The coffee's effects were too dull an instrument to hold her fatigue at bay. Try as she might, the simple puzzle of creating more of a flame inside the taser's spark was proving a challenge. She nearly gave it up entirely when Erik came out of the bedroom alongside the lab.
"Jane. It's four in the morning. You have quite a long day ahead of you, why not get some rest?"
"I can't sleep, Erik. How can I when he's…" she couldn't even say his name. "When he's alone and it's my fault…" she whispered the last bit. "He's always been so alone. And now I'm no better…I made it worse by insisting that I go."
"Jane, honey…I understand," replied Erik. "But it isn't your fault. And you're about to go and get him out of there."
"What if I can't?"
Erik rubbed his face. "You will, and you'll have Thor, and everything will be fine."
She looked passed him…her shoulder ached, her head hurt, her mind reeled and her body pulsed its beat in mad rhythm. That same beat was about to enjoy many millions more than intended, because Loki wanted it to.
Jane got up and grabbed the cigarettes from the counter. She had only smoked one in the five hours she had had them, and decided it was time for another. She didn't look at Erik as she went to the roof of the lab to smoke it.
Jane gazed up at the stars and inhaled the nicotine deeply, allowing its medicine to calm her frayed and aching nerves.
She had not thought about what it would mean to be a Queen in some time, her thoughts had been too engrossed in getting to Helheim and facing the many dangers it held. What, indeed, it would mean to live for thousands of years. She began to think on it, however, and wondered just what the hell she would do with herself. She supposed that once she became an Aesir, she would have children (their anatomies too different to conceive with her as a mortal). Maybe two, she thought…and her mind jumped to the idea of a little boy and a little girl running about the palace. The boy would have large, brown eyes, thick chestnut hair, but would be angular and tall. The girl would be more slight, but sturdy, and her hair would be straight and black with blue green eyes, clever and sometimes naughty. Like snow white with a streak of mischief. And all the while, life would never be dull, because Loki would take them to may realms, and would have them laughing….
Laughing. Laughter. It was that, perhaps, which held her heart with such sorrow these past few days. Loki always, always made her laugh. She drank more of the cigarette and sighed.
Jane got up and went back down the ladder to the lab below. She would be calling for Heimdall in a few hours, and would charge Erik with finishing off the taser so that she could get some sleep.
Her footsteps padded the soil beneath her, she was painfully aware of the surroundings...it was dark, the air thick, and a voice was suddenly heard behind her...Do you think, insignificant mortal, that your life in any way will hold peace...it was a woman's voice, it was oily and dangerous...Do you think that you can really hold his attention for thousands of years? The millennia, dear Jane, was not meant for mortal bodies, which is why you'll lose in the end...Jane kept walking, hoping to ignore the voice...Oh, he will remain true for a spell, but you are nothing like an Aesir woman, surely you've noticed...and the voice coiled her brain, squeezing its poison into her beating thoughts...Jane began to run...Oh, Jane, you can try to run, but it is for naught. He is dead...No! Her mind screamed...and suddenly there he was, hanging on a wall, no rise and fall of his chest, no movement...and Jane collapsed in defeat, hoping that the blackness would take her with him...
Her eyes flew open and she sat upright. She winced at the ache in her shoulder the movement created.
Her lab. She was at her lab. In New Mexico.
She cringed at the dream. God, when did they suddenly become Romeo and Juliet? Or Heathcliff and Cathy? (She recalled her musing on the latter not so long ago) Jane was not usually so moved. She didn't believe that love should be all encompassing...that theoretically, a person could live without their lover if need be. Love should accompany a life, compliment it.
Jane got up. Yet this was not how she felt about Loki. It made her appreciate those stories, and she idly wondered if somehow her love was undoing decades of feminist achievement.
She laughed. She couldn't help how she felt, just as she couldn't help but breathing. Would she kill herself if he was...? She couldn't give her mind permission to internally say it. No, she thought. No, because there was part of her that could do things independent of him, even if she didn't want to. She was more than her love, but less so every day.
And Jane found that she had forgiven him. All of it. All of his transgressions and murder and lies, all of it. Her reasons were more than that she loved him, though that was certainly part of it, but also because he had changed. She didn't know if he had changed because of her or what, but she knew that he was different. He was proving to be a good King. He was a good man. Alien. What the fuck, Jane. She never did ask about that.
Well, he will just need to be alive so that she could.
