1985

Katherine was confused, when they took her father away and had him buried. She also missed him. A lot. Especially since her mother kept forgetting her; she would wander off sometimes and just cry, or forget about making dinner. Some days she didn't even want to get out of bed. But Kat was also scared. Not because of her mother. Her mother was sad because daddy was gone; she understood that much. She was scared because she kept seeing this thing, just a flicker from the corner of her eye but she could never quite see it. And it had pushed her down the stairs just yesterday. She'd been lucky, her aunt had been there to catch her before she tumbled down them. And the day before that, she could have sworn that the whatever-it-was was in her room. It was really scary. But no one was listening to her.

Her father had passed away suddenly, and the police were calling it a suicide since they found a gun outside of his study and blood splatter. Kat didn't really understand what that meant, even though Auntie Caroline had tried to sit her down.

"It means… sometimes, when a person is really sad, they decide that they… want to go somewhere else. So they do the only thing they can think of, which is what your father did."

"Why'd he leave me? And Mommy? We don't want him to go."

Her aunt had gotten this funny look on her face, and that was the last time they spoke of it. Her cousins had been mean about it, saying that it was her fault her daddy had left and when she went running to her mother the woman had been inconsolable and didn't give Katherine the time of day. So Kat learned pretty quickly to fight her own battles. The next time someone said that to her, she kicked him in the balls. And then no one talked about it.

A month or two after the death, one of their friends suffered an awful accident in the house and was hospitalized. People came over less, but the police started to be around their house all the time. Kat would see them when she walked herself to school. She'd started doing that more recently, since her aunt had stopped staying with them in hopes that it might make things easier for her mother. It didn't. But Kat didn't phone Aunt Caroline back either and ask her to help out. She couldn't reach the phone, and she was sure that things would get better. Until her mom's friend was in the hospital and people were around, and Katherine was walking to school with bruises under her clothes from all the falls and pushes and sudden trips. Kat had never been that clumsy in all of her short life.

And then a few days later, there was a police car and this cool shiny black car with an older man sitting there, talking to the officer. Kat walked home a little quicker that day. By dinnertime, that same man knocked on the door and Janine answered it. Somebody had said at the funeral that Janine was functioning on fumes, sugar and just running on autopilot which she couldn't do forever. Later on, Katherine would wonder at her mother's hopelessness. She tried to never think of how different things could have been.

Her mother invited him in for dinner, leftover casseroles and pie from the funeral. Kat made the coffee like she'd been doing for the last week and a half while her mother served up dinner with watery eyes and a weak smile. The man introduced himself as John Winchester, a private investigator. It was after dinner when Janine sent Katherine to bed -it was the first time in weeks that her mother had actually said something like that. Kat was all too eager to listen and went skipping off when someone shoved her hard enough that she bashed her chin onto the floor and was bleeding all over. Janine was too shocked to do much, but John lifted her up, told her some story and stuck cleaned the cut all before Janine was even reaching for her daughter.

And then in whispered conversation, John was carrying Katherine out to the really cool car she'd seen earlier. Janine seemed to think it was fine, so Kat sat there and looked around as John drove them over to a motel. He explained to her that he had to go talk to Janine and that everything would be better when she came home, but for the meantime he wanted her to stay with his sons. Kat was okay with that, so long as her mother got back to be the woman she had been before. So that was when Katherine Calloway met the Winchesters. Seven year old Dean watching cartoons with his baby brother, under the supervision of a young teenager who was staying one room over and working for two bucks an hour. Kat sat herself down beside Dean without a care in the world.

"Hi," he said, glancing at her warily.

"Hi," she agreed. "I'm Kat."

"I'm Dean, and that's my baby brother Sammy," he said.

Katherine smiled warmly and Dean smiled back. It wasn't twenty minutes later when they were fighting over who was cooler; Fred or Daphne. By the end of the episode and the start of the next one, Kat and Dean were singing along to the theme songs. (And they never could agree on who was cooler).

White Sparrows

"Hey Sam," she said casually, looking at him.

Sam appeared to be fine, better off than she expected, actually. "What're you doing here Kitty?" he asked, glancing down the hall to see Bobby standing there.

"Well your girlfriend called." At this, the dark haired woman looked up at Sam, something akin to shock and righteousness flashing across her features. Poor girl didn't even know. "She seemed pretty worried about you."

"Girlfri- Alyssa? What-how does she even know you? Why did she phone you?"

"Oh," Kat said with practiced indifference. "So then you don't remember your drunken call to her last night?"

Sam looked more than a little confused, shaking his head.

"Well I can tell you, she's not the happiest girl out there. I can't blame her either. I mean all that bogus about how fine you are, that you're gonna bring Dean back problem free and that you won't be calling her again?" Kat flashed him a cutting smile. "I would say she's hiding her hurt pretty well."

Sam blinked slowly. "How did she find you -and how did you find me?"

