Readers! :)

Hello hello hello to you all ,

I have exactly two days left in Mykanos and am dreading going back to my small little uni flat, curse me for only booking a week!

Anyway in regards to this chapter we're going back to how Ethan learned he was Tori's father , we also see Christian's prospective on Esmee's black eye incident which lead to Ethan and Esmee meeting.

I have to warn you that there is a lot more 'adult only' content in this chapter so be prepared for some good old 50 shades of grey action during Christian's flashback hehe

Please keep reviewing and following as I love keeping up to date with you all , also remember to follow me Alexandra_Zeola , you may even see some pic's of where I've been staying and writing these past few days.

Lots of love from Mykanos

Alexandra xxxxx

Christian POV

I stand staring at the small life I've helped create through the glass screen of the nursery room and feel my heart physical contract within my chest. My son, my little baby boy, and I can't hold him, can't even give him a name. Its breaking me inside and out that he is so close and yet it's my fault he can't be with me.

How could I let this happen? How could I have screwed up my life this much in such a small amount of time? Its terrifying how close I came to forever losing Ana and my baby boy , Ana was so weak when she went into labour that the surgery nearly killed her , but she was strong , like she always is , and she woke up. However in waking up she also realised what I had caused , what I had risked all for a lie , it's no surprise really that she wants me out of our son's life. She wants her son to live a life of happiness and love , not lies and deceit.

Sitting down, at the small row of metal chairs in front of the nursery window, I replay the last time I saw my wife, the day she woke up, she was polite to me, I guess you could even say she was kind, which in a sick way makes me even more upset because her anger would have also shown her despair at what's happened. If she'd been angry I could tell myself she is hurting , that she loves me still , but by the formal politeness she showed me, tells me she's lost all hope of every forgiving the terrible way I treated her.

"Christian?" I look up at the sound of my name and give a brief nod to Ethan as he comes and sits beside me , his eyes are cold which tells me Mia has briefed him on everything that's happened, I'm guessing he's come to lecture me for ruining the best things that's ever happened to me. I stare at the nursery window waiting for him to begin his long speech of my wrongs but he doesn't say anything , instead he places a hand on my shoulder in a gesture of support and comfort , I glance over at him and he too is staring at the nursery window , his blue eyes trained on the cot marked "Baby Grey".

"He's gorgeous" I smile as I look back at my little boy , sound asleep in his light blue baby grow , his hair is already dark and his features are petite and cute like his mothers , in my eyes he is perfection.

"Thanks" there's a silence between us for a while as we both watch my son fidget in his sleep , his little hands opening and closing slowly as if he's grasping something in his dream. I long to go to him and hold him against my chest , to kiss his forehead and tell him that he is not alone , that I will always be there to love and protect him.

"What's his name? Mia was a little vague on the details, actually all she did was shout and scream at me to get my arse here as quickly as I could, I had to pay three hundred quid more for our flight cus they only had first class seats available" he chuckles softly and I notice he has a tan on his arms, his hair is more bleached which I'm guessing means he's been in the sun recently. Actually come to think of it Mia too had a certain sun kissed look to her as well.

"Where you and Mia on vacation?" he glances at me quickly then back at the nursery window, gulping back some air, I notice sweat forming on his brow giving away his nervousness "Ethan? What do you need to tell me?" he shakes his head , then thinks about something before taking a deep breath.

"I took Mia to Venice" I nod my head slowly , waiting for him to continue cus I can tell there's more to this spontaneous trip.

"Ana?" he gulps air down again before standing up and straightening his shirt.

"And I asked her to marry me while we were there , she said yes and so now we're planning a wedding for after Christmas , perhaps March or April , its Mia's choice" his words tumble out of his mouth as he paces the small corridor , his panic is evident because he can't look me in the eye. He stops pacing and turns towards me , his young eyes scream with panic and I find myself laughing , something which makes my too be brother in law frown "what the hell are you laughing at?" I try to stand but my laughter gets the better of me , making me hold my stomach as I continue to fill the hallway with my loud laughing "Christian seriously stop laughing!" I regain my calm and stand up slowly , placing my hand on his shoulder while he just scowls at me.

