The Boy in the Park
Chapter Fifty
Shinku opened his eyes after the surprise attack to find himself in the Hokage's office, staring at Kakashi. The man's silver hair was unmistakeable, as well as the lop-sided eye smile he was sporting.
"As Naruko has returned to the village," Tsunade remarked. "You will need an escort once more."
"Kakashi?" he looked towards the silver haired man. "Isn't he supposed to be Naruko's sensei?"
"No," Tsunade sighed. "He will be Naruko's sensei after all, as you aptly put it. You'll need someone else which I can trust."
"So?"
The purple haired kunoichi known as Yugao Uzuki coughed slightly, appearing from the shadows.
"It will be a pleasure to follow you once more, Haruno-san."
Shinku brought a hand to his face. "Really?"
"Akatsuki has begun to move," Tsunade said with a grimace. "We can't risk them kidnapping you to bring Naruko running out of Konoha."
He exhaled slowly, and then nodded.
"Oh, right, I should be doing the bell test," Kakashi remarked opening his Icha-Icha Tactics. "But that's boring. So how about I do the Aniki test like last time?"
Shinku blearily closed his eyes and looked sideways. "You mean, hanging me from a tree with nothing but water beneath me?"
"Yep," Kakashi smiled. "But that would be boring, so I thought something more…exciting."
Suddenly, the shinigami became all too real next to him.
Naruko was bored, as time seemed to trickle by. To wait there for Kakashi, she could have gone elsewhere. Even Sakura was fidgeting. "I have a bad feeling Naruko," Sakura muttered repeatedly. "Someone is attempting at my Onii-sama's purity…and I'm not there to acquire baby samples."
Naruko scuttled a bit away from the maniacal muttering Sakura.
"Yoh!" Kakashi said with a bright smile, waving at the two girls.
"You're late!" Naruko screeched.
"Ah, I was preparing the test!" the silver haired Jounin smiled warmly. "Ibiki let Anko go. She's been three years without having done 'that'…and I just so casually mentioned to her that Shinku was tied to the Hokage's monument, dangling from the Yondaime's head."
The smile behind the mask of Kakashi became something feral to behold.
"Good luck protecting him from Anko until tonight! And no cutting the bindings, or I'll disqualify you!"
And with that, Kakashi disappeared in a flicker.
The next moment, both Sakura and Naruko left behind trails of fire, so fast they began to dash across Konoha.
"ANIIIIKIIIIIII…"
"ONIIISAAAMMMAAAAAAA…"
Shinku blearily opened his eyes to the sight of Konoha beneath him. He was dangling, tied to a rope that in turn attached to a protuberance of rock that belonged to the Yondaime's head.
He sighed, a sweat drop appearing on his forehead.
He wasn't going to die from this —he supposed his body guard would come around in the end before he splattered to the ground.
Suddenly, he realized the scenery was changing as he was rising. Someone was pulling him upwards, and if the half-crazed laughter was of any indication…
He saw Anko drooling, her face something truly frightening to behold.
"Hey Shinku! I'm told you're still on the market!" she said with a bright smile.
"Why are you holding a condom in your right hand, Anko?" he deadpanned as he was slowly brought up.
"Well, that's not important! How about we both go and get to know each other better at my house? Or we can go at yours! Yours will certainly be cleaner and closer, yep…"
Then there was an explosion of smoke as he felt himself hauled away by a pair of arms. Air rushed out of his lungs as his stomach twisted. They were falling. They were falling and he was going to die!
"Don't worry Aniki, I've got you!" Naruko exclaimed loudly, strengthening her hold on him as she made a hand sign. Legions of Naruko shot in the air just as dozens of needles pierced them in plumes of smoke. He felt his stomach go way past his throat as he was thrown in mid-air from Naruko to Naruko.
"Untie meee…"
"I can't Aniki!" Naruko said apologetically, as she landed on a nearby roof. "It's Kakashi's test!"
"What? No! What the he—" he was pushed back just as a kunai landed where he would have been a moment before.
"Bad brat!" Anko yelled. "Bad, bad brat!" the purple haired Jounin landed neatly in front of the girl. "You don't take away Anko's prize…understood?"
"Aniki's isn't your prize, you saggy breasted hag! Go back to where you came from, 'ttebayo!" Naruko yelled back.
"Do I have a say in this?" Shinku weakly asked, only to suddenly feel a hand grab at his mouth, silencing him. His eyes widened at the sight of Sakura smiling creepily towards him, blood dribbling down her nose.
"Mhmhm!"
"Yes, Onii-sama, we'll make babies," Sakura nodded to herself with a gleeful chuckle.
"Mmhhmhmmh!"
"Of course, eight or nine."
That wasn't what he was trying to say, for Kami's sake!
"Keep her busy Naruko!" Sakura exclaimed, "I'll bring Onii-sama to safety!"
"Uh? Wh—Sakura!" Naruko's exclamation came just as he felt himself tugged elsewhere. He couldn't help but feel woozy, especially when he landed once more inside a room. Wasn't this Sakura's…
There was a live poster of him, a pillow with his image on and extremely creepy collections of stuff that held the label 'Onii-sama's belongings'.
He felt extremely worried for his sister's sanity.
Wait, what was she doing now?
"Sakura, that's not nice," he said meekly as he began to crawl his way towards the window.
"Onii-sama," Sakura replied with a bright smile, "We'll be together forever and ever!" then she twirled a kunai in her hand.
Had she snapped?
"S-Sakura! That's hardly the way to—"
"Yes, Hardly…is it hard?"
"NO!"
Sakura pouted. Her shoulders slumped. "B-But Onii-sama," Sakura sniffled, "I love you!"
"Yes, and I love you too as a sister, not as…a creepy stalker Yandere that somewhat decided to rape me in my sleep," he deadpanned. "Understood?"
"Sniffle," Sakura sobbed slightly. "Y-Yesh, Onii-sama," she sat down on his lap then.
"Ahem," he coughed.
"What? I understand," she wriggled her behind, "But it's not like your opinion matters. You'll love me in the end, Onii-sama!"
Was this what Sasuke had to go through with his own fan club?
He was actually glad when a fist slammed against the side of Sakura's face, sending the girl careening against the wall.
Then he was roughly grabbed and kissed furiously by Anko.
"Mine!" she exclaimed in satisfaction. "Got that, flat board!?"
"YOU!" chakra erupted from Sakura's entire form as she trembled. "DON'T YOU TOUCH MY ONII-SAMA YOU SKANK!"
Then she flung a fist on the floor.
On the floor of her room.
Which meant in her parents' house.
Which meant in a civilian quarter.
…
The resulting explosion devastated four houses, as Anko escaped laughing maniacally.
Tsunade watched impassively from the window.
"You're paying for the damages, Kakashi."
Kakashi nervously chuckled.
Then the Icha-Icha specialty store was hit.
"NO! ICHA-ICHA!" Kakashi began to cry as he fell down on his knees. "Those monsters! Who could teach them such things!?"
Tsunade looked at him.
Kakashi coughed and slowly stood back up.
"I'll go and stop them, Hokage-sama," he acquiesced.
"Go, before the headache kills me."
And Kakashi went.
Author's notes
My muse was taken to other stories for a while. (and my hands are killing me. I think it has something to do with the keyboard)