"Luck. What's going on Sam? You know you can't…" at this, Kat turned to the dark haired woman who was still standing there.

Awkwardly the woman raised her hands, "I guess I'm not needed. I'll, uh, get out of your way…" she hurried past them, down the hall, and out of the building.

Sam groaned, holding the door open for them. "I'm not doing anything Kat. Jesus. I don't know what I was thinking when I called her, but really it's not a big deal."

"So you aren't trying to make a deal?" Bobby asked, following Kat into the room.

The room was an absolute mess. More than a healthy amount of alcohol bottles lingered around the room, some teetering on edges and a great deal of clothing was strewn about. This wasn't how the Winchesters lived -no Hunter lived like this. They were always on the edge, ready to move at the barest notice.

Sam's expression darkened at that, as he slowly sat down. "No. No deals."

"The last thing you said was that you were going to bring Dean back," Kat offered gently. "Please Sam, we're just worried about you."

"There's nothing to worry about," he replied smoothly.

"If there wasn't then we wouldn't be here."

"I was drunk, I'll apologize to her."

"Will it mean anything?" Kat demanded. "Because I know I'm not the only you've been ignoring Sam."

"You aren't… You aren't him. You don't get to walk in and say whatever the hell you want Katherine," Sam growled.

"That doesn't mean I won't worry!"

"But there's nothing to worry about!"

"Then let me in Sam! Let me know there's nothing to worry about -you dodge Bobby's calls, and mine when I started. Probably your girlfriend's. And here I find you sleeping it up with some other woman? That's not you Sam."

Sam scoffed, shaking his head. He was about to say something when Bobby cut in. "Would you idjits shut up for a few seconds?" he shook his head. "Sam, if you get in any kind of trouble, you know you can phone either of us. And Kat, you won't go stalking him. We're here for you, and now we're going."

Kat would have loved to fight with Bobby on his decision but she didn't have the energy to. And ultimately, she respected him. If not his decision. Leaving Sam to be… it didn't feel like it was the right thing. But then again, Bobby knew so much more than anyone could guess at. Two days later, Sam started phoning and checking in. About a week after that, a woman named Ellen Harvelle called at the Singers to say that Sam was doing okay and visiting Alyssa.

Things stayed that way, for about a week or two, and suddenly the calls for updates vanished. No one had seen Sam in awhile. Kat reluctantly listened to Bobby's advice, giving Sam some breathing room. Some room where he could find a new niche for himself in this world without his brother. In the meantime, Kat went back to hunting like nothing had changed. But so many things had. She didn't frequent the bars as much, instead spending her time researching. She didn't really know what she was looking for either, but she just kept on collecting what information she could find. The biggest change was that she didn't go out actively looking for a man either. She just couldn't do it.

One lazy day in July, when she was out looking for her next job Kat found herself driving through Iowa when she thought of Dean. It hit her so hard and fast, that there was no preparation for it and in seconds she had to pull over because she was crying so hard she couldn't see. Her best friend was gone. And no had heard from Sam in three weeks -and their friendship could very easily be destroyed. Any number of things could do it. Respecting Bobby's advice Kat did her best to give Sam as much space as she could give him. She didn't call him.

There were days where she woke up in the middle of the night, and the only thing on her mind was Dean. Sometimes she woke up and just cried. She pretended she didn't. By the time August came around, she was back to frequenting the bars and trying to move on with her life. Kat entertained herself by teasing the men there, taking all the free drinks they offered and winning the pool games they were betting she'd lose. And then, she would walk out the doors, awkwardly alone. It wasn't as though she left with men so frequently, but it had been a long time since she last left with anyone. A long time since she had someone she could even call a friend. Other than Dean and his brother. The last few years where she'd had no contact with them, well, she hadn't really thought much of it since she had made that mess all on her own.

And she didn't want the same thing to happen this time. She was mad at Sam, and having a tough time letting things be when she just wanted to make sure she still had a friend at the end of the day. She wanted to make sure the kid was okay. Dean had always looked after Sam, and it wasn't as though Sam was unable to look after himself, but Winchesters always wound up doing stupid things when they went off on their own. So she packed up what little she had set up and spent the night driving over to Nebraska. That was where Alyssa Jones was staying, and she was probably the last person to have any contact with Sam.

What Kat was not expecting to see, was that the place Alyssa was staying was so expensive looking. It was almost midmorning by the time Kat got to the other woman's house and gave a polite knock. Alyssa answered the door, her blondish-brown hair tied back with a few restless curls tucked out of her way. Her blue-green eyes widened in confusion and she stepped aside.

"I-is everything okay?"

"It's fine, that I know of Sam's fine," Kat informed her reassuringly. "I actually came here to see if you knew where he might be?"

