Hiya readers :)

Once again please forgive me for the late update but University life is proving to be a very busy life and finding the time to write and update just gets harder and harder , but please don't give up on the story because I am hoping to dedicate a whole weekend to getting back up to date.

This chapter is all from Esmee's point of view and is just a way to give you all a bit of a background into her and Tori. I have had a lot of people commenting about the stray from the main topic, i.e. Christian's daughter, and promise to bring more of her in throughout the next few chapters.

Once again please do review as it pushes me to write and update, even when I'm all sleepy hehe

Alexandra xxx

"Mom would you hurry up! Mrs Alexander said we have to get there by 6 and its 20 past! I'm always late because of you!" my little controlling daughter rushes into my bedroom , her wild brown curls flying behind her as she runs to stand next to me and tugs at my arm.

"Tori our first appointment isn't until half 7 , we have plenty of time , now help me with my dress and we'll go ok?" she gives a big exasperated sigh and jumps up on my bed to reach the zip at the back of my black shift dress.

"Why are you so dressed up? You usually just wear those gross jeans, the ones with the rips, which nana says make you look homeless" I roll my eyes at her and bat her away, opening my jewellery box for her which should give me 10 minutes of silence. She's such a little material girl.

In all honesty she has a point, I never dress up this much for a parents evening but tonight isn't any parents evening, it's a parents evening that I might be attending with him. Christian Grey!

That's if he replies to my email , which I sent nearly two days ago , it's just rude to leave me hanging like this. My heart is beating incredibly fast and I can feel my earlier lunch come back up my throat , my nerves are shot causing my stomach to feel incredibly uneasy. Without a seconds hesitation I bolt to the bathroom and vomit dramatically , Tori is hot on my heels and just stands at the doorway as I empty my stomach of any substance.

"Ewwwww mom that is seriously disgusting , Martha's dog throws up all the time and Martha says the best thing to do is feed it toothpaste to stop the sicky stuff smelling. Can you eat some toothpaste please cus this place sticks now" no sympathy what so ever is given to me by my lovely little Victoria , instead she's disgusted by me , ok well she's disgusted that I'm being sick.

Funnily enough a lot of people are disgusted with me, mostly my family who have all but disowned me now they have found out the truth about how Tori was conceived. Apparently it's not proper to have a daughter who was once a submissive sex slave and a granddaughter who was probably conceived during a session using whips and chains , or so that's what my mother thinks.

I told my mom about mine and Christian's relationship the week after Derek left , a man who I had told everyone was Tori's biological father , stupid mistake I know but I was young and scared of being judged. I'd even told Derek that Tori was his daughter and at first he had believed me , had even seemed excited that he was going to be a father , but then Tori and I had the accident.

I shouldn't have been driving , I was tired from work and stressed out over numerous things , my mind wasn't in the right mood to concentrate on the road , especially not with a 2 year old Tori singing Disney songs in her car seat behind me. My mind was blocked and distracted and I just didn't see the van as it turned the corner. I slammed on the breaks but it was too late , we collided head on and everything went black.

When I woke up I was in a dark hospital room with an anxious looking nurse staring at me , her eyes grew wide as I looked back and suddenly she was off , racing out the room shouting to everyone that I was awake. Obviously it was a miracle that someone could have survived such a brutal accident. One thought ran through my mind though , was my daughter ok?

Turned out she wasn't ok , far from it. Her injuries were far worse than mine and her blood loss was becoming a serious danger , meaning she would need a blood transfusion immediately. Only problem being I didn't share the same blood as her, which was when Derek offered as he assumed he must have the same blood seeing as he was Tori's father. The test came back and the truth was out there.

Tori didn't belong to Derek and therefore I no longer had a fiancé.

Looking back it must have been obvious that Tori didn't belong to Derek , mostly because we'd only been together a week when I told him I was pregnant. How was he to have known I'd left Christian a mere two days before we met at a club downtown , he couldn't have.

No one knew, not even my parents. I had been the perfect little liar to my parents, telling them that I was enrolling in night classes and weekend courses for my chef qualification, when in fact I was subjecting myself to a world of whips and gags all in the name of pleasure.

Leaving that world had been the single most painful experience because I longed for more , more of him. More of Mr Grey.

"Esmeralda , I didn't tell you to pack your bags. Why are you not in the playroom like you were told" I freeze in my packing and turn to face him , looking down at the floor as I've been taught to do when speaking to him.

"Mr Grey I have to terminate the contract" his gasp fills the room and I risk looking up , startled by the sadness that fills his young eyes.

"What? But why? Everything was going so well?" he's acting so unlike himself , gone is the confidence , the cold hard shell of a man that I am use too , instead he looks scared and uneasy. Its staggeringly unusual but somehow endearing and engaging.

"Because I don't want to be a submissive anymore" my lie cuts through me and I have to force my tears not to fall. But I can't stay , not now , not when I know he'll just throw me in the gutter when he learns the truth.

"I don't understand , the contract is for three months , you only have a couple of weeks left. What's changed to make you want to leave?" his hurt eyes break my heart but I know I have to keep strong, this is the right thing to do, there is no other way.