"Calm down Kavanagh , I'm laughing because your ridiculously panicked and you have no need to be , I'm thrilled your marrying Mia" okay so maybe thrilled isn't the best word to describe my feelings towards this unplanned engagement but then I love my little sister and I have seen how happy she is with Ethan. Who am I to stop her being with the person she loves?

"You are?" his voice shakes with disbelief and I have to stop myself from once again bursting into giggles , to think I intimidate him this much just thrills me.

"Of course! Mia and you are in love , anyone can see that. Just do yourself a favour and wait until the family are a little less preoccupied with my son to tell them the good news okay? I'm afraid Baby Grey outranks an engagement completely" he smiles as I playfully punch his shoulder , knocking him off balance slightly. Behind those eyes though I can see he too his annoyed at me , he's trying to hide it because he's now engaged to my sister and doesn't want to anger anyone but it's there , hidden behind his kindness. He too wants to slap me for hurting someone as precious as Ana.

"You know you're a basterd still right?" his blunt comments knocks me a little and I stare down at him , he's only an inch or so smaller than me but every little helps when it comes to intimidation , however right now I don't even have my height to keep me protected because Ethan's eyes cut right through my defences and make me feel guilty all over again. I slouch down in the chair I've just vacated and stare at my baby once again , feeling him give me a sense of hope that I've not lost everything , he's still there in front of me , even if he is behind a sheet of glass.

"What made you do it man? I mean it makes no sense, you adore Ana, how you could forget that for this Emmy woman" I smile at Mia's obvious hole in relaying information to her fiancée.

"Her name's Esmee and in truth Ethan I have no idea what was going through my head , I just panicked and before I knew it Victoria , Esmee's daughter , was calling me Daddy and I let her , I don't know why but I did" my shoulders shake slightly as I remember the moment I found out Esmee had been lying , feeling that crush of shame wash over me as I realised what I'd done to Ana, My eyes fill with tears once more but I hide them instantly , I have cried before but never ever in front of Ethan , I need to keep my scary big brother act for Mia's new fiancée.

"Esmee, huh , Mia said Emmy" I shake my head at the incorrect name and stand up , wandering over to the nursery window as a nurse picks my son up and takes him out the room. Perhaps Ana's strong enough to hold him now? My son may have a name before this day is over.

Theodore, I like the name Theodore.

"Christian?" I snap out of my daydream and turn back towards Ethan, he's eyebrows are raised in confusion and he looks to be waiting for me to say something. "What did you say?" he smiles at my lapse of memory and straightens in his chair, an annoyingly smug look on his face.

"I said did you fancy her, this Esmee woman?" anger spikes through me and I don't even think before I grab him by the neck, lifting him up so he's feet are dangling in the air. Fear courses through him as he tries to choke out an apology.

"Look Kavanagh you may be Ana's friend and yes I know I fucked up but don't you dare think you can make a joke of any of this , understand!" he nods while gasping for breath , I take that as him understanding and drop him quickly , stepping back as he falls to the floor in a heap of coughing and wheezing.

"Jesus Christ what is wrong with you , no wonder Ana wants you away from her baby" I roll my eyes in annoyance as Kate's voice filters down the hallway, she's running full pelt towards her still coughing brother.

"Not in the mood right now Kate" I turn to walk away from the two Kavanaghs but am stopped by my older brother , his eyes are dead set on mine and I find myself dying of shame inside. For once in our lives I've fucked up more than Elliott and it's clear by the arrogant look on his face that he's going to make me pay for this mistake.

"Sit your arse down Christian , we need to talk with you" I stay standing , meeting my brothers intense eyes , shifting my weight onto both my feet so I'm more stable.

"Where's my son" I snap at him but he doesn't even flinch, his eyes are dead with emotion but his anger inside radiates off his body.

"With his mother, someone who loves him fully unlike their failure of a father" I hear Kate's snarl of disgust at me from behind but don't give her the satisfaction of saving her words of hate to my face.