Alyssa closed her eyes, sighing softly. "I have no idea. He was acting really weird when he stayed here too," she shut the door behind Kat. "I don't know how much help I can be…"

Kat smiled slightly at the woman. Alyssa had her arms folded across her chest, while exhaustion weighed heavily on her shoulders and was hinted at around her eyes. The interior of her house was a lot more modest than the outside would lead one to believe. Had Sam helped her get this place? Kat wouldn't have been surprised if Sam did have something to do with this either, everything about it was so homely and plain and normal. It was refreshing and just a little unnerving at the same time.

"Whatever you can tell me will get me a little closer to tracking him down."

Alyssa nodded, "Uh do you want a cup of coffee or anything?"

"No thanks, I probably drank like eight cups on my way here."

Alyssa blinked. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink o-or something? Driving that long can't be healthy."

"It's par for the job, but I would love a glass of water." Kat grinned a little at the other woman's shocked gaze.

"You have to have something to eat -did you even eat? How long were you driving?"

Kat laughed a little. "Enough with the interrogation Mother Theresa, seriously a glass of water is just fine." From the set of her chin, Kat could tell that Alyssa didn't really believe her but she nonetheless got the requested water. "You've spent way too much time as a waitress."

"Probably," she agreed. "It doesn't mean that I'm offering it out of duty though. You're friends with Sam. And besides that, a hunter, who from my understanding is pretty well respected. I do the same thing to Jo and Ellen when they stop by -you guys need some pampering."

Kat smiled a little into her glass before looking back at Alyssa. "I can see why Sam likes you."

"Well… we are friends," Alyssa stated awkwardly, blushing lightly.

"Aren't you dating?"

"Ah, no…"

Oh. "Why the hell not?"

"Long story, honestly. Starting with Stanford and being best friends with both him and his girlfriend."

The one who died. Yeah, that would make things complicated, Kat thought, almost regretting her question. What did the two of them do while he stayed here? she wondered. "The way he talked to you every night… I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Alyssa smiled softly, sitting down at the small kitchen table. "You wanted to know about where he went?"

"Yes. Whatever you know."

"Well he didn't say a lot. I wasn't -I don't think he slept. He was really antsy and he wouldn't talk about it. It was like he had all this energy, but nothing to do with it. He tried to help fix the place up," Alyssa smiled slightly at that, turning to gesture at the unfinished cupboards. "I think he thought that he should try, y'know? Like… he had to try and stay with me or something. After everything between us. It wasn't because he really wanted to.

"It was mostly awkward. And he was angry, and apologetic, and miserable. He started calling someone, I don't know who, about three days before he left. I tried to not listen in, or he would leave the room. But I think that person had something to do with it, telling him about some hunt he could be on and so he just… left." She smiled a little wistfully at that. "He didn't sleep very well, I woke up when I heard him thrashing and-and yelling. Something about someone named Lilith." Alyssa hesitated, brushing her fingers against the table. "And he was calling for Ruby, to-to help him. He left the next day. That's all I really know."

Ruby? But Ruby was dead. Unless she had come back. What was Sam doing hanging around a demon? And Lilith… Was he trying to get himself killed? And then suddenly it all made sense. He wasn't necessarily trying to kill himself. But he was willing to go on a vengeance quest that would get him killed. He was going to hunt Lilith down until one of them was dead. What else would he do with himself? Dean was gone. He had Alyssa, but compared to Dean… she wasn't enough to anchor him in any sort of reality. There was another world out there and he had to be part of it, he had to try and bring Dean back and he had to kill Lilith. Those damn Winchesters.

"Thank you, for the water and everything," Kat said absently as she got to her feet. "I think I know where I can find him."

Honestly, she had no idea.

Alyssa nodded, smiling warmly, and handed her a bag that she had tucked away in a cabinet. Inside was an assortment of filling snacks, energy drinks and a few bottles of water.

"Look, I can't -"

"Just find him, make sure he's safe. And… keep safe, okay?" Alyssa smiled. "I'll still be here. I'm not -I'm not in any immediate danger."

Numbly, Kat nodded and gave the other woman an awkward hug before she hurried out to her car. She wouldn't be able to drive for much longer without taking a break. As she drove off, she made the decision to not call Bobby. Sam needed his space. Kat needed to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. For one second, she thought about why she had that feeling and realized that it was kind of her own way in keeping close to Dean. In remembering him. The only thing Dean would want would be for Sam to be safe. And then she dismissed it, pressed the gas pedal and flew off down the highway. Sam could be anywhere.

I realize some of you would be hoping for a Kat vs Ruby showdown but seeing as right now Kat doesn't know Ruby's new body, that would be really hard to work around. Also I would like your input on this:

Next chapter I can either include another flashback and then jump in time to when Dean's back and sees Kat, or I can do a couple of flash backs and a scene between Sam and Kat if she were to find him.

I really like being able to incorporate what my readers want to see, I love that especially. It won't change any major plot points I have or anything, but I'll do what I can. Anyways, hope you like. And I should hopefully get another chapter out before I'm swamped with homework and whatnot.