"So you gotta promise me something... You gotta promise: you're not gonna try and get me back."

"No, no way!"

"Dean… it's too dangerous. You can't go poking around -we can't risk it."

"Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Go, just leave. Get out of here for awhile -you said you wanted to go to Amsterdam? Then go. Take Kat with you. Live your life, Dean. I'm not saying you can't hunt; I'm just saying…"

"Don't save you," the older Winchester supplied, his voice tightly coiled with tension and reluctance.

"Promise me, Dean."

Kat stared at the back of Dean's seat, still pretending to be asleep. It was too dark for the brothers to really notice, especially with the emotional tension clouding the air. Sam was going to die. And he wanted to die. Some heroic martyr who was repenting for all of his mistakes. God, it was so stupid, but it was so Sam. Losing Sam a second time would kill Dean; from what she could gather about the first time it technically had. Dean could imagine what torment they would put Sam through; Dean would know. He wouldn't with absolute clarity, but he would have a damn fine picture in his head that would drive him over the ledge too.

Amsterdam and one Katherine Calloway couldn't stop that from happening. Unless, maybe… Kat frowned intensely. There might be something she could do, but she had no idea if it would even work. And actually bringing it up with either of these mules would be stupid. They were both too self-sacrificing plus Sam had already made up his mind. If she asked Dean, it would be like asking him which arm he wanted sawed off. His answer would have been immediate, neither. Who did Dean want to lose -Kat or Sam? Same answer. The only solution Dean would be happy with would be if he didn't have to lose anyone. And honestly, Kat understood that.

She understood it in the same way she knew Sam's trip to Hell would destroy Dean. Sam was trying to ensure that there would be something left of Dean. Kat loved both of them. Sam was like her own brother, and she knew how ingrained it was in Dean to keep Sam safe. She also knew there was no way she could ever tell Dean what she was planning. Besides, there was no way to know if it would work or not.

She glanced over at Castiel. He might know, might be able to tell her how effective or ineffective the particular spell was, but he was too socially awkward and too logical. He wouldn't see why she wasn't telling Dean or Sam, and somehow it would come out, mostly because Castiel didn't understand why it should be kept a secret. She wouldn't have either of the brothers supporting her in this. Dean would ask her to teach him the spell or something equally ridiculous.

And, again, considering this wasn't some regular demon, she had no idea if it would work. One of the cases she'd worked on with her mother, involved a witch and her demon-possessed girlfriend. They hadn't made it to the town in time to save the girlfriend, but the witch had come up with a solution. She transferred the demon into her own body, and while it had saved her girlfriend, it left her with the demon permanently locked into her body. Janine had killed her. Unlike with most spells, the demon hadn't been able to escape and was still trapped to her body even as they burned it. The downside was, the caster became the mandated host, and there was no removing the demon once it was placed in. Lucifer wasn't exactly a demon; he did need permission from his vessels, like all angels did. Trying couldn't hurt anyone. She knew their plan anyway, and the only thing that would be worse would be not trying.

Sure, it would blindside both of the Winchesters. But they could never hate her for it. Or say that they couldn't understand her reasoning behind this decision. Because they would both know, that she would rather not see either of them dead.

And not Dean, not after… there were only so many pieces a girl could put back together. But some pieces would be shattered, left broken and abandoned and she would never be able to put Dean back the way he was if Sam went through with his plan. She would be there for him though, even if it killed both of them. Dean was going to need someone, whether her plan worked or not. She was better than no one, but she wasn't Sam. And she never would be; they were brothers, and they had no one else in this world, really. Bobby, herself and Alyssa -assuming she was still alive, and Satan hadn't stolen her soul, of course.

Chapter Twenty-Two, Victoriam Speramus

Alyssa wasn't sure how long it had been since she said yes. She felt none of the cravings Lucifer indulged her with, mainly the demon blood. It felt as though she had dozed off too long and was floating in dreamland. Sometimes, rarely, there was the burning flare of addiction that had her marching to the nearest sycophant and draining him dry as though she were a vampire. Meg was always nearby with some sort of triumphant grin on her face. A very small part of Alyssa would be glad to see Meg next on the list of demons to be sucked dry.

She felt Lucifer's mirth bubbling and coiling around her like oil on water. Only, Lucifer's oil was floating and Alyssa kind of felt like she was drowning, and there was nothing she could do about it. As a plan B, Lucifer had no problem giving her gifts. Like the visit with her family. She got the chance to tell them the truth; about how she had never murdered Jessica. She got to hug them and hold them and cry. She got to be with them one last time.

But she kept Castiel's words in mind, and there was something about that trip on the plane that stood out to her. Maybe it was because Meg never seemed to suspect anything, maybe it was due to the turbulence, or perhaps it had something to do with the angel, himself, but… there was something unusual about their encounter. She didn't analyze it too closely though, because she was more preoccupied with what was going to happen to her when she said yes.