"I'm sorry Mr Grey but I cannot stay. I thank you for the time we've shared and wish you all the best in the future" without speaking another word he motions for Taylor , his buzz cut bodyguard, to enter.

"Taylor please remove all of Miss Gold's belongings from this room and then drive her back to her home address" Taylor just nods and takes my packed bag from me before leaving the room.

"Esmeralda if this is what you want you have to sign the termination contract. After that we are through , you are not to contact me ever again and because you have signed a NDA I will expect you to keep quiet about our arrangement. No one is to know about this , ever. Do you understand Esmeralda?" it takes all my strength not to burst into tears right there , how can he go from looking so anxious to be as cold as ice. He's such a complex , beautiful man. He's like an addictive drug which causes extreme pain but also gives me the greatest pleasure.

All I can do is nod and suddenly I feel a stray tear run down my cheek , staining my pale skin , my heart is breaking with every second and I have to fight my body from running to him and throwing my arms around his neck. But I can't because this man is not mine to love , he's never loved me and never will , he won't even let me touch him. My baby needs me, his baby, a baby he will never know because he will never know it was born. This is why I need to leave, because it is impossible for me to stay and keep my baby.

I choose my child over my heart.

"Mommy pleasseee hurry up. Martha has already arrived and her she's got her baby brother with her and I really wanna see him" Tori is once again by my side and I hastily push Christian from my mind , it's obvious he doesn't care about his daughter enough to get involved with her schooling.

"I'm coming Victoria!" she narrows her eyes at me, god I need to teach her some respect for me.

"Stop calling me Victoria" she pouts childishly, although in all honesty she is a child.

"However much you hate the name it's what I named you and if I want to use your full name than I will" I respond with a small smile and gently ruffle her hair, which I'm guessing she's only just made perfect. My dear little girly girl daughter.

"Mom! You've messed up my princess bow" I can only watch amazed as she rushes to my full length mirror and starts frantically brushing our her long curls , pausing only to stare real close at her face in the mirror , before returning to her extravagant brushing. She's so unique and lovely sometimes that I almost forget her rudeness; it's as if I see the real Victoria, the Victoria who lives beneath the sarcastic and rude little madam that everyone else knows.

Everyone including her father. God I was so angry at the way she acted around him, she's usually so shy around men, especially since she learnt about Derek not being her real dad. But around Christian sarcastic Tori came out to play, and my was she out to show everyone just how in control she can be of a situation. It's one of the many characteristics her and Christian share, and it's something I really love about both of them.

Yes even now after nearly 8 years apart I still love him. Not that I didn't love Derek because I did, everyone did , he was extremely handsome with his jet black hair and bright blue eyes which contrasted his olive skin to perfection , not to mention his hot as hell body thanks to his personal trainer profession.

But he wasn't Christian , he didn't have that mysterious quality to him that just made me melt when I was him , it was like he awoke something deep within me that I didn't even know existed.

Derek fell for me almost instantly, something he made very clear on the night we met. His hands literally never left my body as we danced the night away, and soon I found myself at his small studio apartment in downtown Seattle. The rest, as they say, is history.

Looking back I was stupid to think he would believe me saying I'd fallen pregnant by him, I mean the man had used extra thick condoms and had pulled out before any damage could be done, but he stayed with me through my pregnancy like a real gentleman and before I knew it he was down on one knee asking me to be his wife.

I was speechless at first and then suddenly Christians face filled my mind, he was the man my heart belonged to and yet another man was asking me to be his forever. I felt like I was cheating on him, even though I knew he had already replaced me with another sub. The thought made me feel sick and without thinking about it another second I gave Derek my answer and let him slide the single diamond ring on my finger.

The years passed and the wedding never got planned , no idea why it just never came up , mostly because of me being unable to pick a date where I wasn't working with my catering company or attending some school function for Tori.

According to Derek the wedding never got planned because it was never wanted in the first place by me but I honestly don't think that's true, over the years I had come to love him and to see him leave did hurt. But not as much as it hurt to leave Christian, that was a pain I've never ever experienced since that awful night.

"MOM!" a high pitched screech startles me from my thoughts and I race towards the front door, stopping when I see Tori standing by the door staring at the young woman who she's just opened the door too. Her dark brown eyes look me up down straight away and her smile unsettles me instantly, I reach for Tori and pull her behind me.

"Can I help you?" her eyes lock on mine and there is a sparkle of something dark and sinister in them , once more I push Tori directly behind me , I don't like the idea of my daughter being near this woman , she looks normal but her eyes say otherwise.

"Esmeralda Gold?" how the hell does she knows me? And know my address? I don't like this one bit, something feels wrong about her. I should close the door, should tell her I'm someone else and send her on her way but something about her makes me curious.

"Yes? And who are you?" suddenly she laughs and throws her head back, her arms high above her head in a gesture of glee. I've never seen someone so happy to see me before, it's seriously unsettling. Suddenly her eyes are on mine are full of unrestrained wickedness.

"My name's Leila. I need to talk to you about your daughter"