Shippuden Chapter 9: When Shit Hits the Fan
(Alright mates, before I start this chapter, I just want to say thank you. Thank you to all of those who have been reading this story since chapter 1 and thank you to those who are starting now. I hope you enjoy it. Since my dear mother has always told me that words are cheap, I decided to thank you with a whole lot of them! This chapter will be longer than those 800-1000 words chapters I publish every day. This chapter is going to be filled with blood-pumping, tooth-grinding, fist-clenching, edge-of-your-seat action! It's going to start a bit boring, but the ass-kicking will soon follow! Have fun!)
"So this is the yooooooouthfull Hono Hyuuga! Boy, I salute your youthfulness and how you displayed it in chasing after these youth-lacking terrorists! YOUTH, YOUTH, YOUTH!"- Gai proclaimed, performing his Nice Guy™ stance. Tenten and Neji couldn't help but facepalm as Lee joined his sensei. Tenten had grown a lot and was now very pretty. She now wore a long-sleeved white blouse with a high collar and red fastener and edges paired with similarly coloured, puffy pants that look like a hakama, with the exposed parts of her legs covered in bandages. She wore brown fingerless gloves, with her forehead protector having switched to the same colour. She also had black, open-toed sandals with low heels, and the shoes extend to the lower ankles. She had a gigantic scroll on her back and her brown hair was still shaped into two chinese-style buns.
Neji was different as well. He wore a white shirt with loose sleeves, closed on the right shoulder, with a fastener running down the right part of the chest, matching pants, with a dark navy grey apron tied around his waist and black shinobi sandals. He also carried a white drawstring bag.
"Gai-sensei, to salute Hono's youthfulness I shall walk around the village a hundred times on my hands."- Lee said, determined. Lee was pretty much the same except he now wore a green vest that let everyone know of his Chuunin status.
"And I shall climb the biggest mountain around using my nose, 200 times!"- the jounin replied, his teeth shining.
"And I shall perform 50 pushups with my tongue!"
"And I will perform 25 with my eyelashes!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"- and with that, they both clutched each other in a very manly hug that magically conjured a sunset and a beach.
"That's enough of that."- Neji gripped Gai's left ear and dragged him back, walking on Gaara's sand. The sunset quickly vanished, letting the clouds appear again in the air.
"You two are soo embarassing!"- Tenten commented, dragging Lee as well while Gai whimpered in pain and tried to free his ear.
"Ow, Ow, Ow, Neji, although I feel the flames of youth on your grip, could you stop? Please?"- Konoha's Green Beast asked as his student begged.
"Ow, Ow, Ow, I'm sorry, my youthfulness will be contained! I promise!"- the scenario was extremely funny for everyone, but the faces of Tenten and Neji were dead give aways, letting them know that that kind of thing happened all the time.
"Do I want to know what's happening here?"- Kakashi asked, lowering his Icha Icha and first taking notice of the situation. Kankuro placed his hand on the jounin's shoulder and gave him an expressionless face.
"Trust me, you don't."- the puppeteer replied. He wore pretty much the same thing that he wore three years before. Some people never grow up.
"But mom, you're humilliating me in front of Kakashi, my eternal rival!"- Gai whimpered as Neji held him down, a tick mark appearing on the left of his forehead. Neji readied chakra on his left palm.
"I'm not your mother!"- Neji slammed his palm onto Gai's stomach, making him fly away from the sand. Gai would have fallen to his death if it weren't for Gaara's quick response. The sand gripped Gai by his ankle and placed him back on the eagle.
"Thanks Gaara-kun. Your sand is very youthful."
"Oh dear god, someone say something before they go at it again."- Sakura asked, facepalming. Kiba grunted and scratched his head.
"Where are we headed anyway?"- the dog boy asked, sitting on Akamaru while on top of Moka's eagle. Akamaru had grown to the size of a tiger.
"We're following a wounded Akatsuki member back to their HQ."- Shino answered. Everyone got serious. Even Gai, if that's believable.
"Who do we expect to be there?"- Kakashi asked, clearly stressed for taking his eyes off of Icha Icha for a couple of seconds.
