Chapter 2 - Gin the avenger

I am not capabale of loving and being loved, no. I am a snake and i wait upon my prey, quietly. I attack quickly and kill at will. It is in my pride that people feel my presence in such a way that it gives them the dark chills travelling through their spines. I grin from ear to ear, which leaves them wondering what was in my dark and menacing mind. Nobody really knew what i was doing, no. Not even her. I have chosen a path that is drenched in blood of the people I care about. I knew this all along. I wanted this.

I joined him. I became his apprentice, his most trusted subordinate. I studied his strengths and weaknesses. Through time, i already knew how to permanently get rid of him. In the process of gaining his trust, I killed and harmed a lot of friends and foes. Everytime i saw the light leave their eyes, I almost shed a tear. I didn't want to kill others, just him. But as time went by, I pushed myself to get used to killing. It was for the best. I had to train myself. I had to get rid of my feelings. I had to dismiss my weakness.

Do you feel my pain? Do you know what it's like to live in guilt? Have you ever been branded as the son of the devil? Do you know how it feels like to be seen as evil without having the chance to explain yourself? not even to the one you're fighting for?

Sooner or later, i knew i had to leave her. I didn't want that. I wanted to see her. I wanted to be with her. But as the light flashed on me and as i parted ways with her, I saw the light leave her eyes. It was the same light that left the eyes of the ones i killed. It was as if her will to live has gone away, as i did. She didn't see it, but i did shed a tear this time. I loved her.

Yes, i am so sure i do. I may be a snake. I may be the devil. But I became the devil, to be able to fight for her.

I braced myself for the worst. I knew she would hate me forever. But that's better than her not being avenged. The moment we faced each other again, I was surprised. Those eyes, were full of longing. I knew now. The light left her eyes, because i was her light. Those eyes showed longing and forgiveness. She wanted to know everything. She didn't want to be like them, branding me without even knowing the truth i had to tell. I was still doing my own mission. But hell, I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted her to know what was in my mind: to avenge her, my heart: hers, and my soul: her love.

So this was the love they were saying I was not capable of giving and receiving in return. It wasn't in the form of endless nights behind closed doors. It was in the form of accepting the demons of a person. And i needed that. I needed to feel that I could still be trusted, for I would never want to let her down.

But i did. I cast kido upon her. And I left her, again. I went back to him and told him i killed her. It was so painful to say. I nearly choked. I would never do that. Then i did, what i was planning since i met him: to kill him. I thought I did, but it was the other way around. Those moments of temporary triumph, i felt nothing but pain. I chose to live a life of a despicable monster, just for this. But this was all for her.

As i lay there, I saw her glide through the air to get to me. She was crying, and i felt even more painful. I did all of this so that she would never cry again. But no, those tears were the real ones. They were the ones that would bother her for the rest of her life. And then she choked in tears the words i never thought i'd receive. "I loved you, I have always loved you. And I still do. And I always will."

I guess I was selfish since the beginning. All i wanted was to receive those words from anyone, especially her. I wanted the love. And now, in my last few breaths, I've finally received it. But i realized that she has been giving it to me ever since. And i was giving it to her as well.

If only our love wasn't mixed up with such complications.

You, have you ever loved someone? Have you ever wanted what's best for her, but did what was best for you? Have you ever seen the tears of your lover? Have you ever seen the light leave her eyes? I have. I have. Yes, I have.

But damn, it feels so good to love and be loved.

After all these years, I still haven't gotten over Gin's death. Which character should I write about next?