I am so sorry for the wait. I've had so much going on lately, it's been hard finding time to write. But I finally finished writing this the day before yesterday. I was getting ready to post this when I received a call that my great-grandmother had passed away. When I've had some time to grieve, I'll begin the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy this latest chapter. Please feel free to read and review.
Location: Olivia's Apartment.
"Welcome home," Elliot told Olivia as she unlocked her apartment door.
She held the door open as Elliot brought her belongings inside.
"Thanks," she said as she suddenly pushed past him, running to the bathroom.
As Elliot locked the door, he could hear Olivia vomiting. Morning sickness. He remembered it all too well. Moments later, she emerged from the bathroom holding her stomach.
"Are you okay?" Elliot asked, coming to her side.
"I'll be fine," Olivia groaned. "I just need to lay down."
Elliot took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom where he helped her into bed. She felt tired, dizzy, and nauseated. The bruises on her face were fading red and purple, along with the bruises on her wrists and ankles.
"Where did you put my bags?" Olivia asked, laying her head down.
"In the living room," Elliot answered. "Do you want me to bring them in here?"
"No, it's late," she stretched out on the bed. "I'll unpack in the morning."
"I think that's a good idea," he agreed. "You need to rest. How about I make you some tea?"
"I'd like that," she forced a smile. "Thanks."
Olivia watched Elliot leave the bedroom, then she rolled over on her side as she tried to relax. She was afraid to close her eyes. For every time she did, she saw Granger's face, those cold, menacing eyes, staring back at her. She was still trying to make sense of everything. Where was she to go from here? She felt so lost and confused. Being attacked once was bad enough, but being attacked a second time and unable to remember barely anything was horrifying. How was she supposed to recover from something she couldn't remember? Part of Olivia wished Elliot and the doctor never told her she'd been attacked a second time. Now it was all she could think about. The flashback of Granger repeatedly whipping her was painful enough. She was afraid to remember anything else.
As she opened her eyes and sat up in bed, Olivia placed her hands on her stomach, thinking about the unborn baby growing within her. What if Granger was the father? She didn't think she could handle bringing his child into the world. What if every time she looked at her child's face, she would see Granger staring back at her? Olivia prayed more than anything that Elliot was the father. But she felt it was too soon for him. That having a baby might do him more harm than good. He was finally starting to move on and live his life. The last Olivia ever wanted to do was hurt Elliot. And she also had to think about herself. She wanted a baby more than anything, but would having this baby do her more harm than good?
Once again, Olivia felt the dizziness setting in as her head began to throb. Tears stung her eyes as she began to weep softly. She got up from the bed and made her way to the bathroom. She reached up to open the medicine cabinet, but paused at her reflection in the mirror. The ghost of her mother stared back at her as Olivia thought to herself, wondering if her mother felt this way when she found out she was pregnant with Olivia. Did the pain eat her alive? And was she just as forlorn and confused? She now felt a new understanding for her mother. But unfortunately, it didn't ease her pain any less. Olivia couldn't put her baby through the same hell her mother put her through, all those years of physical and emotional abuse.
Olivia calmed her trembling hand before finally opening the medicine cabinet. She grabbed the bottle of Tylenol and closed the cabinet. She exited the bathroom, Tylenol in hand, and sat back down on the bed. Elliot returned to the bedroom with a cup of tea. He waited for Olivia to lay back before handing her the cup. She set the cup down on the nightstand at her bedside. Then she opened the bottle of Tylenol, pouring two of them into her palm and replacing the lid.
"What's that you're taking?" Elliot asked, watching her take the pills with her tea.
"Tylenol," Olivia held up the bottle for him to see.
"Oh," he nodded silently.
The two of them sat in silence. Elliot wanted so much to talk to her, to help her on the road to recovery, but he couldn't think of the right words to say. He was afraid to say something that might upset her. So instead he watched Olivia quietly sip her tea.
"Are you feeling any better?" Elliot said the first sensible thing that came to mind.
"A little," Olivia spoke softly.
"Can I get you anything else?" he inquired.
"No," she told him, setting the empty teacup on the nightstand. "I'm alright for now. Thanks anyway."
"No problem," he said, standing up. "Well, I'll be on the couch if you need me."
"No!" she yelped in a frightened tone. She took a deep breath and recollected herself. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean...Could you stay in here...with me? Please?"
Even though Elliot would only be one room away from her, it felt as if he were a million miles away. She could feel the anxiety rising in her body as tightness formed in her chest, making her breathing shallow and quick.
