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Confessions
When Charlie got in the pick up, he immediately got on his way home. Lily narrowed her eyebrows. "Something gone wrong?"
He shook his head. "Nope, just called your mother, she's cooking dinner, and we have to get home and freshen up."
"Why?" She asked.
He looked her dead in the eye. "The Banks are joining us for dinner tonight. All three of them." Her heart started pounding rapidly. She instantly became nervous. "They won't be over for another hour in a half."
Even if this was so, it still didn't help the feeling. They had made eye contact. He smiled and waved. She did the same. Without giving it a second thought, she threw her arms around her dad as they came up to the stop light. His expression was taken back by her actions.
"What's this for?"
She lifted her head and she as smiling the biggest she had in a while. She sat back in her seat. "You know why." She said, laughing.
He nodded, as they were finally coming up to their neighborhood. She hadn't noticed at how close they were to the arena, until now. They were home in no time. She shut the door to the truck and ran into the house.
Passing her mom who was in the kitchen, she ran up the stairs. Looking in the mirror, she didn't know what to do with her face. She didn't wear makeup, except for the occasional foundation when a blemish pops up on her face. She wasn't going to change her clothes, especially since her dad had told her that they would do a fire tonight, and theses were her most comfortable clothes.
She stared at the mirror some more, debating with herself. Then someone knocked on her door. She walked over and opened it. No one was there. She thought that because of all the nerves, maybe she had just imagined it, but then someone knocked again. She turned to the sound and shook her head, seeing a figure standing outside her balcony door. She closed her bedroom door and walked over. She opened the door slowly to reveal a boy taller than her with short, dark hair and freckles, with glasses on.
She opened her arms to him. "Hey Connor." He met her in the door way for a hug. "It's so good to see you."
He broke away and walked inside. "How are you Lil?"
She gave him her famous, 'Oh really' look. "Could honestly be better, but how are you?" She sat down on her bed.
He sighed slightly. "Fine, could be better." He laughed, trying to mimic Lily, but didn't succeed. "Things have been different since you dropped off the face of the earth two in a half years ago." He put more emphasis towards the end of his sentence. "I'm sorry Lil, you don't know how worried I was. You quit calling, sending me emails, and letters. I didn't know what happened. Hell, I still don't. When I saw you two weeks ago, I thought it was you, but then again, if it wasn't and I was just imagining the whole thing, I didn't want to say anything to look like an idiot." There was a long moment of silence.
"Why?" He asked quietly.
She touched her scar on her head, but she let out a shaky sigh. "Because you remind me of hockey."
He had a low chuckle. "And that's a bad thing? Lil, you love hockey. Unless something has miraculously changed?" Her face never changed. It was sad and hurt. She didn't look at him, she didn't want to start crying, but she had to tell him. "You don't have to tell me."
"Yeah, yeah I do, I owe it to you." She turned her face to him and began her story. "It was the day of my championship game. We had just beat the best team in the area. Well, I did basically. If you put it into their terms. Well their team 'hot shot' was angry because he got beat by a girl. He lost control of his temper. I was fixing to go celebrate with my team on center ice, But he hit me, crashing me into the wall. My head hit the glass first. I had a broken arm, a displaced hip, and a broken ankle. I also had many scars all over my face. Most of them cleared up, besides this one." She pulled her bangs to the side so he could see the white scar across her forehead.
"And you know what sucks? I tried, I really did. When I started walking again, after I got out of that stupid cast I tried to get back on the ice. Was it stupid for me to go out there alone? Yeah it was, but the point is I tried. The first thing that happened, I fell. Couldn't keep my balance, so I just fell. After falling so many times that I did, I gave up." She looked away. "Now I know what your thinking, 'you gave up?' Well yeah, I did. But ever since I tried to get back out on the ice, I've been scared. Because I don't want to go through all of what I did again."
She was going to continue, ramble on about her thoughts, but instead he got up from the chair, walked over to her, and pulled her in for a hug. "I'm sorry I got mad before. Your dad said something about you getting hurt, but I didn't think you would actually say anything."
"Yeah? Well, I'm glad he said something so people don't think wimping out."
"I knew there was a reason." He said honestly, as he walked over to the balcony doors.
Suddenly her dad called her from down the stairs. "Lil, the Banks are here."
She mouthed to Connor, 'Dinner.' And he said he would come back later. "Oh, Connor, tonight we are doing a bon fire if anyone wants to come hang out." He nodded as he climbed of the ledge, unnoticeably and ran home.