"Please try and control your fiancée Elliott, there are babies trying to sleep in the next room and I highly doubt they want to wake up to her screeching voice" I move aside as I sense Kate's punch but feel no impact, turning around slightly I see how Ethan has got his breath back and is now restraining his slightly deranged looking sister. I laugh at her failed punch and turn back towards my brother.

I'm taken by surprise as a force hits my chest , sending me backwards fast before hitting the hard marble floor with a harsh thud , my back instantly stings and my eyesight becomes slightly glazed.

"What the fuck was that for?" my eyesight returns and I spot Elliott above me; he's massaging his right fist from due to the impact it took when he punched me.

"That was to shut you up" I attempt to get up but am pushed back down by my brothers foot , he doesn't crush me, but his weight stops me from regaining my standing position "this is to keep you quiet while Kate asks you a few questions , questions you are going to answer Christian or so help me God I'll beat the crap out of you" I have to say I am scared , my brothers has never laid a finger on me , not once , but now he looks positively prone to kill me. This just shows how much of an impact Ana has had on my family, and how much they must hate me for hurting her the way I have. My heart sinks as I realise what a lowlife my actions have made me, even to my own family.

"Ask away Kate" I keep my eyes on my brother while Kate sits beside me on one of the metal chairs, she's dressed in a very formal dress but she looks completely drained of energy. I think about asking her where she's been but the look in her eyes tells me I'll just get slapped. I remain silent until she asks the first question.

"Firstly I want to know who Esmee is and why she claimed you were her daughter's father" I shudder as I remember the first night Esmee came over with Tori, she had looked so lost and I had taken pity on her, had I known then that this was all a lie I could have saved so much, that was my biggest mistake.

"Esmeralda was an ex of mine, she and I had a difficult relationship and she left me, to this day I don't know why but I'm guessing she found out she was pregnant and I had made it clear I didn't want children, ever. She left and we never spoke again until she wrote to me regarding Victoria" this is the best way I can think of explaining my relationship with Esmee, I'm all for telling the truth but I really don't want my brother, Kate and Ethan knowing about my previous dark lifestyle.

"And you're sure the child's not yours?" I can see now why Kate wants to go into Journalism, she has a key eye for questioning and her tone is professional yet intimidating.

"One hundred per cent positive" the realisation that Esmee must have cheated on me during our contract sickens me, adding to my reasons to rid her of my world.

"Who is the father then? Did Esmee tell you she ever slept with someone else while you were together?" I shudder slightly as I think about her lying to me once again. I guess what they say is true, once a liar always a liar.

"I don't know, she never told me about any other men she was with, I was made to believe it was just me she was fucking" the spite in my voice makes Kate jump a little, I glance over at Ethan but he's not looking at me or his sister, instead he seems to be lost in some sort of memory.

"Ethan? You okay?" he looks positively ill, I try to sit up to check on him but Elliott's foot pushes me back to the floor hard "Fuck Elliott! Check on the poor guy would you , he looks like he's just seen a ghost" Elliott too then looks up at Ethan , studying the guys now pale face , his eyes are fully diluted and he's knee is quivering violently. Kate however still has her beady eyes trained on me.

"Stop getting distracted Christian, I still have more I want to know" I give up checking on Ethan and lean my head back against the floor, staring up at Kate.

"Fine, next question" she flips her hair off her shoulder and leans in to me, narrowing her blue eyes darkly.

"Why didn't you get a DNA test" that is the million dollar question and I can feel Elliott's eyes back on me, obviously eager to know the answer to this question as well.

"I don't know. I guess …" I trail off into silence , only to have Elliott's foot press down hard on my abdomen , making me yell out in pain "Fuck! Stop that!" I scream at him and he eases the pressure slightly, but not enough to stop the pain altogether.

"Straight answers Christian, why didn't you get the test?" Elliott snaps at me and I look away from the disgust in his eyes , of all the people I feel closest too in my family my brother and sister are top , to see Elliott so angry cuts deep into my soul.

