Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.
AT: This is the start of lots of Hurt!Jim. Lots of angst the next few chapters. Chapter 6 may or may not have a different flavor, but you'll have to see. ;) Again, thanks to DLB48 for beta reading- your advice has been priceless! Thanks for the continued favs/reviews/follows. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter 3
Jim, staring at the ceiling, contemplated in a continuous circle of thoughts all that he remembered happening to get him to sickbay. An important conversation from an admiral, cussing, a less-than-pleasant walk to the biobed, and an endless series of hypos. He vaguely recalled a singularly cute blonde-haired woman making him put his arm around her shoulder.
"Bones?"
"Yes, Jim."
He couldn't see McCoy from where he lay, but he spoke again anyways. "You remember when you told me before, think of good things in your life, when Tarsus pops up?"
"Uh, Jim, you know..."
"I think of Dr. Marcus and her smile." The confession slipped easily from his lips. He almost smiled thinking of her smile.
"Does she know that?" I swear, Bones will never stop using that sarcasm.
"Even if she did, she is the type of girl who wouldn't mind helping an invalid," Kirk replied in a whisper.
"You're not an invalid." Bones said, hurting Kirk's ears with his sharpness now that he loomed over his body.
"I was once, and she did come and help me get in that forsaken wheelchair," he murmured. " 'member?"
"Jim, that was not nice bringing your death to my mind. Why don't you poke me with a pitchfork and pour a bucket of lemon juice on it." Bones grimaced.
"Indeed, Jim, that event was most terrifying for many of us." The voice held such sympathy, it hurt.
This universe hates me.
"Tell me she's not standing right..."
"She certainly is." A hypo touched his neck. "And you're making quite the fool out of yourself."
"That's not terribly unusual when I'm in here."
"True, but now you have to behave."
" 'm sorry, Carol." Jim purposely shifted his head away from her. "Didn't wantcha to find out this way."
Figures.
"Just rest, Jim." Her hand brushed his forehead. It made him think of being a kid. Those few times when his mom cared for him when he was sick, before Frank came in the picture. Frank. Car. Famine.
In a split second, Jim pushed himself up to a sitting position. Not a good idea. Someone placed a basin in front of him just as he heaved. These thoughts of Tarsus, they're important. Why? Something on the bridge.
"Jim, lie down!" Bones thundered as Jim.
"Can't. The bridge."
"Spock has the conn. Now lie down."
"You're seething, know that, Bones?" He wouldn't listen to Bones when he was this angry. Jim got off the biobed. The room had been cleared except for them- the only blessed thing in the situation, Jim surmised.
"If I'm seething, it means you're not listening, which means you won't be getting better because I can't find out how to treat this drug so you try your best to be still! Dr. Marcus, I need to put Captain Kirk in restraints."
The harsh order paralyzed Jim.
"Don't." He squeezed his eyes shut, the shaking in his hands now noticeable as he stood quietly. Before he knew it, a tear traced one of his scars on his face. He knew where all his scars were. He didn't want restraints because now all he could of were the ones Kodos used on him in Tarsus. "Don't put me in those things. They did that when they found out I was their leader, the hero. Some hero I was, hardly saving anyone. Couldn't even save myself from their torture."
"Jim, I need you to lie down." Bones was gentler now.
"And then what?" I'm afraid of your answer.
"You were given a psychotropic drug and since your system is all screwed up from how sick you got on Tarsus," Bones paused. "I got nothing figured out yet to help ya, kiddo. Your memories will plague you, to the point of paranoia. You will get violent and gain the strength of a Klingon. For anyone, it would be the lousiest trip down memory lane. But for you, Jim, with what you got in your past..." Bones slammed his fists on the biobed.
It was unexpected, and Jim flinched. He sat on the bed. Carol put her hands on top of his. He would have scorned such a simple touch when he acted as playboy. Now, he wished to cherish it as their eyes met.
"Please, do your best to relax, Jim." Carol's plea showed him how much his pain hurt her.
