Chapter 39. Where Tara regained control of her account, apparently.

AN: To everyone who keeps flaming this, GET A LIFE! I bet you probably don't even know who Gerard Way is, you're probably all preps and posers! Anyway, someone hacked into my account in November and they put up my last chapter but now there is a new one. I'm sorry for not updating for a while, but I've been really busy. I'm trying to finish the story before the new movie comes out. I'm going on vacation for a month. I won't be back until about 2 weeks. Oh my ****ing g*d, Draco is so hot in all the pics for the new movie! I wanted them to put a cameo by Gerard Way. He should play Draco. If you flame, I'll slit my wrists ! Raven, you rock girl, have fun in England.

Do not threaten to slit your wrists. Especially not to make your readers review a certain way. Forget that, just don't slit your wrists. If you do, get help. Why – you – just – I - *tries not to punch Tara in the face at moments like these*

Public Announcement: Slitting your wrists is not something to joke around with, okay? Neither is suicide. Neither is depression. Neither is cancer. Thank you. Over and out.

Go Julie!

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Is this line a thing now?

When I woke up, I was in a strange room. I looked around. I was wearing the same outfit I had when I performed with XBlackXTearX!

When Ebony wears the same clothes for more than a page, that's when something's up.

I looked around confusedly. It was the Nurse's office but it looked different! On the wall was a pic of Marylin Manson! (Just imagine that he is in an 80s gothic band, okay, because he is more old than Panic At The Disco or MCR) There was also a gothic black Beatles calendar with a picture of the Beatles wearing eyeliner and black gloves. On it said '1980'.

Must get mental image out of head. Gah. It burns!

How convenient for you.

"Oh my ****ing g*d! I'm back in Tim again!" I screamed loudly.

Always fresh. (Our readers probably don't know this, but Alexsis, Annalisa and I have a history with Tim Hortons.)

Mmmm. Donuts.

Suddenly Satan (AN: this is actually Voldemort for photo reference!) Voldemort was wearing a black leather Jackson, black tight jeans and fishnet pants. He looked so sexy I almost had an orgasm!

"Oh my ****ing g*d, Ebony, are you okay?" he asked gothically.

"Yeah, I'm okay, for your information," I snapped sexily. "Oh my ****ing g*d, am I dead?!" Because I remembered I had jumped in front of the bullet from James' gun. I also remembered seeing Draco do it with Snape.

Once again, no. You're not dead. Unless being undead counts as being dead in which case you are very dead.

"No, you're not dead," Satan reassured as he smoked a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. "You're a vampire, so you can't die from a bullet. Come on now, let's go see how Harry's dad is doing.

I know that the real reason I didn't die from the bullet was because I was from the future.

Then why did you ask if you were dead?

"What the ****! James almost shot Lucius!" I said indignantly. I knew that James had really been possessed, but I didn't want him to know I knew.

"Yeah, I know, but he had a headache. He was under a lot of stress," Satan reasoned evilly.

Ooh, evil reasoning. All of the adverbs used in this story probably cry themselves to sleep every night.

"I guess that's okay," I said because James hadn't really shot Lucius. Also, I know that Lucius would not have two arms instead of one. I walked seductively outside with Satan. Suddenly, I saw a totally sexy gothic bi guy! He had bleached-blonde hair with black streaks up to his ears and he was wearing gothic black liner, a black Green Day T-Shirt (it showed Billy Joel with blonde hair since it was the eighties), black congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexily like Gerard Way in the video for I Don't *3* You Like I did Yesterday and you could see a black tear on his face like the women in that video. "Hey," he said all quietly and gothically.

I love how Ebony can know your sexual orientation by looking at you. Mary-Sue-powers?

I three you, baby. I three you so bad.

"Who the **** is that?" I asked angrily because I did not know him.

"This is Hedwig," said Voldemort.

Oh Merlin no.

"He used to be in XBlackXTearX but he had to drop out because he broke his arm. "

Don't you mean wing?

"Hey Hedwig," I said seductively, even though I was not trying to be.

Please. Don't drag the owl into this. Please. Wait, is the Hedwig from history? Harry did get Hedwig's name from a history book, so let's all pretend that it's the Hedwig from history and not the innocent owl we all love and cherish, ok?

"Hi Ebony," he answered, but then he ran away because he had the class 'Care of Magical Creatures'.

I'm not even going to pretend I know where that came from.

He was humming Welcome to the Black Parade under his breath (AN: I know that it's not 80s, but pretend it is, okay?)

Don't be lazy, put actual 80's music in please.

"Bye," I said all sexily.

"That was Hedwig. He used to be my boyfriend, but we broke up," Satan said sadly, looking at his black nails.

"Oh my ***ing g*d, I can get you back together!" I said, fingering something I didn't know was in my pocket – a black Cute Is What We Aim For video iPod that I could take videos with (AN: does no one else know about them? They kick ass!)

Tara knows a band with the word 'cute' in it's name? Is this another hacker? Also, isn't she trying to seduce him? How would getting him a girlfriend help her with this goal?

"Okay, you can forget about your class for now, Hedwig. I'm going to show you something great!" I led them to the Great Hall. "Come on, you guys."

Didn't he already run off?

Lucius, James, Sirius and Snape were all in the Great Hall. Lucius wouldn't talk with James because he had tried to shoot him.

"Go **** yourself, you ****ing douche!" he shouted at him. "Draco is never going to be friends with Vampire now!"

"Yeah, go **** yourself, Samaro!" Snape agreed but I know he was lying because it had been his fault James had almost shot Lucius.

"Be quiet, you guys," I said sexily. My plan was working out great. Now I could make Voldemort good without doing it with him! Now Vampire's dad would never die. "Okay Satan and Hedwig, you guys can start making out," I said and started to film them with the ipod.

And… and what? Also, when did she set them up? She just took two ex-boyfriends and made them…. Kiss on camera? I think that's the worst matchmaking I've ever seen.

I love how Ebony feels that she must give them permission to make out.

"Cool," said Sirius as Voldemort and Hedwig started to make out sexily. We watched as they started to take each other's clothes off sexily. Samaro, Sirius, Snape and Lucius all watched because they were probably bi. I know Snape was bi.

"Oh my ****ing god! Voldemort! Voldemort!" Hedwig screamed as his *glock* touched Voldemort's.

But suddenly everything stopped as the door opened and in came Dumbledore and Mr. Norris!

Right then. Officially disturbed.