"Because I didn't want to believe that someone I use to care for would deceive me like that, I wanted to believe that the world was good, not evil and dark anymore. Things in my life were finally becoming brighter and better, Ana had shown me what good life could bring and when Esmee and Tori came along I tried to see the good, I guess I just got swept up in it all. I lost control , I am sorry" I send my apology to Kate more than anyone , hurting Ana has made her the most angry out of everyone , mainly because Kate and Ana are like sisters as well as Kate being Ana's number one bodyguard against men , well before Ana met me anyway.

"Would Esmee have any reason to want to hurt you? Did you ever hurt her?" Kate's eyes bore into me and I look away, remembering the one night I lost myself in my darkness. The night I nearly lost her because of my rage. The one time I've ever hit a woman and it not been for my sexual desire.

"I hit her, it was one time and I have never forgiven myself" I wince as Elliott's foot smashes into my chest, his eyes glazed over with disgust.

"You hit a woman? Jesus Christian!" I can't look at him as he lifts his foot to collide with my chest once again , my chest heaves as I catch my breath in painful gasps , allowing him to hurt me for what I did.

"Mr Grey , Miss Gold has arrived" I nod a thank you to Taylor before dismissing him , checking he's out of sight before unlocking the playroom and going to my bedroom to change , knowing Esmee will make her way up the elevator and into the playroom as per usual.

My body is tingling in anticipation for this session , my day has been long and stressful as my control slips away within my own business , my money is tight and I am finding it harder and harder to keep my temper at bay with some of the idiots I've employed. I need the sweetness of Esmeralda's submission to calm the overgrowing stress I have building inside me, she is the only release I have and I am ready to take what she can give.

I change into my washed out jeans , leaving the button undone so there's nothing to distract me when the time comes to fuck my little Esmeralda , I rip off my shirt and grab some of the body lotion , I had Gail run to the store earlier on in preparation for tonight's experiment.

I'm just about to leave my bedroom when I spot my phone flashing , an incoming call , I growl in frustration , wanting to get to Esmee as soon as I can , glancing out my bedroom door to ensure Taylor is out of ear shot I grab my phone and answer , walking to the playroom as I speak.

"Yes?" I snap into the phone , expecting to hear the person on the other line gasp at my tone , instead I hear the soft melody of Elena's laughter float down the line and into my ear.

"What's wrong with you today? Did the cat not get the cream yet?" I stop outside my playroom door and glance inside, spotting Esmee's small body kneeling perfectly in her ordered position, the sight makes me stir with desire but Elena's laugh draws me back to her call.

"Not yet but it will when you hang up" she laughs again and I lean against the wall , letting the memories of her and I wash over me , no one can match up to Elena's skills when it comes to control , how I wish I could find a sub who pleasured me like she does.

"Oh how exciting for you, how does it feel to be a Master, a Sir to a beauty?" she purrs deliciously and my desire switches to one of ignited lust.

"It feels perfect, I have never been so powerful within my world, I crave to push her further and she lets me, I have her complete consent to do as I please with her body" once again I glance inside my dark room of pleasure and gaze upon Esmeralda's beauty, her soft skin exposed to me in her little undies, her hair flowing over her shoulders like a chocolate waterfall, enticing me into my world of darkness and sin, mixed with pain and pleasure.

"How hard have you pushed her?" there is a wickedness to her voice that I remember from my past, a voice of pure dark pain. However her confidence is still stronger than mine, she has no fear with her subs, never showing them mercy or compassion. I am yet to bruise Esmee, something Elena claims I need to do as this will mark her as mine, even if the bruise can be hidden.

"I am yet to mark her" I flinch as I hear her hiss of anger, imagining her slapping me in punishment, causing a spike of pleasure to rush through my blood.

"Damm it Christian! How many times must I tell you! You need to show her that she is your property, you own her and you are her Master! She will be expecting you to claim that right! Do not wimp out now!" I stutter an apology, feeling the weight of her power over me still.

"I'll do it tonight , I'll prove I control her" a sickening feeling washes over me as I think about actually hurting Esmee so much she'll bruise , however much I push her I've always made sure no marks have been left. I don't want to destroy her completely.

"Remember why you need this Christian, remember why this helps" I let her words sink in to my dark and broken soul, feeling them pierce the chest that is my heart.