"Deidara and Sasori, though Deidara is wounded. Itachi and Kisame will probably be there. I've heard of sightings of a team of apparently "unkillable" people that wore Akatsuki's outfit. The leader of Amegakure, Pein, and his bodyguard, an "Angel" are known members of Akatsuki. I've also heard about this orange masked person called Tobi, but they say he's some idiot."- Hono answered.- "Every single one is S-rank apparently. They are the ones in front of me and Shino in the Bingo Book."
"This seems too much just for us. 9 S-rank ninja versus a Kage, two Jounin and a bunch of chuunins isn't going to turn out good."- Kiba commented. Hono laughed.
"Nope. It's 9 S-rank versus two Kages, seven Jounin and four Chuunin."- Hono took out a new forehead protector and replaced his Kirigakure with it. His new protector had "fuel" written on it in kanji.
"What the hell are you talking about?"- Sakura asked, she wasn't very patient.
"I hereby establish the village of Nenryogakure. It is an independent village of the Land of Fire. I am the Kage. That makes two Kage. Shino, Moka, Mizore and Akasha are all jounin. Kakashi and Gai are jounin and Neji is one as well. The rest, Kiba, Tenten, Lee and Sakura are Chuunin. It is more balanced now."- Hono smirked. Everyone was dumbfounded. Everyone but Mizore. But Mizore never really gave a fuck about anything, as before mentioned.- "Now, let's move up!"
Thirty minutes of flying later, they were in front of a big rock that was obviously covering a cave. In front of it was a red pole entrance covered in seals.
"Great!"- Hono commented. Kakashi took a glance at it and realized what he was talking about. It wasn't going to be easy.
"Gofu Kekkai."- the silver-haired jounin muttered. All of the present Chuunin raised their eyebrows, making the higher ranks sigh.
"It is a technique that seals a determined space or location. It has five tags. One on the rock right there and the rest must be around this forest. Trying to fuck the rock up will not do a crap. We have to remove all of the tags simultaneously. And when we do so, there will probably be traps."- Hono explained, pointing at the tags and at the rock meanwhile.
"My team will do it! Our youth will prove too much for this barrier!"- Gai proclaimed.
"Your youth proves itself too much for anyone's patience."- Kakashi replied. Before things got bad, Shino raised a hand.
"Ok, Gai's team, take the walkie talkies and change them to channel three, remain in contact with us."- he said, throwing the devices at each member of the team.
"YOSH! LET'S DO IT FOUR TIMES THE NORMAL SPEED!"- Lee suggested, getting all fired up.
"What? That's impossible, no way!"- Neji replied. Gai was already on his Nice Guy™ stance.
"OK LEE! TEAM, LET'S GO! IF YOU DON'T RUN FOUR TIMES THE NORMAL SPEED, I WILL DEMOTE YOU TO GENIN!"- and with that, he was gone. Tenten and Neji didn't have the time to argue before running as well.
"So, how long are we going to wait?"- Akasha asked, finally making a sound. Shino smirked.
"You don't know Gai's team at all, do you?"- seconds later, the device buzzed.
"Neji here, found a seal."
"Tenten reporting, I have a seal in front of me."
"Konoha's Handsome Beast, Rock Lee has youthfully found a seal!"
"If I can't rip this seal in front of me with one pull, I'll run a thousand laps around Konoha."- Gai finished their reportings. After Shino's command, everyone pulled their seals off at the same time. Hono checked with his byakugan.
"The seal is off. Ok, Tenten, Lee, Neji, Gai, come back."- he commanded, disabling Byakugan with a seal.
"Uh... I don't think I can. There's an exact copy of me right in front of me. And I think she is ready to throw kunai."- Tenten announced.
"Uh guys, I think there's a trap. I see another me in a jyuuken stance."- Neji followed.
"Hey, what is this? There is only one Handsome Beast! Who is this phony?"- Rock Lee asked.
"There is one beautiful man in front of me but I think he is going to fight me. Wait, is there a mirror in front of me?"- Gai said before a loud smack was heard.- "Nope, that's not a mirror."
