Disclaimer: I still own nothing…...but I wish these men were all mine.
"You fell down a flight of stairs?"
"Yes."
"And John did as well?"
"Trying to stop my fall, yes."
"And how many flights did you two fall down exactly?"
Sherlock lifted his eyebrow, or at least he attempted to. The swelling around his eye made it a difficult undertaking.
"Did the staircase have fists as well?"
Sherlock merely looked at Lestrade blankly.
"May I examine the scene?"
"In a moment, I'm trying to wrap my head around this. You know how slowly my brain processes things." If looks really could kill, Greg supposed he would be as cold as the corpse laying to his left.
"Lestrade, I believe you called me here to examine the body?"
"Yes that's true, but I find myself much more interested in your face, and John's face, and his hands actually. Would you consider removing your gloves Sherlock?"
"No I would not."
"Hmmm."
"I could just leave if you would prefer."
"Oh all right, go look at the body then."
Sherlock squatted by the body and started examining it with his magnifier. Lestrade walked over to John, who was trying to look as inconspicuous as possible, and failing miserably.
"So, stairs huh?"
"Quite surprising how much damage they can do Lestrade. We get the oddest injuries in the surgery from stairs all the time."
"Do tell."
"Had a patient fall right onto a carrot once, lodged itself in his rectum. Oddest situation I'd ever seen."
"Was it lubricated?"
"Surprisingly, yes it was."
"Lucky for the poor chap then."
"I thought so."
"So would you like to tell me what really happened?"
"Not really."
"Domestic?"
"Are you listening to rumours now Lestrade?"
"Are you staring at Sherlock's arse?"
"Maybe."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"You're scaring me John."
"Shut up Greg."
"Well that was uncalled for. You're starting to act like him you know. Bit disconcerting."
"Yes well you know, the company we keep and all that rot."
"You know, I am well aware of how infuriating Sherlock can be. I just want to make sure that everything is fine."
"Thank you for your concern Greg, but it's fine."
"If you say so…..are you aware that you're still staring at him?"
"Am I? Well there's nothing else of any interest to look at is there?"
Sherlock snorted.
"Did he just snort?"
"Yes he did, but don't call it a snort. He thinks he's above such an inelegant sound."
"John, I would prefer that you cease all conversation with the detective inspector."
"Hey, what did I do?"
"Sherlock, Greg and I are having a pleasant conversation. He is concerned about my mental health."
"Whatever for?"
"I live with you. Apparently, that causes others to worry for my sanity."
"As well as the fact that you find my arse rather fascinating apparently."
"Eavesdropping is rather beneath you is it not?"
"I do not eavesdrop, I just happen to possess an excellent sense of hearing, and you are distracting me."
"Distracting you?"
"That is what I said."
"I'm a distraction?"
"Does the change in phrasing change the meaning of my words in any way John?"
"In what way do I distract you, Sherlock?" The way in which John purred his name caused Sherlock to shiver slightly.
"John, we're surrounded by yarders, I'm sure I could procure restraints very easily should I feel so inclined." Sherlock's voice was slightly deeper than its usual register.
"Bloody hell, are you two flirting?" Lestrade's voice was laced with horror and panic.
"Shut up Lestrade." The two men said in unison.
"Fuck, they do not pay me enough for this. I'm going to need a drink or ten in order to deal with this."
John snickered, maybe Sherlock was having too much of an effect on him. He was supposed to be the nice one after all.