Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

AT: The plot thickens and the angst continues. The next chapter will be a little shorter. It is exciting to receive such a favorable response to the story- thank you! Just an FYI, this is a slower build-up to Jim/Carol than some may expect, but I promise you I'll try my best to make things good. Beta reader DLB48- THANK YOU!

Chapter Four

"Spock, opening that box here will contribute greatly to a increase in the drug's intensity, should Jim happen to hear it." Dr. McCoy sat down to his work. "Or see it."

"I fear I already know the truth," said Dr. Marcus. "I will remain to assist Dr. McCoy."

The doctor states that the captain will be greatly affected by the contents of this box. Furthermore, the captain has been deliberately drugged and both Dr. Marcus and Dr. McCoy appear to be acquainted with the Tarsus ring leader. Dr. Marcus says she "fears the truth." The logical conclusion is that Captain Kirk is in fact the person we seek. Who else attracts these no-win scenarios? Who else but Jim can outwit them?

"Dr. McCoy, I concur with your suggestion," Spock softly agreed.

"Oh," Uhura exclaimed, her eyes crushed with sadness. "No. That just can't be...you mean..."

"Yes." Spock could not deny it.

Neither did Dr. McCoy. "He was going to inform the bridge today. He was known as JT on Tarsus."

So for these past several days, Captain Kirk had endured taunting from Kodos.

"Acting Captain Spock to Bridge. Sulu, set course for Revlair, warp factor four. We have the Tarsus ring leader onboard."

Jim reacted instantly to Spock's order to the bridge, spewing a curse directed towards Kodos. "You killed babies. I held one, just before she died."

How much can one man take? He was only a child.

"Jim," Dr. Marcus said slowly. "You comforted her. You gave her peace."

"She died in my arms. Then this other kid was tired of eating scraps of clothing. So I buried her, hidden from anybody. I won't tell anyone where she is."

"She's safe, Jim." Uhura's tears flowed steadily.

Jim thrashed more than ever. "Don't you come near me," he growled, eyeing Dr. Marcus.

Not only famine and hunger, but torture. Spock's own resilience at human emotion could not stand up to this knowledge of Jim. He could not fathom what child-Jim had endured. A few slow tears slipped down. He took care of them before anyone noticed.

"I won't touch you, Jim. I'll stay away," Dr. Marcus held her ground and did not move from his side, tricorder in hand. "Doctor, his heart rate is dangerously high."

"I have nothing to give him that works." Dr. McCoy stated, looking at Spock. "Have any ideas?"

Yes, indeed I do. "I believe I can assist the captain through a mind meld."

"Spock, what Jim has in that mind of his is atrocious. I drank for days after he told me things."

"I am not afraid of that which grips my friend."

Dr. Marcus stepped aside as Spock came forward.

I am looking under my mommy's bed. Tiger's not there. He'll miss me. I'm going to cry anyways because no one is here to see it. She leaves me here all alone. Mommy hates when I cry.

Jim.

Who..who are you?

A friend.

I need a friend.

Why, Jim?

I'm sad because I can't find my favorite toy. And mommy is sending me away. She doesn't love me.

Jim.

She says I look too much like Daddy. I'm only four. She won't keep me with her in space anymore because..because...Wait, why are you here?

To help you.

Help me find Tiger?

To be your friend.

If you're my friend, can I tell you what happens next?

What happens next, Jim?

I get sent to live with Uncle Frank. He...he scares me. Sam, he hides me when Frank is drunk. You don't get drunk do you?

No, I do not.

Frank doesn't like me either, but I'm a good boy. I don't get in any trouble at school. And I'm smart. Why does he hit me then? No other six year old hides in his own house.

I will keep you safe, Jim.

You can't.

I will try, if you let me.

Spock? Why are you here? You shouldn't be...

I can help you.

You can't. You're in danger.

I am your friend. I will not leave.

No. Go. Away.

Jim, we need you. Kodos will destroy the Enterprise.

What? No. I can't...There is so much hunger and darkness here. He'll hurt you, too.

Jim, I am not afraid. Rest, my friend. I am not leaving.

Please, Spock. Just, go.

As you are my friend, I will never leave you.

Stop fighting me, Jim.

Another moment passed before Spock saw it safe enough to break the mind meld. "Doctor, I was able to get through to him, despite his being in the depths of childhood memories. The drug has aggravated all of Jim's past and will soon be unmatched by anything I have experienced in a mind meld."

"He's getting stronger but you calmed him a bit. His heart rate normalized," said Dr. McCoy, reading the tricorder. "Spock, I doubt these restraints will hold much longer."

"Uhura, get security in sickbay," ordered Spock. "Inform them to set their phasers to stun. I will take the box to bridge and inspect the contents. Afterwards, I will return."

"Yes, sir."

"Spock, when you get back here don't kill me for not giving that to you earlier," demanded McCoy. "My focus has been on him. There is nothing better and nothing as important than for me to find this damn cure. Jim told me before his last shift he wanted me to show it, and then all hell broke loose."

"Dr. McCoy, I will not ki-"

"Just remember- I'm a doctor not a strategist."

Spock gave him a long stare and lifted his comm. He waited until he was outside of sickbay talk to the admiral. "Spock to Admiral Cartwright."

"Yes, Spock. How's Kirk?"