"Great, a trap. The copies are as strong as you are right now and have the same techniques that you do. Sigh Kiba, Mizore, Moka, Sakura, go help them."- Hono ordered, facepalming himself.- "Wait! Sakura, before you go..."
"What is it?"- she asked, curious. Hono positioned himself in front of the gigantic rock. She was getting hopeful for some romantic stuff.
"You're a fatass."
"WHAT?!"- she jumped at him and concentrated all of her chakra on her right fist, ready to smash the fuck out of him. He used Swift Release and she ended up punching the rock. It shattered to pieces.
"Ok, thanks. That's all I wanted you to do."- Hono smiled, right behind her. Kiba and Kakashi had to drag her away with all of their strength.
"God damn it! Couldn't you have asked her to do it?"- Kiba asked, exasperated.
"If I did, I'd have to answer a lot of questions, now go!"- and with that, they were gone. Akasha stood by the entrance while Hono, Gaara, Temari, Kankuro and Shino entered.- "It's cool how we went from thirteen to five."
"I don't think it is going to be so cool."- Shino replied, pointing at the ninja in front of him. Every single one was wearing the Akatsuki robes and a ring. Deidara and Sasori, who was a fat, brown-skinned man with cornrows were there. Itachi and Kisame were also there. There was a blue haired woman, probably the Angel. She was accompanied by a red-haired guy that had many irises, all of the same colour, grey. There was a guy with an orange mask on his face and dark spiky hair acting like an idiot. By his side clearly pissed off was a white-haired guy in his twenties holding a scythe. And by his side was a guy that Hono knew all too well.
"Kakuzu-sensei, how are you doing?"- Hono asked, appearing right in front of the S-rank ninja and raising his arm, ready to shake his hand.
"Sensei?"- Kisame asked, turning his head to Kakuzu right when he kicked Hono and sent the jinchuuriki crashing against the ground.
"When I escaped my village, I had to hold up somewhere. I found a little white haired kid on the streets of Konoha, running away from something. I figured that he was a thief and that if I catched him, I'd get a reward. So I caught him. He was too scared to do anything and just pointed. I took him back to where he came from just to find a burnt body. His eyes had turned into the damn yin yang symbol. I figured it was some kind of doujutsu and that he had potential. So I spent my time laying low training the kid for two years. And here he is."- Kakuzu explained, expressionless.
"AUTHOR STYLE: TROLLOLOL FIST!"- and a gigantic fist came crashing down, squashing every single Akatsuki member. Hono gathered Akasha, Tenten, Temari and Hinata and created a Harem, living happily ever after.
…..SIKE! Now here's what really happened...
"Kakuzu, you spent two years training the Kyuubi and didn't even realize it? Damn, your dumb!"- the guy by his right said before laughing.
"Shut up, Hidan."- Kakuzu replied. Hono was already up and performing handsigns. Rat, Dog, Tiger.
"Come on, Hidan. He isn't so dumb. He taught me this! KATON: ZUKOKKU!"- with this, he spat a huge wave of flames that expanded so much that they pretty much covered every Akatsuki member. At the last second, the red-haired guy jumped in front of it and absorbed all of the fire into him.
"Huh. That was unexpected."- Hono commented, scratching his chin. The red-haired rose his right arm and a missile appeared by the side of it.
"Thank you for coming after us, Kyuubi. We'll be taking you now."- and he fired his missile that went flying straight at Hono. His partners barely had the time to jump away from it, but he was caught in the explosion. The result was a big pile of rubble, with Hono supposedly in it. To everyone, it seemed like he was done. But he had used Steel Release and was now smirking below all of the rubble. The red-haired person looked at his comrades.- "You may all leave unless you want to die."
"What about Hono?"- Temari asked.
"His bijuu will be extracted. He will die in the process. I'm Nagato, by the way."- the red-haired man explained. Shino laughed.- "What is so funny?"
"The fact that you think Hono is this weak!"- Shino replied.