They flew back to Detroit where Lucifer was waiting. Sam had never showed up, as near as she could tell anyways. She barely had the chance to agree before he was forcing his grace into her body, and it was agony. The white hot flare of feeling his consciousness overwhelming hers; he shoved her aside brutally, stretching out and taking over. She didn't fight. She sat down and curled up in the small corner that was hers, where she was out of his way. He was not concerned with her even as they headed toward the cemetery where Michael was going to be. She knew nothing of Adam -the youngest Winchester -and she didn't bother to ask or pester about Michael.

Lucifer strode into the cemetery, and she could feel his rage and arrogance settling over her like a prison. She would be unable to do anything, much as she might like to. And then, suddenly, there was a bottle flying through the air and smashing against Michael and he disappeared with a howl of pain. She screamed when Castiel exploded into a gory mess of meat chunks and bone.

Dean stood there, looking apprehensive as Sam came to stand beside him. She could see the determination in his eyes. And she felt Lucifer smirk, his pride boosting as he watched. Alyssa couldn't help but wonder if they had found the body back in Detroit, if they knew she was here. If they knew she was still here. 'Had it been like this for Brady?' she wondered, horrified as she relived the scene of his stabbing.

"Alyssa?" Sam asked softly, gazing at her with those gentle eyes she loved so much.

Kat was frowning, watching Alyssa suspiciously and Dean looked resigned and so tired. They had to know it was Lucifer. She -he -they had just exploded Castiel into a bloody paste. The Winchesters couldn't not know.

"Why hello Sam," they said with a smile. "Come to say yes? Take her place?"

"Michael won't be gone long," Kat stated, exhaling heavily as she looked at Alyssa with hard eyes.

I'm sorry, Alyssa wanted to tell her friend. She stepped forward to where the white hot bars of her prison were. She could feel the rage radiating from them, and she didn't dare touch them. Lucifer said he was freezing cold, but that didn't make his rage any less dangerous. She looked out with her own eyes for a second, seeking Sam. Seeking to reassure him. Whatever Castiel had meant, she would know when it happened. And she could still save Sam. The Winchesters had suffered enough, hadn't they?

This decision was on a global scale. If she took the fall… everyone knew what it would mean. And she was okay with that. She didn't really have anything to live for. She had lost her family because of her non-existent crimes; then the Roadhouse burned down and she lost Ash, and then Ellen and Jo were killed. She had almost gotten the Winchesters killed too. She had been kidnapped and held hostage and now she was Lucifer's meat-suit, standing in the way of her friends. They probably had a plan. A plan she was not part of, and could not be part of either, judging from their looks.

Alyssa smiled wryly to herself from within her cage as she saw the resignation flicker across their faces. The Alyssa they had known was dead. Or so they thought.

I'm still here, she whispered quietly. I'm still here. And she was, she wasn't dead. She was in her own body with Lucifer. She wasn't currently in control… not yet. Hadn't some others who had been possessed, hadn't they been able to achieve a few moments of clarity? If she could have that… it was all she needed. She peered around, unable to see anything really beyond her cell and the brilliance that was the fallen angel.

"What are you doing?" Lucifer asked, his voice ringing around them. She felt more so than saw the irritation bubbling across his grace and she could almost feel him reaching out, trying to perceive what was happening.

Kat was chanting something, soft and quiet, and then something strange was happening. Alyssa blinked in shock as Lucifer's grace warped as though he was being pulled towards Kat but her friend kept on speaking, more steadily and more confidently. Dean and Sam both looked surprised, stepping away. It was as though fear and concern had wrapped draped themselves over Sam and Dean, leaving them with some trace of hesitance and inaction as their women faced each other down. Alyssa wondered what she looked like to an outsider as she stepped between the widening bars of her prison; even as Lucifer's grace snapped back into place, and she barely avoided his detection.

"You thought that would do something?" the fallen angel growled furiously, and with a wave of his arm, Kat was sent flying.

In the same moment, Bobby fired two bullets into Alyssa's back without hesitating. And she couldn't feel the pain or the burn of it. There was nothing. She was utterly disconnected from her body, and that was awful enough on its own. Lucifer probably didn't feel it either because he was an angel and this was Alyssa's body -it had been since she was born. Maybe she was supposed to feel something, but she didn't want to linger on those thoughts. If she didn't feel the pain, she could do her job here. She looked down, at where she was standing. Only she wasn't physically there; she was just the embodiment of her soul. See-through and lit with golden-white, nothing compared to the angel's brilliance. Red was slowly staining through her golden-white colors, and an awareness that although she might not physically be aware of the pain, it probably wouldn't be much longer until she was.

Lucifer had accepted her offer only because Nick wasn't going to last much longer, but he had known she had accepted with the hopes of fighting. He was either careless or unconcerned about this revelation as he snapped Bobby's neck and threw Dean against the Impala. He didn't touch Sam, even as Sam rushed forward, and Lucifer threw him aside like a ragdoll.

"You gonna say yes Sam?" he snapped. "Because that's the only way your brother won't die. It's the only way I won't kill your girlfriend."