"I can't relax, Carol." He was undone. I can't save them. "I'm scared. Really, scared. They will die if I don't get there. How can I get there like this?"
"Jim, the drug is probably going to enhance these feelings and you won't be able to control yourself."
"Huh, you've got a point," he shivered at Bones' words. Carol responded by placing a blanket around his shoulders. "I'm sorry to involve you like this. If Bones doesn't need you, it may be better for you to go. "
"Shhh, don't talk like that," she murmured.
"Jim, she's incredibly smart and being helpful. She stays."
He nodded meekly.
"I need to get to Revlair," he repeated himself. "I'm one of the few who really know that place."
"You've been there before?" Carol asked.
He frowned. "I can't remember when or why now, though."
Bones sighed. "You need to be still for me a little longer so I can treat you. You can't face Kodos like this."
"It seems he wants me to."
"I'm not going to continue to experiment on you like a lab rat. I've done that already to ya. Remember? Of course you don't. You were irradiated completely. I worked around the clock to save your ass!" His sharp tone hurt Jim, and he backed away, as if Bones was physically fighting him.
"He's scaring me." Jim closed his eyes. "Frank's scaring me. What...what's going on?" They were whimpered admissions that broke his doctor.
"You better be scared! I need to neutralize this drug, but you're not cooperating. I've tried everything, Jim," cried McCoy.
"Dr. McCoy, please settle- "
"I'm looking at the utter destruction of Jim- again. I can't settle down, Dr. Marcus," McCoy heaved. "If I fail, Jim's gonna die!"
"Please don't yell at me, Frank. I'll be good." Jim needed to be safe, but where? He jumped off the biobed and backed into the wall, sliding down the floor. With knees bent he hid behind them.
"Dr. McCoy," hissed Carol. "Look at him. You've frightened him." She knelt tenderly beside him.
I don't want to be here. I'm so confused.
"Dammit," muttered McCoy. "Jim, I'm sorry for scaring you. I lost it. I know I scared you. I'm sorry, buddy."
"Don't hit me," said Jim. He grabbed Carol's wrist. "He yelled. He'll hit me next." I thought he was my friend. You are, aren't you?
"No, Jim, he won't hit you," she said. "He is here to help you. Will you lie down, so you can be safe?"
"Mr. Sulu, take us to yellow alert."
"Yellow alert, aye Commander."
"Lt. Uhura, do not open channels in sickbay."
"Yes, Commander. All other Channels are open," said Uhura.
"Attention crew, this is Acting Captain Spock. Captain Kirk is currently confined to sick bay. A warning has come from Starfleet. The safety of the Enterprise has been threatened. I have put us at yellow alert until the threat has been neutralized."
"Commander, it's Dr. McCoy." said Uhura.
"Yes, Doctor."
"Spock, the ice chips Jim had on the bridge were laced with a psychotropic drug. A nurse brought me the ice I had requested while I waited outside the turbolift for Jim. His name is Jared Vager."
"Dr. McCoy, do not let him out of your sight."
"Too late for that. All my personnel left with security. Listen, Spock, I know there's a maniac onboard who drugged the captain, but I need you in medical. Having Uhura here wouldn't hurt either. Jim was throwing around phrases in another language. Spock, we need to talk. Jim's condition is worsening."
"I will be there," said Spock. "Uhura, inform security. Tell them to take Jared Vager into custody for questioning. Lt., I'd like you to observe him yourself and report back to me anything unusual. I will be in sickbay, where you will be needed as well."
"Yes, Commander."
Spock had not known this type of fear existed before he saw his captain, his friend, perish. And here it was again, this innate sense Jim was facing an adversary as dangerous as Nero or Kahn.
Spock took it in all at once. He did not have to separate a frazzled but unrelenting doctor testing blood samples from the scene on the opposite side of the room. Jim, in restraints, breathing as deeply as a human possibly could. His eyes show he is hyper-alert. His straining shows he has an adrenaline-induced strength.
