Kidding Ourselves

It had been two months that Kat was looking after Bobby's place, answering the phone and helping out. She went out on the occasional ghost hunt but there were more pressing matters at hand. She heard about Bobby's adventure with death, and Dean's own touch with old age but she still hadn't seen him or spoken to him. Somehow, Bobby always answered the phone when it was either of the Winchesters calling. Until about two months later, when they and the Harvelles showed up. Alyssa was with them, of course, having been helping out on their hunts here and there.

It meant a lot of hugs and laughter, from the women and the men. Even the angel the were toting along with them, for as much fun as he was. And somehow or another, the night moved along and Sam was sitting on a chair, alone in the kitchen with a bottle of beer while Alyssa hovered just behind him. In the dining room, Ellen and Cas were having a drinking contest, monitored by Jo.

And for some reason, Bobby wheeled away to go and speak to Sam and suddenly Dean and Kat were alone. For the first time in a year, maybe even longer than that. And against all reason, Kat suddenly found it hard to talk as Dean sauntered over to her. She knew that cocky step and that smug confident smile, but she also knew the haunted look in his eyes -it was in hers too.

"Hi," she said. Of all the things she could have said to him, hi was not at the top of her list. So of course it was the piece that just tumbled out.

Dean smirked, as if he knew damn well that it wasn't what she had meant to say. "It's nice to see you walking proper."

"It's nice to be upright again," she replied with a smirk in his direction. "So how's it feel to be alive again, Winchester?"

A dark shadow crossed over his face. "A hell of a lot better than being dead."

And then he was there, right in front of her and she reached out, her hand on his chest, above his heart. Suddenly, his arms were around her, pulling her close to him. It was hard to breathe, as she stood there, inhaling his scent, remembering him and longing for him. She had grieved his death and he had grieved hers, but here they stood, entwined and together for this moment. His lips crashed onto hers and she kissed him back, her arms going around him -and then, all too soon, he was pulling back, that cocky smirk still in place.

"You're such an ass," she told him, breathless as she scowled in his direction.

"Ah you missed me, just admit it."

"Pfuh, not now I won't."

"Oh come on, that had to be the best "it's good to see you again" conversation ever exchanged."

"Oh you wish!" she laughed, elbowing him good-naturedly.

That night, neither of them would be sleeping inside the house. And they certainly wouldn't be sleeping alone either. Kat knew it from the way his eyes sparked, from the fact that it could be their last day together and from the way that he was looking at her. Not that much different could be said of her, and how she was looking at him, watching where his shirt hugged his muscles and remembering all the times before now. Kat flashed him a wicked grin, her eyes dancing even as Bobby called them all together.

Sam stood with one arm on Dean, who had his arms around Ellen and Kat. Kat was grinning as she always did, wicked humor dancing in her eyes as she rested her forearms on Bobby's shoulders. Jo between her mother and Alyssa; Alyssa was in front of Sam and Cas, standing there awkward and stiff until Jo murmured something in her ear and she laughed.

"You don't have to hover," Sam told her softly.

He had gone to get another beer for himself, as Kat and Dean snuck out to go find their usual spot in the junkyard. Alyssa had been hovering near him all night and he was tired of waiting for her to say something. Guilt tugged in his chest, an all too familiar feeling as he turned to her. He remembered what he had said to her, and from the way her big blue eyes were on him, she remembered too.

"I-I know. I just…" she shrugged, shyly, looking away from him.

"I'm sorry, for what I said." But there lay the problem, he was immensely sorry for it but he still hadn't figured out why he said it. She had seemed so infuriating at that moment, but he could still remember the concern in her eyes that was replaced by a hurt he wasn't sure he could apologize for. "I didn't mean it. I was just… I was frustrated and I was being an ass. And there's… there's… I'm so sorry, Alyssa."

He could at least try and make things right between them. He would never have that chance with the rest of the world -he had made his bed and was lying in it now. But maybe he could have a chance with her, to at least repair their relationship to friend status. If she was willing. He was probably one of the worst friends she could ever have, considering how he had failed her. On more than one occasion.

"It's okay," she said, smiling with relief.

"No, it isn't, but thank you."

"Just… it… it wasn't you, who said that. It means… it means a lot," Alyssa said hesitantly, looking back up at him with a small smile.

"I didn't mean it," he repeated, smiling hesitantly. "I'm so sorry."

She threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly and almost desperately. Slowly, he put his arms around her, holding her close. How she could forgive him, he wasn't entirely certain. But something that he had been holding back slipped through, and he relaxed just a little more in their embrace. She had to have known that he was the one who let the Apocalpyse start, but she was still here, still hugging him. Like Dean and like Bobby. But she didn't seem to be concerned about telling him how he had screwed up. Maybe she was just that grateful for them to be reconciled.

She pulled back slowly, blushing faintly. "I've… I've missed you. I thought maybe… you might have been upset, about the whole… I wasn't sure if it was you speaking or…"

"It wasn't me," he told her gratefully. "It wasn't me."

Johnny Falls

Kat went with them to Carthage, sitting in the back of the Impala. Alyssa rode with the Harvelles and their lucky angel. Dean hadn't really expected to be able to convince Kat to not go, but he had tried for all it was worth, and yet she was still sitting comfortably in the back of the Impala. Alyssa had spent the last three years or so with the Harvelles; she wasn't going to abandon them now. Although Kat did wonder if her friend had another reason as well, but she didn't ask. Alyssa's reasons were her own. And they had bigger things to worry about.

