Chapter 40. The Black Parade

AN: Omg, the new book is coming out really soon, I can't wait! I think that Snape will be really the same person as Voldemort because they are both half-blood, so that will explain why he killed Dumbledore and he hated Harry! And then Harry will have to commit suicide so Voldemort will die because he will really be a Horcrux! Omg, I hope Draco and Harry get together, that will be so sexy, won't it? If they don't then JKR is homophobic! Thanks for the help with facts, Medusa you rock!

I'm surprised that Tara managed to guess that Harry was a Horcrux.

Or maybe, she just doesn't want those two characters to be together. They are enemies after all.

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I sat depressedly in Dumbledore's office with Hedwig, Satan, James, Sirius, Snape and Lucius.

Enjoying the adverbs, everyone?

Must be a d*mn big office.

Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked younger than he did in the future. He had taken the iPod away and was now listening to a ***tty Avril Lavigne song.

People look younger in the past? NO way! You think they look older in the future? My G*D, if time passes, do you think we'll all get wrinkles? What if people are supposed to be babies all of their lives, but time is poisonous so it ages us? Sort of like radioactive waste, except it's everywhere.

"What the h*ll is this anyway?!" he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn't find out that I was from another time.

How would he ever discover that? Are you wearing a sign around your neck that reads, 'Hello, I'm a time traveller'?

"Whatever you do, don't blame Ebony, you jerk," Satan said.

"Yeah, seriously she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together," Sirius said defiantly.

"Be quiet, you Satanists," Dumbledore cackled. "If you're lucky, I'll probably send you all to Azkaban. That will teach you to copulate in the Great Hall." He changed the song on the iPod to an N Sync song. Suddenly, I noticed something wrong about the iPod. It was slowly changing! Dumbledore didn't notice.

Wait a minute, ipods? Did they have those back then? They are in the past right? Right? Where are we? How does he not notice that it's changing? He's looking right at it! He's holding it in his hand… Where's my tea?

"You ****ing poser," I muttered.

"I bet you've never heard of GC," James said. Now I knew what the iPod was changing into – Marty McFly's time machine!

You mean… his car? How does that … even…

Don't try to think about it Julie. Just accept it and move on. I don't want you hurting yourself or your brain cells.

"Shut up, James!" Draco's dad shouted.

"Yeah, shut up!" Snape said preppily.

"No, you shut up, Dumbledore!" said Tom.

"I've had enough of you Satanists at my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously.

Suddenly, I grabbed the iPod from him. "Everyone! Jump in before it's too late!" I jumped into it. But only one other person jumped in. It was Satan.

"You dunderheads!" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.

Wise screaming? Who can pull that off.

I looked around. I was in the Slytherin common room with Satan. I was wearing a black plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnets, a sexy black MCR corset and black stiletto boots with pink pentagrams on them. My earrings were black Satanist signs and my raven hair went to my mid-back.

Random clothing change? Oh my G*d! Pink on her boots! Pink! Boots! Who are you and what are you doing in my story?

"Hey, cool, where is this?" he asked in an emo voice.

The Slytherin common room couldn't have changed that much in around 30 years…

Also, just thought of something…. The canon HP was in the 90s, and Tom Riddle was in the school "fifty years ago"… wouldn't that be 1940? Not 1980?

Oo

"This is the future. Dumbledore's iPod that he tried to take away from me was really also a time machine," I told him.

"Cool, what's an iPod?" he whimpered.

I knew it! Ha! I win!

"It's something you use to listen to music," I said.

"Oh my ***ing g*d, cool! Wait, what's a four-letter word for dirt?" he asked in his sexy voice.

"Um, I guess sand?" I said confusedly.

"Yeah, I was just trying to make sure you were still the same person," he triumphantly giggled.

Because that certifies she's still Ebony… how?

Also, dirt is already a four-letter word.

Only Ebony knows what sand is?

Suddenly, some of my friends walked in.

"Oh my g*d, you're ****ing alive!" said Ginny. She was wearing a black leather jacket, black baggy pants and a gothic black 'From First to Last' shirt. I explained to her why I was alive.

"Konichiwa, ***ch," said Willow. She was wearing a black corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stripes on it. With it, she was wearing a black leather miniskirt, big black boots, white foundation, black eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and black lipstick.

Where did she come from?

"Hey, m*********er," said Diabolo with his red hair. He was wearing a black 'Panic at the Disco' t-shirt and black baggy pants.

This is just to talk about clothes, isn't it.

You were expecting us to talk about dogs?