I want to break Esmee, I want to mark and destroy her like my mother destroyed me.

"I'll do it tonight" my voice doesn't sound like me , it's darker and corrupted by my broken heart , a heart I wish I didn't process because the pain it holds is just too much for me to bear , I need to release this pain on someone.

And the willing submissive in my playroom will be that someone.

I hang up the phone and push it into my back pocket, throwing the lotion over the banister with vengeance, smiling darkly as I hear the expensive glass bottle smash into pieces as it hits the floor below. Lotion would have soothed Esmeralda's skin after the session but now she can deal with the pain I will inflict, I want her to remember me every time she moves, remember the control she gave to me this night. I enter the room and slam the door closed behind me, noticing her obvious flinch at the sharp sound.

"Stand!" I watch as she stands instantly, her arms at her side, her breaths deep and heavy and her sight taken by the blindfold I insist she wear. She's completely powerless; everything she will do from now on will be what I instruct her to do. That sense of power fills me once again as I circle the stunning young woman before me, trailing my finger along the silkiness of her skin, feeling her skin tingle against my touch as her body becomes in tune with her own need for pleasure.

"we're going to do something a little different tonight Esmeralda" her beautiful name melts on my tongue as I pull her hair into my hand and plait it quickly , tugging it so her head falls back sharply , she loses her balance slightly and nearly touches my chest . I growl in annoyance , letting go of her abruptly making her fall back painfully against the floor , she keeps still and silent and regains her kneeling position , her breathing is sharp and quiet and I can hear her nearly silent sobs.

"Hush Esmeralda" she clamps her mouth shut automatically and bows her head, her sleek shoulders tempting me dangerously.

"Now stand , raising your arms above your head" she does as I say , her beautiful body stretched out perfectly , her curves silhouetted by the candle light of the room , flickers of light bouncing off every beautiful inch of skin. Suddenly I feel the urge to mark her, to make her scream my name as I bring her to a climax she so obviously craves.

"bend over , right to your toes Esmee" she does as I say without hesitation , her tiny little ass pointed towards me as I move behind her , my fingers trailing over her skin , teasing her maliciously.

"Now back up, stand straight!" I have no idea why this sight is so intoxicating for me but to see her body so exposed as she moves from one extreme to the other brings my power need into overdrive. I grab a short, thin leather whip and run the material through my fingers, watching as her sleek body stretches out in front of me, completely exposed.

"You are to stay completely silent Esmeralda , nod your head if you've understood me" she nods just as I swing the whip hard , feeling a dark stab of release in my dark soul as the thin leather hits her thigh , making a bright red mark across her pale skin. She winces in pain but keeps her mouth shut as ordered.

I move in front of her as she stretches up high, grasping her sexy white panties I rip them away, hearing her gasp I stand quickly and slice the whip through the air, aiming for the spot just below her hip, she bites her lip in pain but I can also see the intense pleasure she's receiving from this.

"I told you too keep silent Esmee!" she stays completely still, not daring to speak. Wise move Miss Gold. I run the leather through my fingers again then move it to her now exposed stomach, startling her as the leather once again slaps against the skin hard.

"now stand up straight Esmeralda" I whip off her blind fold and my breath catches as I see her tear stained cheeks "why are you crying Esmeralda?" my voice is cold and callous , I don't care why she's crying , I just care that she's ruining our session by doing it now.

"I, I don't like what your making me do" anger flares up inside me at her disobedience, this is not how a submissive should act to me, I have complete power when they are in these sessions. How dare she cry at the acts I choose to experience.

"Well that's just too bad Esmeralda because I order you to stand up straight" she shakes her head , a small whimper escaping as she does.

"No I won't" once again anger courses through my veins , I never said no to Elena , I let her control me because she was my mistress , Esmee should do the same for me . My word should be her law.

"Are you safe wording Esmee , because right now I'm not even touching you , there is no way your being hurt by this" she shakes her head and stretches again , but not as high as she had been before.

"Straighter Esmee" she shakes her head no and begins to bring her arms down.