When they met back up, after checking the town for survivors and the police department for information, Meg stood at the end of the street with her hell hounds…

Jo ran first. Young and headstrong and putting her feelings before the job, she ran back for Dean. Kat was hot on her heels, trying to keep the hounds back even as Dean scrambled to his feet and scooped up the bleeding girl and the seven of them ran back for the safety of the nearest store.

Kat knew the stinging pain of loss quite well. Sam and Dean walked that path so many times there no end to the grieves they could list. Ellen had seen too much of it. As Kat looked at the dying girl, she felt her heart go out for her. Jo should have lived longer, a lot longer. But hunting was never safe, and with Lucifer walking around… things were turning uglier by the second. They all knew it, but no one said a thing. Even as Alyssa kneeled next to her friend, holding her hand and talking softly to her. Kat turned away, walking to the back of the store to put some distance between them, to hide her sorrow in privacy. Jo would die and there was no telling who else would be next.

Following orders was something they knew how to do. They spent the remaining daylight building a bomb for Jo. Alyssa was close to useless. And when Ellen sent them away, it was Sam who pulled her away and carried her out over his shoulder. This was Alyssa's first time seeing war. Kat seen enough battles over the years, older ones of terror and fear, feelings she was accustomed to keeping under lock and key. She had also seen the memories and torments of old wars when ghosts passed away, peacefully or violently -the more stronger ones typically left an impression behind. Sam and Dean had been fighting this war for a year already. But this could be the ending, hopefully.

"Take her," Sam pleaded, looking at Kat as the bomb went off -taking the store out and Ellen and Jo too. Alyssa was devastated in his arms, numb and trembling.

Kat wanted to say no on principle, but she saw Dean look between the two of them and she knew. This wasn't her fight. She pulled Alyssa to her, grabbing her wrist and shifting their rifles around before heading back to leave town. Alyssa was in no shape to fight, she would just get herself killed like this. Sam and Dean knew it too. And although she begrudged the girl her foolishness, she understood that Ellen and Jo had been like family to her. Grief could tear a person apart so easily.

She was halfway back to the cars, could see both of them as she dragged Alyssa with her.

"Oh no, no, no. This just won't do."

She whirled, gun in hand to face the speaker. But she never came face-to-face with the man, instead receiving a blow to the side of her head that left her more than just dazed. The gun was ripped from her grasp and shoved into her stomach and she fell to her knees, winded. The third strike fell on her back, the end of her rifle driving her to the soaked ground. She heard Alyssa fumble, heard the rifle fire and the bullet ripped through empty space and then her friend was crying out, voice suddenly muffled and then there was silence as blackness swamped her vision with a final blow she didn't even feel.

Kat came to when she was being carried in Dean's arms, tucked into the back of the Impala next to him as Sam got into the driver's seat. They didn't ask where Alyssa went and her throat tightened as she thought that they might think that the innocent hunter had done this to her.

"Aly's ki-kidnapped," she croaked. "A demon took her. Bastard got me by surprise."

She heard Sam sharp inhalation.

"What would a demon want with her?" Dean asked.

Kat wasn't sure if Alyssa was meant to be offended by that, or if the demon who took her should have been.

"Didn't Castiel say something? About her having failed? Maybe they took her to make sure she couldn't succeed," Sam offered quietly. "This day just keeps getting worse. She shouldn't have come."

"No, she shouldn't have," Dean agreed tiredly.

Kat tried to move her aching head, to find that Dean helped her so she was laying with her head on his lap. "She h-had every right," she mumbled.

"But we should have known something would happen."

"No," Kat argued, exhaustion eating away at her. "We made a stand today, and it failed, and we lost J-Jo and Ellen and fuck it, we tried. We'll try again."

"No," Dean said quietly. "Not you."

"You can't make me stay away," she growled, trying to put as much force behind it as she could manage. It probably sounded about as scary as nine week old kitten growling at it's brother. "If I want to fight, I have every right. This is so much bigger than you guys alone."

"Kitty, no," Dean said firmly. And if she wasn't mistaken, she could hear the humor in his voice, the smile tugging at his lips even as Sam started the Impala and drove away from Carthage.

They drove to Bobby's; each of the Winchesters took a turn sitting with her, keeping her talking. Her coherence gradually improved, much to her relief and probably theirs too. When they got there, the first thing Kat did was take a drink in memory of their lost friends before she started looking for Alyssa Jones' whereabouts. But there wasn't a trace of her. The police were still out looking for her, and when she saw the picture they had for her, she was genuinely surprised.

Alyssa had light brown blondish hair and sweet blue eyes, a tender smile. She shone with hope and dreams, beauty within and out. There was a certain lightness around her, as though there was nothing wrong in the world and she didn't have a care about any of it. The woman she knew now, didn't have that same easiness to her, instead something more shadowy lingering with her. But being hunted and hunting could do that to a person.

She joined the men as they threw the picture into the flames, watching as they licked it up eagerly. She felt her heart ache for her lost friend and her grief. For the loss of Ellen and Jo and the pain the three men around her had. Kat had never known the Harvelles all the well, only long enough to stop in for a drink and some information on ghost hunts. She had known Ash the best and he was just ash on the wind, somewhere in the world.

And here is where I start deviating and playing with plot and having more fun.

Any guesses on who Alyssa's kidnapper is? ;)