"Yes, of course," Elliot put his arms around her, only to find she was shaking like a leaf and sweating profusely. "Liv, what's wrong? Talk to me."
"I just don't want to be alone right now," Olivia whimpered.
"I'm here," he consoled her. "Granger is dead and will never be able to hurt you ever again. Everything's going to be okay. You'll see."
"I really hope you're right," she laid her head on his shoulder.
Elliot pulled Olivia closer to him, holding her in his arms until she finally stopped shaking and her breathing returned to normal.
"It's late," he reminded her. "Why don't we get some sleep?"
Olivia nodded nervously, her body still shaking. "I just want to take a shower first."
"Can't it wait till morning?" Elliot asked her calmly.
"No!" she snapped. She swallowed several mouthfuls of air, before speaking again in a quieter tone. "I need to shower now."
"Okay," Elliot gave in, not wanting to cause her any further distress. "I'll be right here in the bedroom when you get out."
With that, Olivia went into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She felt dirty, uncomfortable, and physically and emotionally tense, among other things. She thought a hot shower might help ease some of the anxiety and tension. She was somewhat right.
She turned on the shower, letting the water run hot. As she began to undress herself, she caught a glimpse of the scars on her back in the mirror's reflection. Olivia immediately fell to the floor into fetal position as another flashback came over here. It was of Granger whipping her repeatedly, then raping her. She blinked her eyes several times, bringing her back to reality. She looked around to find herself on the bathroom floor, whimpering and shaking. The shower was still running.
Olivia slowly pulled herself off the floor and stepped into the shower. She let the hot water pour over her body as she reached for the bath gel and mesh sponge. She lathered up the sponge and began gently bathing herself.. But in her mind, she couldn't feel clean enough. Soon the gentle bathing turned into frantic scrubbing. It felt like no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't cleanse her body of Granger's essence. She felt so dirty and damaged.
When Olivia stepped out of the shower, she grabbed a towel off the hook behind the door. As she stared at the towel, she had another flashback.
This time, it was of the safe house. She was walking down the stairs, when she saw Elliot sitting in an armchair. He stood up when he saw her coming down. She ran into his arms.
"I'm sorry," Olivia threw her arms around him and sobbed.
"I'm sorry too," Elliot cradled her and stroked her hair. "I'll never lie to you again."
It felt so good to be in his strong, muscular arms, which at the same time were warm and gentle. She took a deep breath as she felt her body start to relax.
"I appreciate that," she spoke softly. "Even though I understand why you did."
"You don't have to talk now if you don't want to," he comforted her. "I should've never tried to force you."
"It's alright," she forgave him. "I should've talked to you. I need to talk to you."
Olivia suddenly found herself in the bathroom. She turned on the faucet and let the bathtub fill with water. She was about to undress when she realized there were no towels in the bathroom. Then she remembered that there was a closet in the hall. She left the bathroom and wandered over to the closet.
"Liv?" Elliot called, hearing the noise she was making. "Is that you? Everything alright?"
"Yea, I'm fine," she confirmed. "Just getting a fresh towel from the closet."
"Just making sure," he called.
She opened it to find plenty of fresh towels inside. Olivia reached in and pulled one out. But as she was about to shut the closet door, she felt a sharp pain in her shoulder. Suddenly, all of her limbs became numb and she fell to the floor. She tried to cry out, but couldn't open her mouth, or even make a sound. Towering above her, was Dennis Granger, smiling wickedly and holding a syringe in his hand. He leaned over her.
"Hello, Detective" he whispered into her ear. "Miss me?"
The flashback ended and Olivia was standing in the bathroom naked clutching the towel tightly. She realized she never did have that talk with Elliot. Even when she pushed him away, was still there for her. He never gave up on her. She knew now that it was time to have that overdue talk with Elliot.
Olivia finally emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She sat down on the bed as she searched her dresser for some clean clothes. Her towel drooped down, revealing her scars, as she bent lower, rummaging through the bottom drawer. The sight of the scars made rage boil and rise inside of Elliot, but he pushed it back down. He couldn't let her see him get angry. He had to stay strong, for her and for the baby.
When she was finally dressed and ready for bed, Olivia laid in bed next Elliot, trying to find the right words to begin her conversation. As she searched her mind, she grew sleepy. She didn't realize until now how tired she was. But she couldn't let sleep conquer her just yet. She had to talk to Elliot, who was watching her every move.