With that statement, a piercing agony shattered through what concentration she had. There were no words to describe the pain.

"Oh yes, she's here." Lucifer cackled at her scream. "She can feel every fucking thing. I can shield her from that, you know. But right now, I opened the barrier just a bit; she can feel that bullet sinking through her soul and shredding it little by little. Can you imagine what it would be like if I let her feel the other one? I was being nice here, Sammy. I can play mean too."

He grabbed at her with his burning hands; the brilliance too much as she was shoved to the forefront of her mind with his hands on her and she screamed in agony. Her body dropped to the ground accordingly, and she could feel -feel the unbearable agony of two bullet wounds and the way her knuckles were swollen and broken from beating on Dean. She wasn't a fighter, but she had learned how to be one; the physical reactions and brute strength that Lucifer used, were beyond her.

"Alyssa," Sam whispered, staring at her, stepping toward her with guilt in his eyes. Lucifer threw her back before she could even react, and he was pinning Dean back against the Impala.

The pain intensified around her as her fingers held Dean down, clenching in a way they could no longer. The pain was excruciating and mind-numbing, shattering what concentration she had as she shoved at Lucifer's brilliance, trying to release her fingers, desperately trying to remove herself of the pain from her broken fingers. It was unbearable and she couldn't help herself as she did everything in her power, in order to lessen the pain. But Sam was rushing towards them then, grabbing Dean and breaking her feeble grasp even as Lucifer grabbed back.

"You want me so bad?!" Sam yelled. "Then let her go!"

"Oh I don't have to do a thing Sam. You just have to say yes. I can give her more pain than imaginable -she's screaming right now, calling out your name. Begging for you to take her place. She can't hold out much longer. Souls are a fragile thing, you know."

No.

No, not… not like this.

She didn't want to die. And she didn't want Sam to take her place. But Sam would never know that -Sam would never know she loved him. Sam would never know how much he meant to her. He would never know that she had since forgiven his cravings, his demon yearning. He hadn't been himself. She never got the chance to say any of that. She never got the chance to really hold him, to tell him how she felt, how she had always felt.

Shut up, came Lucifer's resounding voice as he shoved her back roughly.

She was too weak, too dead inside and outside to do hardly a thing. But Lucifer's focus was on her, even as Sam crumpled to his knees, even as he folded and pulled the rings from his pocket. She watched as Dean strode towards them with grim determination, and it was as though death itself had uncurled from his shadow. She could see Kat, struggling towards them as well, miraculously alive. Again. The woman had as many lives as a cat.

Lucifer was still in control and he stepped aside, eyeing the rings distastefully. "You think that'll work? She can't even lift a finger -and you expect she can walk me right into that box?!"

He laughed, the cackle echoing around even as Michael appeared. Alyssa lashed out, desperate, throwing everything she could give to defiance. She wasn't aware that it was her love for Sam, her admiration for Kat, and her wish for them all to live a long healthy, happy lives that thwarted Lucifer. She staggered him for one minute, and she threw more memories against him. Childhood Christmases, dreams of being with Sam and married, dreams of children and a family, and her hopes and wants, and love. Her love for everything and everyone. She loved Sam and Kat, Bobby and Castiel, Jo and Ellen, Ash and Brady. She even loved Dean, in the way that he was a pesky older brother -she wouldn't have minded getting to know him better.

Alyssa basked in the few seconds of memory that were afforded to her as they accosted Lucifer. It was too much for him, the strength of her emotions. She watched as she got her very first bicycle and learned to ride, how she fell and her father helped her back up with a laugh as he wiped away her tears. She watched as her mother made cookies and taught her the special recipe. She could smell the sweet sugars and the melted chocolate, feel the burn of a freshly made cookie.

And then she was in school, and she was minding her own business. She saw Sam, watched him from afar, and paid little notice to his friend, Brady. She remembered the way he looked, with his leather jacket and t-shirts and how he was distant yet approachable. How he smiled at her; the way it made her heart beat faster and turned her into a silly schoolgirl.

She watched Sam go out with Jess and felt nothing but happy for the both of them. Jealousy cooled in her mind, but she couldn't find a way to be angry about them being together. She did have Brady, and he was a great guy. She watched Sam and Jess move in together, watched as Jess dragged her through mall after mall and boutique after boutique as they looked for the perfect Christmas gift for Sam. It turned out to be an old ring, made of silver and unusually cheap that they got for him. For the longest time, they didn't know he had sent it to Dean, and that was the first time he talked about his brother. And Alyssa felt the same way Jess did when he told them; she wanted to know more about Sam's family, but Sam wouldn't have any of it even as she tag-teamed him with Jess. Eventually, the girls settled with his mysteriousness.

The gate behind her opened. Michael slammed into her, and they tumbled through it together; Alyssa with a smile on her face and Michael with an enraged scowl.

And then… they were gone.

Thanks to Cartersdaughter for beta-ing. And to all of you for the awesome feedback. Hope you enjoy