Dr. Marcus walked to McCoy with a PADD and a few hypos. She pointed to something on the PADD and murmured to McCoy, who furrowed his head in concentration.
"Dr. McCoy, what is the status of the Captain?"
"As grim as it ever was. With his screwed up system, I'm having a hell of a time figuring out what to give him. This drug is one I've never seen, but in some ways it is also behaving like the Levodian Flu- the deadly Klingon version. I don't know if it's a drug with a Levodian Flu strain piggybacking but it's nothing contagious, thank God."
"What has been Jim's response to this drug?"
"The initial effect of the drug caused muscle weakness and, as you know, slurring of speech. That's all changed. Now, he has become increasingly disoriented and he doesn't know who we are. He's at the beginning of stage 2, if I compare it with Levodian Flu. Jim will experience three stages of this drug, each one intensifying. This last increase of side effects was no doubt influenced by my scaring him."
"Dr. McCoy, how did you frighten the Captain?"
Dr. Marcus' face was flushed and strained. She is refusing to cry.
McCoy groaned and covered his face with his hands. "I got mad at Jim- for being the man he is. Spock, I yelled at him like this was his fault. He thought that I was his Uncle Frank - the weasel who abused him as a kid- and so he shrank from me."
"Dr. McCoy, is it in the best interest of the patient for you to continue to work in his presence?"
"I'm the only one who can work with him, for many reasons. I think his thoughts have traveled to a different part of his past, now anyways. However, his strength is increasing, his nervous system on edge, not to mention the paranoia." McCoy looked down at his work again. "It will be nothing less than a violent end. I mean, anyone else I've read about has killed others at the very height of any similar drug. To take them down, it's not pretty. It's not our Jim."
"How much time?" Uhura asked as she joined them. She stepped closer to the biobed. "Hello, Jim."
Spock appreciated the calm manner as she continued to talk Jim. After a few words, Jim's eyes lingered on Uhura's face, then dashed away.
"A day, probably less. It's working fast."
Spock shifted his stance at the unspecified answer. Dr. Marcus busied herself with rechecking Jim's restraints.
"Talking to him's good, but don't expect Jim to answer. I think he's fighting the inevitable with his silence. He hated being placed in those restraints but I had to before he received the adrenaline rush from the drug." Dr. McCoy picked one of the hypos Dr. Marcus had brought him. He frowned. "This is interesting. I may be able to get a window of time with this drug, Dr. Marcus, that you suggested. But it probably shouldn't be used more than once or twice, and it should be used as soon as possible, as the leaching of what already has been absorbed will be painfully instantaneous.
"How long of a window?" Spock questioned. An hour? Thirty minutes? We have much to discuss with Jim to prepare ourselves.
"Ten, fifteen minutes, tops." Dr. McCoy shrugged. "If we're lucky, twenty minutes."
"Will he function normally for that time?"
"I'm certain that yes, he will. But it will go back into his system. I wouldn't be surprised if the process will encourage the shortening of stages.
"Uhura, what is the status of the prisoner?"
"A smug little creep inside a small little room." She turned from Jim's bed, her voice lowered so he couldn't hear. "It was like he expected he'd be found. He made no attempt to flee as he gave us his full name- Jared Memphis Vager, with emphasis on the middle name."
"If that is the case, I do believe he has something else here to accomplish. Dr. McCoy, how soon would you have the drug ready to stop Jim's symptoms?"
"Twenty minutes."
"Proceed, then. We will need it. We have another urgent matter. Admiral Cartwright informed us that Kodos will hunt the Enterprise down as well if the ring leader does not set foot on Revlair. We now have 21 hours, 9 minutes, and 13 seconds."
"I thought he was going to only after the leader and the others of Tarsus 9," Dr. Marcus exclaimed.
"Not only them. Us as well." Uhura spoke frankly. "And we have no leads as to who this leader is, let alone where."
"Yes, we do." Dr. McCoy took a black box from a desk drawer and carried the box to Spock.
"What is inside, doctor?"
"The leader you need."