"Sawarabi no mai."- they heard Hono's voice echo. Gigantic bones shot out of the ground, forming a forest of them, so thick that not a single square meter had less than two bones spiking out. Kakuzu and Hidan were impaled, together with Sasori and Deidara, who tried to explode a bone, but failed. Blood dripped from those bones, except Sasori's. Sasori cracked open and a black shadow jumped away.
"As expected, a puppeteer's weakest spot is close combat. Sasori took care of that problem by hiding inside a puppet. Props for the creativity."- Kankuro explained. Nagato was flying, together with his blue haired partner. He was simply floating and she had paper wings. Itachi had jumped away from a bone and then simply balanced himself on it. Kisame had blocked the bone with his Samehada sword.
"That got more people than I thought it would."- Hono commented.
"MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THIS FUCKING HURTS? I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"- Hidan shouted at Hono who glanced at him and rose his hand.
"Shut your face."- and his finger bones shout out, covering Hidan's body in holes.
"YOU PIECE OF BITCH FUCK! AAAAAGGHH!"- Hidan shouted as the bullets filled him up.
"God damn it, now I have to get a new Suiton heart."- Kakuzu started to pull himself off of the bone, falling to the ground.
"Gah... you son of a..."- Deidara muttered, blood coming out of his mouth. Hono pointed a finger at his head and let the bullet fly, killing Deidara quickly.
"I think we should have stopped that bullet."- Kisame suggested. Nagato shook his head.
"He was hurt already and had no clay left. He would be useless in this fight. He was useful by bringing the Kyuubi over to us."- Nagato rose his right hand and Hono was pulled by an invisible force toward the redhead. A spike came out of Nagato's right sleeve and he was about to impale Hono when the latter rose his hand.
"See ya!"- and Nagato was sent flying backwards by the same force, crashing against the wall.
"Nagato!"- the woman whimpered as the red-haired missing-nin fell to his feet. They looked at Hono to see that he had the same eyes as Nagato.
"What in the hell?"- Kisame asked, shocked.
"Akumanogan. Known abilities: Time Control, Kekkei Genkai copying."- Shino explained with a smirk.
"You know, your Rinnegan is a pack of good shit, Nagato. Check this, for example."- Hono rose his right hand once again and a missile came out of his arm, flew straight to the middle of the group and caused an explosion. Nagato had jumped up but Hono extended his arm again and used the gravitational pull, taking his two machetes out.- "See you, fucker."
"Gah!"- Nagato spat blood as Hono sliced him diagonally with both machetes, causing his body to fall into four pieces before exploding into a cloud of white smoke.
"Shino, you take care of Hidan and Kakuzu, Temari, you take care of the woman and Itachi. Don't look at the last one's eyes. Gaara, I need you to take care of Kisame and the idiot. Kankuro, you take care of Sasori. Don't fuck up this time. I'll deal with Nagato."- Hono commanded and they all nodded.
"Boss, what do we do?"- Hidan asked. Nagato didn't even look at him.
"You heard the enemy's plans. Fight with the ones assigned to you."- and Nagato took out the spike, running at Hono. Shino's bugs quickly dispersed, heading for the undead duo. Temari blew a wave of wind that cut through both Itachi and Konan, though the first one disappeared into a murder of crows and the latter into a bunch of paper. Gaara's sand quickly gripped Kisame and the Orange dude while Kankuro conjured ten puppets that wore white clothes.
"SHINE!"- Sasori proclaimed as he summoned a dark haired puppet and send him after Kankuro. That worked as the fight's start. Hono ran at Nagato, shooting another missile while taking his spine out to make a whip. When he tried to grip Nagato's spike, he was simply deflected, and suffered a gravitational pull.
"Now Eris!"- the little fox jumped off of Hono's hood, landed on Akatsuki's leader and bit down, absorbing all of his chakra in a matter of seconds before jumping back. As soon as Hono received the chakra, he extended both of his arms to the sides.- "Meiton: Jajimento!"
"Crap, you bastard!"- Hidan shouted as the chakra slammed against him and sent him against a wall, letting Shino attack Kakuzu.
"Hey! This is not fair!"- the masked guy complained as he was blown back as well. Nagato couldn't really move due to the loss of chakra. Dragon, Tiger, Hare.