"Hey, who's that, Ebony?" Bloody Mary asked as she walked in wearing a black t-shirt with a red pentagram on it with lace at the bottom, red leather pants with black lace, and black stilettos.

"Oh, it's Satan," I told her and she nodded, knowing the truth.
Suddenly Satan started to cry.

"Are you okay Satan?" we asked concernedly.

"Oh my ****ing g*d, you're from the future! What if you don't like me anymore because we're from different times?" he asked.

That...doesn't even make sense. Did you get your personality changed when you moved through time?

"No, I still like you," I said sexily to him.

"Ok," he said. I let him listen to Teenagers by MCR on my iPod because I was about to go outside to find some things. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Professor Sinister ran in. She was wearing a gothic black minidress with depressing black stripes, white and black striped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of black eyeliner.

He got over that quickly.Also, what is this 'keep Satan occupied' signal? When did they make this? When did they decide that they needed a signal for this? This implies that the time travel we just did was planned, which it wasn't.

"Oh my ****ing g*d, where's Draco? How did Snape get back here?! I thought he was in Azkaban," I asked sadly.

"Ebony, I was so worried about you, but I know you can't ****ing die because you're a vampire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her, she was a bad student," Trevolry said reassuredly.

Hello Trevolry! It's always great to see a new student at Hogwarts. Tell me, which house are you in? Do you have a home? Family? You should go to them. Now. Run faster.

"That *****! Did she also free Hagrid and Lupin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a ****ing prep.

Does Tara really hate someone named Britney or something?

Possibly Britney Spears? The only famous Britney that comes to mind.

"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumbledore is back, Cornelia is on his way to help everyone. Tell everyone you see to lock themselves in their common room!" Trevolry said worriedly.

"Ok, but where's Draco? How come he was doing it with Snape?!"

How would she know?

Isn't Hagrid a good guy? I don't know anymore.

"I don't know why, but I know he almost tried to commit suicide after he saw you almost kill yourself," she said.

"Oh my g*d, that's terrible!" I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said, "Listen everyone, I have something important to do. Everyone, stay here!" With that I ran out.

"Good luck Tara!" everyone cried.

Nope. Ebony's not based on Tara at all. Not one bit.

I ran sexily down the stairs into the Great Hall where the portraits around looked at me scaredly.

More adverbs. I don't think I give a **** anymore. **** adverbs.

NO! I know it's hard Julie, but don't give up hope.

There was hardly no one else in the stairs and there was an atmosphere of horror. On the way I saw Britney laughing on the stairs. She was wearing a slutty pink shirt with flowers on it, a blue jean skirt Abercrombie and pink stilettos. She looked just like a pentagram of those ****ing preps Hillary Duff and Lindsey Lohan.

So not Britney Spears? D*mn it.

"You ****ing *****!" I shouted angrily.

"No, you're totally a *****. Now Voldemort will like totally kill you!" she laughed.

"Crucio!" I shouted, selectively pointed my black wand and she started screaming because she was being tortured and I laughed sadistically.

"No! Help me! Please!" Britney screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw the video camera Snape and Lupin had used to take the video of me. I put the tape of Voldemort doing it with Hedwig onto it.

What is to prevent Britney from taking it back right now? Also, why does she have it?

When did Tara get that tape? Who filmed it? Poor Hedwig...

Then I continued to run down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached the Great Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "Oh my g*d, Vampire!" I yelled.

We hugged each other happily. He looked at me with his gothic red eyes and spiky black hair. He had black eyeliner and eye shadow. He was wearing a black leather Jackson, leather pants, a 'Panic at the Disco' concert shirt and his black congress shoes. He looked more like Joel from Good Charlotte than ever. (AN: Did you hear the song 'River'? It rocks!) "I was so worried you died!" moaned Vampire.

"I know, but I'm a vampire. When I woke up, I was back in 1980. So anyway I brought Voldemort from when he was young with me. Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously.

"Draco? You mean that ****ing poser who betrayed you?" Vampire snarled angrily, in his sexy voice.

"I know, but we have to find him," I said smartly.

"I'll do it then," Harry said angstily.

We're calling him Harry now?

"Okay," I agreed. Suddenly all the lights in the room went out. The Dark Mark appeared.

"Oh my ****ing S*tan!" Harry shouted.

"I think Voldemort has arrived," I said anxiously. "****, I have to find Draco! I guess we should separate."

"Okay," Vampire said, disappearing. Sadly, I ran into the Great Hall.

You'd think a girl who watches so many horror movies wouldn't do something so cliched. Never split the party! Ever!