She stepped out of the shower and dried herself off, wrapped the towel around her.
She went into the lab to find Erik playing with the taser. "Did any packages come yet? I had some stuff overnighted..." and she popped in a pop tart, poured out some coffee.
"No..." Erik paused. "Did you actually find a sword?"
"Hmm hmm. And battle gear," Jane laughed. "I'm gonna be a BAMF. Like Trinity from the Matrix."
"I just read an article," began he, rubbing his face. "About women characters being reduced to something being termed Trinity Syndrome."
"Well, since I'm a brilliant scientist, and since I'm real, I don't give two shits about Trinity Syndrome. I just need to go and get Loki so we can get back to Asgard and get married and I can become Queen..." her voice trailed. "Oh my god, Erik. I'm gonna be a fucking QUEEN."
She collapsed in a chair, forgetting about the pop tart. Erik didn't, though, and fetched it for her. "That you are, Jane. That you are. And I'm glad for it. Isn't there a saying...some have greatness thrust upon us? That's you. And you're gonna be great."
She smiled weakly, and took some of the pain pills Erik held in his hand for her.
Three hours later she was set. She DID look like Trinity. Her hair was pulled high on her head. She was in a black, supple pant outfit, with matching top. It was protective, but allowed fluid movement. She had the taser in her pocket, concealed. She had the gun bolstered to her hip, and the sword hung at her side.
She had no idea what the fuck she was doing.
But she was gonna try and do something.
Jane went out with Erik and Darcy and she looked to the sky.
What if this didn't work. What if she was honestly stuck here...
She turned toward them and smiled nervously. "Thanks, guys, for all of your help."
They simultaneously said, "Yeah...sure...of course...good luck..."
"You'll come to the wedding?"
"Wedding?" Darcy asked.
"Um...yeah...I'm pretty sure we're gonna get married..."
"Holy shit."
"What?"
Darcy laughed. "You're gonna marry a psycho killer alien sorcerer god king. That's gotta be the weirdest thing I'll hear all day."
"Yeah, and I'll be Queen," she swallowed. Then laughed nervously.
"Stop it, Jane. I seriously can't take it."
Jane hugged them both, and turned away.
"Heimdall!" And she waited.
Sickness. Her stomach felt positively topsy-turvy. It was different when Loki teleported her...usually she felt only mild discomfort.
She skidded on her feet inside of Heimdall's watching chamber.
"You heard me!" She breathed.
"I did...but I cannot see our King, nor have I for some time..."
"No...I need to get to King Thor immediately."
Her boots pounded the bridge. She ran faster than she could ever recall...purposeful and with fervor.
In a desperate need to not run amok in the palace, as soon as she entered, she simply yelled, "THOR!"
The King was restive. He was attempting to subdue his concern in an effort to maintain calm for Jane's sake...she had been injured, he could tell. But he knew what this meant. Loki was in danger...
"Sif...I need to go. Immediately."
The Queen nodded. "I will hold Asgard until your secure return." Her eyes threatened tears.
Jane felt awful. This was all her fault. All of it. If she hadn't been so foolish, making him take her...if she hadn't fallen in love to begin with...if she hadn't taken a fancy to Thor...not been in New Mexico...not been an astrophysicist...her parents hadn't died...
Well. She might as well never existed to begin with.
She stood shakily.
"Perhaps, Lady Jane, you should stay here as well," the Queen said.
"What?" Jane asked.
Thor looked at his wife. "Jane will come, Sif. I daresay she needs to."
"But perhaps she will only prove to be a burden," Sif replied. "And she is obviously hurt."
"Look. I'm not staying here. No way. I don't care."
"You would risk the King's life? Both of their lives, so that you might play hero?"
Jane shook with anger, her shoulder burned. "I'm not playing a hero! I'm trying to be useful in this mess!"
"That's what you said when you first went, and look what's happened," Sif observed.
"Sif, that's quite enough. Jane will come."
"I understand, Sif, your concern. I get it. But I'm no weakling. I'm not about to just wait around...I know I'm no warrior, but I can fight, and I'm stronger than you think," Jane finished, holding her head high.
The Queen nodded, and looked at Thor. She held her hands to him, and he took them, kissing her.
They headed to Heimdall, the King, Jane, and Fandrall.
"You shall keep watch on the lowest realm, Heimdall. We will be calling for you..."
"Aye, my King."
Jane shifted. She wiped her brow.
The trio then fell into the BiFrost.