"Suiton: Mizurappa!"- Hono spat water, slamming Nagato against the wall and keeping him there. Tiger, Dog, Snake, Dragon. Ranton: Reiza Sakasu. The water trumpet became enveloped in lighting, crashing Nagato into the wall and making a hole.
"SHINRA TENSEI!"- the water and lightning were blown back, shaking Hono a bit. A very wet and tired Nagato stepped out of the hole, and boy did he seem pissed.
"Couldn't expect nothing less from the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi."- he said, raising his right hand. Four missiles flew right towards Hono. Boar.
"Jinton: Mueisho."- his body flickered and he disappeared, letting the missiles crash against the ground, breaking a bunch of bones.
"SABAKU SOSO!"- Gaara shouted as he crushed the masked guy into pieces.
"FUCK!"- Kankuro shouted as Sasori destroyed his puppets and trapped him before blowing a poison cloud onto him.
"Fuuton: Fusajin no jutsu!"- Temari blew the poison away before the woman's papers enveloped her and Itachi closed one of his eyes. Hono appeared in front of the blonde.
"AMATERASU!"- Itachi and Hono shouted as the first's black flames competed against the latter's white flames. The two fires became larger before spiraling into each other and disappearing into some unknown dimension. Suddenly, a large explosion took place as the two flames collapsed on each other's power. Itachi's eye was bleeding and he was coughing blood as well. Konan had been caught on the explosion and was now lying on the floor, clutching her left arm. A quick glance let Hono see that Hidan was out of the battle. Insects were eating him alive and he couldn't do crap about it because his chakra was drained. Kakuzu was down three hearts now and his limbs were only together because of a bunch of sewings. Shino was a bit burned and his right leg was bleeding, but aside from that, he was fine. Hono remembered something, and quickly dug through his pack, taking out a metal flute.
"I guess I'll use Tayuya's flute now."- and he started to play it, his sound spreading all around, though he modified the chakra flow in order to only affect his enemies. That was a special genjutsu that affected the opponents who had the weakest minds. Kakuzu, who based his life on money, was immediately affected and fell on his knees, allowing Shino to capitalize. Sasori, who didn't have a mind at all, just shut down. His puppet body fell apart and his life cell convinently fell on a sword, as if he had commited suicide. Hono continued playing as he took a few steps forward, approaching the frozen Itachi.- "Itachi, the genjutsu master, falling by genjutsu. When you murdered your entire family, you had to cut through every bond you have and slaughter any of your emotions. Even then, you couldn't kill Sasuke. You're a broken man."
"S-Sasuke has to kill me."- Itachi said as if it was his last wish. Hono turned into Sasuke, using the genjutsu to his favor.
"Your wish...is granted."- and he cut through the Uchiha as if he was warm butter. The white haired jinchuuriki smirked before turning his head to the side, seeing a water shark directed right at his face.
"Suiton: Daikodan no jutsu!"- Kisame was all cut up, and apparently, this jutsu was his last resort. Hono knew that this jutsu absorbed chakra and used it against the enemy, so he decided to do the only thing he could do.
"SHINRA TENSEI!"- the shark was deflected and quickly headed to Kisame who gulped.
"Here I go, Itachi."- and the shark swallowed him as if he was nothing before exploding. Everyone took that time to breathe.
"Huh...I can't believe that we went from nine vs four to two vs four."- Hono commented. Shino had already killed Kakuzu. His insects had eaten the greedy S-rank alive. The white haired jinchuuriki turned his head again, looking at Nagato. Konan quickly crawled and managed to stand in front of him.
"No... Nagato is the bridge to peace...and I have to protect that bridge..."- she muttered, origami sheets flying around her and turning into spikes.
"Mates, it is time you show your true selves."- Hono ordered his comrades. White chakra started to emanate from them. Except for Gaara. His was red, just like Hono's. The Kyuubi's jinchuuriki looked straight into Konan's eyes.- "Dawn is ended by Dusk!"
"AAAAAAAAAAGH!"- her screams were heard as they all shot towards her.