She closed the doors and walked out of her bedroom, down the stairs, and there were all of the parents. "Oh, my." Said Mrs. Banks. "Lily, you've grown up. You're so beautiful!" She came in for a hug, and Mr. Adam after that.
"Well," Charlie said, "the steaks are almost done if anyone wants to come out back."
They all agreed, and that's when she turned to look down the hall. There he stood, looking at her skeptically. She became nervous once again. Jordan smirked, shyly, and took a few steps closer. She did the same, until they were a foot in front of each other. She couldn't believe it, she had to tilt her head up just to see his face. He was at least half a foot taller. His eyes spoke something interesting. Like an apology. She smiled and threw her arms around his neck for a hug. "I'm sorry." She said into his ear.
He instantly responded by wrapping his arms around her back. "No, you have nothing to be sorry about. It was my fault Lil. I did you wrong. You're not supposed to say sorry. I am." She pulled back and looked at him. A tear drew down her cheek. He put his hand to her face and cupped it so he could wipe away the tear. "Lil, I'm sorry. I know it seems weird and all after all of these years to say, but I really am. And I really missed you." He said, bringing her back into a hug.
They stayed like this for a minute, then she stood back and walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed the sweet tea container. She set it on the counter. "Do you want some?" She said, trying to gain her confidence back.
He smiled, "I would love some." She poured him a glass as he sat on one of the bar stools. She leaned against the other side, not wanting to sit down just yet. He took a sip and smiled. "This tea is really good." When he set down the glass, he studied her, his expression went to curiosity. "Today at practice, your dad said you wouldn't get on the ice because you got hurt. What happened?"
Her expression dropped. "It's a long story." She said.
"Well, we have time." He smiled again begging. She decided that she wouldn't let fear overcome her to talk about it, so she took a deep breath and began her story.
Once she finished his facial expression showed hurt, anger, and sympathy. "Now I know why you looked at the ice the way you did."
"Because I was afraid." She couldn't believe she had said the word. She had told herself many times that she would never admit, but something made her feel compelled to say it, but why? Why now? "Wow. I never thought that word would ever come out."
He chuckled. She couldn't help but smirk a little. It was a very attractive chuckle. "Well, you can't say you aren't. No matter how hard you try and hide it. Admit it, it was bound to come out sooner or later." He paused, running his fingers through his dark hair. "Lil, you know you don't have to hide your fear."
"But I don't want to be scared anymore. I just can't help it. I know I'm probably not making sense but I wish I could skate again." She set her hands down on the counter, now messing with her fingers.
His head was down, like he was thinking. Probably thinking about what to say. As he did this, she took a deep breath, gaining her confidence back. She was not weak. She was strong. He looked up at her finally and he took her hands into his. She could tell that it took him a bit of courage to do this, because he noticed how she had not pulled away.
"Lil, I've always known you were destined for greatness. No matter what you do. I bet you that you didn't watch games on television with your dad, because your dad knew you were uneasy about the idea of hockey, but deep down inside you craved to watch, but if you did watch it, your dad would make get back out on the ice, and you don't want to admit to him that you're afraid." His words surprised her. All of it was true, she hated making her dad upset.
Hockey was his game, a big part in his life. She didn't want what she thought, change him and his life. She knew that if she said one thing about it, he would do anything to make all the fear go away. Mainly he would give up playing. But she didn't want that. This would make him sad and depressed, and she knew her father. Hockey is the reason why he hasn't gone through his mid-life crisis, because his life was happy.
The warmth of Jordan's hands made her feel comfortable. "We haven't seen each other in years, and yet, you know me so well."
"Well, spending everyday with you since birth till we were eight, I've learned to pay attention. Listen, if you want to get back out on the ice, I could help you. I know it'll take a while, but all we have is time. We both are still homeschooled, meaning we could finish up early. If you want we could go roller blading first, that way it won't be too difficult when you try the ice. We just need to take baby steps." He said. She smiled at his kindness.
"I've missed that, you know." She looked at him curiously. "Your smile." She felt herself blush.
She was going to say something back, but the parents walked in. "Oh, were we interrupting something?" Mr. Conway asked.
"No, why?" They asked in unison. He looked down at their hands. She hadn't noticed that hers were still set in his. They both pulled away slowly, looking away. She could tell that her face went two shades darker than before. His face was the same.
Her dad set the steaks down on the counter by the door. "Okay, because I could've always kept them outside for a few more minutes." She didn't look at Jordan, she was still a little embarrassed.
As soon as everyone was seated at the table in the dining room, everyone dug in. Mrs. Banks had brought her homemade Mac and Cheese. It was Lily's favorite food to eat over at their house when she visited. Lily's mom had made mashed potatoes, green beans, and southern style corn bread. Friends in Florida had made it for her family and Mrs. Conway ended up asking them for the recipe.