"Esmeralda stretches your arms up now" no longer is this about her pleasure or my need to inflict pain , now this is about control . My control over everything she is.

"No Christian!" the use of my name on her lips brings a rage to me I didn't know I possessed and before I can take a breath I feel my fist collide with her face , smashing into her skin as if its putty. Her scream hits me like a brick and I fall back , watching as she too loses her balance from the impact. In seconds she's on her feet , her hands pressed against her eye as she runs out the playroom and too her bedroom , slamming the door behind her.

"You disgust me" Kate's venom filled voice brings me back from my dark memory , making me shudder as I remember the fear in Esmee's eyes.

"I disgust myself when I remember that day , but I got her to forgive me , I learnt my lesson. She wouldn't hurt me on purpose because of that" Elliott removes his foot from my chest and I rub my hand along my now stinging abdomen , feeling my muscles tense after their earlier assault. I stand up slowly and run a hand through my hair , feeling sick to my stomach in shame.

"I still don't understand" Kate is still sat in the small metal chair , lost in thought.

"There's no understanding it Kate , Victoria Gold could belong to any man" the sound of glass breaking brings all our attention to the quivering man in the corner.

"Ethan? You okay?" Kate is beside her brother , soothing him as he looks about to throw up.

"Man up Ethan , it was a mistake , I never hit Ana I swear" although I have bruised her , something I vow never ever to do , not even if she gets pleasure during it. I will never mark her like I have , she's too pure for something as vile as that.

"It was you" Ethan's voice is broken , barely audible against the noises of the hospital. I glance over at him and stop dead when I see his dark expression pointed at me , his shoulders are tense and his arms are practically shaking. The remains of his water glass scattered around his feet.

"What are you on about Ethan? Yes it was me , I hit her , I said that. I also said that I regret it and that it never ever happened again. Calm the fuck down will you" I turn around , preparing to ask Elliott about Ana's health when I feel a sharp thud to the back of my head , turning around I'm blinded by Ethan's right hook to my jaw , knocking me back and down to the hard floor below. If it hadn't been for the element of surprise he had he wouldn't have made that hit , he's lucky I turned my back.

"You're him , the boyfriend Esmeralda left me for! The guy who gave her a black eye the size of Texas! You're him!" he goes to punch me again but Elliott restrains him , grabbing hold of his arm. I take the opportunity to stand up and back away from this crazed man.

"I don't know what you're talking about Ethan but I recommend you calm the fuck down!" he tries to break from Elliott's hold , moving like a mad man.

"She was at the club I was at , we started talking and she told me everything , about how you didn't love her like she loved you , how you made her feel. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and you beat her!" Ethan's rage is as clear and I step away from his attempt to throw a punch , Elliott is straining to keep him restrained. Slowly his words start to connect in my brain, like a puzzle coming together.

"When did you meet her?" he calms down finally and Elliott losens his tight hold , however he stands between us as we talk.

"May , May 29th" Kate stares up at me , she too is working the puzzle pieces out , and by the sad expression on her face she doesn't like the picture its forming.

"When did Esmee leave you Christian?" I keep my eyes on Ethan as I answer her.

"April 10th" Kate puts her hands in her head , I've finished the puzzle for her. Now its time to show everyone the picture "Victoria's birthday is the 3rd of January , just over nine months from the night you met her. I'm assuming you two had sex , right Ethan?" I watch with a smug grin as Ethan too works out the puzzle , his eyes closing as the truth dawns on him.

"I need to find Esmeralda" his eyes keep closed and I notice the fear that's now coursing through him , fear that now he's a father and that he'll have to tell Mia , which I know will break her heart.

"Up the stairs , turn right , emergency and recovery" he nods before turning and exiting the hallway we've been standing in.

"What just happened?" Elliott asks no one in particular, he too is running a hand through his hair but his in confusion where as I am just stressed.

"Ethan Kavanagh just found out he's a father" I grin , then wince as Kate slaps me across the face.

"No need to sound so smug Grey. You still have a wife who hates your guts" and with that I watch them both exit the hallway , leaving me alone with my thoughts.