"Feeling the effects of a psychotropic drug given to him by the now apprehended nurse, Jared Vager. Dr. McCoy can give us windows of time with him. We will need for Jim to talk with the nurse. Otherwise, Dr. McCoy is working on a cure. The effects are dangerous- paranoia, super strength, and violent tendencies. McCoy likens it to Levodian Flu of the Klingons. Admiral, the ring leader was Captain James T. Kirk."

The Admiral did not speak for a moment. "Spock, if anyone other than you gave me that specific piece of information, I would ram the impossibility of such a thing down their throat and kick them to the nearest space station. Do you mean that Kirk, the irresponsible cadet, hero of Earth, captain of the crew which took down Kahn, and now the youngest captain of any ship in Starfleet was the Tarsus ring leader?"

"I do." Of course he is the object of a madman's wrath. Our Captain is like no other.

"Get Kirk to Revlair yourself, use whatever Dr. McCoy has to get him sane when he faces Kodos, get your ship prepared for battle, and don't get anyone killed- that means Captain Kirk needs to get out of this alive. I already ordered back up. You got your hands full, Spock. Now, go."

Tension unfurled in the bridge as Spock opened the box he'd carried and placed in his lap after sitting in the command chair. An outdated PADD, perhaps a decade old. It was in supreme condition.

"Lieutenant Uhura, please identify what is on this PADD immediately."

"Yes, sir." Within a minute, she completed her task. "The only data on the PADD is a recording taken five and a half months ago."

"Run it through."

She did and soon they watched James Tiberious Kirk, casually dressed in civilian clothes on the viewscreen. He sat in his own quarters, elbows on his thighs and hands clasped. His black shirt was wrinkled. Jim's gaze was as serious as Spock had ever seen him, the blue eyes striking in the dim lights of the room he had recorded this video.

"If you're watching this, I'm unable to perform my duties as captain of the Enterprise. And I may be dead- again."

Spock could not hold back a flinch.

"If not, I'm alive and...disturbed. For whatever reason- blackmail, poison, insanity- and my past has caught up to me in some way and has endangered the Enterprise. My family. I've never been able to healthily deal with my childhood. McCoy knows almost everything. He also knows more about me than anyone and has pulled me through some pretty dark times at the Academy. Bones," Jim leaned in even more and whispered, "if I survive this tell Joanna that Uncle Jim'll paint his nails again to show her when she talks with you next, in all her favorite colors- pink, purple, and orange."

Again? Fascinating.

Jim leaned back and rubbed his forehead, hiding his eyes. "Now that you know I indulge in the requests of a five year old, which is kinda embarrassing...it's back to business. Spock, I know I put you through great discomfort in the past. Most of it quite unintentionally. Except for that one time I provoked you to show your anger. So I could command the ship. So I could save Earth. Yeah, that time." He smirked a bit and laughed. "I was an ass."

In spite of all they were up against, the bridge crew did not ignore Jim's light attempt at humor.

"So, about that, Spock," Jim placed his hands on his knees and folded them, his mouth set in a firm line. "I am sorry. I had to do it, no matter the pain it brought you. Your other self told me it was the only way to stop Nero. How could I not listen to you?"

Indeed, that would be a conundrum.

"I'm asking you to do what you have to do to save the Enterprise or anyone else taken into a madman's quest. No matter the pain you inflict upon me. Please trust me."

I am trying, Jim.

Jim stood, turning his back from the camera. He shrugged off his shirt. Spock saw no abnormalities of his skin. His muscles were taut. The captain then reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pocket-knife. "If you need to, ask Bones."

Then, blade raised, he cut his skin, starting at the right shoulder blade.

Spock pressed the comm. "Spock to sickbay."

"McCoy here."

"Dr. McCoy, please explain what it is that Jim is doing to his back."

"For the love of..." Dr. McCoy's fury shook the bridge. He continued in mellower voice, almost a whisper. "He's peeling back a pseudo-skin piece that we fit on his back a few years ago at the Academy. It hides scar tissue if an individual wishes to keep it for some reason, without visibility. When it was secured on him, I warned Jim it could get infected at the time of removal. You should warm it for an hour beforehand, so it can come off. And that's why I'm mad. Who knows when he made this recording and who knows how long it took to heal. If it ever did."

It was disturbing to see Jim's entire top layer of his back peel off. It affected them all.

"That's just- gruesome." Sulu whispered.

"I've never seen such a thing," Chekov exclaimed. "I'm sorry, Keptin."

"There'll be additional redness to what is already there." Dr. McCoy added. "I need to go. Just...hurry. He broke through one arm restraint."

"I will be there as soon as I can. Tell security to stun only as a last resort."

The fresh redness illuminated what was already there, making it undeniably real. The scars were stripes, a history of gashes. Jim's back was a map with numerous longitude and latitude lines revealing a personal history of abuse and something much more. Spock could not distinguish older from the newer. As the Captain faced the camera, his wit and confidence were displaced with what tainted him.

"When I was thirteen, I was sent to Tarsus IV."

I am sorry, my friend.

"Stop the recording," ordered Spock.

The brig was a perfect place for waiting. Memphis rather liked the solace. It aided his thought process and cleared the way as he prepared to fool the very drugged captain.

If McCoy was as smart as Memphis thought he was, the doctor found a drug to momentarily help Jim. And that is why Memphis waited.

JT was coming to this very room.

Memphis smiled as he prepared himself to fool JT with a tale of lunacy and friendship. If Memphis played the part well, a pawn of Kodos, JT would unknowingly help Memphis have Lenore.

She was his escape out of the life he'd made for himself.