Dinner was in all, delicious. Jordan seemed to enjoy it as well, considering he was almost done when Lily was half way through.
She giggled. "Got enough to eat Jordan?"
He swallowed his food, took a napkin, wiped his face and looked at her. "What? I haven't had anything since lunch, and your dad worked us hard at practice. I've burned a lot of calories. I'm hungry." He looked away and chuckled.
"You are growing up Jordan. You're so tall, and handsome! How tall are you?" Mrs. Conway asked.
"Six foot." He said.
She gawked. "Oh my gosh, I remember when you were little, and we all went on vacation to Florida, and we went to Sea World. You just hoped you were 54 inches, just so you could ride the Kracken. Oh, how you claimed to wear your skates just so you could be taller." Mrs. Conway laughed.
"Turned out I was exactly 54 inches." He smiled. He looked over to Lily and she smiled wickedly.
"I was 60. Ha ha." She mocked.
"And how tall are you now?" He said.
She scowled. "5'5." This time he smiled with teeth. It was a cute smile. A smile that drove her crazy when she was younger. She didn't know what it had meant at the time, but she was now realizing the connection at this moment. And to her surprise, she wasn't going to make herself stop thinking about it.
The conversation went on, and she noticed that her parents had told his, about the incident. Mr. Adam looked at Lily. His face read sympathy. "Do you think you'll ever skate again?" His voice filled with hope.
She shrugged. "At the moment, I'm not ready. But when I am, it'll take some time, but I'm just going to take baby steps."
Jordan smiled, noticing she answered his offer before dinner. At the moment, she instantly felt better, about everything. Her life had totally been weird and put out of place after the incident, but now it just seemed to be shaping itself back to the way it's supposed to be. It's like a person who was out of shape, and just realizing that they needed to do something about it, so now it's exercising its way back in to shape.
When they finished dinner, Jordan and Lily went upstairs into her room. Her dad had called the team and invited them over for a Bon fire, and everyone was going to be there later.
She noticed how he was scanning her room, as if he was trying to remember. His eyes came down to her nightstand and he grabbed the photo that she had debated whether or not to frame and put up, or put in back in the homemade lunchbox under the wood. He looked back at her. "You kept this?" He asked.
She shook her head. "The day we left, I had forgotten about the lunchbox we had made, and the stuff that was in it. I saw that photo two weeks ago, when I had realized I had forgotten all about it being under the wood." She looked down at her hands. "I wasn't sure if I was going to put it up and frame it or not."
"It was still there? After all those years?" He asked, chuckling. She nodded. She finally sat back on her bed. He came to sit down beside her. "You know, when I left your house that day, I didn't realize that that was the day you were leaving. I regret what I had said, because you are none of those things, and you never were, and never will. It was stupid of me to say that you weren't pretty, or strong, or smart. Even though I was being sarcastic, it didn't sound like it, and that's what had made you so angry. Face it, I was never good at sarcasm at that age." There was silence as she processed what he said.
"So," she looked up t him. "You think I'm pretty?" She'd meant to say it mockingly, but her voice dropped the jokingly matter.
He looked over to her, then looked away just as fast. "No, you're not just pretty. God, Lil. You freaking gorgeous, you're more beautiful than I remember. You're smart, and you are by all means the toughest girl I've ever met." Her heart that was aching before had somehow seemed more alive. "That's what I was going to say. But you started yelling at me last time, and I didn't know how to fix it." He got up and started pacing in front of her. "You are beautiful, you're more beautiful than I remember. You were also my best friend, and even though you left, I still told people that you were my best friend, because I didn't give up hope."
Lily's face lit up by his speech. She honestly couldn't believe he'd meant to say that, but then again, she had a quick temper. Damn her and her quick temper, if she had just kept her mouth shut, they would probably be in a different situation, that wasn't much of a problem. He stood there looking at the ground, not necessarily facing her, but had his left side to her.
Her face dropped at the thought of her being smart of tough. "If I was smart, I would've kept my helmet on, and watched my back. If I was tough, I would be back on the ice by now."
"Don't think like that." He said. "It was caught up in the moment kind of thing. You couldn't have known anything was going to happen." He began to stand still.
Her dad called them from downstairs. He never flinched. It took a bit of courage, but she grabbed his hand and slowly turned him to face her. Still holding his left hand with her right, she put her left arm around his neck and hugged him. "I forgive you." She whispered. She kissed his cheek lightly, and pulled his hand walking towards the door.