"Stop fighting it," he told her. "Just go to sleep."
"I can't," she yawned. "Every time I close my eyes, I see his face."
"I know how you feel," he confessed. "I used to see the house burning and hear my family screaming for me to help them every time I closed my eyes. I still do from time to time."
"How do you handle it?" Olivia asked him.
"I think of you," Elliot replied, kissing her forehead. "It helps me remember that I have something to live for."
"I thought of you too," she smiled, gazing into his deep ocean blue eyes. "In the bits and pieces that I can remember, I was always thinking of you. It was the only thing that kept me going. I never gave up hope. Somehow, I always knew you'd find me."
"I'd die for you," he said.
"You almost did," she reminded him.
"But an angel saved my life," Elliot wrapped his arms around Olivia, holding her close to him. "Now enough talk. Time to sleep."
"But I really need to talk to you," Olivia yawned again, her eyes growing heavy with sleep.
"We'll talk in the morning," he too yawned, giving into to his weariness.
With that, Olivia laid her head on his shoulders, thinking of him as she drifted off to sleep. Moments later. Elliot too fell asleep, thinking of Olivia, happy to have her home safe.
The Next Morning.
Olivia awoke after a restless and uneventful night full of nightmares and night terrors. Not too mention frequent trips to the bathroom to either vomit or urinate. Several times in the night she had awoken screaming and crying. Elliot held her shaking body, trying to calm her down. She had nightmares of Granger raping her in the motel room, and bits and pieces of what she could remember from the mental hospital. So often the two attacks melded together in her dreams that it became difficult to tell them apart.
Now she was looking around. She had almost forgotten she was home. Olivia started to sit up when she noticed an arm around her waist. She thought it was his arm and became frightened. She threw the arm of her and jumped out of bed. But she stumbled and fell to the floor, hitting her shoulder on the nightstand. As she rubbed her shoulder, she noticed a purplish bruise and needles marks and was suddenly overcome by another flashback.
She found herself in the abandoned mental hospital tied to the bed. Granger was lurking over her with a syringe in his hand. Olivia screamed and struggled to free herself as he held her down and injected the syringe into her shoulder. He then removed his pants and underwear and positioned himself on top of her. She released a soft cry as Granger entered her and began thrusting fast and hard. Moments later, she could feel the drug taking full effect on her body. Her muscles tightened and she became twitchy. This made Granger angry and unable to perform sexually. He started to beat Olivia, hitting her in the face and body.
Angrily, Granger grabbed another vial from the cart and filled another syringe. Then once again, he injected the syringe into her shoulder, while she cried and pleaded for her life. Moments later, Olivia began to feel disoriented and her muscles started to relax. Her senses became hazy and distorted. She began to hallucinate. In her hallucination, she saw Elliot coming to rescue her from this torture chamber.
"Elliot!" she called out to him. "Help me! Please!"
As he drew closer to her bed, he hovered over her. Olivia thought he was going to untie her. But as his face neared hers, he flashed her a twisted grin and turned into Granger. Olivia shrieked and fought as hard as she could to free herself, but with no luck. He was already on top of her, forcing her legs apart.
"It's okay, Olivia," Granger taunted, using her hallucinations against her. "It's me Elliot."
"No, you're not!" she cried out. "Get off me!"
Granger ignored her cries as he continued to manipulate her body with his own. He thruster deeper, faster, and harder into her, coercing her body to move with his against her will. He ignored her pleas as he forced her to experience pleasure until her body succumbed to him beyond her control.
"Liv!" Elliot called her name, trying to bring her back to reality.
She was sitting on the floor hugging her knees, crying and shivering. Her breathing was quick and shallow. He realized she was a having a flashback. He immediately hopped out of bed and knelt down beside her.
"NOOOO!" Olivia shrieked as she backed away from him.
"It's me, Elliot," he spoke gently.
"No, you're not!" she yelled. "Get away from me!"
"Liv, look at me," Elliot took a step back, holding his hands up. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk."
Olivia's screaming died down to a whimper as she looked around. She had backed up into a corner, fighting off Elliot, who had been trying to coax her out of the corner. She blinked her eyes, not sure if she was still in her flashback hallucinating.
"Liv," he spoke calmly and gently, looking her in the eyes. "It's really me. Look around. We're in your bedroom. Touch my hand. I'm real."
He held his hand out to her, but she flinched, jumping back into the corner.
