kahn, who she'd been unlucky enough to be caught in the same shopping line as her that night. She was supposed to go to Samara's apartment for drinks that evening, and had stopped at the grocery store to pick up some cheese and crackers for their snack.

Emily could hardly remember the last time she'd spoken to Noel; it had to have been years, at least. Their last full on conversation was long ago, likely dating back to their high school graduation. So, naturally, it surprised her when she heard his snarky voice behind her:

"Hm, hot date tonight?"

She whirled around fast, coming face-to-face with the legendary grin that accompanied that tone. It was almost shocking to see him – the last she'd heard was that he'd gotten a football scholarship to LMU in southern California. Perhaps he was still at home for semester break.

"Maybe, what's it to you?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Ooh, feisty now, aren't we? CalPoly made you tough?" He asked.

"Wouldn't know, I'm not going there anymore."

"Transferred to Hollis to be with the rest of Alison's posse?"

"No." She answered simply, already through with the conversation. She turned her back to him, her ponytail whipping around.

"I guess I'm just surprised that you're here instead of the police station." He said to her back.

"What?" She asked, still turned away, "Why would I be there?"

"I guess I just assumed that you were a good friend to Spencer."

"Who says I'm not?" She asked.

"I just thought you'd want to be with her right now, at such a crucial point in her life." Noel replied. "I mean, I was at the station earlier to pick up a friend, and I've never seen her break down like that before." His sharp-edged tone held true the entire time.

"Why would she break down?" She asked.

"Well, wouldn't you, if your brother was dead?"

At that, Emily turned back to him, her lips parted and her face a mask of confusion.

"Ah," Noel grinned like a Cheshire Cat, "Now I have your attention."

sorry its been so long! my family is in the moving process, and it took FOREVER for us to get internet! i'll be uploading the next ch in a few hours' time ;)

keep the reviews coming! if i can get to 440 for the next two chs, i'll upload over the weekend ;)

-AJ