"I'm sorry," he put both his hands back up in the air. "Just pinch yourself then. Pinch your arm or your hand. This is reality. Not a flashback"
Olivia did as he said and pinched her arm. It hurt. She was almost sure he was right, but she wanted to do one more test. She slowly crawled out of the corner and moved toward Elliot, who remained absolutely still. He didn't want to distress her anymore and make her retreat again. Olivia lifted her hand and gently touched his face. It didn't change. This was real, not a hallucination, not a flashback. She let herself fall into his arms and began to weep.
"I'm so sorry," Olivia sobbed.
"It's alright," Elliot wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
"It felt so real," she whimpered.
"Tell me what you saw," he instructed.
Olivia told him what happened from the moment she awoke and every detail of her flashback that she could remember. Elliot listened intently, keeping a brave face, not letting his rage show. When she was finished, he helped her up off the floor and into bed.
"No, I'm not tired," Olivia insisted. "I need to take a shower."
"Okay," Elliot said softly. "Would you like some tea when you get out?"
"Yes, please," she nodded. "Thanks."
While she took a shower, Elliot went into the kitchen to make tea for Olivia, and coffee for himself. He also made breakfast for the two of them, eggs, bacon, and toasted bagels. A short while later, Olivia finally emerged from the bathroom, dressed in black jeans and cream colored blouse. They sat down together and ate their breakfast in silence. Neither of them knew what to say at the moment. Olivia remembered that she still needed to talk to him, but she couldn't figure out how to start the conversation.
"So what happens now?" Olivia spoke up after a while. "With us, I mean. And the baby. Where do we go from here?"
"I'm not really sure," Elliot answered her, honestly.
"Neither am I," she sighed deeply. "That's why I think we should break up."
"What?" his voice rose. "But why?"
"I can't put you through this," she began to cry. "The flashbacks, my emotional outbursts, the sleepless nights. I'm not going to wake up one morning and suddenly be my old self again. I don't want you to have to wait around for me to get better."
"I can't let you go through this alone," he said, firmly. "You helped me get back on my feet. Now I'm going to help you get back on yours."
She knew he was right. Olivia remembered how devastated Elliot was after his family died. He tried to push her away when she tried to help. But she never gave up on him. She was always there when he needed her.
"You're right," Olivia realized. "I'm not thinking clearly. I'm just so scared. What if the baby is his? I can't have his baby. I can't do to a child all the things my mother did to me. What if it grows up to be just like him?"
"Liv, you can't be sure that it's his," Elliot told her. "This baby could very well be mine."
"And if it is yours?" she continued. "Are you sure you're ready for a baby just yet? You don't feel like it's too soon? Don't tell me you haven't thought about it."
"I have thought about it," he admitted. "A lot. I don't know if I'm ready for another kid, but we can't change the past. The baby will be here before we know it. And if it is mine, I at least want to do right by it."
"I don't know if I'm ready for this baby either," Olivia confessed.
"It's a lot to take in," Elliot comforted her. "But we have to decide how we're going to handle it. I spoke with Dr. Cavanaugh and he said you should be ready for a chorionic villus sampling in a couple of weeks. A paternity test can be done then. If that's what you want to do."
"Yea,"Olivia nodded. "I'll make an appointment. I'm also going to start counseling again. It really helped me after what happened at Sealview."
"That's great, Liv," he complimented.
"I think you should too," she told him.
"Now, Liv-," he started.
"El," she interrupted him. "Don't tell you're fine. I know I'm not the only one having nightmares. What I want to know is how long you've been having them."
"A few weeks," Elliot couldn't lie to her. "They're always the same. The house is on fire. And my family is inside screaming my name, begging for me to rescue them. I run to the house, but it's too far away. So I run faster and faster, but the faster I run, the farther the house becomes. But lately, they've gotten worse."
Elliot wept as he told her about the nightmare he had in the car ride home, where he dreamed of Olivia back in the abandoned mental hospital.
"Elliot, I'm so sorry," she held his hand in hers. "I wish you would've told me."
"I should have," he said, wiping his tears. "I'm sorry."
"Go to counseling," Olivia persuaded him. "It will make the nightmares
and flashbacks go away."
"Alright," Elliot agreed. "I'll do it. For us."
Who's the father of Olivia's baby? And what will be Elliot and Olivia's next move? Look for the answers in the next chapter! Stay tuned! More exciting chapters to come soon! Please feel free to read and review!